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RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/7/2008 1:25:44 PM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

FR.

quote:

I am not interested in you. I am not attracted to you. I do not find you attractive. I think you are ugly. Gawd girl, you got hit with the ugly plank.

The way one chooses to respond by using the above mentioned choices shows alot about that person's personality. Its fine by me if someone wants to act like a pompous ass and use the more extreme methods of communication. Just don't hide that pomposity and boorish arrogance behind the phrases, "being blunt' and " brutal honesty" and expect me to agree with it.

C-D

< Message edited by CruelDesires -- 11/7/2008 1:27:36 PM >

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
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(in reply to littlemisssnarf)

Post #: 61

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/7/2008 1:34:24 PM

djaleksandr

Posts: 203
Joined: 3/10/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

FR.

quote:

I am not interested in you. I am not attracted to you. I do not find you attractive. I think you are ugly. Gawd girl, you got hit with the ugly plank.

The way one chooses to respond by using the above mentioned choices shows alot about that person's personality. Its fine by me if someone wants to act like a pompous ass and use the more extreme methods of communication. Just don't hide that pomposity and boorish arrogance behind the phrases, "being blunt' and " brutal honesty" and expect me to agree with it.

C-D

Well said.

_____________________________

'is simplicity best, or simply the easiest?
the narrowest path is always the holiest.
so walk on barefoot for me,
suffer some misery,
if you want my love.'
[ depechemode judas ]

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 62

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/7/2008 1:38:26 PM

Serenelysmiles

Posts: 46
Joined: 11/7/2008
Status: offline

In my experience, it is not normal for most real lifestyle Dominants to respond in such a way. One has to remember though that people are people, and personalities will vary. Try not to take such things personally. In my opinion, if He said such a things He's not much of a Master.

(in reply to DCWoody)

Post #: 63

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/7/2008 1:56:50 PM

housemouse61

Posts: 60
Joined: 6/12/2008
Status: offline

Master told me about this thread and i just *had* to come and see for myself. And i must say mostly what i've seen is alot of coddling and trying to salve over the Op's feelings and/or basically telling her to buckup and get over it, along with justifications of what simply boils down to bad behavior on the part of the Dom who issued the original insult. But, as i read and understood the original post, the Op wasn't looking for any of this. She was looking for a simple answer to a simple question...and as she appears to be fairly new (judging by her profile), not unreasonable for doing so. "Is it normal for Doms to be rude when expressing disinterest in a submissive?"

Trouble is, it really depends who you ask, my dear. "Normal" can be a real tricky word around these parts. ;-) Some will say that it's perfectly normal and, perhaps, even acceptable behavior for one who is Dominant. Some will say it is far from normal and shows a lack of tact, compassion and empathy for others. But, more than answering your original question and giving you clear cut insight into the behavior of Doms, in general, you will get a glimpse of the way others perceive your question according to their own "moral compass".

Perhaps a more appropriate question for you to ask would be "Do i have to accept or be okay with behavior that i perceive as rude from someone just because He/She is a Dom and i am a sub?" That's an easy one to answer and doesn't require any emotion whatsoever..."Not if you don't want to." And i'd be willing to bet most F/folks would have a pretty difficult time arguing that. ;-)

Peace favor and blessed be.

nikki
Property of Cruel Desires

< Message edited by housemouse61 -- 11/7/2008 2:08:15 PM >

(in reply to djaleksandr)

Post #: 64

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/7/2008 2:57:06 PM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

The guy was an uncouth turd. Just my opinion. Move on.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to housemouse61)

Post #: 65

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/7/2008 5:37:40 PM

monywildcat

Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

Meh. Whatever. I have had on occasion gotten a pig who tried to insult me like that, I simply told him "it must suck to be you, an ugly fucking bitch and wannabe won't give you the time of day".

_____________________________

Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 66

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/7/2008 7:46:58 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

well the jerks exist.. but they also serve a purpose, that of measuring decent human being against and giving them added value.....

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 67

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/8/2008 4:13:51 PM

SadysticJester

Posts: 122
Joined: 6/24/2008
Status: offline

its always rude behavior to blatantly tell someone something that could harm them emotionally,yes its always wise to be honest about things but there is a tactful way to do these things.

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 68

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/8/2008 4:39:22 PM

lornadomme

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline

I suspect that the Dom in question was playing games and not ready to develop a relationship regardless of the sub's beauty.. This was a very effective means of bringing things to an abrupt end.

(in reply to SadysticJester)

Post #: 69

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/10/2008 3:03:34 AM

Sinimint

Posts: 131
Joined: 1/25/2007
Status: offline

Ellsa, you said "he's the dom so he can". That is truly a silly comment. So you're sayng that just because he's a "dom"

, that it justifies that sort of comment? He doesnt sound like a dom, he sounds like a wanker.....

A person with more life experience, whether a dom or not would not be so rude to anyone. There is absolutely no need for that sort of behaviour, in this lifestyle or out of it.

< Message edited by Sinimint -- 11/10/2008 3:13:09 AM >

(in reply to Ellsa)

Post #: 70

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/10/2008 4:59:33 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: usemekinky

I had a Dom whom I have been speaking with for a little over a week tell me after I sent them a pic that they weren't interested because I was ugly. I was upset, I'll live, but it's hard not to take that personally.

I don't have a lot of experience, so I was wondering, is it common for a Dom to disregard a subs feelings in this way?

This is just my view and my experience....nothing more. As the saying goes, normal is relative. Is it normal for a man to tell a woman she's ugly after viewing her picture? For this particular man....yes. Not everyone was born with the ability to be tactful and, by reading some of the responses given, not everyone cares how they come across. So be it. It's their choice to be that way and if they are able to find someone to put up with that then more power to them.

