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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/26/2008 11:27:52 PM

Soyokaze

Posts: 390
Joined: 4/1/2007
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I hate my body : ( but I put forth effort to not care most of the time so it doesn't affect me so much. I'd still be in search of the same type of person regardless of how much my body looked the way I wanted.

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 12:50:23 AM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrTiger

I have been thinking about a message I received from a slave on another site who clearly hates himself because of the way he looks. Do you think your attitudes towards your own body are affecting your changes of forming an alternative relationship and how much more or less do you think it is an issue compared to conventional relationships?

My body image is good. I'm at peace with my fat body and if I had been so at 19, my life would have been so very different. It takes a lot of work to get there.

I am not sure my attitude affects anyone else's opinion. There are people who prefer my body type and those who do not, and those who don't have a preference. It sure makes *me* feel a lot better, though.

I will say I get more email on this site than on vanilla sites, however I don't think as far as actually forming a relationship it makes any difference.

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 1:10:53 AM

subbysubsubsub

Posts: 41
Joined: 8/17/2008
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I like my body. :)
Of course, I have time to hit the gym everyday but who knows if I'll still be able to do that 5 years from now.

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 4:14:58 AM

djaleksandr

Posts: 203
Joined: 3/10/2008
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I think low body esteem can be damaging to an 'alternative' relationship, just as it can any other relationship. And, at the same time, you can have all the esteem in the world, and still have people talk shit, in an 'alternative' scenario, or otherwise.

For the self, though, a healthy self-image is certainly the way to go. And, as far as an actual relationship goes, it is nice when the person you're with feels good about themselves. If it's an emotional relationship, especially so -- it hurts seeing someone you care about loathe themselves, and lack to see the beauty in themselves.

For me? I could be better, but I'm relatively content with my body. Most of my body hatred stems from functionality, not form (migraines, leg and back pain, stomach pain, the seeming inability to build any substantial upper body strength while I can build lower body strength all damned day, etc!). It's certainly not perfect (I scar easily, so every trip on the sidewalk, every ant bite, leaves a little scar. And I've got stretchmarks from growing very fast as a child, but I don't mind those, I actually find them quite aesthetically pleasing! Call them my tiger stripes ;) ), but it's mine. I allows me to dance, to swim, to run, enjoy a great meal, enjoy great sex. I mean, hell, what's not to love about that?

_____________________________

'is simplicity best, or simply the easiest?
the narrowest path is always the holiest.
so walk on barefoot for me,
suffer some misery,
if you want my love.'
[ depechemode judas ]

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 6:12:34 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
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I like my body most days, but could use a little work on my abs.... also I seem to be lacking ankles, they are just leg-feet.

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 6:44:29 AM

shyslavef

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/8/2007
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Ok, i'm a first time poster here but this is a subject i felt the need to reply to. i am not happy with my body but i am happy with myself, if that makes sense. i don't like the way i look and at times am very self concious about it. i've been with my Master for just about a year now and he's always telling me how beautiful i am and it makes me feel good until i look in the mirror. i've tried over the years to lose the weight and have then gained some back then lost again, it's a constant up and down for me. i've accepted my body for what it is but am always trying to change it, always wishing i was the thin gorgeous girl all the guys fall all over. But would that change who i am on the inside? No.

When i was still seeking a partner, i dreaded that first meeting, always fearing they wouldn't like what they saw and i made sure everyone i was meeting knew exactly what they were in for. i'm not a small girl but i'm not extremely obese either. i think for a while, it did hinder my finding a relationship, my attitude towards myself and eventually, as i learned to accept my body, my confidence grew and i became attractive to more people because of that. But i think alot of it has to do with society and the image they put in everyone's head about what beautiful is. There are a lot of beautiful people in the world of all shapes and sizes, it's whats on the inside that makes us beautiful. i've read so many profiles of men on all different sites stating they want someone thin that after a while, it makes you depressed, feeling no one wants you but then i woke up one day and realized, i don't want to be with that kind of person anyway, if they can't love me for me then that's their loss. i have a lot to give and some guy someday will be lucky enough to get that from me and when i found that one to give it too, he's told me almost every day since how lucky he is to have me.

When i first met my Master, and i did meet him here on collarme, he didn't even want a picture of me before we met, he said what's on the outside isn't what matters, it's who i am on the inside that he's most interested in. It made me feel really good and i sent him a picture anyway. i still struggle within myself about my appearance but for the most part, i'm confident and love myself.

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 6:55:12 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
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I'm told by my owner that I have a rather warped view of my own body, and I have to agree. I was brought up with the ideas that fat is equal to low class, lazy, less intelligent and just about any other negative you can toss into the mix. When those rare hugs from my Mother occur, she slides her arm around my waist and does 'the fat pinch'.
A couple of years ago I was terribly ill and got down to a size 4, she was so proud of me for being thin. It was the first time she wanted to spend time with me and take me shopping.

