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RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 4:33:59 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enlightenedFK

Today i had asked permission to go get groceries and as my son had plans for later we did not wait to get a email back i have no other way to contact him as he was at work.  He called me later i told him i had went to go get groceries he asked if i had read the email first i admitted i had not.  He told me he would call back in a few minutes and give me my punishment for not waiting. 

enlightened spirit(FK)


I think you just learned a lot about this person with this one exchange.  You have to ask yourself if this is the kind of person you want in your life.

_____________________________



(in reply to enlightenedFK)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 6:35:19 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I don't search for male profiles, but I hear there are a *lot* of Doms who are looking.  How many sons do you have?

-- MathematicalDom


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 6:42:53 AM   
spankablemilf


Posts: 57
Joined: 9/26/2008
Status: offline 		He's in the military (if you would have actually READ the actual question) so he's obviously above 18.  I think that this is B/S...This son is home on leave for two weeks from the military she deserves to spend her time with him.  If he didn't get to have any time with her during this time (the Master) I think that would be absolutely acceptable.  He (the Master) obviously is a selfish pig in this situation and is not looking out for her well-being (it's her son for Pete's sake).  There is no choosing between family and Master to me.  But, I'm fortunate enough to have a Master who gives a shit about my well being.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MAMandSlave

You don't say how old your son is. If he is young enough to need his mother, ie below 18, then it is important to prioratize him. However if he is an adult, and your relationship with your master is your priority, then follow his directions. Your master is asking you to choose between him and your family. Time to make a choice.


(in reply to MAMandSlave)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 7:47:45 AM   
scarlethiney


Posts: 492
Joined: 8/22/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enlightenedFK

I just had a situation with my Master right now we are in a LD relationship, that has made me think i need to do some reassing in areas.  One thing he did was misled me on how sadistic he was.  I have accepted that with not too much problems, but my youngest son who is in the military is home on leave for 2 weeks.  He informed me i was to still not lessen the amount of attention i am giving to him and to the training he is instiling in me.  This  means my i get little actual quality time with my son. 

Today i had asked permission to go get groceries and as my son had plans for later we did not wait to get a email back i have no other way to contact him as he was at work.  He called me later i told him i had went to go get groceries he asked if i had read the email first i admitted i had not.  He told me he would call back in a few minutes and give me my punishment for not waiting. 

I feel i need time with my son he is young and will not stay here with me much he will go off with his friends.  I do not want to have to give up what little time i do have with him to do research during this time.  I feel my son should be allowed  to take precedence at this time.  Am i so wrong to want this? 

enlightened spirit(FK)


Not any Master (even my own)  nor anyone person will ever come before my son or my time with him period. Your son is home on leave and you are in a LD relationship with a person who would be inconsiderate enough to expect you to limit your time with him ?????
You are absolutely not wrong to want this or demand it. In my opinion any dominant with any feeling or integrity would never expect to come before your son and if he does then you need to re-evaluate your priorities, this relationship,this person and his reasoning.

good luck,

scarlet


_____________________________

"The words 'I am...' are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you." - A.L. Kitselman.


see my profile masterkspet

(in reply to enlightenedFK)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 8:16:48 AM   
redhotspanked1


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/16/2008
Status: offline 		Grrrrr... This one doesn't even deserve a comment... but I couldn't refuse... KIDS COME FIRST, ALWAYS!!!

(in reply to starx)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 9:05:07 AM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		This is a little glimpse into the sad and pathetic side of D/s. 

(in reply to enlightenedFK)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 9:16:51 AM   
MzCalisto


Posts: 9
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		Throwing in My 2 cents.  I have 3 sons, a grand child and one on the way.  NO ONE would ever make Me choose between them or him.  My sub is aware of this.  W/we even have it written that family needs come first for both of U/us.

I seriously hope that you will read each response to your post and take the advice to re-think your situation.

Have you told Him about this post?  I would like to see what His reaction is to all of this.

(in reply to Evility)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 9:22:09 AM   
ApathyRomance


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline 		We do live in a time and culture that places a lot of emphasis on family and sentiment, as is obvious by the majority of the posts, but the best advice, which has been said amongst a sea of black/white morality:  Do whatever the hell makes you happy.

We don't have a lot of details on the situation which is obviously why a lot of people have just stated their own values based on their life (something I am not going to do but will probably be tempted after my profile is perved and it's discovered that I am *gasp* young!).  You have to have some of your own values by now.  Go with them! 

Again:  Do what makes you happy!

(in reply to Evility)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 9:22:31 AM   
Celene


Posts: 158
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Old proverb:

"A son in hand is worth 2 Masters in the bush."

Any questions? 


Absolutely correct!

OP - I have been there (well not the submissive part) but when my son got to come home on leave, I was THERE!! I didn't encrouch on his time with his friends but I sure as heck didn't miss out on any time that we could spend together.

No one else will ever be that child, no matter his age.
I still tear up thinking of the book we used to read I'll love you for always. As long as he's living my baby he'll be.

Family and Friends are O/our lifelines and any cyber control freak needs to remain waaaaay down the list.

