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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 3:45:59 PM

SrchngCpl73112

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/21/2008
Status: offline

I have a horrible self-image and Drew is doing what he can to help change that. To some extent it is working but to some its not. I have always been very overweight and in the last 3yrs have lost over a hundred lbs and my body didnt quite go back to normal. I have a little bit of extra skin that i totally hate. I also still see myself as that fat person alot of the time. Its hard to see myself as small as i really am. Drew tells me im beautiful and sexy, which i love, but its hard for me to see that when i look in the mirror. I think to a certain extent it is a little different being D/s because there are times i am required to were very small clothes or be naked and that can be uncomfortable at times. I am not near as uncomfortable as i used to be though so i think my self-image is improving but still far from where i would like it to be.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 21

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 3:50:44 PM

Beneathhumanity

Posts: 19
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

Well for one I am comfortable with myself and confident with who I am, perhaps that is one reason I enjoy being humiliated for my remaining weight. As a teenager, I remembered that I didn't have the self esteem that I do now. To become reduced, I figured that I need to be comfortable with myself being there isn't much to give to one otherwise. Therefore, I have much to submit, I can't submit if I feel uncertain about who I am and the inner self esteem I feel for my body is part of that, I appreciate myself and I'd like someone who I end up submitting to to remain the same way

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(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 22

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 3:56:52 PM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

You see, this is where I run into problems with psychologists et al - I'm meant to hate and detest my body - but I dont. I mean, aside from the obvious and the arthritis, its a pretty good one. It looks alright I reckon, it works for the most part and it could be a whole lot worse.

But then I'm about as narcissistic as they come.

And yet - for obvious reasons, even though I think its a great body, it isnt me that it has to please for the purposes of a relationship thats anything more than friendship. It really is down to the attitudes of others towards my body that affect my chances of a relationship - whether thats alternative or traditional.

But thats OK - I dont need anyone any more - its not that important to me.

E

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Post #: 23

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 4:06:25 PM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

I did not think much of my body when I was 16 or 19. I think part of that is the consequence of puberty and being female. I was also with someone who did not like my body, my style, or really - me - at all. As a dominant, I try never to use a person's body as a topic of humiliation play - it just hits too close to home. (Small-cock humiliation aside, because that's a kink that some men I play with really love.)

Teensub, I want you to know that you will never be as firm, trim, vital, and lovely with that blush of youth as you are now. Your ass is incredible, and your tits are perfect. I can say that without even seeing you - it is simply true of women your age. You need and deserve a constant stream of compliments, and put an absolute ban on self criticism. You do not have any idea how much power you hold in that firm, gorgeous body of yours. If I could wish anything for women your age, it is that you would know this about yourselves. Ah yes, youth is indeed wasted on the young.

We worry so much about fitting in and being accepted - but what we don't understand is that we only need to fit in our own skin, and accept ourseleves - and we will be loved, adored, worshipped once we figure that out. There is not one perfect body out there. I have MY body, and MY body is beautiful. There is not one place you can touch me that your finger won't sink in a little, I am squishy, and soft, and to some people, that is exactly what they desire. Others don't. To each his own. There's room for all of us. I have ALWAYS had a body that was desired - I have had no shortage of adoring lovers, but when I turned 30 and gained more self-acceptance, I noticed a distinct change in how much, how often, how many people would go out of their way to tell me I am beautiful.

I am beautiful, I feel beautiful, people recognize that, mention it, and then I feel more beautiful. When I felt ugly, I did not dress well, take care of my hair or make-up, because I didn't think it mattered, and people had a harder time seeing what was lovely about me, and then I felt less beautiful.

I made the mistake of opening the door to a couple of Jehovah's witnesses last weekend - standing there with dirty hair, no make-up, in an old chemise, but one woman came back while I was out of town this week and made a point of telling Frenchy how beautiful I am. It isn't really because of my body - it's because of how I feel and how it radiates from me. People like it. I like it.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 24

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 4:12:12 PM

Chi

Posts: 68
Joined: 1/31/2005
Status: offline

When you say much about ones body is within their control, you are absolutely right.

