RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (Full Version)

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Sylverdawn -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/18/2008 7:33:41 AM)

take it to email.. hell..somene lend them a credit card and them a motel room.... laughing.



PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/18/2008 7:55:22 AM)

I don't suppose anyone's got a private jet they could lend us as well?   Well, worth a try . . .  .



PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/18/2008 8:07:32 AM)

Perhaps everyone could have a whip-round?  [:D][:(]



OneMoreWaste -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/18/2008 8:21:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleofwhats
I have known some men who make the same claims you do and try to tell me to put up and shut up. In every case, they are either putting out a very unattractive/negative vibe or they only acknowledge women who are Heidi Klum clones. Are you one of those guys?


While I certainly can't rule out the former, I am absolutely not one of the latter group. I have a pretty broad definition of beauty/attractiveness, and having always been somewhat marginalized myself, I try hard to not do the same to others.



thetammyjo -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/18/2008 9:40:41 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

But isn't that what you Dommes want, TMJ?  To cut out all the time-wasters - the "pretend-subs-who-think-they're-the-real-thing" types?  I mean, your main pic here isn't geared to press on the "Wow, she's a Domme!" buttons.  You'll cut out a lot of the dross mails as a result, I'd imagine. Good for you for having the guts, I say.


See my criteria for my picture was to show myself as happy in my domination.. the white things you see in that picture are cupcakes resting on the body of my slave at a birthday part. I didn't choose to do anything other than be myself.




PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/18/2008 12:13:25 PM)

I think I'm going to zip my lips in future re how I think Dommes should do their pictures, TTJ.  My hide is still suffering a little as a result of earlier comments and where they led.  Besides, I can't seem to do a face pic of myself that doesn't make me look like I should be in a secure institution. 

Suffice to say that I like that picture and for the reasons stated above.  Mind you, I had no idea that those cup cakes were resting on anything other than a coffee table!



beeble -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/19/2008 3:23:19 AM)

quote:

SnowRanger wrote:
Sexualization...?  Hell Yes!  I would rather have a relationship that included sex.  A lot of sex.

That's not sexualization.  Sexualization is considering somebody only (or primarily) as a sex object.  Wanting to have sex with somebody is perfectly normal; wanting nothing more than to have sex with them is sexualization.


beeble



beeble -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/19/2008 4:33:45 AM)

quote:

PeonForHer wrote:
"You're inferior to me, so get used to it" goes without saying for a Domme - I'd expect it.
Say what?  Did I miss the memo that says I become less of a human being by choosing to give my Mistress control over certain aspects of my life?  For me, this kind of attitude is a complete red flag: somebody who thinks I'm inferior is somebody who only cares about my wellbeing insofar as it affects them.  That's not a good basis for any kind of relationship.

quote:

Even a fair amount of "your needs will never matter to me" goes with the territory.
Submissives have needs, just as much as dominants do; any relationship that doesn't recognize this is, frankly, doomed.  Who wants an unhappy sub?  And why would anyone want to be in a situation where their needs are not being met?


beeble



PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/19/2008 4:38:44 AM)

Beeble,

Yep, you're undoubtedly right.  Too simplistic a statement on my part.  I'm groping for a better way of putting what I mean, but I'm not finding it right now.



beeble -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/19/2008 4:48:34 AM)

quote:

PeonForHer wrote:
Yet, Dommes are forever complaining that their inboxes are flooded with one-line comments from subs who'd like to do x or y, or have x or y done to them. Surely there's a connection here? I mean, if a Domme has herself pictured with a whip, what would she expect other than a street-full of men write in saying nothing more than "whip me, yes!!" ?
There are quite a few Dommes whose profiles end with something along the lines of `E-mail me now, you pathetic worm' and whose journals are full of rants about the low-life so-called-subs who send them one-line, wanky messages.  Well, duh!  (I know that all Dommes get these messages but some are literally asking for it.)


beeble



MsStarlett -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/19/2008 6:11:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I don't suppose anyone's got a private jet they could lend us as well?   Well, worth a try . . .  .


Start saving your Euros.  I hear the price of fuel is coming down.  You might even find a trans Atlantic for less than the price of a small car.



beeble -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/19/2008 6:15:36 AM)

quote:

PsyVamp wrote: There are not many people that are going to pay for fetish / porn which features plain looking dominant women in their jogging pants or old blue jeans.

