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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 4:00:38 AM

JustDarkness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: osocurious

When I first joined the forum I was inundated with messages …
( which honestly surprised me ) .. as my profile pretty much said in no uncertain terms … “I’m just here reading the posts and responses in CollarMe as a bit of “self education”
But being absolutely brand new to A/all of this .. I did TRY to politely respond to every single message I received ( even though some of the messages where Any Thing BUT Worth responding to ).
As others have already said .. Even replying with a polite ... “thank you for contacting me but I’m not interested” … for some odd reason, seems to be Exactly the response that elicits 5 to 10 MORE messages from “that” person, each one more demanding and rude then the one before.
Recently, I even changed my profile so as to recount a Much Stronger position of “Thanks, But… NO THANKS”
And it seems to be working thus far, though … *laughing* … now my profile isn’t “me” at all!!!
So … ( sadly maybe ) .. “no response” seems to be the Appropriate response as taught by experience

I fully understand that. But I still think...the cause should be deleted. Strict reporting of such people..and the mods deleting these people.
It is weird that people have to stop beeing themselfs because of others...that is sad.

(in reply to osocurious)

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 4:02:04 AM

JustDarkness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

That might be often the case, but you never know when no one talks with eachother.

More than likely because neither shows as having viewed my full profile. As an aside, there has been more than one guy who I have responded to and had a polite exchange... only to get his come on letter again, word for word, two weeks later.

short profiles can be read from themainpage with out opening.
But agree..if they come back afther a "no" then they are a pain in the ass...and I understand your reaction.

(in reply to WyldHrt)

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 7:39:11 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I turn to Miss Manners for the answer: No reply, is your reply and, in fact, is the only reply that does not send potentially confusing signals.

Even saying "no thanks" may be and often has been an opening for an unwanted suitor to continue to press his case. It has been centuries that polite society taught it's members to simply ignore unwanted attention.

IF we goto a bank or hotel..and the lady behind the desk ignores you. We al propably ask her if she wants to help us. Would we accept if she said....wasn't my ignoring not clear enough that I wish not to help you?
Soemtimes the distance created by the internet..makes it eassy to not reply..while we would not dare to accept it or do it in real life.

ps. I do understand your explanation though....you give them a finger..and they take the whole hand..

You are attempting to equate a service (in a bank) to personal contact. They are not the same and the centuries old etiquette for them is not the same.

If the OP is contacting professional submissives who do not reply they are not only impolite in terms of business etiquette but also foolish in terms of doing business.

The OP was not talking about professional or business matters.

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 7:40:48 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I turn to Miss Manners for the answer: No reply, is your reply and, in fact, is the only reply that does not send potentially confusing signals.

Even saying "no thanks" may be and often has been an opening for an unwanted suitor to continue to press his case. It has been centuries that polite society taught it's members to simply ignore unwanted attention.

I've lived in this society as well and growing up I remember a totally different view by most people. Nasty attention yes but not politeness.

Note I didn't say common society.. I said according to Miss Manners who maintains the rules of polite society which has very well functioned the above way for centuries.

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 7:43:30 AM

thetammyjo

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Thank you, spankablemilf, but I can't take credit for more than passing along the wisdom of Miss Manners and those like her who maintain the standards of centuries old etiquette.

Some folks may not like it, they may think of it as merely quaint, but the simply fact is that no reply is your reply in personal situation; business has it's own rules.

quote:

ORIGINAL: spankablemilf

What she said, it was worth repeating...

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I turn to Miss Manners for the answer: No reply, is your reply and, in fact, is the only reply that does not send potentially confusing signals.

Even saying "no thanks" may be and often has been an opening for an unwanted suitor to continue to press his case. It has been centuries that polite society taught it's members to simply ignore unwanted attention.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to spankablemilf)

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 7:51:02 AM

JustDarkness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
You are attempting to equate a service (in a bank) to personal contact. They are not the same and the centuries old etiquette for them is not the same.

If the OP is contacting professional submissives who do not reply they are not only impolite in terms of business etiquette but also foolish in terms of doing business.

The OP was not talking about professional or business matters.

Why does there need to be a difference. I have contact with many costumers as an engineer. But I do treat them with the same respect as I would do any one asking me the time on the street.
I do see your point. But to me respect and acting decent is not a matter of beeing in a business situation or not.
(that would be called acting decency? if you do it for work)

btw I don't think our etiquettes are centuries old, because "normal" people didn't have etiquette. The elite might have had it...but kicked the peasants ass anyway if they begged for food..lol
Polite..I guess...is something that would go well with etiquette...but is a standalone feature.

< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 10/14/2008 7:54:13 AM >

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 10:03:57 AM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness
btw I don't think our etiquettes are centuries old, because "normal" people didn't have etiquette. The elite might have had it...but kicked the peasants ass anyway if they begged for food..lol
Polite..I guess...is something that would go well with etiquette...but is a standalone feature.

I disagree. Etiquette is an accepted code of conduct. Different classes may have had different standards of etiquette, but etiquette is still there.