(in reply to JustDarkness)

Post #: 25

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 4:22:56 PM

LinnaeaBorealis

Posts: 8595
Joined: 10/5/2008
From: Insanity & beyond
Status: offline

I was thin most of my life until I took a medication that the Dr said "might cause a little weight gain". I gained 100 lbs in just over 2 months. I've not been able to lose much of it, so I've come to an acceptance of this body. I feel completely sexy in it, just as I did when I was thin. There were a couple of years after the weight gain where I thought that nobody would find me attractive however, & that was possibly because I didn't feel attractive at all.

I was telling a friend today that I think I should get a scale & go back to weighing myself twice a week because in my brain I'm much smaller than the weight indicates. In my head, I'm still that thin person. I put an old pic up on the refrigerator of a thinner me as an incentive to eating less. Today I realized that when I look at that pic, I see me today, so that's not working too well either. One day, my sister was showing me some pictures of her new house & I asked her if the woman in one of them was her new neighbor. She looked at me strangely & informed me that it was me!! This is how strong that image is in my head.

While I have accepted my new body & I feel very confident & sexy in it, I would like to be less so that my health might be better. It would also be nice to fit in smaller places. And I must ask: Why are all the aisles in the fat girl departments so narrow anyway???

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That's how the light gets in
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Just one of the yahoo's

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 26

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 4:26:12 PM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn

I think poor body image can negatively affect your chances of finding a relationship, regardless of the type (D/s or vanilla). Self acceptance can be so freeing.

I agree....my body is far from perfect, according to societal standards, but it's what God gave me, and I am not about to go under the knife in order to become someone else's idea of perfection. I've had enough surgeries just to keep me alive, thank you very much.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

Post #: 27

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 4:30:49 PM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExKat I've actually had more than one person suggest that I was submissive because I wouldn't never get a vanilla man because I'm so fat....

If that is a picture of you in your avatar, whoever said that to you is a bleeding moron, and we should consider running him over with a large truck. We can't take the chance that he might breed. Some people are such fuckwads.

(in reply to ExKat)

Post #: 28

There is no correlation between looks, confidence and p... - 10/25/2008 4:31:09 PM

Max1000

Posts: 28
Joined: 10/25/2008
Status: offline

Personally I think I'm no oil painting. I've got no lips which is a constant source of amusement for all my mates but I know people, exes and the like, who feel I'm good looking. I think they're nuts. At least I'm confident and not down about myself. Looks don't count for much in the grand scheme of things. I have friends (mainly female) who are genuinely gorgeous who will never believe it, never feel sexy and don't realise how lovely they are. Which kills me because they'll never listen to you when you tell them they're stunning. They just right it off as insincere ego boosting and fixate on small imperfections. Which is a little sad. People feel under alot of pressure to be gorgeous. I can't be arsed. Hence my beard. (Shaving sucks)

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 29

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 4:36:47 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chi

When you say much about ones body is within their control, you are absolutely right.

Really? I have absolutely no control over my facial features; my eyes and nose and lips are never going to change. I could add make up but all that does is make me look like myself with goop on my face. I have no control over breast and hip size except as it pertains to weight, but the proportions are what they are. I was gifted with looong and shapely legs, they look exactly the same no matter my weight. So I don’t agree that we have much control. Sometimes it’s luck and/or genetics.

< Message edited by catize -- 10/25/2008 4:40:57 PM >

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
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(in reply to Chi)

Post #: 30

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 4:38:12 PM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrTiger

I have been thinking about a message I received from a slave on another site who clearly hates himself because of the way he looks. Do you think your attitudes towards your own body are affecting your changes of forming an alternative relationship and how much more or less do you think it is an issue compared to conventional relationships?

I think you can look like jabba da hut but if you feel sexy and are really confidant I feel others will look at you how you see yourself.

I really like my body. Even my big pregnant tummy.

If you feel dumpy, you will dress dumpy.. you will look dumpy. It is just a matter of starting from the inside and working your way out.

Gwyn

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Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

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~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to MstrTiger)

Post #: 31

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 4:43:58 PM

SL4V3M4YB3

Posts: 3506
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline

Bad personality is more of a hindrance to finding a relationship I hear.