Under doctors and dominants orders I gained weight back but I've despised every single pound that has returned. I am a size 12 which is average (I think?) but I see a size 22 in the mirror. I have trouble looking past what I think are glaring flaws, my breasts are not upright and my stomach is scarred from surgery and stretchmarks.

Its so difficult for me. The first thing that R has me do when we meet is strip nude for him, even after 5 years of meeting him I cringe and sometimes cry when standing naked under his gaze. It is a problem that is way way out of proportion, intellectually I know that but when I glance into a mirror all I see is grotesque poundage unless I look at my face only. Even that has to be at a certain angle.

Of course it effects how I act and present myself to others. Thankfully unlike my dear Mother I don't have this attitude toward others, only toward myself. Its perfectly fine for other people to have extra pounds... but I must not have them. But I do have them which brings in the self loathing and the wish to lose 30 pounds. That however would make me sick and frail. Ugh. Its an awful battle inside my mind, even though I am aware of it I am still unable to see what I really look like.

It makes me reluctant to reveal my body in any way. My preference is baggy oversized clothing that I can hide in.

Saturday night I went to a halloween party and R gave me orders for my costume. I wore a corset, stockings and a short (netting sort of petticoat..tutu-ish) skirt along with a pair of wings and some clever accessories. I felt freaking naked lol and it was a party where I knew no one cept for my sister. It was the hardest thing I've done in a long time, being that exposed to strangers.

The shocking thing was that total strangers came up and told me they loved my costume, that I looked fantastic.
Instead of hiding, I forced myself to circulate and introduce myself while still feeling undressed. Once one of the guests tried to cop a feel I realized that maybe, possibly, just possibly.. I look okay. When I thought that, it became easier to talk to strangers. So easy that my sister commented the next morning that I had been totally out of my element but didn't show it.

Sorry for the long rambly entry, its just a timely OP for me.

Negative body image can hold a person back as it holds me back. I'm working on changing that but its been decades of conditioning weighing me down (pun intended).

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~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 7:02:56 AM

XaviersXian

Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
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greetings to all,

I had a good impression of my body before, but since giving birth, I just love my body even more (no, I am not a skinny model type woman, I am a healthy size 12). I have a belly full of stretch marks and everything else that comes with having given life. I see this as "maturing", and that gives me a great sense of pride. I feel exquisitely feminine.

well wishes,

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 7:27:13 AM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
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i'm alot more "okay" with it than i used to be, and i'm absolutely sure alot of that has to do with my Dom and his attitude towards everything. there's still stuff i have to "fix," and there are things that are getting better, but he doesn't make me feel bad about anything NOR does he sugar coat and deny anything. very realistic. very good.

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 7:59:52 AM

JustDarkness

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I guess we also think we look shit..when we feel shit..not?

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 8:13:44 AM

ThundersCry

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If I had known I was gonna live this...long...

I would have taken better care of it...

dadgummit anyways...

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 8:32:24 AM

thefruit

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Joined: 10/27/2008
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I used to hate my body because I was always on the chubby side. I was never morbidly overweight or anything, but I guess I had normal issues with the way that I looked.

I grew out of it though. I always get hit on...or 'the looks' even though I am a full figured girl. But I think it's the way I carry myself. I don't mind being on the 'thicker' side of the spectrum. I try to eat healthy and I get excercise. I will never in my life be thin. But the thing is...I don't want to.

But even though I'm full figured, I don't hate or even dislike skinny women. My best friend is very slim and beautiful. But part of her beauty is because she's the most amazing, kindest person I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. I'm the sort of person that can appreciate the human form because I can find beauty in almost anyone.
Even though I'm not thin and by no means perfect, I have never had a problem with men being interested in me physically. But then again, I try to take care of myself. I don't restrict myself.

If I want chocolate...I'm going to have chocolate.
If I want to lay on the couch and read a trashy bodice ripping novel...I lay on the couch and read of trashy bodice ripping novel.
I especially love my body even more since having had a child. I feel so much more like a woman now...I can't explain it.

Do I have issues with being naked? I think all people do to some degree. I used to have huge issues with it. And sometimes, I still do maybe. But I'll never forget about two years ago I was seeing this guy in the navy...and one day we were just laying in the bed and my clothes came off during the course of the evening (lol) and I tried to cover myself up and he said "You are the most beautiful girl...."
I thought he was crazy...but everyday...even now...I try to see what he saw.
Some days are better than others.

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 9:46:40 AM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrTiger

I have been thinking about a message I received from a slave on another site who clearly hates himself because of the way he looks. Do you think your attitudes towards your own body are affecting your changes of forming an alternative relationship and how much more or less do you think it is an issue compared to conventional relationships?

I think you can look like jabba da hut but if you feel sexy and are really confidant I feel others will look at you how you see yourself.

I really like my body. Even my big pregnant tummy.

If you feel dumpy, you will dress dumpy.. you will look dumpy. It is just a matter of starting from the inside and working your way out.

