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subtee -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 11:27:34 AM)
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I've located the standard 20-ought-10-stroke Universal Lifestyle Community Disclaimer. So everything will be cool now:
Must be 18 years of age or older to proceed further. Enter at your own risk. Do not enter. Hostess will seat you. Void where prohibited by law. Some assembly required. This is a test of the emergency broadcast system - this is ONLY A TEST! Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Use only as directed. For indoor or outdoor use only. Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. We make no other warranties, expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Postal service will not deliver mail without postage. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. May be too intense for some viewers. See other side for additional listings. This post is meant for educational purposes only. For recreational use only. For office use only. For entertainment purposes only. Only 1 winner per household. Do not disturb. All models are over 18 years of age. Apply only to infected areas. If condition persists, consult your physician. Take two of these and call me in the morning. Now with new plastic applicator. This is not an attorney advertisement or referral service. No user-serviceable parts inside. Times are approximate. Do not disturb. Simulated picture. Please remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop. Return your seatback and tray table to their normal upright position. Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device. The call you have made requires a 20 cent deposit. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. Do not block intersection. No trespassing. No stopping or standing. Don't even think about parking here. No parking when road is snow covered. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Product will be hot after heating. Do not iron clothes on body. Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine. Do not use while sleeping. Do not use on food. Many suitcases look alike. Colors may fade. Insert this end first. Slippery when wet. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. Void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor. Provided "as-is" without warranty. Reader assumes full responsibility. We are an equal opportunity employer. No shoes, no shirt, no service. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Read at your own risk. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight. Limit one per family please. No money down. No purchase necessary. Edited for television. Keep cool. Process promptly. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. Not responsible for items left, lost or stolen. At participating locations only. Sold by weight, not by volume. Penalty for private use. This web site rated 'R' for Mature audiences. Do not take with alcohol. Sealed for your protection - do not use if safety seal is broken. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Caution, coffee is served HOT. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Filmed in front of a live, studio audience. Call now to ensure prompt delivery. Calls may be monitored for quality assurance or training purposes. Please make your selections from the following menu. All representatives are still busy assisting other callers. Please stay on the line and a representative will be with you when they feel the need. Please call back during our normal business hours. You must be present to win. Winners need not be present to win. Do not use this product with a petroleum based lubricant. No animals were harmed in the preparation of this post; only humans. Does not contain CFCs. Discontinue use if nausea or dizziness occurs. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. No soliciting. Bridge freezes before road surface. Right lane must turn right. Left lane must turn left. Middle lane must make up their damn minds. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Components may be hot. Silica gel - do not eat. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offer. Details on reverse side. Shoplifters will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Fragile - handle with care. This side up. No jumping or diving. No running by the pool. Register has less than $50 after dark. Driver does not carry cash. Guaranteed low prices. Not transferable. Actual size not shown. Contents under pressure. Please be kind, rewind. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Price does not include tax. Hand wash only - tumble dry on low heat. Blackout dates may apply. Insert Tab A into Slot B. Call toll free number before digging. This space (____________) intentionally left blank. Do not fold, staple or mutilate. This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat. Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. All rights reserved. Patent pending. For external use only. Avoid extreme temperatures. Avoid contact with eyes and skin. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near a magnetic source. Smoking could be hazardous to your health. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, induce vomiting. Ribbed for her pleasure. Offer valid only at participating locations. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. You may distribute this post freely, but may not make a profit from it. Actual cash value of this post is 1/1000th of a cent. Listen to your mom. Don't take candy from strangers... or strange people... or anyone really. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. If something offends you, lighten up, get a life and move on. This list was current at the time of printing. Terms are subject to change without notice. All decisions are final! This supersedes all previous notices. This disclaimer may not be copied or reproduced in any form without the expressed written consent of whoever I stole it from.
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