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RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 8:58:19 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ModeratorEleven

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I think it's wise to encourage people not to go on-line until they are able to navigate the world like any sensible adult.

Unfortunately, we would lose at least half of our user base.

Part of being a sensible adult is knowing how to act in public, and exercising that ability on a regular basis. To our dismay, it appears to be a skill many of our users seem to have never learned.

XI

Exactly.. I don't see the OP as talking about people who jump on the whiners. I see it as referencing those people who not only go on the offensive towards some posters, but those those who do so in such a mean and offensive way as to attempt to reduce them to a bloody fucking stump.

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to ModeratorEleven)

Post #: 41

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 9:00:27 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ModeratorEleven

Part of being a sensible adult is knowing how to act in public, and exercising that ability on a regular basis. To our dismay, it appears to be a skill many of our users seem to have never learned.

XI

i agree with ModXI here, 100%. My personal litmus when i post is if i was face to face with this person, how would i speak my opinion.

And before anyone defends rude behavior as how they speak in public and cloak it with words like "being honest"," not sugarcoating", and other "trial by fire - develope thicker skin" defenses for nothing short of rude behavior...please just don't...

Even adults speaking passionately do not need to resort to rudeness. Collarme is an online community last time i checked not an online clique of the silvered tongued and bdsm saviest ~

just my 2cents,

j

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to ModeratorEleven)

Post #: 42

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 9:05:29 AM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

If you ask me for my opinion on a topic, thats what you are going to get. If you find that opinion offensive or percieve it as an attack... that is not my fault. You asked.
There are people who get very passionate about certain subjects that come up, many of which we have had ot defend before and often our responses when one of those is questioned can come off as aggressive.
There are others who just happen to speak in a way that until you get to know them will always come off as overly aggressive. Thn, once you get to know them better you realize it is just how they talk, and you learn how to perceive them.
I also dont like those who use the "we are kinky" excuse to be bitchy to others, but then again some of the poor victims the OP mentions come in here with some off the wall stupid act they did and now need their backs patted and to be reassured they can use that excuse. When we disagree, and sometimes question their ability to use logic... it is a attack.

There are a few people who just enjoy peeing in someone elses sandbox. they had a bad day, they just dont like the poster who wrote, or they are simply looking to make themselves feel better by hurting someone else. Those are thankfully in the minority and can be easily ignored, for the most part.
It is the internet, dont forget. No one here has any impact on your life and your thoughts that you do not give them.

DV

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

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Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 43

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 9:06:14 AM

ElectraGlide

Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline

People could be a bit more kind to each other here. Give the new people posting the benefit of the doubt, and just ignore the bullies, they tone down or go away when no one slings mud back at them. Collarme is a free site, depending on advertising, so anybody being driven away only hurts this free great site. I am wasting my time telling people what to do anyway, people are told not to drink and drive and they still get drunk and drive and kill a Innocent family driving home.

_____________________________

www.starhillcreations.com

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 44

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 9:14:11 AM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline

I think a lot of the problems come from misunderstandings due to the media we are using. Many times sarcasm with a smile or humor are misinterpreted as a personal attack. When you can't read the body language of the other person this often happens.

Soon misunderstandings turn into fights. I'll bet all of us have been taken aback when our well meaning good humor or little digs produce a vicious response...I know I have.

I once posted support for someone who was banned. This post was taken by the mod as a personal attack on their decision..when I was only commenting on how I would miss them...Misunderstandings are common

Butch

< Message edited by kdsub -- 10/24/2008 9:20:54 AM >

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 45

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 9:14:15 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

reduce them to a bloody fucking stump.

Well I'm hard now.

chia* (the pet)

Oh wait....there finally IS a good place to add a Kumbaya!!!

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 46

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 9:24:26 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

I've said it before, this is a BDSM dating site, not "Hello Kitty Island Adventure". Yea it gets rough sometimes and yea people can be purile, immature and sometimes downright mean. Welcome to the Internet.

I believe that if anxt, anger or worry over an internet forum continues for more than 5 seconds after you leave the keyboard...you probably need a break and a refocus.