Cali

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 10:09:37 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
You are attempting to equate a service (in a bank) to personal contact. They are not the same and the centuries old etiquette for them is not the same.

If the OP is contacting professional submissives who do not reply they are not only impolite in terms of business etiquette but also foolish in terms of doing business.

The OP was not talking about professional or business matters.

Why does there need to be a difference. I have contact with many costumers as an engineer. But I do treat them with the same respect as I would do any one asking me the time on the street.
I do see your point. But to me respect and acting decent is not a matter of beeing in a business situation or not.
(that would be called acting decency? if you do it for work)

btw I don't think our etiquettes are centuries old, because "normal" people didn't have etiquette. The elite might have had it...but kicked the peasants ass anyway if they begged for food..lol
Polite..I guess...is something that would go well with etiquette...but is a standalone feature.

I think this is a huge difference between someone looking or not looking for a personal relationship and someone attempting to sell a product or a service.

If you wish to sell something, you need to respond to potential buyers or you may miss an opportunity to make money.

If you are looking for a relationship you can and probably should be more picky unless you think that you must have a relationship then you've be a fool to ignore folks perhaps.

Of course the upper classes are the ones who established etiquette... these same classes have dictated what is considered acceptable for their societies for centuries, using their power and authority to limit the abilities of others to rise up or perhaps to offer them a way to rise if they can master the proper forms. These rules tend to be more rigorous perhaps than you or the average person might like or be used to but given that we cannot know for certain which classes we are dealing with in this forum why not use the most rigorous standards?

People may whine all they wish about someone not responding to an email here but it does not change the simple fact that not being replied it is a reply.

Just not the one they were hoping for.

Too bad but we don't always get what we hope for. That's called life. If one is not capable of dealing with that reality and just taking it as one piece of information that says "this person isn't someone for me", is one mature enough to be in a BDSM dynamic at all?

I do wonder if folks who do all this complaining about others' behaviors consider the image they are creating of themselves? Someone who says "I can't find a partner in one week" or "no one replies to my emails" or "everyone demands money" do not create a positive image of themselves at least not to my mind.

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 10:50:53 AM

JustDarkness

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Was nice to read...and I like that view too. There are so many ways to look at it.
Agree that many things can been seen as "That's called life.". But so are many things we complain about. Tomention a stupid example..murder are part of life. We can't stop fighting for soem things we believe in. Hiding behind "that is life"is not always a good thing. IF you can convince a few people..or evenmake them think...then the OP might be happy.

I don't think the OP (an others) is really complaining..because many people find "beeing nice" a base for humans to get along. In what ever situation you are.

btw.. A dictionary sees a reply..as a real response.. No reply is by defination..not a reply

loved this (from Wiki)__
Etiquette may be wielded as a social weapon. The outward adoption of the superficial mannerisms of an in-group, in the interests of social advancement rather than a concern for others, is a form of snobbism, lacking in virtue.

< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 10/14/2008 10:54:09 AM >

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 10:58:08 AM

JustDarkness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick
I disagree. Etiquette is an accepted code of conduct. Different classes may have had different standards of etiquette, but etiquette is still there.
Cali

Agree and disagree. In theory you are very right. (well I think). But in the old days etiquette was very clear as it was mostly used in a select group or by certain classes. Now with many more classes and groups (and many many more people on the world) the contents of the etiquette becomes unclear. I guess it is still there...but no one knows for sure what it is. Or it is more difficult to see

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 12:19:52 PM

greeneyes600

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LMAO!!!! Just love the Dom, Dick or Hairy.............

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 1:47:24 PM

thetammyjo

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If folks want to claim that no reply isn't a reply they are free to do so but according to Miss Manners, who repeats this advice several times a year, it is a reply. Ignoring someone is a polite way to deal with someone you do not wish to associate with; telling them to shove off would be impolite; engaging in any exchange risks sending mixed signals.

If someone does not want to email you back because you are interested in him or her, don't get upset, just move on and accept that she/he is not the potential for you.

Why is this so difficult to grasp?

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

Was nice to read...and I like that view too. There are so many ways to look at it.
Agree that many things can been seen as "That's called life.". But so are many things we complain about. Tomention a stupid example..murder are part of life. We can't stop fighting for soem things we believe in. Hiding behind "that is life"is not always a good thing. IF you can convince a few people..or evenmake them think...then the OP might be happy.

I don't think the OP (an others) is really complaining..because many people find "beeing nice" a base for humans to get along. In what ever situation you are.

btw.. A dictionary sees a reply..as a real response.. No reply is by defination..not a reply

loved this (from Wiki)__
Etiquette may be wielded as a social weapon. The outward adoption of the superficial mannerisms of an in-group, in the interests of social advancement rather than a concern for others, is a form of snobbism, lacking in virtue.

