RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme

RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (Full Version)

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allthatjaz -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 5:55:39 AM)
I just give em my pro-Mistress number![&:]

allthatjaz -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 5:57:17 AM)
It wont let me edit but just wanted to change that to 'used to give out my pro-Mistress number

LadyPact -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 6:17:05 AM)
It never ceases to amaze Me when people pull the "fake" card.

PsyVamp -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 6:19:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa When I came back to CM after being gone for a year, I didn't change my photos. I just didn't think about it.... I had to update my photos fast! I felt I was unintentionally misleading people. My point is, if someone has a photo or photos that are a couple years old, they should change them. Even a hair cut can make that much of a difference to people who you are going to be meeting. I really like My primary photo, it is the only thing near a "glam" shot that I have, lol. But I do keep adding more recent photos to the profile so people always know what I look like now (I keep the dates on them if I can) quote: OP, if you see red flags and bells are going off inside of you, listen to them. Instincts are in place for a reason. I would ask her what her time limit is on meeting in real time with someone. Always good advice quote: MsStarlett When I start talking to a new person, I prefer to keep the conversation very light, non-sexual, non-BDSM. Those people who can continue to converse with me on those very casual, friendly terms are the ones who seem to be genuinely interested in me as a human being first, not just a "Life support system for my toy bag." (Which one of you said that first? I laughed my head off when I first read that description here.) Then, if I like the person, not just his kink, we move into something more. Those who seemed to be really fun little kinksters that jumped straight into fantasy mail always seem to go poof when least expected. This is always very true for Me too. I am not a "casual player" so I like to know the people behind the kink. I have friends that play casually, and they have their own way of doing things just like the rest of us. Some people I meet fairly quickly, but I have found that the quicker I go to IM and phone, the less chance that I will actually meet them. Those that come to My inbox and push for a quick meet never pan out to be compatible. I have met 6 people on this site in person and I still communicate with 5 of them. One of them is My pet. I can honestly say that it took months of emails (and IM's after a month or so) to meet all of them. And you know what? None of them are surprised when I don't speak to them by phone. They know I'm real and they are perfectly happy with any communication. Lady Jag

LaTigresse -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 6:35:19 AM)
My main photo is from July of last year. I doubt I've changed much in a year. I also am not really looking to find a slave here so it doesn't matter to me. I just leave it up so people have a clue who they are communicating with. I hate taking photos of myself. If someone wants to see the "current version" they will have to meet me. Besides, anyone that sees appearance as a primary factor to being friends, I probably don't want to know anyway.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 7:04:46 AM)
I haven't changed mine in 2 years, I am not planning to have my "naked" face out there for anybody casually browsing, I haven't put on weight or gone gray overnight, also no major wrinkles and if they would be pretty much hidden behind the mask ;) My hair is a bit longer though, anybody who can't deal with that, oh well, they better not meet me at all.

MsStarlett -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 7:10:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze also no major wrinkles and if they would be pretty much hidden behind the mask ;) We all take pics to show off the 'good parts' and disguise the 'not so good' parts. It's all part of the fantasy. Before I meet with a new boy, I flat out tell them that I'm 46 - 47 the end of this month - I've got a few 'laugh lines' and some rolls in places where I would prefer to be smooth... and that I do NOT dress like those photos everyday. If they can't deal with the reality, they don't need me. They need a porn flick.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 7:33:21 AM)
Actually the pictures were taken as a joke, a friend of mine is into photography and she wanted to take some shots for her class so we were fooling about a bit and I quite liked the cat woman theme (I do have a thing for leather, corsets and masks), they look enough like me for people I meet from here (the haircolour is a bit of a giveaway), but not enough that colleagues or neighbors would recognize me straight away. I think anybody who would expect me to stroll into a cafe for a casual meeting head to toe in leather with a mask and carrying a whip is fit for the loony bin anyway, hey, I would do a runner if the guy would sit there with a collar, leash and a g-string. Part of the fun of BDSM play is the "dressing up" (what else am I going to do with all that lovely leather and the corsets otherwise) but I want that to be my choice and if somebody is not happy that I might dish it out just in jeans and a t-shirt, that's possibly not the right play partner for me anyway.

ElectraGlide -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 7:48:36 AM)
If a person will not send you a picture or phone number after several mature message's, they could very well be passed by. If some one that lived even closer to you, did send you a picture and phone number and you jived real well. I know who I would call on the phone. Person number one would just go down in history as a faceless mystery.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 8:12:26 AM)
It depends how eager you are or how many people want to meet you, if you have luxury of shifting through a lot of subs, go for it. I have been stalked once and it was not very pretty, I simply prefer to be slightly more cautious, to each their own.

MsStarlett -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 8:14:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ElectraGlide If a person will not send you a picture or phone number after several mature message's, they could very well be passed by. Then people may feel free to pass me by. I don't need them. I've been stalked before. It's not fun. People within a 100 miles of me are going to have to jump through extra hoops to find out who I am because I don't want nut cases showing up at my work wearing dog collars and expecting me to 'go to lunch' with them whenever they feel I should make time to feed their kinks. I don't want them on my doorstep begging to 'service me'. I don't want them calling me at home, at work at all hours of the day and night. Or showing up at public places that I frequent acting like total drooling idiots in front of my family. No Sir. Not my idea of fun. If it pisses off subs on CM - Fine by me. I'm NOT going through that crap again.

