DavanKael
Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007 Status: offline
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This reply gives me something to do while my hair dries before going out. Thank you for the intellectual engagement. :> First, Ironbear, geez, I am sorry that you've had those experiences with your marriages, particularly the part about your son. What I am calling a marginalization of honor related to divorce is, I think, closer to what you are describing than disparate. Same is true (While I lack the experience) of one breaking a bond of submission. Ironbear is correct in that I think we are both (John and I) aiming at a childish breah of vows that the OP seems to be indulging. John, here goes: You said: Is a sense of right and wrong synonomous with honor? Is it wrong to take a life (innate sense of right and wrong) unless it's in defense of your children whose lives are dependent upon your action (outside circumstance)? Is it really so cut and dry? My reply: A sense of right and wrong dictates honour. Honour, to me, is a guiding force; it is that with which I walk; it is one of my top 3 values. I have to reject your example as not fitting the criteria of the separation you made: my sense of honour tells me that it is wrong for me to take a life unless certain criteria are met. Those are internal constructs that take external occurrences into consideration. That brings a theoretical into the real world. Imo, yes, it is that cut and dry. You said: But your proposal is contingent upon compatible senses of honor between partners, which is itself an outside circumstance, which you have previously discounted as immaterial. This reminds me of those who claim that a slave makes a single choice, to a Master, and from that point on can never make another choice... even to leave him. No matter what he may do to her. No matter what he may do to her family or UM's. No matter what change he may have in sanity. No matter what, she is stuck with her decision for ever and ever (amen). I dismissed that notion as then, and I don't see how it differs now. My reply: No it isn't. Let's say that my sense of honour tells me that I don't cheat. Hopefully, I have a partner who has the same sense of honour or we're gonna have a real problem when he does it and gets caught because then, my sense of honour dictates certain actions be taken related to said cheating. Drama and ugliness ensues. Now, if we have compatible senses of honour, then no problem. If we as a couple-entity interact with others, I would say that the concept of a mutuality of honour is present. Then, the other(s) sense(s) ofhonour interact with his, mine, ours, and ours, his, mine, theirs. I would argue one's personal sense of honour must be the foundation for any other honour bonds they make, which loops it right back around. You and I both went to extremes with our examples. This circumstance of the OP (and the circumstances I offered in earlier posts as illustrations) are not like that: it's a simple matter of keeping one's word which should be a basic precept of any person who considers themselves even remotely capable of baseline honour or commitment. Otherwise, they're chaotic,inconstant, and untrustworthy at best, sociopathic and more at worst. I argue for the preservation of that baseline and then took it down a path that is a truism for me. Have I been dishonourable ever? Yep. Once. And, I pay every day of my life when I look at the stain that I knowingly chose to take on to my sense of self and while I know the reasons I did what I did, it does not abrogate that what I did was wrong. That's consistency in a sense of honour. My behavior deviated and created an ever-lasting dissonance. I don't sense a dissonance in sense of honouring commitments in the OP, I see whining and refusal to stand by commitments. You said: A contingency would be an outside circumstance. And I don't view vows or promises as entrapments, freeing a partner to do what they wish, to whomever they wish, whenever they wish. For instance, a vow does not free a spouse to sleep around, simply because the consequence of a divorce is no longer an option. Am I viewing this incorrectly? My reply: There are outside circumstances acting upon us at all times. Nods to John Dunne: "No man is an Island" (Yes, I know, that isn't exactly what the poem is about). I don't view vows or promises as entrapments either; I view them as sacred giving of words, commitments of honour, pledges of our word and bond. I am not sure what vow you are referencing in the spouse sleeping around because a consequence of divorce is nolonger an option. Honour dictates a certain way of relating with others; without it (Or with marginalized or situational or degenerate honour) people run around committing all manner of ills against one another. Honour, imo, is a baseline standard and it should be elevated, not tainted. It is not for me to decide if you are viewing this incorrectly or correctly. As Iron Bear pointed out, I think you and I are far more on the same page regarding the OP and scenario painted there-in and likely we're not as far apart as our discussion of details may suggest. Must get dressed now but will plan to check back before I leave and reply with the proper attention it requires upon returning home if you have chosen to converse about this further with me. Have a good evening! Davan
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