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Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 10:26:54 AM   
dragon2760


Posts: 114
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline 		I did not just want to just dredge up the following post by posting to it as the last entry was dated in 2005, but I would like to know the opinions of the current membership in this forum as to the question of "who should pay?.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_117751/mpage_1/tm.htm

I was raised to believe that if a gentlemen took a lady out that it was his responsibility to pickup the tab. Yet in today's economy that is not always very easy to do especially when other obligations (i.e. being a divorced father who has primary custody of his children) puts a big strain on income.

For those who are in more casual relationships with your sub/s, you see each other every now and then, what are your feelings on this issue and what other alternatives have you and your sub/s come up with?

Thanks You,
dragon2760

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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 10:32:39 AM   
ApathyRomance


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline 		I usually just try to make sure things are even.  I'm not going to say 'no' if a girl wants to buy me dinner, but i will try to make sure I'm buying her one in the near future.

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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 10:37:16 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		There are very few "shoulds" in relationships.  It's whatever the couple works out as best for them.  If you can't afford to take a woman out and she has no desire or ability to pay to take you out, and neither of you wants to stay in, then you obviously have a problem.

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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 10:37:55 AM   
Untouched1282


Posts: 142
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline 		It's contingent upon the nature of the relationship, obviously. However, if money is relatively equal for both parties, I would say you split the financial charges if joint income is basically a 50/50 split. If going Dutch is an issue for you in your relationship, places a strain on the nature of your situation, you could always look for creative ways to get around the problem. Perhaps s/he could place money int your account so the head of the relationship is still in charge of the finances, even if it's not always their money being spent? I don't know : /

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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 10:38:55 AM   
zakkan


Posts: 606
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dragon2760
I was raised to believe that if a gentlemen took a lady out that it was his responsibility to pick up the tab.


When I first heard this sentence (or something to that idea) when I was young, I decided to be a barbarian when I grew up

I really despised such things when I was younger...


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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 10:48:29 AM   
glanstat


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		I always pay, no exceptions.  I also always buy the toys, hardware and anything else needed or wanted.

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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 10:48:59 AM   
shannie


Posts: 200
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline 		The men I've had relationships with always paid for dinner and etc. 

One man I dated (very briefly) suggested we "take turns," and I found that suggestion so bureaucratic that, just to prove a point, I went out with him four or five times and insisted, gently but persistently, on paying (AND leaving the tip) each time.  I finally asked myself, "What the hell am I doing?" -- because it was a costly and futile "point to prove."  (At least the guy got quite a few expensive dinners out of it though.  Lol.)

But, speaking from personal experience,  a girl in love will give everything to the man she loves -- even if she has to hide the extent to which she's spending money on that endeavor.

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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 11:29:17 AM   
dragon2760


Posts: 114
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: glanstat

I always pay, no exceptions.  I also always buy the toys, hardware and anything else needed or wanted.


And if I was to win the lottery then it would not be a issue for me either.  As it stands now I have two responsibilities that will outweight all else and that is my children and the means to provide for them.

I am involved with someone at this point and although she has stated to me that if paying for things every becomes an issue to please let her know, I still find it hard to break the mind set I was raised with.  You have to understand that I was raised in a household where my dad worked and was the sole bread winner and my mom stayed at home.  Although that is not impossible in today's world it is sometimes very impractical.  I guess that is why I asked about alternatives.

Thank You,
dragon2760

edited to add: If it wasn't againist forum policy to double post this would be a good question to also ask in the sub forum and hear from those there who are in a simular economoic situation. 

< Message edited by dragon2760 -- 10/11/2008 11:39:37 AM >

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"When two people are alone together, and one of them is naked and tied up, and the other is standing over them holding whips and other torture implements, this is not the time to have a serious mismatch of expectations." Jay Wiseman

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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 11:49:56 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		In the beginning, he paid. But after we were in a relationship we just take turns. Can you cook? So can you invite her to dinner instead or cook a great meal for her at her place?

