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Weight question - 11/1/2008 10:53:37 AM   
WannaSPOON


Posts: 47
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline 		I'm curious about this. I read a thread earlier about support through weight loss and such and it's really great for people to want to lose weight and seek support and positive ways to do it. What I've been wondering is how does this come up? I have always sort of shied away from this issue as it's always a very sensitive one. Is there a "right" way for a Dom to ask you to lose weight, should that be what he wants, or is it more prudent to just not say anything?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 10:55:26 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		My former master: "I'm concerned about your health. We're going to do something about it."

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to WannaSPOON)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 11:06:59 AM   
WannaSPOON


Posts: 47
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline 		Lol, fair enough.

Any other testimonials?

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 11:17:53 AM   
nettle


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/16/2008
Status: offline 		I disagree. Of course lol...
 
I am overweight. Not by hundreds of pounds but enough to make me feel uncomfortable about it. If someone were to say ANYTHING about my weight, it would just magnify my insecurities and also make me feel like they weren't happy with me or didn't want me. Yes, that is how I think. Laying my insecurities on the line for you, buster. Haha. As an overweight slave, I know that it is ALREADY hard enough to believe that I am satisfying my owners needs because I want to be the best for him and I do not think that being heavy is what he wants. I want to be some sexy slinder babe where everywhere we go, people go wow.. how did he get her.
 
Saying that, I think it is important for your submissive to have this mindset as well and in that, she should want to lose weight because she wants to be the best for you. If that isn't her mindset then I don't know what to say. But I can tell you that from a chick's stand point (in general) it is very insulting for a man to say "Hey I want you to lose weight". *shrugs*
 
You picked her. Hah.
 
I had a baby 2 years ago and has just now recovered from my Post Partum Depression and has lost 20 LBS!!!! Just to dote (sp?) on myself a little. Hehehe....
 
nettle

(in reply to WannaSPOON)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 11:29:03 AM   
WannaSPOON


Posts: 47
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline 		True. It's just a very curious topic for me. I do pick people for who they are but, as crass is this may sound, I like that feeling of "yeah, I got her, she's mine and you can't have her." I'm not perfect in my own sense and I love food, but I also enjoy exercising and I know how I CAN look as opposed to how I DO look. I'm generally happy with it, but sometimes the gut just gets to be a bit much so I do something about it. Relationships are such strange creatures.

You may quote me...

(in reply to nettle)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 11:29:05 AM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		Instead of asking her to lose weight you might try asking her to do physical things.

Would you like to go on a hike?
How about a bicycle ride?
Let's try rollerblading!



(in reply to nettle)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 11:43:31 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		My girl has gained quite a bit of weight due to health issues.  She knows she's heavier than she should be or wants to be.  When she's finished traveling for work, we'll start the process of losing weight.  I have some extra baby weight that I still haven't lost, so it will be beneficial for both of us.
 
I see in your profile you list several forms of exercise such as walking, swimming, pilates, and kick boxing among the activities you enjoy.  If you have a sub who needs to shed a few kilos, tell her you expect her to participate in those activities with you.  Also, tell her you prefer to eat a healthy diet (low fat, sodium, sugar, etc.) and make her responsible for planning and cooking meals that meet those requirements. Require her to eat the same food.
 
If you're both exercising and eating right, she will eventually shed the weight.  As she starts to tone up, praise her.  Saying "wow, you look fabulous since we started eating right and exercising together" is better than "wow, you need to lose weight." 

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to nettle)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 11:45:29 AM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		There is no right way for me.  I am who I am, and being fat is part of who I am.  If the dom wants a slender sub, what the heck is he doing with me to begin with?  Weight loss is a hard limit for me.  If you don't like fat chicks, stay away.


< Message edited by moonvine -- 11/1/2008 11:48:28 AM >

(in reply to WannaSPOON)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 11:57:05 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I think no matter how you say it or do it, you could be in trouble! lol  A person who has some extra... is going to hear... you are overweight, no matter how it is phrased.  When you have extra, you know it and most are uncomfortable with it.  It is a very sensitive situation.  I would listen to them.  Maybe even wait until they bring it up and then be very supportive of them and encouraging.  You are with them, therefore you may be able to show that you love them no matter what and even if nothing changes, your love won't change.  The thing is many don't love how they are and project that to how others might feel about them.