If a man isn't attracted to me I would hope he wouldn't waste my time and simply say "I'm not attracted"...no need, in my opinion, to make an ass of himself by calling a person names or being offensive. I'm honest about the fact that I'm no skinny chick and have no problem with it. I have a photo posted and I also ask that if THEY have weight/size issues with women to not waste my time.

To quote MadRabbit......."As someone who is almost always direct and blunt, I would say "I'm not interested" and if pushed on the issue, I would say "Because I just don't find you physically attractive to me and you will be much better off with a person who is able to see what I can't."
Direct and blunt doesn't have to be negative and destructive. It can be positive and constructive. "
Is that really so difficult to say?

Honesty is the best policy but that doesn't mean I should call him a balding, middle-aged dolt with the appeal of a slug simply because I can't see his charm.

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 11/10/2008 5:00:50 AM >

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to usemekinky)

Post #: 71

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/10/2008 5:52:14 AM

WhiplashSmile2

Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline

No, it's not normal and Yes, it's just mean. I would never tell somebody that I don't find attractive that they are Ugly. That would be damning to their sense of self esteem.

(in reply to usemekinky)

Post #: 72

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/10/2008 12:06:08 PM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

Being honest, would be, "I am not physically attracted to you." being mean is "You are ugly". One conveys clearly that it is YOUR personal preferences that are not met, the second conveys a sense of flaw or short coming. Just because a girl does not appeal to some men doesn't mean she is unappealing to others.

Eitherway, rude or not, lots of people say jerkish things every day, and it has nothing at all to do with BDSM or D/s or any such things, some people just lack social grace. Brush it off and don't give it a second thought.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)

Post #: 73

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/10/2008 5:02:42 PM

SlyStone

Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

quote:

I don't have a lot of experience, so I was wondering, is it common for a Dom to disregard a subs feelings in this way?

Of course it is normal, of course it has nothing to do with BDSM or being a Dom, and of course one should never empower the written words of anonymous people on the internet.

This is the internet, not a tea party among friends. People will say things in a cyber exchange that they would never say to another face to face, and that is a fact. Always keep that in mind.

It is hard enough in real life when we inevitably allow others to effect us through words and actions, best not to carry that weakness over to these kind of anonymous interactions.

_____________________________

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin

(in reply to usemekinky)

Post #: 74

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/10/2008 6:23:05 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

It is hard not to take it personally, or to get discouraged when people reject you and do it in such a callous manner. I've been told I was too fat, too ugly, too old, as well as being called fake, stupid and boring. At first I used to take it personally and wonder what was so horrible about me, now I just chalk it up to incompatibility and lack of any social graces on their part. Hang in there, as someone said earlier, it just gives you something to measure the good ones against.

WinD

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 75

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/10/2008 6:49:40 PM

PurpleSockx

Posts: 63
Joined: 11/6/2008
Status: offline

Yes, it is hard not to take such comments personally. It's happened to many of us, probably everybody, to have some idiot making rude comments once and of course it can't be pleasant. And, unfortunately, some people on the internet seem to think that being polite, respectful and mature is optional when they address another human being... :(

But in the end, remember this: by acting in such a rude and stupid manner he has proven that he's not worth you... or anyone that has a bit of self-respect for that matter :)

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 76

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/10/2008 7:29:04 PM

ulti

Posts: 19
Joined: 11/10/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

To the Op, If you want to stop that from happeneing again Post a Profile Pic and then there will be no emotional head games unless they are just Cold Hearted Bastards.

This is the best advice I can give to anyone who struggles with being rejected for their looks - regardless of how the message itself is delivered (Telling you "You're ugly" is incredibly tactless, for reference). I know that some people can't put up pictures of themselves due to employment reasons, among other things - but if you want to avoid people losing interest in you once they've seen you, put a picture out there. That way, the people who aren't physically attracted to you won't contact you to begin with. That is, unless they are outright cruel little shits. Those people aren't worth your time.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 77

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/10/2008 10:21:57 PM

theobserver

Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

blatantly rude

Ah - so if I am honest, and say what I think, I am rude? I don't think so. Rude people are people who intentionally hurt others - I do not. I most certainly could have sugarcoated my opinion - I think that that is one of the less functional ways of our society. It serves no purpose. I would like others to be honest to me, as I will be to them. And I see no reason not to use the words that come to my mind.

I'm so relieved to be taken off your potential fuck list! See ... there's a silver lining in every dark cloud. *grins*

_____________________________

It is left up to the reader to decipher & determine this post's validity.

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 78

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/10/2008 10:32:39 PM

theobserver

Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone

quote:

I don't have a lot of experience, so I was wondering, is it common for a Dom to disregard a subs feelings in this way?

Of course it is normal, of course it has nothing to do with BDSM or being a Dom, and of course one should never empower the written words of anonymous people on the internet.

This is the internet, not a tea party among friends. People will say things in a cyber exchange that they would never say to another face to face, and that is a fact. Always keep that in mind.

It is hard enough in real life when we inevitably allow others to effect us through words and actions, best not to carry that weakness over to these kind of anonymous interactions.

Yeah cause we have a lot of keyboard warriors on the internets and if we let everything some people post in cyber space effect how we go about our daily lives and/or how we view ourselves, we'd be a bunch of miserable beings.

_____________________________

It is left up to the reader to decipher & determine this post's validity.

(in reply to SlyStone)

Post #: 79

RE: Is this normal or just mean? - 11/11/2008 12:41:58 AM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf
Sure it has something to do with it, but to disagree with it makes you seem like you have class.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires
Some people have no class. Being blunt and honest has nothing to do with it.
C-D

Add me to the people who disagree with you, and I'll add that it is entirely possible to be honest and show some social grace/tact at the same time. M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)

Post #: 80

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