C-:
 
this was a knee jerk reaction to the original post and if other facts were later disclosed .... well I got another knee

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 9:43:30 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		I'm not of the same mind as everyone else.  Not exactly.  I see the problem from a different angle. 

Do children come first?  When they are dependent upon you as their caregiver - yes.  Once they become adults, join the military and have their own life - no.  Now that doesn't mean I wouldn't make the decision to adjust my priorities to spend time with my son if he was home for a brief leave of only two weeks.  However, once my boys grow up and move out on their own, which was one of my goals for them as their parent, they no longer become my #1 priority. 

Now, I WOULD tell anyone I was involved with that spending time with my son was important to me and anyone who couldn't acknowledge and accept that simply wasn't compatible with me. 

(in reply to Celene)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 10:21:57 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MAMandSlave

You don't say how old your son is. If he is young enough to need his mother, ie below 18, then it is important to prioratize him. However if he is an adult, and your relationship with your master is your priority, then follow his directions. Your master is asking you to choose between him and your family. Time to make a choice.



How do you get that? I have family and my Master. I have never had to choose between one or the other.  This is her son home and in the military. No matter his age her time is limited with him and he is her son. Why would a caring Master ask her to choose?

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to MAMandSlave)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 10:29:52 AM   
softpjOS


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enlightenedFK

I just had a situation with my Master right now we are in a LD relationship, that has made me think i need to do some reassing in areas.  One thing he did was misled me on how sadistic he was.  I have accepted that with not too much problems, but my youngest son who is in the military is home on leave for 2 weeks.  He informed me i was to still not lessen the amount of attention i am giving to him and to the training he is instiling in me.  This  means my i get little actual quality time with my son. 

enlightened spirit(FK)


Ok, back when i was in a long distance relationship with Mistress a very similar situation popped up. 

She was flying down to spend my birthday with me and out of the blue, my son shows up to surprise me with a visit.  He was in the military, stationed overseas and appeared at my door the day before my 40th birthday.  Just happened that i was on the phone with Mistress when i opened the door and saw him for the first time in over 2 years. 

I'm sure partial hearing loss occured for Her when i screamed his name and dropped the phone. 

Now, Her plane ticket was purchased and She was looking forward to spending 3 days with me.  My first thought was OMG what am i going to do???  I can't ignore the fact that She's just flown here to see me...but my son is only going to be home for a couple of weeks! 

When i called Her back, finally remembering She had been on the phone.... Her first words were, why are you on the phone with Me? Go spend time with your son.  I'll see you tonight.  She was not changing Her plans to come, was looking forward to seeing me and meeting another member of my family.  At no time during Her visit did She make me feel torn as to who i was getting time with.  She spent the long weekend with my family, getting to know them and after everyone was in bed... we found our time together. 

So, don't believe for one minute that you are wrong for expecting "Master" to allow you time with your family.  That weekend proved to me that i was indeed with the right Dommes. 

(in reply to enlightenedFK)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 10:47:25 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		I haven't read the entire thread, but my answer is this:
When I first started talking to Michael on the phone and my offspring would interrupt for whatever reason, I would apologize for the interruption (as a common courtesy).  His reaction the very first time this happened?  "I don't want you to EVER apologize for attending to your kids.  They come first, PERIOD.  Besides, I love listening to you be Mommy.  It makes me feel closer to you."
You know that little internal meter you have that lets you know how much a person means to you as a human being and friend(aside from physical chemistry)?   It shot through the roof that day and has continued to climb ever higher each day since then.

I can't  tell you the countless times an "intense" middle of the night conversation has been abruptly cut short because of a nightmare or some other reason, to be met with an understanding chuckle on the other end of the phone line.  Not a hint of anything other than understanding (and maybe some sympathy..lol)

Had it been any other way, we would have never progressed any further than a few phone calls.  But then I know he wouldn't have it any other way.

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 11:03:13 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		You know a lot of people on this thread have said "motherhood > master" in one way or another. My concern goes way deeper than that. Again, as always, disclaimers about how what I consider a D/s relationship is almost certainly not particularly common...

The thing I just said to my wife (in a much smaller and simpler context), is that I want her to offer herself to me all the time. The pragmatic reason for this is that it is fundamentally "free happiness points" in our marriage. When she offers herself to me and it is the wrong thing to do, I say, "No mine, I don't need you to bake me cookies today. I need you to go and work on your art work." So, she still ends up doing the right thing, but she has pleased me with her offer and I have pleased her with my rejection of the offer -- free happiness points.

The only thing that makes that work is the fact that she trusts me to say "no thanks" when that is the right answer. In the OP, the dominant has demonstrated in a pretty huge way that he is not competent to discern right from wrong or he does not have the self discipline to act on that knowledge or both. So not only do we have a case of WAY mismatched personal priorities between the dom and sub, but we also have demonstrably poor judgement on his part. It was the dom's job to understand his sub's worldview and priority order. It was his job to know where the boundaries are. It was his job to decide if here and now was a productive and worthwhile place to push a boundary. I'm reading this situation as failure across the boards on his part. I'm sorry, but I'm old-school and the buck stops on the dom's desk. Independent of whether I think the master or the child should be first on the queue, he has toyed lightly with core value sets in his sub. Only a fool does such things and expects to have a sub tomorrow.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to enlightenedFK)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 11:05:40 AM   
MAMandSlave


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

quote:

ORIGINAL: MAMandSlave

You don't say how old your son is. If he is young enough to need his mother, ie below 18, then it is important to prioratize him. However if he is an adult, and your relationship with your master is your priority, then follow his directions. Your master is asking you to choose between him and your family. Time to make a choice.

