quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys
I still look for someone that will match me as much as humanly possible..kinda weeds out a few problems when you do that.

I have no doubt that it does. When there isn't someone to be in a relationship with, then there is no problems to weed out or work through.

Personally, I find the "My Way or The Highway" mentality to relationships to be very bad advice. While it's important in a power based relationship for there to be a clear understanding of who is in charge, taking a position of inflexibility as a dominant is self defeating. The same with taking a prideful "I will change for no one" and the search for that one true compatible partner who matches you in every way so you don't have to work through any difficulties. I find that to be as sensible as not working on a career in the hope of winning a lottery.

In fact, I find that most people who advertise this type of attitude are usually single while the people who are in long term committed power based relationships list flexibility and willingness to work toward a goal together as strong attributes for a dominant to have.

Hell, for a leader to have. I can't think of any major accomplishment in my life that didn't require flexibility and a willingness to mold and overcome "problems" in order to an achieve.

I find relationships to be the same thing. An accomplishment. Something you work toward. Compatibility plays a degree in it, but you don't achieve something by being "compatible" with the goal.

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
Here we go I guess yet again.

I don't advocate My way or the highway as you seem to be getting at. Although that seems to be what you and others are trying to push my way based on your way works better mentality. My way works for me and who are you or anyone else to say anything about it. Is it so hard for you and others to grasp that someone other than yourself may just be okay with who he is for the most part?

A person being single or having a harem does not a wise and all knowing Master make.
My way isn't your way nor for a second would I want it to be. I will find my own way as I have done. If I can find a female that fits me then great...What's so hard to understand about that.

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ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
Here we go I guess yet again.

I don't advocate My way or the highway as you seem to be getting at. Although that seems to be what you and others are trying to push my way based on your way works better mentality. My way works for me and who are you or anyone else to say anything about it. Is it so hard for you and others to grasp that someone other than yourself may just be okay with who he is for the most part?

A person being single or having a harem does not a wise and all knowing Master make.
My way isn't your way nor for a second would I want it to be. I will find my own way as I have done. If I can find a female that fits me then great...What's so hard to understand about that.

Because this is an Internet message board and we are here for public discussion which a lot of people benefit from by reading.

I used a lot of "I" statements in that post such "I have found..." and "I think..." and "In my opinion....".

If you want to take it as something personal, go ahead, but it's not. It's just me saying "I don't find a lot of truth in your words" which is what I do when I disagree with someone. Not necessarily for YOUR benefit, but the benefit of the thread.

Do what you want. I'm not implying you need my rubber stamp of approval to continue on doing something I think is a bad idea.

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
If that's not passive aggressive.... You don't find truth in what I'm saying in regards to how I live my life?

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ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
If that's not passive aggressive.... You don't find truth in what I'm saying in regards to how I live my life?

No, I am saying I don't find the attitude you present and some of the advice you give to be truthful in the sense of a good approach to finding success in relationships.

A lot of people don't find truth in my viewpoints and my opinions.

They tell me all the time in the political threads.

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

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ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
If that's not passive aggressive.... You don't find truth in what I'm saying in regards to how I live my life?

No, I am saying I don't find the attitude you present and some of the advice you give to be truthful in the sense of a good approach to finding success in relationships.

A lot of people don't find truth in my viewpoints and my opinions.

They tell me all the time in the political threads.

As it pertains to your own personal desires of course. You wouldn't in any way say my way is wrong though?

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ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

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ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
If that's not passive aggressive.... You don't find truth in what I'm saying in regards to how I live my life?

No, I am saying I don't find the attitude you present and some of the advice you give to be truthful in the sense of a good approach to finding success in relationships.

A lot of people don't find truth in my viewpoints and my opinions.

They tell me all the time in the political threads.

As it pertains to your own personal desires of course. You wouldn't in any way say my way is wrong though?

In the sense of making a relationship work long term?

Sure, I think it's the wrong way to approach things.

If I didn't, I wouldnt have wrote a small essay disagreeing with you and would probably use it in my own personal life to achieve my goals.

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
There we have it. lol your right and I'm wrong so your way or the highway.

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ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
There we have it. lol your right and I'm wrong so your way or the highway.

How did you get from A to B on that one?

How is me forming an opinion on what I think is the most effective and successful approach to making a relationship work have to do with an attitude of being inflexible in a relationship?

You use a spoon to open a can of tuna. I use a can opener.

I think using a spoon is the wrong way which is why I use the can opener.

You can use the spoon all you want. I don't care. It's not my can of tuna.

But should I give up my can opener for the sake of some sense of politically correct fairness for your method of using a spoon?

Further more, should I come on a message board and advocate your use of a spoon when I am of the opinion that it's the wrong way to go about opening a can of tuna?

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
Advocate no but labeling it as a spoon isn't a good idea either..your telling me that your way is better because you've chosen the can opener and my way is bad because I use the spoon when In actuality for me it's a can opener and has never been a spoon.

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ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Personally, I find the "My Way or The Highway" mentality to relationships to be very bad advice. While it's important in a power based relationship for there to be a clear understanding of who is in charge, taking a position of inflexibility as a dominant is self defeating. The same with taking a prideful "I will change for no one" and the search for that one true compatible partner who matches you in every way so you don't have to work through any difficulties. I find that to be as sensible as not working on a career in the hope of winning a lottery.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys
Advocate no but labeling it as a spoon isn't a good idea either..your telling me that your way is better because you've chosen the can opener and my way is bad because I use the spoon when In actuality for me it's a can opener and has never been a spoon.