LaTigresse -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 8:26:30 AM)
I am curious to know if I am different. I know that there are many on here that are much more fetish oriented than I am. Don't get me wrong, I think alot of it is cool (leather, rubber, costumes, etc....) It just doesn't turn me on. So my question to all the lovely ladies. Do you purposely down play the fetish aspect in the initial communication to see what their primary goals are? Lady Constanze for instance. You have a beautiful, sexy photo that I would guess appeals a great deal to several strong fetishes. Therefor, I would assume you get more emails from sub/slaves that have a strong interest in those fetishes. I would also guess that a portion of those contacting would have an extremely unrealistic expection. So I wonder, if to offset that and determine if they have an understanding that it is only a facet of the whole, you almost avoid discussing it at all, in the beginning?

AAkasha -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 8:43:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse I am curious to know if I am different. I know that there are many on here that are much more fetish oriented than I am. Don't get me wrong, I think alot of it is cool (leather, rubber, costumes, etc....) It just doesn't turn me on. So my question to all the lovely ladies. Do you purposely down play the fetish aspect in the initial communication to see what their primary goals are? Lady Constanze for instance. You have a beautiful, sexy photo that I would guess appeals a great deal to several strong fetishes. Therefor, I would assume you get more emails from sub/slaves that have a strong interest in those fetishes. I would also guess that a portion of those contacting would have an extremely unrealistic expection. So I wonder, if to offset that and determine if they have an understanding that it is only a facet of the whole, you almost avoid discussing it at all, in the beginning? Why should I have to tone down aspects of my sensuality because men cannot control themselves? If this were a question for vanilla women, should we assume that women who are incredibly sexy with nice bodies should wear frumpy clothes and no makeup so some men do not treat them like sex objects or just want to get down their pants? Or, do these women just learn to weed out the wankers and determine the motivations of men through initial interactions? I have an often highly-sexualized view of kink and my writing conveys that. I was once told I should keep my writing off my profile because that's the reason so many losers were contacting me with one-handed emails. For awhile I thought maybe they had a point, but I don't see why I should tone down who I am in order to attract a man who can exhibit some level of self control. I'd rather know up front that he was prone to one-hand emailing if he read something that got him hard, vs. someone who could understand and treat me like a woman first and know that underneath, yes, I am the highly sexualized and very aggressive predator - with the right man. Akasha

LaTigresse -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 9:03:19 AM)
AAkasha, you shouldn't. I was simply asking if anyone felt they had to, to weed out sub/slaves that were ONLY focused on specific facets. I certainly was not saying that anyone should portray themself as anything different than they are.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 9:15:40 AM)
As I mentioned before, I do have a leather and corset fetish and the pictures don't show my face completely, which is a serious issue for me, I think I explained they came from a shoot with a friend, she wanted to experiment and I quite like the pics especially since they don't show too much skin, which might give guys the wrong idea. My profile also states I am not looking, so the whole mails with "Let me kiss your boots blah blah" are pretty much people who don't bother to read my profile and are then simply too shallow...

AAkasha -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 9:55:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse AAkasha, you shouldn't. I was simply asking if anyone felt they had to, to weed out sub/slaves that were ONLY focused on specific facets. I certainly was not saying that anyone should portray themself as anything different than they are. Sorry, I meant my answer to be more rhetorical, not aimed at you. I know you were not suggesting the change in behavior, just commenting. Akasha

PeonForHer -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 10:04:06 AM)
It might be interesting, Lady C, if you and the others did try really frumpy pictures. Just as an experiment, for maybe a week. Yourselves sitting in front of cosy fireplaces, hair dyed silver-grey in tight buns, in little half-cut glasses and woolly cardigans, knitting . . . just to see what the reaction is. On the other hand, your respective initial emails might turn out to be even weirder than before, come to think of it . . .

marie2 -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 10:09:05 AM)
From what you described, it doesn't sound like she wants to take it off the computer screen. This doesn't necessarily mean that she's not who she says she is, or is a fake or man or whathaveyou. Some people are just more comfy (for whatever reason) not taking it beyond a safe, text-based "fantasy". Or it could be that she just works at a slower pace than you do. I would offer your phone number, and then she can call you and block her number and ID until she feels safe and comfortable. Of course, you'd have to be ok with that. But at least it's an option you can put out there. If she doesn't "bite", well, you're going to have to decide how much time and patience you're willing to invest on the chance that she may or may not make it real with you.

urtoy -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 10:29:28 AM)
Everyone is different. I've read many "rules of thumb" that meetings should taje place within two weeks of first contact. That's way too soon for me. I want a chance to get to know a person before meeting or even exchanging personal info. It's up to you to decide if you want to get to know someone or not. Personally, anyione pushing me for too much too soon is a major red flag. Just a view from the other side.

ElectraGlide -> RE: Question about talking to People from Collarme (11/8/2008 10:56:33 AM)
I understand that several people are concerned about stalkers. That is a valid thing to worry about. If you have a sincere communication going and it just stalls at that, you are sort of stuck, a move needs to made. I would never give a phone number right away, if I was worried about sharing a picture, I would not do that right away either. I am not seeking anyone, just trying to share my input, I am learning how others feel by reading this thread.

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