If introspection, consideration, and pondering over an internet forum continues for more than 5 seconds after you leave the keyboard...it is working as designed.

Take the good stuff...leave the junk. We are all adults here.

Hello kitty can be a kinky adventure, yanno?

http://www.kittyhell.com/2007/01/18/hello-kitty-love-hotel-bondage/

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 47

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 9:25:23 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Just recently I got called on my own shit. I was being a real putz, blowing off my mouth without a thought or care as to how it might be perceived by someone other than myself. Then I had the audacity to argue my point quite vigorously. Finally, I got a clue by four to the head, took a big step back and looked at the whole issue from an entirely different perspective. And wow, did I get a perspective. I am fortunate to have amazing friends that helped me see the light. I took the hits and I learned from them.

I hear ya

I found that wounds don't taste too bad when you've retreated to a corner and licked them for awhile.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 48

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 9:27:48 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: unbroken33

So, I give up. Why do you do it?

I keep my attacks restricted and limited to the current administration. When it comes to other posters, I may attack their ideas or their 'facts' but I don't attack them, personally.

quote:

Is this just an outlet for negative emotions?

No, it's more like frustration over the money missing from my 401k and the social bailout of a whole bunch of rich suits, the lack of health care, the loss of jobs, the complete disregard for the hard working middle class, the death of some of our most courages citizens and the thousands of other innocents in a senseless war, .. I could go on, but you get the idea.

quote:

Do you actually know or think you personally know some of the folks you openly attack?

Know, I don't personally know the administration .. I only know what they've done.

quote:

Do you genuinely dislike or feel hatred toward those you attack, especially those you don't personally know?

That's a good question. I don't have an answer. I know, for sure, I hate what's going on in this country and around the world because of their actions.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to unbroken33)

Post #: 49

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 9:40:22 AM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
Status: offline

~FR~

I find it Disturbing that someone would do a bit of virtual stalking via following various users (whom they percieve as "bullying") to other fora mediums to "catalog" their style at other places. This positively Screams of obsessive compulsive problems. Especially in light of it being an Obession over something that patently isn't part of your every day, offline, face to face, "real" life. It's nothing more than words on a screen from someone whom you don't know, who isn't part of your life, and whom you can ignore with impunity simply by not reading the particular thread or turning off the computer and dealing with Real Life.

Yes, words can be hurtful. So what. Life is frequently hurtful, never fair, often unpleasant, and the one game that None of us get out of alive. When life itself, and simply surviving it, requires us to develop a thick skin or be mushed into a quivering ball of spineless nothing - I find it difficult, if not impossible, to feel any sympathy for those who get offended at something that doesn't Have to be part of life - and that is part of life By Their Own Free Choice if they happen to stick around.

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 50

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 9:42:27 AM

girlivy

Posts: 699
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

So, I give up. Why do you do it?
I do my best not to, and to keep an open mind.
Is this just an outlet for negative emotions?
It can be for some yes, but for myself, it is not.
Do you actually know or think you personally know some of the folks you openly attack?
See above answer :) Try to think, but nothing happens.....
Do you genuinely dislike or feel hatred toward those you attack, especially those you don't personally know?
Again, i do my best not to make assumptions about anyone, be it cyber or in RT. I feel hatred against nothing or anyone. At times, sure there are things said i may not like, but just because i may not like words that are used, does not mean i dislike the person using them.
Well, everything after 'why do you do it' is just trying to make sense of it, so I turn it over the bullies and predators

Damn, sould have read that last line first!!
[/quote]

_____________________________

AUTHENTIC SPIRITUAL GROWTH NEVER COMES FROM EXPERIENCES THAT THE EGO CAN PREDICT OR CONTROL.
OUR SPIRIT HAS ITS OWN AGENDA: OUR DESTINY.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken!

(in reply to unbroken33)

Post #: 51

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 9:43:03 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
Hello kitty can be a kinky adventure, yanno?
http://www.kittyhell.com/2007/01/18/hello-kitty-love-hotel-bondage/

OMG, well now I'M hard!