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Post #: 32

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 4:51:49 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

My physical appearance I can pretty much accept not to say I would not mind a couple nip and tucks but I found acceptance as is within the community

but where I am struggling is with disease which affect physical abilities and I feel that will have a far greater impact within this community or lifestyle

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(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 33

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 5:01:50 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

I agree with most of the above. Confidence is worth more than beauty, because if you are confident, people are drawn to you. Happiness is even better - i have never had so many compliaments about my hair since i have been with Sir. I think the happiness and self confidence shines out of me. People talk to me now, where before i avoided eyecontact and tried to stay out of peoples way.

All in all, the way i feel about my body is so much better now than before Sir and the bdsm way. I attribute it to being with a man who thinks i am beautiful and thinks he is very lucky to have found me, and the sheer joy of being with someone who loves my body the way it is. Infact, he tells me that he doesn't want me losing too much weight because he loves my butt - finds it very sexy!

and when we part - for what ever reason - i really think i shall retain this feeling, this acceptance of my body - because if one man that i respect can love it so much, then it has worth, and value!

(in reply to SL4V3M4YB3)

Post #: 34

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 5:02:31 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I feel very lucky to have my body and I am grateful for it...

When I was 36 I weighed 220 lbs, smoked too much, had blood sugar issues (never diagnosed, but I could feel my sugar levels crash). I was out of shape after being active most of my life... gained over 60 lbs in less than 3 years.

Then I quit smoking, lost weight and joined a gym. My body is not perfect, but I am happy with it. All its major parts work pretty well for 40, and I know people my age that have COPD, diabetes, etc. I lost a friend to liver cancer and he was only 43. My main goal with my body is that I feel comfortable in my skin. If I gain weight I like to lose it because I cannot move as easy. If I eat too much sugar I feel sluggish, and if I skip exercise I do not have as much stamina....

I went through a period of feeling like a partner of mine would rather I be a size 2, not the shapely tall woman I am naturally. I agonized over that, and then I got this entire "fuck you and what makes you so damn hot?" attitude. If a man feels he can do better than me, he should go and do that. I have no problem attracting the opposite sex, even ay my "advanced" age. In fact I feel more sensual, more attractive, and hotter than I ever have. It helps that I get stopped on the street and complimented on my looks often, but I do not wear makeup, I do not dress up a lot...for me being fit is because I want to feel good, and truly I do it for me. Doing it for someone else has never worked for me.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MstrTiger)

Post #: 35

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 5:07:45 PM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chi

When you say much about ones body (image) is within their control, you are absolutely right.

Really? I have absolutely no control over my...

I think you missed the point. I added the implied word above. Get it now?

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 36

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 5:45:10 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I do not have a negative opinion of My body, but it seems others do---it appears that mist submissives I come across prefer an ideal body type---they can't be Dommed unless she is the next top model---outs the fantasy wanker immediately.

i have come across many dominants who want the hot super model barbie looking submissive.

i've been told most my life how thin is more beautiful not only from peer pressure - fashion magazines etc but from my own father. he felt i should be thin to stay beautiful ...to attract boys and gain popularity. what he failed to realize was that i am beautiful, attracted boys (but won't worth my time), and gained popularity via friendships.

i love the skin and size i'm in. with self confidence and esteem, i can do anything.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

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Post #: 37

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 5:56:43 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chi

When you say much about ones body is within their control, you are absolutely right.

if bodies were in our control...we wouldnt have so many issues with them. for instance i wouldnt have a congenital heart disease...nor would i have been born intersexed..nor would i have been altered at birth by a unknown dr.

very few of us have control of our bodies.

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I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

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(in reply to Chi)

Post #: 38

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 6:01:23 PM

flower2007

Posts: 120
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SL4V3M4YB3

Bad personality is more of a hindrance to finding a relationship I hear.

Wrong. Bad personality only hinders you after they've decided you're hot enough to waste time on. If you're not hot, the bad personality doesn't even get a chance to hinder anything.

(in reply to SL4V3M4YB3)

Post #: 39

RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/25/2008 6:03:42 PM

impishlilhellcat

Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline

I'm perfectly comfortable in my own skin. I am what I am and while I always try to improve myself I love me and I figure the right man whomever he be will love me flaws and all.

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Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book - Unknown

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 40

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