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punishment--??? - 11/7/2008 9:05:42 PM   
angelsub2LuvU


Posts: 23
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline 		My Dom of 5 years recently gave me a punishment and it has been in affect for a month and a half. I am not allowed to say "I love you"  Yes, I  disobeyed and acted almost un-forgiving--- but this really hurts. We have a very deep relationship and it seems to me like this is a bit harsh. For it to go on so long too. Am I juat being a spoiled brat? It's getting to the point that when it's allright to say it again--I might not want to.
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RE: punishment--??? - 11/7/2008 9:11:10 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		What was the offence and how is not saying "I love you" helping to correct the behavior?

Or is this one of those "You did something bad to me so now I am going to make you suffer" punishments?

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RE: punishment--??? - 11/7/2008 9:12:24 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		Actions speak louder than words.  If he won't permit you to say the words, show him with your actions.  Find the meaning in that, and you may want to shout the words from the rooftop when he permits you to use them again. 

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RE: punishment--??? - 11/7/2008 9:18:39 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I suggest you tell him how you feel. That this punishment, which does not address the problem at all, is causing a major wedge between you.

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RE: punishment--??? - 11/7/2008 9:19:58 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I suggest you tell him how you feel. That this punishment, which does not address the problem at all, is causing a major wedge between you.


How do you know the punishment didn't address the problem? 

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RE: punishment--??? - 11/7/2008 9:26:41 PM   
angelsub2LuvU


Posts: 23
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline 		What was the offence?? well, I invaded his privacy acted like I was not his sub at all and worried him badly. My words, actions and the way I was talking to him was disrespectful. This went on for days.

He has not said how the punishment is to correct the offence. I think that if I was not acting like I love him then I do not deserve to be able to say it.  I feel it has gone on too long though. He has permitted me to say it a couple of times when we were together and he has said it back, but ---I don't know. I have been pretty much an angel( for me--as much as I ever can be) since he impossed this.
I've expressed how it is hurting me and now doing more harm than good.
I still want to shout it from the roof top as mc12234 put it but the fact he has not wanted to hear it for so long and know's Im hurting over it and hasn't responded is making me-- I don't knwo the word--bitter?

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RE: punishment--??? - 11/7/2008 9:29:27 PM   
angelsub2LuvU


Posts: 23
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline 		yes, thank you. I am not good with words. It is causing a wedge between us.

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RE: punishment--??? - 11/7/2008 9:33:41 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		I'm sorry you're in this situation.  I know things like this are never easy.

That being said - it seems to me that since your actions didn't match your words, perhaps he is trying to show you how he felt by your disobedience.  You feel badly because you can't express yourself ... he didn't trust your words when you expressed yourself because your actions belied your words. 

Hmmm... perhaps you could put all of your feelings about the incident, apologizing and acknowledging your fault into an email.  Be detailed and sincere in accepting responsibility and tell him what you've learned from the punishment, how separate you feel from him (as he may have felt from you after your actions) and how you long to be back where you both were before the incident.  Perhaps explain one more time how you feel when you are not able to tell him of your love.  Perhaps show humility and sincerity. 

I'm not suggesting you haven't done these things as of yet, but if you're reaching the end of your rope, he needs to know that and this may be a nice way to explain it to him (even if you've tried in the past). 

Best of luck to you. 

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RE: punishment--??? - 11/7/2008 9:43:02 PM   
angelsub2LuvU


Posts: 23
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline 		This has helpped so much. I have whinned and cried about the punishment but not really looked at what he was feeling when he made it. Yes, he loves me but I pushed the limits and crossed boundries. Insted of crying and whinning I need to look a lil deeper. Thank you very much.

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RE: punishment--??? - 11/7/2008 10:03:12 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		You're welcome. 

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RE: punishment--??? - 11/7/2008 10:51:27 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well don't do the opposite which is make yourself the bad guy and shame into not discussing.  The fact is that in a time of stress you have chosen to go to a bunch of cyber strangers for help rather than directly communicate with him.  That is an issue and won't go away and should be addressed now before another stress time comes up.  What work are you doing TOGETHER to figure out why you were so insecure that you needed to invade his privacy?

