Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

begging for release?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> begging for release? Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
begging for release? - 10/13/2008 10:41:45 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		What the heck?  I see that a lot in these forums.  I get that people enjoy the idea of being "property".   What I do not understand is why someone who wanted to leave, simply did not say "this is not working out anymore".  

I am a woman who was married and divorced.  I did the standard counselling in an attempt to save the marriage and I do believe in that.   Even though in my case it did not work over the long haul.  But, I have also dated, been involved for years with men, and when it was over, it is over.  Both people are aware of the end and if you do it well, you remain friendly in an amicable parting.  It has always worked out that way for me.

So I come here to read, that if you leave a bdsm relationship it is somewhat standard to "beg for release".  In my observation if you are at that point, you are already separated in mind or action.  Why indulge such a formal practice of asking for your freedom?  Especially since many I see here, have not even met the person to whom they need to beg.  I just do not get it.

I will admit I was engaging in BDSM long before the net.  I was having my behind spanked, stood in corners, disciplined, pleasured and given pleasure long before there were rules for this.  But when did this idea of begging for release become so common?  More of a curiousity to me, why did it become common?

Color me confused.
Kyst

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 10/13/2008 10:42:44 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 10:56:00 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		What is even stranger, in my mind, are the d-types who come to say that their s-type 'begged release' and the d-type is considering not releasing hir. To me, that makes absolutely no sense.

Of course, I'm also the person who refused to include the "unto death do us part" portion of my marriage vows, and insisted that it be re-written to read "for as long as our desire to share a life together lasts." (which, btw, the minister said completely negated the whole purpose of getting married... *shrugs*)

CFB


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 11:29:15 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		WOW you wanted to take that out!?  Dang... I couldnt even voice my objection to the obey part!
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW
I'm also the person who refused to include the "unto death do us part" portion of my marriage vows, and insisted that it be re-written to read "for as long as our desire to share a life together lasts." (which, btw, the minister said completely negated the whole purpose of getting married... *shrugs*)

CFB


(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 11:31:17 AM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline 		The whole "begging for release" thing makes no sense to me either.  If it's over, it's over....

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.



(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 11:32:10 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		It has always struck me as utter nonesense. I say that I was released, because that is how it ended. Had he made me ask him to release me ... I would have flown all the way back out to the states just to help him pull his head out of his arse ...

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 11:32:54 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Why attempt to understand how others conduct their M/s or D/s relationships by comparing them to how folks handle a conventionally(vanilla) based or BDSM-based one?
 
for this slave, it is apples and oranges.
 
if, Great Architect of The Universe forbid, this slave was sure she could no longer serve Master in the manner He desires, she would ask for (beg) release.
 
however, this slave is required to ask (beg) for everything, from food to bathroom priviledges.  sometimes, the request is granted and sometimes it is denied, depending on HIS wishes.  it is what she signed up for and what fulfills her.
 
she wasn't required to ask permission for anything in the previous non-M/s relationships she has had, so she doesn't have any "WTF?" moments over the differences in how the two different relationship styles are conducted.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 10/13/2008 11:37:42 AM >

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 11:35:26 AM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Yeah, I've always wondered what would happen if the D said "No".  You're not released?  That really doesn't make any sense.  Course I also wonder how many actually do it.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 11:36:30 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I don't know that I would beg for release from someone I had never met.  I did ask for release from someone earlier this year, when it became apparent to me that he just wasn't that into me.  It felt right to me, it felt more dignified, I guess (for lack of a better word), instead of saying "see ya" to say "it has become obvious to me that I am no longer pleasing to you, no longer the one for you, so all I can do is ask for release" (paraphrased, I don't remember it word for word).  This was after I attempted many times to discuss it with him, but he just kept shutting me down and giving me no information.


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 12:01:15 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		This is why I asked actually.  Every relationship I have had has been bdsm.  But not bdsm in the way I see it now.  When and why did it become more of a construct of protocal, and not done in a nilla way of.. when it is over, it is over?
So I ask you, because you have pointed out the apples and oranges.. did you come to this from being exposed to the net?  And why do you think the differences in styles arose?
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

for this slave, it is apples and oranges.
 

