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RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/17/2005 7:53:29 PM

angelynne

Posts: 65
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

Greetings,

i am not spending the holidays alone, as i have family close by and will be eating dinners, etc with them. however i am "alone" in a larger sense... as a sub/slave we have a need to belong to someone, and when we don't, it can be painful.

so while i will be eating dinner with my family, praying they don't break out into a fight, my thoughts will occasionally wander back to the fact that i am still "alone" and i have no doubts i will break into tears more than once, wondering what he's doing, who he's with, if he's enjoying himself or not, etc.

i've wondered myself if it might not be better to just stay home, rather than bring my misery to them, especially since i won't be able to explain WHY i'm crying. in the end, it's easier for me to go, be with them, "maybe" it will lift my spirits. easier than explaining why i wouldn't want to go.

since you obviously wouldn't want to volunteer, which by the way i agree with you, every time i do it i feel more depressed, i dont get that happy glow because all i can see is that we're feeding them one day a year and leaving them them alone the other 364....
i would advise you just to be nice to yourself.... rent some favorite movies, make your favorite meal or order in, and just curl up and try to enjoy yourself, cry when you feel the need to, take a bubble bath, whatever it is that makes you feel good and might distract you from your loneliness.

the one thing i do want to caution you about is if your depression is worse than just loneliness.... that you remove or put in a lock box all guns, knives, heavy meds, etc, just in case one of those movies turns out to be a little too depressing, and keep the number of a friend, parent, old work buddy, whatever close by in case you need to talk to someone, and find out the number of a suicide hotline, cause if you need it and have to take the time to look it up that can put you in a bad situation. suicidal inclinations pass but not if you act on them.

anyway you at least have my support for what you're going through.... the holidays can be rough but as a wise man once said to me... this too shall pass.

you'll get through it.

respectfully
slave angela

(in reply to slaveneedledick)

Post #: 21

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/17/2005 8:00:43 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

oh michael...........

what do we do with you?

i do not know why..you opened a posting...and then get a little miffed when someone tries to find 'a' solution...
look.
i have spent many a time alone during holidays.
i have spent most of my life...alone.

so YES i DO know how it feels.....

but whatever you were reaching for when you posted...............................

if ya want.............to just talk..........i am here............if you wanna through THAT offer in face.....have at it...........but i AM trying..............

everyone else..........happy holidays to ya from me n mine to you n yours

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to angelynne)

Post #: 22

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/17/2005 8:04:49 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA

that may be the case, but as you can see, all the posts had nearly the same thing...nobody offered anything else. also, as i do not have a car, i do not have a way to get to any of these places in the first place.

Why does SOMEONE else have to TELL YOU how to spend your holidays. You are capable of making decisions on your own....all you are doing now is making excuses because you prefer your own misery to the company of others.....as for not having a car......are your legs broke? are the buses not running? no trains?.......nothing but one excuse after another.......enjoy the misery that you yourself are bringing upon yourself.

(in reply to michaelGA)

Post #: 23

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/17/2005 8:28:11 PM

windy135

Posts: 437
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline

go to a munch in .. make friends.. go on an online date site.. go into local chat rooms.. go to a coffee shop and talk to someone.. go to a dr. and seek medication or advice. seems to me you may be depressed which is a chemical imbalance. Sometimes its hard to get modivated to do things when we are depressed...

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 24

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/17/2005 8:28:16 PM

michaelGA

Posts: 1194
Status: offline

i would like to state first off that i opened this forum for everyone that will be alone on Christmas...not to start an arguement, look for sympathy or to get slammed by everyone.

thank you angela for being one of the few people to actually understand what this post was put here for.

no, can we all put our sticks away and let others have their time here...i'm sure that i'm not the only one in the world that will be "home alone" this Christmas

(in reply to angelynne)

Post #: 25

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/18/2005 12:01:58 PM

Typcynic

Posts: 27
Joined: 4/27/2004
Status: offline

Michael,

Go to your nearest independent record (remember those?) store and grab all the flyers and local newspapers you can find. Then scan each one carefully looking for alternative events. Forget the major clubs and mainstream events. Look for stuff like "other happenings." Goth clubs and underground events are always good during the holidays because they cater to a crowd that doesn't buy in to all the commercial crap. Don't have a ride? Take a bus to the event early and then later, call up one of the free taxi services and claim you're too drunk to get home! Or post on craigslist that you'll buy a round of drinks for someone offering a free ride. Better yet, organize a dinner at a local restaurant by posting an ad. You'll never know who will show up but you won't be lonely.