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RE: punishment--??? - 11/7/2008 11:02:28 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Clint Black
Something that we do

I remember well the day we wed
I can see that picture in my head
I still believe the words we said
Forever will ring true
Love is certain, love is kind
Love is yours and love is mine
But it isn't something that we find
It's something that we do
It's holding tight, lettin' go
It's flying high and laying low
Let your strongest feelings show
And your weakness, too
It's a little and a lot to ask
An endless and a welcome task
Love isn't something that we have
It's something that we do
We help to make each other all that we can be
Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently
The way we work together is what sets our love apart
So closely that you can't tell where I end and where you start
It gives me heart remembering how
We started with a simple vow
There's so much to look back on now
Still it feels brand-new
We're on a road that has no end
And each day we begin again
Love's not just something that we're in
It's something that we do
We help to make each other all that we can be
Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently
The way we work together is what sets our love apart
So closely that you can't tell where I end and where you start
Love is wide, love is long
Love is deep and love is strong
Love is why I love this song
And I hope you love it too
I remember well the day we wed
I can see that picture in my head
Love isn't just those words we said
It's something that we do
There's no request too big or small
We give ourselves, we give our all
Love isn't someplace that we fall
It's something that we do

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RE: punishment--??? - 11/8/2008 1:04:37 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelsub2LuvU

My Dom of 5 years recently gave me a punishment and it has been in affect for a month and a half. I am not allowed to say "I love you"  Yes, I  disobeyed and acted almost un-forgiving--- but this really hurts. We have a very deep relationship and it seems to me like this is a bit harsh. For it to go on so long too. Am I juat being a spoiled brat? It's getting to the point that when it's allright to say it again--I might not want to.



Hmmmm, disobedience = punishment = intentions of further disobedience.

I think your assessment is about right, yet he may need to rethink his punishment in order to bring you 'round. 

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Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: punishment--??? - 11/8/2008 3:14:09 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		IF you can't say it...think it. Real love is shown differently ..then mentioning it..anyway.
Not a real punishment ..because he knows it won't change a thing :P

(in reply to NorthernGent)
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RE: punishment--??? - 11/8/2008 4:56:04 AM   
sunshinedreams


Posts: 181
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline 		Maybe he was listening to More Than Words by Extreme...

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
Its not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me
Cos Id already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldnt make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Now Ive tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close dont ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me
Cos Id already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldnt make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

(in reply to JustDarkness)
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RE: punishment--??? - 11/8/2008 5:48:24 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		There are many ways to say, "I love you".  I have no doubt that it hurts, but try coming up with other possible words.  Adore, trust, respect, crave, enjoy.....

There are times when I am tested to see how I will react to something.  Perhaps he is testing you to give you an attitude check.  The punishment may end as soon as you have accepted it and show no signs of bitterness or resent.  We sometimes give off subtle signals that something is wrong without even knowing it.  He may see the unspoken in your eyes.  If you come to accept the punishment, see that it was probably because you were acting in an unloving way, and find substitute phrases and other ways to show your love then I am sure that the love will continue to grow.


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RE: punishment--??? - 11/8/2008 7:55:14 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I'd say a bit bratty - you don't sound very repentant either - you pushed the boundaries, and now are whining about the punishment, and threatening him as well - vis-a-vis - withholding your love at the end of the punishment ( its getting to the point when its all right to say it - i might not want to).

Doesn't sound like good subby behaviour to me.  Of course , if this is the relationship the two of you have, more power to you. Maybe he likes a brat.

Sounds to me that you are tired of the punishment and want him to stop - and isn't that called topping from the bottom.
Maybe you could politely enquire - without whining (which is most unattractive in anyone) - how long your punishment is going to go on for. And then gracefully endure it, without whining , pouting or other unattractive expressions of  your anst.

(in reply to chamberqueen)
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RE: punishment--??? - 11/8/2008 8:45:29 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

He has not said how the punishment is to correct the offence. I think that if I was not acting like I love him then I do not deserve to be able to say it. I feel it has gone on too long though. He has permitted me to say it a couple of times when we were together and he has said it back, but ---I don't know. I have been pretty much an angel( for me--as much as I ever can be) since he impossed this.
I've expressed how it is hurting me and now doing more harm than good.
I still want to shout it from the roof top as mc12234 put it but the fact he has not wanted to hear it for so long and know's Im hurting over it and hasn't responded is making me-- I don't knwo the word--bitter?


Do your actions express love and devotion?  Do they express the respect that is the master's due?

It is interesting to note that you talk at length about your feelings, but have only a few words to say about his.

I see nothing wrong with the consequence.


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RE: punishment--??? - 11/8/2008 10:32:45 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		The only thing "wrong" i see with the consequence is that she didn't understand it.  I don't really understand how behavior modification can be effective when the person being modified is clueless as to what's going on and why.  I also have some serious doubts about ANY punishment lasting for 1.5 months.  That doesn't sound so much like punishment to me as a new life state.  Of course, I'm the first to admit that I barely understand the useful purpose of "punishment" at all.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to celticlord2112)
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RE: punishment--??? - 11/8/2008 11:30:59 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

What was the offence?? well, I invaded his privacy acted like I was not his sub at all and worried him badly. My words, actions and the way I was talking to him was disrespectful. This went on for days.


By these actions can you understand that those words 'I love you" would get in the way right now? Perhaps he needs action now and not words from you? You maybe proved by your actions, that you do not love him? I be more concern about his needs right now and righting a wrong.

oceanwynds


(in reply to angelsub2LuvU)
Profile   Post #: 20
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