But this is true of all porn.  Nobody's going to pay for porn featuring plain women in ordinary clothes having sex (kinky or otherwise) with ordinary-looking guys.  There's a fundamental artificiality to porn: there's no background, no personality, no interaction.  A real person is the sum of many parts, and most of those parts don't appear in porn.  All porn has is the visuals so it's unsurprising that those parts get exaggerated.

Complaining that porn is unrepresentative of real BDSM is like sitting in a traffic jam complaining that Formula 1 is unrepresentative of real driving.  For me, the question is not, `Why does porn not reflect real life?' but, rather, `Why would anyone expect it to?'  Why do so many guys seem to expect that BDSM will be like porn?  (It seems to be mainly guys, though there seem to be a lot of women who say that they were initially put off BDSM by the porn image of it)  Is it because they see BDSM porn before they see the reality so accept it as the norm?

I guess it's not just that everyone on the internet is an asshat -- I guess a woman walking down the street in fetish-Domme gear would get more than a little unwelcome attention.


beeble



PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/19/2008 6:16:05 AM)


There are quite a few Dommes whose profiles end with something along the lines of `E-mail me now, you pathetic worm' and whose journals are full of rants about the low-life so-called-subs who send them one-line, wanky messages.  Well, duh!  (I know that all Dommes get these messages but some are literally asking for it.)

I can't say I've seen many of those, Beeble - unless they're in pro-Dommes' profiles.  But if a Domme wants to emphasise that she wants to know a prospective sub's character and personality - and not just what the sub likes to fantasise about - then that would be a pretty damned bad final line on her profile, yes. [;)]



PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/19/2008 6:26:57 AM)

Jets'll be cheaper than building a raft, soon . . . [:D]



MsStarlett -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/19/2008 6:27:40 AM)

Every human being is entitled to have their own opinions, wants and needs.  They also get the choice as to whether or not to expect those things to be filled by another person or to be independent.  Obviously, interdependency is generally considered to be preferable.  But, in the case of Adult Babies or Slaves, not so much.

I think every person has fantasies about being used as a sex object - at least once in a while.  It's human nature.  Doesn't mean that we want to be thought of that way all the time.  Doesn't mean that we actually want that fantasy to become a reality.  I think it's an 'off shoot' of just wanting to be perceived as a sexually desirable creature.  Every now and then, humans just sort of want to kick back to the 'animal instinct' and F*ck.  No commitment.  No emotions.  Just pure, sexual satisfaction.  Just DO ME!

Sadly, men tend to want to fulfill that fantasy far more often than women do.  Thus, problems arise. 




MsStarlett -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/19/2008 6:28:54 AM)

Oh, good morning, Peon.  Just took me a long time to type that last message.  I'm not awake yet.



PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/19/2008 6:35:57 AM)

Complaining that porn is unrepresentative of real BDSM is like sitting in a traffic jam complaining that Formula 1 is unrepresentative of real driving.  For me, the question is not, `Why does porn not reflect real life?' but, rather, `Why would anyone expect it to?'  Why do so many guys seem to expect that BDSM will be like porn?  (It seems to be mainly guys, though there seem to be a lot of women who say that they were initially put off BDSM by the porn image of it)  Is it because they see BDSM porn before they see the reality so accept it as the norm?

I guess it's not just that everyone on the internet is an asshat -- I guess a woman walking down the street in fetish-Domme gear would get more than a little unwelcome attention.

Well put.  I heard of a series of tests recently that concluded that adults playing violent video games weren't predisposed to violence (versus kids, who were), nor had a distorted view of real-life violence.  Admittedly it's not a great comparison - but you'd have thought people would be able to work out that there's something of a difference between porn and real life, nonetheless. 

Mind you, there's porn and there's porn.  I've seen some Eastern European stuff that doesn't look as though the makers knew what porn is "supposed to look like".  That is, the actors look like real people who are actually enjoying what they're doing.



PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/19/2008 6:37:59 AM)

Good morning, Ms S.  However, for those of us who keep to proper time arrangements, it's now late afternoon. [;)]



beeble -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/19/2008 7:14:08 AM)

 
quote:

PeonForHer wrote:  Good morning, Ms S.  However, for those of us who keep to proper time arrangements, it's now late afternoon. [;)]

3pm is `late afternoon' ?

beeble



PeonForHer -> RE: The sexualization and fetishization of dommes (10/19/2008 7:20:51 AM)

Aha!  A fellow Limey.  Good man.  It is to me, come Autumn, when you consider that's it's getting dark at 5.00 pm.  However, I fear we could push this thread somewhat off track if we start a debate on the matter  [;)]



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