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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 11:53:30 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Even though Fox and I just celebrated 9th years our fiances are not intergrated so whoever invited is who pays or we go dutch.

When we move and Fox becomes part owner of the next house, we'll have household income for that so "going dutch" will be a non-issue but the "who invited" rule will still apply.


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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 12:00:09 PM   
mzbehavin


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline 		I've found in my current situation, while splitting things 50/50 is fair and works great for everyone, it rather lends itself to a feeling of being "roomies".
Guess i'm old fashioned too. Thats aside, where there is love, there is understanding and acceptance for what you have to offer. May you always have enough.

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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 12:17:05 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
I enjoy paying. I feel that paying puts me in a position of power.  I also have a "wealthy woman/kept boy" fetish that plays into that.
That said, I think however the person *pursuing* should pay.  There have not been too many instances where I let a man pay, but if he was asking me out and doing the initial courting, I'd expect him to pay.  That's been fairly rare though.

My desire to pay crosses over to travel costs, phone bills, hotel, and toys. If a sub was paying for these things, I'd feel obligated to play with him.  I don't like obligations, they undermine my femdom juices.

Akasha


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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 1:53:53 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		Whether it has to do with BDSM or a regular date with a regular guy; he pays. Perhaps if the relationship gets more serious then I'd consider going dutch or taking turns, but honestly I'd rather not waste money on a casual date with a guy who might never come back. PLUS, I like to be pampered.

If a guy who, let's say, was in your situation (with kids and such) I probably wouldn't have an interest anyway. I'm not a kid person and kids tend to come first (and eat up money) so, I'd rather be with someone who can put me first and pamper me without worries. Then there are the guys I might go out with who are young, like me, and perhaps broke college students, like me. That also puts a damper on the joys of a nice date. No, I wouldn't turn down a guy because of his finicial status and if he couldn't take me out to nice places or not; but he better be pretty amazing in other areas to make up for it. As someone said, being able to cook dinner is a big plus if you can't take someone out.

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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 2:10:30 PM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		what's wrong with taking turns?  or the person who earns more money paying for two dates and the lower income person paying for one?  get creative.  the "rules" aren't relevant anymore.
PM

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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 3:43:25 PM   
RichieB


Posts: 87
Joined: 8/30/2008
Status: offline 		I always pay.

Rich

< Message edited by RichieB -- 10/11/2008 3:44:09 PM >

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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 3:48:39 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Daddy always pays right now, but we're cutting out eating out almost entirely. no eating out no question of who pays to eat.

And if it's something I want exclusivly then Ip ay, or it depends on what it is and who has more money. like

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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 4:42:48 PM   
Maijeli


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/14/2008
Status: offline 		To my view, a real feminist usually likes to pay her own bill. 

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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 4:57:22 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Old fashioned girl here, the man pays, let's be honest, he pays if he knows it or not.

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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 5:56:18 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maijeli

To my view, a real feminist usually likes to pay her own bill. 


Thankfully I'm not a feminist. I'm a stay at home wife that is spoiled absolutely rotten. I really like it that way.
 
Jewel
 
Oh yeah... Scooter always pays... even when I pick up the tab. Since my money was his to start with.



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RE: Who Should Pay?? - 10/11/2008 6:36:12 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Here.  I'll settle the question once and for all.  The man should pay.  Once he pays, he should pay some more.  After that, he should pay again.  He should still keep paying.  He should be picked up by his ankles and shaken until all the loose change comes out of his pockets, along with ancient bits of lint and used mint wrappers.  Then he should be forced to take the sofa apart and put his fingers in all the crevices where there are really icky clumps of crumbs from last year's pizza party and large brown stains from spilled Diet Coke in order to find less than a dollar's worth of coinage.  Then, he should take this money and buy something - anything - just so that he can pay for it. 

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