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MadRabbit -> RE: Ivory Towers .... and other false gods (10/11/2008 4:54:20 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth
quote:
ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
There is nothing more totally unattractive to me then self-depreciation of one's own worth.
Sometimes it's a learned survival mechanism. People don't deserve to have those patterns reinforced just because they feel the need to keep playing them out. Have you ever considered that perhaps some of the reasons why those patterns keep getting played out, is that people's negative reactions to them reinforces them?
It's not whining for people with low self-esteem to mention that they could do better with some validation. It's not whining for people who are unsure of themselves, but have good ideas, to want to hear something positive about themselves. But when it gets called whining, is it any wonder where that low self-esteem comes from?
Okay....this is going to be my last reply to this, because you have somehow managed to warp this discussion into being about you and your issues.
As someone who used to have low self esteem and was unsure of himself as a teenager, I can personally attest to the fact that such things are like a can of Red Bull. They get you up and going for awhile, but then you crash and your right back to where you were again.
Validation vampiring is what I like to call it where you feed off other people's admiration of you to make up for the lack of your.
The people who had the most influence on developing my own self esteem and self assurance were the one's who didn't provide me any direct validation, but rather made me look inside myself for my own validation and made me confront the thought processes that were the issues. I made an effort to change those thought processes, to find value in myself and find my own sense of worth based off my own attributes, and to continue to believe that value in the face of people who tried to take it away.
I still have a few insecurities that flare up every once and awhile and I still have those days where the old thought processes return and I have to fight them. But the difference is right now...I am happy. I'm happy whether I am with people or not, accepted into a social group or not, whether I have friends or not, whether I am with a lover or not, and whether I am being complimented or told how much I suck. I'm happy with me on an internal level that is not dependent on anything external.
So...no....I very much disagree with you. Being supportive of someone who is trying to face their own internal demons is a good thing. Feeding people validation to make up for their own lack of it doesn't solve anything, because it's external. It's really no different than basing your own happiness off external sources like heroine and alcohol.
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