Right. It's called an opinion which I am sharing for discussion and education.

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ORIGINAL: Padriag

I'll say this in MR's defense... he didn't accuse you of "my way or the highway", he just said that in his experience its bad advice if you seek a stable, long term relationship.  I don't think you should take it personally... an hell, even if he did mean it personal... I still wouldn't recommend taking it that way.

As for myself, I disagree with the concept.  I'll admit that as KoM points out that bit of flexibility broadens the possibilities from which you have too choose.  If you're flexible enough you could probably manage to get along with just about anyone.  The point I think both MR and KoM are missing is that some of us don't want to get along with just anyone, or almost anyone, or even a broader spectrum of anyone... we're happy with that narrow group of possibilities.

Let me be clear... I absolutely am saying that any prospective submissive out there needs to understand it very much will be my way or the highway.  And yes, I am presently single, but that has a lot more to do with a choice to focus on my businesses until they're running more smoothly, rather than trying to develop a relationship at a difficult point in my life which just increases the odds it will fail.

So at the risk of sounding sexist... and frankly not caring if I do... I'll point out that there's a certain logic to my method.  Women are more adaptive and more likely to compromise in relationships than men.  They're just better at it and most are psychologically set up for it culturally.  Most men are by nature competitive, a trait that doesn't lend itself all that much to compromise.  Women on the other hand often grow up trying to work within groups, which means compromise is something they learn early on.  I know of several women who while dominant in their interactions with most people are submissive towards one man.  I know of only a few rare men who behave similarly.  Women are more likely to adapt to their partners behavior, needs and desires than men.  Thus... me being a heterosexual male seeking female submissives... my way or the highway actually has decent odds of working out.  Of course there's a catch... if my way turns out to be some extreme and bizarre lifestyle... the odds shrink... if on the other hand my way turns out to be more pragmatic, if still demanding and chauvanistic... the odds improve.

Bottom line, we're all playing odds here for various stakes and choosing between what odds we are willing to accept versus what we hope to get.... we all make choices trading off some of what we want for favorable odds.... how far we go is a function of where our priorities are.  There is no right or wrong in that choice, no "superior" choice except from personal perspectives.

Some of us are willing to accept longer odds to get more of what we want.... some aren't.  Some of us are trying to stack the odds in their favor.

Me... I'm cheating at the odds.  I don't fight fair either.  Consider yourselves warned.

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ORIGINAL: Padriag
And yes, I am presently single, but that has a lot more to do with a choice to focus on my businesses until they're running more smoothly, rather than trying to develop a relationship at a difficult point in my life which just increases the odds it will fail.

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ORIGINAL: Padriag
Let me be clear... I absolutely am saying that any prospective submissive out there needs to understand it very much will be my way or the highway. 

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

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ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
Advocate no but labeling it as a spoon isn't a good idea either..your telling me that your way is better because you've chosen the can opener and my way is bad because I use the spoon when In actuality for me it's a can opener and has never been a spoon.

Right. It's called an opinion which I am sharing for discussion and education.

Opinions are like A-holes..they get darker usually the closer you get and they are full of crap most times. They can smell something fierce if your not apt to wash them.

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

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ORIGINAL: IrishMist

/sigh
I am such an oddball.

I don't enjoy hearing words of love
I don't enjoy being touched like most do in relationships
I don't enjoy the receiving of gifts
I don't enjoy another doing things for me

I do however, enjoy quality time spent with another. To  me, that says more than words, touch, gifts, or service can ever do.

Of course, my idea of quality probably differs quite a bit from others; but that does not matter much in the big scheme of things.

If you don't enjoy any of those things..what possibly could you be doing during quality time? Just curious.

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ORIGINAL: Padriag

As for myself, I disagree with the concept.  I'll admit that as KoM points out that bit of flexibility broadens the possibilities from which you have too choose.  If you're flexible enough you could probably manage to get along with just about anyone.  The point I think both MR and KoM are missing is that some of us don't want to get along with just anyone, or almost anyone, or even a broader spectrum of anyone... we're happy with that narrow group of possibilities.

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ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

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ORIGINAL: Padriag
And yes, I am presently single, but that has a lot more to do with a choice to focus on my businesses until they're running more smoothly, rather than trying to develop a relationship at a difficult point in my life which just increases the odds it will fail.

Well, with me, your creditibility isn't in question. I assure you of that.

Nor am I trying to imply anything by that or lump anyone in those generalizations. It's just something I've noticed and a direction I have gone.

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ORIGINAL: Padriag
Let me be clear... I absolutely am saying that any prospective submissive out there needs to understand it very much will be my way or the highway. 

That's cool. It is very much my way with women I have been with, because I am the one who makes the decisions. So it is always my way.

But my way isn't completely static nor inflexible. It has and will continue to change based on the individuality of the girl I am with, because for it not to change and not to mold to some degree or another would be basically trying to jab a square peg in a round hole over and over again.

I'm very much influenced and effected by the limits, needs, wants, moods, opinions, issues, struggles, dilemnas, and concerns of the person I am with. Now this often gets labeled as "weak Dominance", but I consider it to be strong leadership.

Compatibility for me isn't a bullseye a girl either hits or doesn't hit, but basically the entire target board. There is some room for inaccurate hits and we can keeping going, but if they start sailing way past the board, the game is going to be over eventually.

Do you consider this to be similar or different to how you approach relationships?