(in reply to JustDarkness)

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 1:48:56 PM

Cyis75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterChip2008

I am growing deeply concerned about the sub's and slave's that do not ever reply/respond to message's sent to them by Masters/Mistreess's, not even a polite 'Thanks, but no thanks' would be nice. However, increasingly, I find that its virtually impossible to receive a response from sub's and slave's when they are contacted thru here. A sub/slave's 'duty' is first and foremost 'to serve', this includes, but is definitely not limited to, responding when a Master/Mistress say's something to them...even if the response is in the 'negative'. And yet...there are so very many who just never reply/respond or react in any way whatsoever.

Apologizes if someone else has stated what I'm about to but I wasn't going to go through 23 pages to see if it was said or not...

From my opinion I can relate to the OP about the rarity of even a polite 'Thanks, but no thanks' response as I myself know that the ratio of messages sent to getting any response is really high. That said I also know from seeing the messages my wife gets as well as hearing from the submissive women I do know and talk with regularly what kind of craziness they deal with and why they would not send any even a polite reply. When I do get a 'no thanks' response I'm almost religious about thanking them and then not bothering them again. Even after meeting one lovely lady at a local munch after having previously received a polite 'no thanks' I was even reluctantly wrote her to days later to say how nice it was to have gotten to meet her at the munch.

As to the OP's comments regarding a sub/slave's supposed 'duty'... I guess I'm of a rare breed in that I don't expect any service or respect from someone that is not already serving me than I would afford them. IMHO, just because they identify as a submissive or slave does not automatically make them my and expected to behave in any particular manner to me. Again that's my opinion and as always I would welcome an intellectual debate on the topic arguing differently,

(in reply to MasterChip2008)

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 1:52:27 PM

JustDarkness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
Why is this so difficult to grasp?

could ask that also to the ones who disagree
a question is never a good answer.

we can ignore the meaning of words mentioned in dictionaries..but still that is what makes things clear in this world.
.. helps us to understand words we use..so we are sure we mean the same.

I don't mind people not answering...but I still find it inpolite.

ps
who is Miss Manners?

< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 10/14/2008 1:53:51 PM >

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 1:53:22 PM

Daes

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*whistles as she looks at the page count* Jeez, it's only been two days! I almost feel bad for the guy. XD

On a serious note, I have no reason to be "polite" to someone I don't know. They are simply adding o the amount of email I have to delete every week.

As others have said, no response is a response in itself, it doesnt need to be polite, its a statement on its own.

< Message edited by Daes -- 10/14/2008 1:56:56 PM >

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 1:54:46 PM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
Why is this so difficult to grasp?

could ask that also to the ones who disagree
a question is never a good answer.

we can ignore the meaning of words mentioned in dictionaries..but still that is what makes things clear in this world.
.. helps us to understand words we use..so we are sure we mean the same.

I don't mind people not answering...but I still find it inpolite.

So you'd rather pull out a dictionary online than Miss Manners who has made it her career to understand etiquette and the history of it?

I think demanding that strangers reply to you is far more impolite than ignoring someone can ever be.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 10/14/2008 1:55:39 PM >

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 2:02:48 PM

Daes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

I don't mind people not answering...but I still find it inpolite.

*shrugs* I feel like chimming in. A stranger wouldn't care if it was impolite or not. You carry no leverage, no meaning, no importance. The message itself could very well be a waste of the reviever's time, and responding to it, even more so.

Sometimes all you are doing is adding more stuff to delete out of the inbox.

It's just one of those "Oh well, cant do anything about it" kinda things.

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 2:08:14 PM

dcnovice

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quote:

who is Miss Manners?

Gentle Reader:

Miss Manners is probably the United States' leading etiquette expert. Her column is carried in some 200 newspapers. Her real name is Judith Martin.

Eta:

You can learn more about her at the United Features Syndicate site.

You can read recent columns at the Washington Post.

Hoping this information proves helpful, I am

Very truly yours,

DC

< Message edited by dcnovice -- 10/14/2008 2:17:59 PM >

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 2:11:23 PM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness
who is Miss Manners?

Her real name is Judith Martin. The name "Miss Manners" comes from her etiquette column, "Dear Miss Manners". Like Emily Post in her day, Miss Manners is the considered the expert on manners and etiquette.

Here are some of her recent columns. Her responses are often amusing, sometimes a touch sarcastic, but always with dignity and grace.

Cali

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RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? - 10/14/2008 2:13:34 PM

JustDarkness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Daes

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

I don't mind people not answering...but I still find it inpolite.

*shrugs* I feel like chimming in. A stranger wouldn't care if it was impolite or not. You carry no leverage, no meaning, no importance. The message itself could very well be a waste of the reviever's time, and responding to it, even more so.

Sometimes all you are doing is adding more stuff to delete out of the inbox.

It's just one of those "Oh well, cant do anything about it" kinda things.

that is why I clearly stated..."I "
And yes a stranger has no meaning..that is why our world is almost heaven. The place where we stay home because we are scared ;) .get beat up in the streats. Because there is no respect in many things. I know I can't change this...but I can vent and not easily give up.
But still..we all want to be in this community and talk about in the next thread how close and understanding we all are ;)

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