Gwyn

I think the self hatred is there to begin with... and finds a venue to manifest it self in... hating your body is a symptom, not the cause.

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 10:00:28 AM

UmbraDomina

Posts: 491
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From: SE Michigan
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I love my body, yes it has some faults........ nothing too tragic........

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~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 12:40:02 PM

Lockit

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There is someone who will see us, no matter how we look and find us sexy as hell. Even so, some of us will look in the mirror and judge ourselves according to what we think is sexy and attractive and find ourselves lacking. I have been too skinny to too over weight, all caused by medical problems. I did not see a difference in the men and even some women who were attracted to me. We judge ourselves far too harshly!

If I could get back the time I wasted picking at myself... a learned behavior at the age of seven when I hit puberty far too soon and had things bouncing in front of me that the girls hated and the boy's wanted to touch... to the other's catching up with me and passing me by so that I was called a surfer's dream, flat as a board. To too skinny to have sex with cause those bones surely would maime... to soft and cuddly... watermelon size breast... to what I am now. Whoa... people picked at me, I picked at myself... what wasted time!

Now I can joke about it, can look in the mirror and depsite it all, know I am doin just fine and have nothing to complain about. Yes... I had four um's... and the proof is there... I see it... do the men that have been with me? Not one has ever commented on it... but they were in favore of my being naked and in their arms... so... seen or not... they didn't matter! I am now fifty one years old and yes... I see it... but most don't see it the way I do. Even though I am comfortable and truly okay with myself... I am not blind! If nothing else... we can always consider it all could be worse! Don't waste your time and energy... for life is far too short to waste it on something that really doesen't matter... because there is always someone out there that will find us sexy and will want whatever it is we have or look like. Stop hurting yourself and even relationships by insulting what they might find sexy and spend that time you would waste having fun! LOL it is far better!

< Message edited by Lockit -- 10/27/2008 12:44:03 PM >

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 1:04:24 PM

DearJessicaD

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I like my body just fine. I grew up really poor, what I call "foodstamp poor" and so I saw food as something to be treasured and used to nourish the body. It never would have occurred to me to eat when bored or upset or lonely or whatever.

I am kind of athletic and like pushing my body. I work out in some way almost every day, whether it's going to the gym, going for a long walk/hike, taking a dance class, yoga, whatever.

If I did not like my body I doubt I'd be able to spend as much time naked as I do at home.

It's such a sensitive subject and I have heard so much talk about what people assume based on how others look.

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 1:06:11 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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I hate my body, and oh boy does it hate me. In fact, I'd trade it in for a better model if it had only come with a warranty.

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 1:14:52 PM

Max1000

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If nothing else, few people look like me. Except Kenneth Brannagh.

We all have to find our silver lining somewhere. :)

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 1:46:07 PM

LadyConstanze

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Of course my body could be better, my boobs smaller, I could be taller and not just scrape 5'4" but since I don't aim to be on the cover of a magazine or grace the catwalk, I think my body is fine as it is, I might be too muscular for some guys or not skinny or soft enough for others, but that's their problem and not mine. I'm pretty healthy and fit and that's worth a lot more than trying to look like Barbie and killing myself in the process.
Eating disorders aren't very high on my agenda of "must haves"

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RE: What do you think about your own body? - 10/27/2008 1:47:35 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
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From: Leeds, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrTiger

I have been thinking about a message I received from a slave on another site who clearly hates himself because of the way he looks. Do you think your attitudes towards your own body are affecting your changes of forming an alternative relationship and how much more or less do you think it is an issue compared to conventional relationships?

There are issues with my body ... for a start there is about 20-30 pounds too much of it ... I grew up hating my body because it was not like the other women in my family and certainly not like the other girls around me. School bullies and general media influence caused me to hate my body and think myself wildly unattractive as a teenager and as such I had the sexual self confidence of a decidely unattrative flea.

Nowadays ... I have pretty high sexual self confidence ... sure I still weigh more than I should and I wobble in places a girl my age really should be smooth and firm ... but fuck it (small price to pay for sugar in my tea and butter on my toast). My body, though bigger than average .. is not yet worryingly large .. I have big inviting curves and quite frankly I would certainly do me.

With how it affects my ability to be in a relationship. Very very difficult one. With DV it was a basic understanding that I had to be slim, and inshape to be physically pleasing and attractive. That never *ever* sat well with me .. but it was something I was prepapred to do at the time. I know now that relationships where my body shape is directly related to my conditions of service ... are not those where I will be happy and contented. I make it clear to people now that my body shape (and related matters) is strictly within my juristiction and that advice and support will be welcomed, but control and ultimatums will not be.

Right now my belief is this ... I am content in my skin - sure I am happy when I drop a couple of pounds and can wear a tighter sweater ... but I am not heartbroken about a little muffin top either. My partners need to be at peace with that just like I am.

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