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 12:06:12 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I considered that it might be a matter of personal dignity.  Ending things in a way that let's your partner know you were not fullfilled, in a manner which explains your position without casting overt blame.  I still don't get it, but I can see why it would provide closure in some cases.  For me, once you get to that point, it seems odd that one party is going to be surprised.  And what does happen if they opt to say no?
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

It felt right to me, it felt more dignified, I guess (for lack of a better word), instead of saying "see ya" to say "it has become obvious to me that I am no longer pleasing to you, no longer the one for you, so all I can do is ask for release"

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 12:10:43 PM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Ah, ok, Cali, I get ya.  I was thinking of "begging" as well, begging...please, please release me (I know you're hearing Englebert Humperdink in the background).  Put the way you did, yes, I agree, it's more dignified or maybe just more final.  There's always something a bit unsettling when things just seem to drift and then stop.  By saying something like you did, it's out there.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 12:20:14 PM   
dangerousangel


Posts: 31
Joined: 6/12/2008
Status: offline 		(Assumption going into this post: "begging release" is such that the property believe s/he cannot leave without the owner's permision. The owner believes s/he has the right to refuse to allow the proprety to end a relationship.)

I buy into the idea that the one choice that is retained in an ownership relationship, is the choice to leave. It is the ultimate recourse, and, at the core, the only final-authority option the s-type has (again, in my view of ownership). This right cannot go away, or the relationship becomes non-consensual, no matter how all parties invovled say they feel. If it comes down to the fact that one or the other CANNOT leave the relationship, how is that relationship one of consent?

I guess I look at it as though the ability to end is what allows someone to belong to someone else, in this day and age. I also believe leaving -ends- the realtionship. It isn't something the s-type does because s/he doesn't like what s/he's been asked to do. It's something that's done only after serious soul searching and coming to the understanding that s/he, for some reason, can no longer belong to his/her owner. And there aren't second chances.

I don't understand the "beg release" thing either, because I can't reconcile it with a consensual relationship.


_____________________________

How quick bright things come to confusion.

(in reply to simpleplan2)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 12:31:36 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		LMAO.. that is how I viewed it too! 
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: simpleplan2

I was thinking of "begging" as well, begging...please, please release me (I know you're hearing Englebert Humperdink in the background). 

(in reply to simpleplan2)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 12:33:46 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

This is why I asked actually.  Every relationship I have had has been bdsm.  But not bdsm in the way I see it now.  When and why did it become more of a construct of protocal, and not done in a nilla way of.. when it is over, it is over?
So I ask you, because you have pointed out the apples and oranges.. did you come to this from being exposed to the net?  And why do you think the differences in styles arose?
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

for this slave, it is apples and oranges.
 



for this slave, "vanilla" means the conventional version of something. engaging in BDSM doesn't even equate to this slave as engaging in an M/s or D/s based relationship.
 
this slave believes that "alternatives" or different "styles" of relationships have arisen because there are folks who do not find fulfillment and are wired differently than those who find the conventional to be satisfactory for their needs.
 
for example, this slave would not find fulfillment or satisfaction from a vanilla-based, conventional-style relationship (even if it included BDSM) and had stopped engaging in them, long before she discovered that there were folks who engaged in differently styled or "alternative" relationships( i.e. poly, Gor, mentoring, M/s, D/s, play-partners only,etc.).
 
this slave considers alternative relationships as those that don't follow the conventional in day-to-day practice, therefore this slave doesn't expect them to follow the conventional in the way they end, either.
 
this slave didn't go searching for someone to beg/ask permission for everything...she sought fun and frolick with like minded folks.  having no experience with M/s or D/s, she learned at Master's hand. she discovered a keen D/s compatibility with someone she serves on His terms.
 
it(asking permission/begging) is just one of many things that He enjoys and requires that this slave wouldn't expect from a conventionally styled relationship.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 12:53:42 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		...beth rocks and is yummy too.
'Nuff said.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 1:04:44 PM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

What the heck?  I see that a lot in these forums.  I get that people enjoy the idea of being "property".   What I do not understand is why someone who wanted to leave, simply did not say "this is not working out anymore".   

Why indulge such a formal practice of asking for your freedom?  Especially since many I see here, have not even met the person to whom they need to beg.  I just do not get it.

I will admit I was engaging in BDSM long before the net.  I was having my behind spanked, stood in corners, disciplined, pleasured and given pleasure long before there were rules for this.  But when did this idea of begging for release become so common?  More of a curiousity to me, why did it become common?