I was a skinny chick until health changed that for a time and believe me... skinny chicks are no more loved than chick's with a bit extra.  In fact I found that the chick's with a lil extra that I knew were loved better than I was at times because I got the more insincere who wanted arm candy and didn't see me and I often wished I had extra.  But when I got extra... except for the extra boobie part, I wasn't happy, I wasn't well and just didn't feel good in general.  Not to mention the clothes I had to wear were not to my liking.

I have loved thin men, muscular men and really, really large men and there was no difference in how I loved them or the sex... but sex does start in the brain and if one thinks poorly of how they look, that is going to influence too much.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 12:05:54 PM   
WannaSPOON


Posts: 47
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline 		Let's not assume I'm displease with things. I know it's strange, I was genuinely, platonicly curious about this (can that word be used like that? My english has gotten worse since I'm living in Berlin to learn German). I do not at all go for the skinny ones, I find them unattractive. I likes dem curves. That topic was received very well and it was a woman who's master had told her to lose weight, which caught me off guard, so I asked here. Were it a problem, I would do as mentioned before and suggestion walks, bike rides, etc together. I have talked with a woman before so I know better than to say "that dress doesn't make you look FAT, but you could maybe lose a few pounds." That's a disaster in the making.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 12:13:09 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		I don't ask. If I want the sub, she is not obese, but clearly overweight, I will tell her I'll accept her provided she is prepared to be forced to lose weight (this assuming it is overeating, and not a medical issue). I think D/s is a good way to repogram a compulsive eater - I have some experience with eating disorders, my first wife was anorexic, and one of my subs had bulimia. The "treatment" can involve therapy with a professional, which I will pay for if necessary.

I have in the past used weight loss as a fetish - overeating, being punished, chained up so she can reach the kitchen but not the fridge, heavy PT, etc. What can be more fun than being dommed into your former svelte self? Eh?

I have seen what obesity does to one's health and life in my own family, so I otherwise treat it as any addiction - you don't want to work on it, if you can only fly standby, I don't want to know.


(in reply to WannaSPOON)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 12:47:11 PM   
allurette


Posts: 10
Joined: 9/22/2007
Status: offline 		I will never forget the first night that I was with my Sire. We met through collarme actually! That night He had me take my clothes off- no sex, He just wanted to inspect my body. I knew I was slightly overweight (160, 5'5- you do the math) I've also always been incredibly insecure about my body and what other people thought of me....

Anywho. On my drive back home that night I called him (after we were five minutes apart no less) and asked him what, if anything he would change about my body. He said I would prefer if your stomach had a bit more tone.... That's what started it all, and now I sit anywhere from 130 to 140 depending on my what exercise I've been doing that week. I'm in the best shape of my life, and had I not broken my wrist three weeks ago, I'd probably be running a triathlon in February. (damn wrist)

Him being honest with me about what he wants has always been the basis of our relationship, and there's never been a task that I haven't eventually fulfilled. Two years later and life is just good. :) That's what worked for me at least. I SINCERELY doubt that it works that way with most women... Good luck!

_____________________________

allurette.

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 12:53:53 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline 		ummmmm i think you have to have a relationship first where the person knows the other person likes him/her the most for how she/he thinks.
my master wants me to loose weight...but i also know he wont ditch me he will work with me about it i want to loose it too it came up in our convo where i asked him to help me out with it...at least i think that's how it happened lol.

(in reply to allurette)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 12:56:44 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Don't focus on how she looks. Do focus on your health concern. Does she have high blood pressure? Gets fatigued easily? Eats junk food?

And change it for both of you. Which may mean Friday night no more movie and popcorn, instead go for a long walk.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
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RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 1:11:43 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		What if she is just fat and doesn't have any of these issues?  (My blood pressure is so low I used to ask the doctor if it was ok for it to be that low)

Any time I hear someone say "I'm concerned for your health" I automatically tune it out.  There's nothing wrong with my health.  I just have a different body type than is generally preferred in the US.  I plan on doing a triathlon someday and I will still be fat when I do it.  That should silence any concerns about my health from non-triathlon finishers, at least I hope so.