Why?  Wouldn't a caring Master want her to be happy?  Wouldn't He be confident enough to allow her to have both a family, and a relationship; particularly when her son is only on military leave for two weeks?  i would find this sort of behavior petty.  It sounds shallow, insecure, and a bit "wankerish" to boot.  A Master shouldn't have to have a tantrum and act out with attention seeking behavior like the most rotten three-year old to get  obedience.  It would have the opposite effect on me.  There are  ways to inspire obedience, and absolute trust ...and being a brat dressed in Dom's clothing doesn't come close to being one of them.


It is not something as a master i would ask of her.  This is , however, the master she has chosen, and there are those out there that want a narcissistic master who thinks only of himself, not of the slave. And this masters decision to prioritize himself and his needs above her need to spend time with her son, tell her about his character. So it is up to her as an individual to make Her choice. It is the responsibility of the Dom to act the way he chooses and be honest about that choice. Not all Dom’s will be ethical, kind, caring people. If she is looking for one of those, then she should look elsewhere. I simply believe it is her responsibility to protect herself once he has shown he has needs she does not want to meet. 
That is not how I treat my girl, but if he is upfront with his desires, then I respect his right to make his own needs known and ask them to be met by the woman who has said she will meet them.

< Message edited by MAMandSlave -- 10/11/2008 11:09:07 AM >

(in reply to lronitulstahp)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 11:22:36 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
I don't search for male profiles, but I hear there are a *lot* of Doms who are looking.  How many sons do you have?


*laughs* MOST PERFECT ANSWER

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 11:35:06 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

I'm sorry, but I'm old-school and the buck stops on the dom's desk. Independent of whether I think the master or the child should be first on the queue, he has toyed lightly with core value sets in his sub. Only a fool does such things and expects to have a sub tomorrow.



Especially in a situtation where she may well not ever have her son again.

Him being in the military makes it that much more important that she spends as much time with him as is possible. Because the risk of him not coming back is everpresent.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 11:52:05 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

I just had a situation with my Master right now we are in a LD relationship, that has made me think i need to do some reassing in areas. One thing he did was misled me on how sadistic he was. I have accepted that with not too much problems, but my youngest son who is in the military is home on leave for 2 weeks. He informed me i was to still not lessen the amount of attention i am giving to him and to the training he is instiling in me. This means my i get little actual quality time with my son.

Your son wears the uniform.  That makes him a man and a cut above the average, in my book.

This one's a no brainer.  Son in military trumps Master.  Master needs to get a clue.


_____________________________



(in reply to enlightenedFK)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 12:00:57 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		I happened to be on the phone with my mother as I read the OP .. and so juggling the details a little I asked her ...

"Mummy, if anyone asked you to choose between them and your children, what would you ahve said to them?"
Mother laughed for a bit .. then coughed
"Oh .. that was a serious question ... ahh ... I thought you were taking the piss"
"Well darling," she said "If anyone other than your Father asked me to chose between my children and them ... I would tell them to take a running jump." ... she continued ... "And if your father, the man I have been married to for 40 years, who I have weathered trial and tribulation with and made  cross-country house moves for his jobs, living off tinned prunes for weeks at a time while he published, moving to the back arse of rural nowhere to be near his head office ...the man I have loved passionately for 45 years ... If he asked me to choose between him and our 4 children, even though you are all grown up, moved away, have your own husbands, wives and children. Except you Dear, now really .. when are you going to find a nice boy and settle down, Cynthia's son the Solictor is doing very well for himself these days you know and almost all that acne clear up ...
"Get on with it Mother"...
"Well anyway ... If your father asked me to choose ... I would walk out the door and never look back. Any man who asks the object of his affection to choose between him and her children ... isn't worth the backward glance."

I was raised safe in the knowledge that one thing will always be at the top of the list ... family. I dont have children ... I just have really annoying snotty nosed, fussy, loud and generally damp niece who can reduce my perfectly ordered flat to a bombsite in a little under 20 minutes. If Gerard Butler Himself turned up  and made me choose between reading her bedtime story and re-enacting that bit from 300  ... Mr Flopsy's Big Day Out would win.

your Master sounds like the type of guy to pity and move on from ... not break your heart over.


_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: FAMILY - 10/11/2008 12:12:36 PM   
bluefireroses


Posts: 37
Joined: 8/22/2008
Status: offline 		Lol softness, your mother sounds like an awesome lady.

It has been said several times over, but any Dom who told me to put Him before family would be gone. While i don't have any children, i have four nephews. Even though i am a jungle gym and a giant bib to them, i would rather spend time with them than deal with the idiotic demands of a would be Dom. my family isn't super close, but we are all still family. 

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 60
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