(in reply to michaelGA)

Post #: 26

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/18/2005 12:27:24 PM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

I know up here at least a lot of local churches are throwing Christmas dinner events specifically for people in your position. One church even has a van that they use to run around and pick people up. I would not be surprised if there was something like that in your area. It takes care of part of your day anyways. If it was Me, the rest of the day would be spent crashed out on the couch with as many candles as I could get My hands on, My favorite music, incense and My case of beer. Catching a little TV probably would not hurt either. Lots of candles and incense in the bathroom while you are taking a hot bubble bath never hurts either.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to Typcynic)

Post #: 27

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/18/2005 12:28:40 PM

michaelGA

Posts: 1194
Status: offline

now these suggestions sound better than what most have posted, thank You Typcynic...i will look into these things on Monday when i have to be out for Tax Class...

(in reply to Typcynic)

Post #: 28

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/18/2005 1:06:58 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

dear Micheal-

I spend most holidays alone, as I am not close to my family, and I am not a christian. While on Thanksgiving I do in fact volenteer at a soup kitchen, christmas I reserve for my self.

Everything is closed, and everyone is busy, so I usually plan a quiet, busy day at home. I actually lay out a schedule, buy a DVD or two (especially those ones that I wouldn't inflict on anyone else<g>), make a point of reading that book that I have been not getting around to, set menus for my meals, really mirco manage my time.

This year I will include a long hot bath, with a glass or two of wine, a cigar and a good book, and if it doesn't snow, a long walk in the park across the street (where I never get around to exploring). If it does snow, I'll just stare out the window in disgust for an hour <g>.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to michaelGA)

Post #: 29

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/18/2005 4:27:21 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

it's depressing enough spending the holidays alone, why complicate my already existing depression by going to places where people have been left alone and forgotten. sorry, but these options are not for me. better to stay home alone.

MichaelGA

i can understand how you feel. i'd get videos (action, preferably) and cookies and just veg out during the day; i'd also call people who loved me and wish them a Merry Xmas. Just because this year is hard does not mean all your future Xmases will be as well. Coddle yourself on Dec. 25th; Dec. 26th do something to bring yourself closer to being happy.

BTW, it may happen to me as well. My kid had promised to come & get me but i haven't heard from her yet...so i may be alone on Xmas as well. Since i'm used to not having her on T-day, i know how to cope.

candystripper

(in reply to michaelGA)

Post #: 30

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/18/2005 4:37:06 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

i don't go looking to be a part of depressing situations as they "do" bring me down further. i don't watch the news, i don't volunteer for anything and i don't donate money to charities. too many variables involved and i don't have the mental numbness to be involved in any of the things listed.

MichaelGA

Given how you feel, Xmas Day is not the time to try new and undesired actions merely because others find them helpful. As i said, veg out and coddle yourself; and start planning Dec. 26th for a better life.

candystripper

(in reply to michaelGA)

Post #: 31

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/18/2005 4:39:28 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

just try imagining what it must be like to be out on the streets or in a hospital with no means of an out. might give one pause to think on what they have to share. only you can turn the depression around and give someone some hope. for we all survive on hope. perhaps it's worth a think.

girl4you2

honey, not every depression can be "turned around" by the means you have suggested. And some people find it frightening or otherwise upsetting to volunteer with the homeless, etc.

candystripper

(in reply to girl4you2)

Post #: 32

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/18/2005 4:45:27 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Michael, it seems you came here looking for sympathy...all the ohhhhhhh,you poor thing, have to spend the holidays alone........well sorry, while I may have felt sorry for you to start with, and offered my sympathies...I know what it's like to be alone with no family or friends close by..........but your responses here are just plain insulting to those whom you sought out for help. They offered you ways of easing your lonliness.....the sad truth is that obviously YOU ENJOY BEING ALONE FOR THE HOLIDAYS...

either get off your ass and do something so that you are not alone.....or quit complaining about it......you are an adult......act like one.