< Message edited by moonvine -- 11/1/2008 1:14:31 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 1:17:37 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Personally i would rather hear it in a direct way. 'You have put on weight and i require you to lose it again' or something like that.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 1:22:58 PM   
hopelessfool


Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

 
If you're both exercising and eating right, she will eventually shed the weight.  As she starts to tone up, praise her.  Saying "wow, you look fabulous since we started eating right and exercising together" is better than "wow, you need to lose weight." 


actually your wrong, Cals in cals out dont work for everyone, if one diet or one way worked for everyone there wouldnt be 7 thousand different diets out there. If cals in cals out worked... why can i be on a 500 cal liquid diet, for 3 months and gain 30 pounds O.o? Why because Im just special ^_^;;


And as for weight, Im fat, So what, I can still run the mile in about 10 minutes, which isnt to shabby considering according to my hight i should be 140... The only thing about "health" reasons is this. My sisters 115 pounds at most, she runs the mile in 16 minutes barely being able to finish, she can do at most 3 sit ups in a row, and can barely walk the distance from the car to the store with out huffing and buffing. Im 256 Proud of it, and can do 50 sit ups at a time, walk 3 miles a day and am in better shape then many, I just cant loose weight. Also even if I didnt have my fat, id still be tipping the scales at 180 and be considered over weight because of muscle mass. So Fuck Bmi and its inability to calculate figures...

-La kitten.


_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 1:29:09 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		speaking for myself and my relationship only - Daddy is concerned about my health and weight however He doesn't impose weight restrictions on me. He would rather that i do it for myself to make myself happy ...not to make Him happy. this would have to be something i want to do - i'm definitely not doing it for Him. He finds my shape and size very pleasing and attractive to His eyes.

yes, i've made changes to my diet and eating habits however (keep in mind) i'm doing this for me and me alone.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to WannaSPOON)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 1:31:45 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		I wouldn't call myself fat but I am certainly not my ideal weight by cookie cutter medical definitions for my age and height. I am not however unhealthy, I am diabetic so I watch my cholesterols, blood suagrs and blood pressure very carefully. The way I eat and exercise is how I control the condition, but I'll never be a model body shape, why? That's just how life is I guess.

I think you have to seperate first, is it a healthy matter, or an appearance matter. If it is an appearance matter, then approach it in a fashion if "I wish you to look like x, y, z for me, if you are willing to change these things about yourself." I certainly don't mind changing my wardrobe for my dom, why would I mind beefing up my arms or slimming down my ass? As long as it's a clearly established goal and objective that my dom helps me with, I can accept that as simply one more challange to be the best I can for his tastes. I would expect however this sort of talk would come after we have established we intend to be together for some time.. such changes of the body do not happen overnight.

It should never be addressed in the manner of "Are you happy with how you look?" or "Lose weight". That immediately makes the girl defensive about how she looks, and usually plants a little insecurity. If you really want to bring it up, explore it as a control factor, she may even enjoy being managed in such a fashion, keeping food journals, being weighed in, examined at schedualed intervals for her progress.
A lot of people identify by physical appearance in some respects however so you must be cautious in how you ask them to change physically, because they may take it as meaning you want to change who they are.

< Message edited by ProlificNeeds -- 11/1/2008 1:33:29 PM >

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 1:36:07 PM   
XaviersXian


Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline 		greetings to all,

My Master: "you have a fat a**"
Me: "Yes Master, I'm well aware, I'm working on it"

(As you can see, Master and I pull no punches with each other.  His bluntness (which is conveyed in his own special way) is very attractive to me;  I cannot stand people who pussyfoot around an issue, let alone find myself able to ever submit to one.  If a person wants something done, all they have to do is tell me, and I'll work to accomplish it; my weight as an issue has never bothered me.  Currently, I am 4ft 9 in tall and weigh around 160lbs (I rarely hop on the scales, so I am not 100% certain).  I've always had a very healthy body esteem.  My body is just a vessel for my soul).

well wishes,

< Message edited by XaviersXian -- 11/1/2008 1:37:43 PM >

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 20
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