I have a Japanese School Girl trapped inside me - she LOVES Hello Kitty...

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 52

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 10:20:40 AM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Maybe look at it this way, those who are bullied are part of "the group" who regularly post here, because I think those of us that do have been battered about at least once in that way. If you're really lucky, you might get a cmail (or two) from Michael saying, "What the fuck is wrong with you!"

~scarredtee

Well, that wouldn't be very helpful. I've been asking myself that question for decades. It's the answer that I'm in need of.

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 53

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 10:23:25 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I have to wonder how anyone could possibly have that much free time on their hands.

I think it speaks to some sort of cyber OCD!

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 54

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 10:37:39 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Ha, Ha, warning, there are SADISTS in this site!
Some people get ~pleasure~ from making others cry.

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to unbroken33)

Post #: 55

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 11:29:40 AM

VivaciousSub

Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: unbroken33
So, for the longest time I began cataloging those who initiate the type of behavior to see if they do the same in all the other forums they're on. It's quite easy to do, really. But again, I was stumped as there's no real pattern there. One thing I did notice is that some seemed to run in cliques, but only on here. That may indicate a couple ring leaders here, which is why that kind of behavior is not as prevalent other places.

I'm blown away by the fact that you actually spent time following posters around, I'm guessing googling them or just hitting the other kink sites (doesn't really matter), and "cataloging" their activities.

In the interest of full disclosure, I almost feel I should give you all my other screen names that I use on other forums. Almost.

Cali

Methinks the OP has too much time on their hands. What did you do, OP, sit there with charts, graphs and pocket protector busily cataloging everything you found offensive?

I've been flamed on this board - after nearly 500 posts, I'd feel left out if I hadn't been - and I've been supported, often in the same thread. I didn't run, instead, I looked at the flames to see if there was a grain of truth in them, and while some of it was crap, some of it was a clue-by-four and I like to think I gained something from the experience.

Not everyone is gonna like you, you're not gonna like everyone and if you can't get over that fact, get out of the sandbox.

_____________________________

9.8m/s^2 + VivaciousSub + ground = ouchx10^9th

To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 56

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 11:32:19 AM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

you'll never really know why people can be jerks online
messageboards give people alot of anonymity to say things they wouldn't ordinarily say, and that can be both good and bad
but as with anything in life, you have to be prepared for it
because sure there are bullies who can type mean things to you on a forum, but there are bullies OUT THERE who could actually punch you in the face or smash your windshield or something TANGIBLE, you know?
don't sweat the online stuff.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 57

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 12:07:49 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: osocurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

......... do you know the original Native Americans did not wear leather or war paint? .......

...erm ... what did we wear??? ...
*batting eyelashes o-so innocently*
HEY!!!!! ... Are You Attacking Meeeeeeeeee????

~stroking goatee, sounding all serious~ do you FEEL attacked? If you feel attacked, how does that make you feel? How do all those feelings make you feel?

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

......If you want group hugs, go to therapy ........

*sighs*
I wanna go into therapy wif CD

*snuggleshuggles*

~blows on nails and buffs them on shirt~...and who can honestly blame you?

(in reply to osocurious)

Post #: 58

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 12:14:35 PM

MasterVirago

Posts: 103
Joined: 10/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

No offense, but this is a group of people that (often) beat their partners, engage in mock rape, humiliation and degredation, piss and crap on them... and we're supposed to coddle someone that is easily offended by what an anonymous stranger posts on a website?

BDSM isn't for the faint of heart. Neither is life, for that matter.

John

Amen brother! I was thinking that while reading the responses. This is easily the most aggressive, defensive, in-your-face forum I belong too. It is NOT where I come to get support.

You sick bastards you! (Self included)

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 59

RE: For those who attack or bully on here - 10/24/2008 12:35:15 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

They are pixels on the screen for fuck's sake...they are strangers operating over the internet, they can't hurt you so grow up and learn to deal with the "nasty" side of the forum

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to unbroken33)

Post #: 60

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