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My thoughts on Mastery - 10/3/2008 12:39:25 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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Since people were so enjoying shredding my views on submissives I thought I would throw them some red meat they could really sink their teeth into.

(note: I wrote this some time ago, the relationship I mentioned has morphed but as I think about it, how it has morphed more proves the point than undermines it)

I just finished watching Braveheart for the 100th time and movies like that always make me weepy and sappy and evoke the need to write bad poetry. For some reason I got to thinking about the nature of dominance and ownership.
I can own a book and never have to read it, never open its covers to discover its contents, never explore the deeper meanings or allow it to expand my mind. I truly own that book but so what? That ownership is meaningless in any way that matters. A child can own a book, a pompous ass can own a book as strongly and firmly as I. There is no reason to be proud of that sort of ownership.

Owning an object is a passive act, once paid for, no further effort is required. It is merely an act of accumulation; it says nothing about me that I own this book or that. Unlike a book, owning an animal requires constant effort and how that animal behaves does reflect on their owner.

Owning a dog is more complicated than owning a book. Some dogs are allowed to run wild, undisciplined and untrained. However, a few months taken to instill discipline makes a huge difference and instills behaviors that last a lifetime. However, it doesn’t take much to earn the loyalty and affection of a dog. A few treats here and there, a pat on the head, and he is your best friend.

Falconry is often related to D/s, the beautiful noble bird flying free and yet returning to the hand of the master is an appealing analogy. I think it is a perfect analogy for many who chest thump about being master/slave. Those falcons are let free only physically, their minds are chained and tethered to their owners. Not by the character of the master, not because they earned that loyalty, but because the falcon has been raised to believe that nourishment comes only from their owner. So they return only to be fed, not knowing they could nourish and sustain themselves. The chains that bind them are invisible to them and if revealed, the falcon would never return. That is neither mastery nor slavery as I use the words, that is fraud and deceit that keep those falcons bound to their owner.

I strive to make my partner strong and free with no invisible chains, no fraud and deceit. I want her bound to me not by chains but by joy. I want to give her the heavens to be free in so that when she returns I know she could kneel at any man’s feet but chooses mine out of all the men in the world.

That to me is mastery and slavery and possession.

Part of the difficulty of all this is how we use language. A perfect example is the word respect. I treat my partner with a great deal of respect and I have a great deal of respect for her as a person and as a dominant. That doesn’t keep me from treating her in other darker ways but no matter how low I take her, at some point, I reach out to her and offer her my hand to lift her back up to stand proudly next to me.

I push her to be a better person, not because I am a beacon of perfection but because I want her to be a better person. The respect comes in because I respect her enough to listen when she pushes me to be a better person as wel.l I do not fear her being strong or having an opinion, in fact I encourage her to be strong and to have opinions.

She is bound to me not because I put a lock on her yesterday but because I inspired her today. She sees me allow someone else the last word, or share credit for an idea that was mine, or stop what I am doing to kneel down and give my full attention to her child. That is why she is bound to me.

I am not alone in this, I know others who have bound their partner to them not by chains, not by manipulation, but by showing their partner how to be free and find joy and they are together because nothing makes them freer and more joyful than being together. I truly treasure those people and those friendships.