Color me confused.
Kyst

To help explain I THINK...it is because those that have never even met in person are not in a M/s slave relationship. They are in an Interent relationship.

One indication of the differences between the net and realtime is that you use the word admit to engaging in BDSM etc. before the net while for the old-school dominant lover, 'dom' (dirty old man) or HNG, as has been also written and I italicized for the implausiblity of their continued existence according to the same Internet...becomes bragging or even lying that I was also so engaged.

I do not understand most of what takes place in so far as Internet relationships here except owing to the fervant desire for some to engage in anything even if only on the net...they play the role.

So it is part of the role they play it becomes necessary for those seeking such release and is part of the imagination of actually being collared.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 1:06:54 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
So I come here to read, that if you leave a bdsm relationship it is somewhat standard to "beg for release".  In my observation if you are at that point, you are already separated in mind or action.  Why indulge such a formal practice of asking for your freedom?  Especially since many I see here, have not even met the person to whom they need to beg.  I just do not get it.

Relationships are hard work. Any relationship takes effort, and will from time to time involve very real emotional pain and turmoil. That is the nature of relationships.

In those moments of pain and turmoil, it is not uncommon for one to feel despair, to believe that the relationship cannot be made to work. "Begging for release," in a D/s context, is essentially asking the other in the relationship to give up and let the relationship go.

However, if every such request was granted, likely every relationship would be short lived. Despair is too common a human experience, and too transient in nature, to be a reliable gauge for determining when a relationship is still viable. At least some of the time, the proper response when one's partner is feeling despair over the relationship is to take a stand for the relationship, to not give up, to not give in to despair, but rather to fight for the relationship.

There have been moments when my slave doubts herself, when she doubts that she is capable of making a D/s relationship work, when she doubts if she is truly "submissive". In such moments, I do not "grant her release", and write off the relationship; instead, I work to help get her past the point of doubt, to remind her of her many successes as my slave, to point out that the many ways in which she has already proven her submissive qualities. I remind her that relationships are dynamic, they are evolving, and thus we are constantly needing to re-examine the means by which I rule over her. Thus far, I have been successful in easing her fears, ending her doubts, restoring at least some of her confidence in her ability to be my slave.

Slaves beg release when they despair of making things work. This master at least rejects such requests because I still have hope that things will work--and yet have the desire to make things work.

_____________________________



(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 1:18:00 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		There are some things I will beg for.  Release is not one of them.  I know where the door is.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 1:28:29 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		You bring up the point which sparked my initial interest.  I do tend to see it as a role.  If in fact it was, who people were, then even if they broke up in a nilla sense, they would be begging for release from their partner. 
I have not changed since finding out that what I do is kink.  I have not become different in how I act, respond, or interact with whom ever I am involved with now that there is a title to consider, than when I was just plain old "andrea, get down on your knees now.", when I was a teen. 
I do know that in my lifetime of relationships I have changed to make my mate content.  I have dropped acccents, learned new talents, adopted to personalities that were not quite me, to satisfy someones desire.  But I have never changed the core of who I am.  If it was in me to seek out someone who needed the formality of being a master, or believed I had to ask permission to leave.. I would have done it from the beginning. 
The most interesting part of this for me, is not that people do this, it is when and why things changed. 
I am not a role.  I am andrea.  Kinky, perverted, twisted, masochistic, into men who need to control, and who are also not confined by a title.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers
One indication of the differences between the net and realtime is that you use the word admit to engaging in BDSM etc. before the net while for the old-school dominant lover, 'dom' (dirty old man) or HNG, as has been also written and I italicized for the implausiblity of their continued existence according to the same Internet...becomes bragging or even lying that I was also so engaged.
I do not understand most of what takes place in so far as Internet relationships here except owing to the fervant desire for some to engage in anything even if only on the net...they play the role.



(in reply to MrRodgers)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: begging for release? - 10/13/2008 1:32:07 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		My question is how does it get to that point?  Asking for release in that case is on the far side of the fence.  It makes it seem like there is no communication prior to that point.  If I tell someone I am not happy, we work out why and how to make things right.  I don't say, ok, dude, this is done!  Unless things are done.
Is there a checkpoint.. a middle ground which you get to before that begging for release?
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112
There have been moments when my slave doubts herself, when she doubts that she is capable of making a D/s relationship work, when she doubts if she is truly "submissive". In such moments, I do not "grant her release", and write off the relationship;

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> begging for release? Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.095