IrishMist

Mist, dear, you know how highly i think of you. But if you read Michael's profile, you'll see he was just released by his Mistress; a traumatic event. i can empathise with his desire for recognition that he's in pain...i think that's all he wanted by posting. He has said he does not volunteer; which is true of most people. Some cannot volunteer in certain circumstances; Michael my find spending a day with the homeless to be frightening and depressing -- a chance he should not take.

It's very hard to be alone on the holidays; it feels as if no one cares. It has happened to me and may happen again. In my opinion, the person should do whatever comforts him; and try to make a plan to be happier when the holidays are over.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 12/18/2005 4:49:48 PM >

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 33

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/18/2005 4:51:32 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

I know Candy, that he just split from his Mistress. I was not putting him down per se...he kept throwing back advice on how to deal with the depression...I just wanted to make it clear that the only reason one IS alone on the holidays, is because they choose to be...Now notice I said IS and not FEELS. I know just as well as anyone what it's like to lose someone, and to go through those first holidays alone...it took some very brutal, and outspoken friends who showed me that I was doing nothing more than what Michael is doing here. Making excuses so that I could stay wrapped up in my self-pity.

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 34

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/19/2005 7:48:16 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

nevermind...everyone seems fixated on volunteer work...i am not. whatever.

You have been given viable solutions that would have only enhanced your life. If you choose to be the grinch you clearly are...spend it alone and cold.

(in reply to michaelGA)

Post #: 35

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/19/2005 8:05:47 AM

michaelGA

Posts: 1194
Status: offline

it's not that i have a problem with Christmas...i just don't get off going to places that clearly is depressing. if people can't understand that, then that is their problem.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 36

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/19/2005 8:09:40 AM

justatoy2

Posts: 163
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

to be quite honest with you i would love a holiday all to myself. No running here and there, having to deal with relatives i don't really care for. I think this year i will send my family ahead without me, draw a bath, and spend some good quality time by myself. Being with people for the holidays isn't all its cracked up to be either.

(in reply to angelynne)

Post #: 37

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/19/2005 8:38:03 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA

it's not that i have a problem with Christmas...i just don't get off going to places that clearly is depressing. if people can't understand that, then that is their problem.

Have you ever done volunteer work? Far from depressing seeing the light in a little kid's eyes when he gets a toy or the relief in a mother's who can now give her family a real meal can be a real boost to one's own feelings.

Helping, giving, makes most people feel good.

Libby and I help out at Meals on Wheels and it's far from a depressing experience for us. At the very least, it reminds us of how much we have and how well we are off.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to michaelGA)

Post #: 38

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/19/2005 8:44:18 AM

michaelGA

Posts: 1194
Status: offline

as a matter of fact, yes...years ago i got stuck doing it and afterwards, i didn't leave the house for a week...even calling out from work. i was so majorly depressed that i didn't want to be around anyone during that time. so i will not do that again.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 39

RE: Spending Christmas Alone - 12/19/2005 8:53:18 AM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

Perhaps instead of just being alone you might ask your local group if anyone else in the area is alone for the holidays and invite them to spend the time with you .... rent movies .. have plenty of snacks and just enjoy the chat and companionship.

And if all that fails then just pretend it is just another day and do whatever it is that you usually do.

Haveing spent more than a few holidays away from my family I know that they can either be miserable or I can find ways to divert my attention from what is not there to what I am grateful for.

(in reply to slaveneedledick)

Post #: 40

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