quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer Now .. can someone point me to the orgasm control forum? Talk about deceptive advertising.

quote:

ORIGINAL: allyC

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer Now .. can someone point me to the orgasm control forum? Talk about deceptive advertising.

 Damn I'm slow tonight.  I read that at first and thought... what? *grins*

Then I finally had the lightbulb go off and I chuckled. Well wishes, Cav's ally

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

The implicit assumption in your questions is that begging for release is the same as wanting release. That assumption is false probably more often than it is true.

So it's what?  A power struggle?  A way of getting the dominant's attention?  If I want to leave a relationship I simply leave, I don't use words like "release" and I don't "beg" permission to leave a situation that isn't working for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

The implicit assumption in your questions is that begging for release is the same as wanting release. That assumption is false probably more often than it is true.

So it's what?  A power struggle?  A way of getting the dominant's attention?  If I want to leave a relationship I simply leave, I don't use words like "release" and I don't "beg" permission to leave a situation that isn't working for me.

Hi Katy,

Sometimes it's neither. We often read (and hear about, out here in the world) how someone projects what they think their partner must feel or want. Sometimes people just get scared, and think they're not what their partner wants anymore. Sure, chalk it up to poor communication, but these are still real emotions that people feel. In the non-D/s world, ever heard of someone breaking up because they didn't think their partner could possibly be happy with them? And then they regretted it?

Here in the D/s world (for some, not all), when a submissive/slave has transferred all the authority to the dominant/master, that means the s-type trusts the D-type's decision. Maybe the D-type sees a fear or insecurity in the s-type (damn that's annoying to type after awhile), that the "s" doesn't see, and, when asked the "Please release me, let me go" question, denies it because he/she sees a bigger picture and knows it can be worked through.

As a personal example, just recently I was dealing with a lot of the issues going on in my head and heart over my recent break-up. Well there's a man I'm seeing who is pretty damn cool, and who was just remarking about how content he was because his life was so simple. I'm sitting over here thinking, well my life is far from simple right now, I'm fraught with baggage and issues from the last relationship, and since I don't want to complicate his world, maybe I should just leave.

Now, he doesn't own me, nor are we even in a committed relationship. So there was no "begging for release" here. Instead, I suggested I walk away, to free him of the burden which is me (how dramatic, eh?). His answer was pretty much, "What the hell are you talking about??" and then all the hidden baggage came out, that I wasn't even aware of. So no, it wasn't an attempt at getting attention, nor was it a power struggle. Just an internal panic that was really a carry-over from my last situation. Sometimes what goes on in our psyches is just not that logical.

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

In one word....

Closure.....

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

Hi Katy,

Sometimes it's neither. We often read (and hear about, out here in the world) how someone projects what they think their partner must feel or want. Sometimes people just get scared, and think they're not what their partner wants anymore. Sure, chalk it up to poor communication, but these are still real emotions that people feel. In the non-D/s world, ever heard of someone breaking up because they didn't think their partner could possibly be happy with them? And then they regretted it?

Here in the D/s world (for some, not all), when a submissive/slave has transferred all the authority to the dominant/master, that means the s-type trusts the D-type's decision. Maybe the D-type sees a fear or insecurity in the s-type (damn that's annoying to type after awhile), that the "s" doesn't see, and, when asked the "Please release me, let me go" question, denies it because he/she sees a bigger picture and knows it can be worked through.

As a personal example, just recently I was dealing with a lot of the issues going on in my head and heart over my recent break-up. Well there's a man I'm seeing who is pretty damn cool, and who was just remarking about how content he was because his life was so simple. I'm sitting over here thinking, well my life is far from simple right now, I'm fraught with baggage and issues from the last relationship, and since I don't want to complicate his world, maybe I should just leave.

Now, he doesn't own me, nor are we even in a committed relationship. So there was no "begging for release" here. Instead, I suggested I walk away, to free him of the burden which is me (how dramatic, eh?). His answer was pretty much, "What the hell are you talking about??" and then all the hidden baggage came out, that I wasn't even aware of. So no, it wasn't an attempt at getting attention, nor was it a power struggle. Just an internal panic that was really a carry-over from my last situation. Sometimes what goes on in our psyches is just not that logical.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

To each his own.  Nothing wrong in creating your own closure.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel


I'm wondering if this isn't a male/female type of thing, because I have done this with my Master.  He will make some comment that I take to heart, start over-analyzing and agonizing over, then I will send Him an email (yea, I'm a chicken ;o), with my well analyzed and thought out  response...... which is usually a long winded explanation/apology, with the what's and why's and how's, etc.... to which He responds......

"Woman, what the fuck are you talking about?"  LOL! 

Then I realize I was reading something into His comment(s) that just wasn't intended, and it's usually based on past baggage.

That's when I feel like a ninny and just respond with.......... "Nevermind, just ignore me."    Heh!

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Look at it this way.  After the breakup or release the authority transfer is gone.  Why would you want to invite that transfer back in, by disecting the relationship or seeking some sort of closure from your ex-dom?  All that does is give him more authority over you, after either he or you have decided it's over.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

Of course, I'm also the person who refused to include the "unto death do us part" portion of my marriage vows, and insisted that it be re-written to read "for as long as our desire to share a life together lasts." CFB

quote:

ORIGINAL: babygurlrides
People always say.... divorce wasnt heard of in the 'olden days'. My response: thats 'cause people died young:)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

To each his own.  Nothing wrong in creating your own closure.