Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: punishment--???


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: punishment--??? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: punishment--??? - 11/10/2008 8:18:09 PM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelsub2LuvU

My Dom of 5 years recently gave me a punishment and it has been in affect for a month and a half. I am not allowed to say "I love you" Yes, I disobeyed and acted almost un-forgiving--- but this really hurts. We have a very deep relationship and it seems to me like this is a bit harsh. For it to go on so long too. Am I juat being a spoiled brat? It's getting to the point that when it's allright to say it again--I might not want to.



Chances are pretty good you don't actually love him anyway. After all, who cares if you can't speak these words? Love does not live in the words. Instead ask yourself why you are so full of resentment and judgment. Take a good look at your ego.

(in reply to angelsub2LuvU)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: punishment--??? - 11/11/2008 1:08:37 PM   
angelsub2LuvU


Posts: 23
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline 		I do love him and how is it that you think I am full of resentment and judgement?? enlighten me, please.

(in reply to MarcEsadrian)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: punishment--??? - 11/11/2008 2:53:55 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelsub2LuvU

I do love him and how is it that you think I am full of resentment and judgement?? enlighten me, please.

Read your posts.  One thing is clear:  Your posts are full of "I".

Relationships are full of "We" and sprinkled with "He" and "She".


_____________________________



(in reply to angelsub2LuvU)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: punishment--??? - 11/11/2008 4:17:02 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I will point out that this is a values issue.

"I love you" may not mean anything to one person, but they might mean everything to another.  Telling that second person "Hey it's just three words" completely negates their values, shames them for having them to begin with and says "My values are more important than your values."

For me, saying I love you is a big deal, and being actively DENIED that action would be damaging for me.  Just because in your relationship it's not a big deal, doesn't mean that's how it works for everyone.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: punishment--??? - 11/11/2008 5:38:49 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelsub2LuvU

My Dom of 5 years recently gave me a punishment and it has been in affect for a month and a half. I am not allowed to say "I love you"  Yes, I  disobeyed and acted almost un-forgiving--- but this really hurts. We have a very deep relationship and it seems to me like this is a bit harsh. For it to go on so long too. Am I juat being a spoiled brat? It's getting to the point that when it's allright to say it again--I might not want to.


I have just read the OP so something I say may be redundant or more information may have been provided in the meantime.  Anyway, my initial thoughts here are: A habit takes approximately 21 days to break, so roughly 2 1/2 weeks, but let's round up to 3.  If your Master is going for behavioral modification, 1/2 the time would have been sufficient.  Now, depending on what you did, he may be trying to cause you emotional pain.  I don't know.  I suppose it depends on what the purpose of punishment in your relationship is and how well you trust your Master to wield his power with an even hand. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to angelsub2LuvU)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: punishment--??? - 11/12/2008 5:47:27 AM   
angelsub2LuvU


Posts: 23
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelsub2LuvU

I do love him and how is it that you think I am full of resentment and judgement?? enlighten me, please.

Read your posts.  One thing is clear:  Your posts are full of "I".

Relationships are full of "We" and sprinkled with "He" and "She".


Yes, my post are ful of "I" 
I am the one in the wrong.
I though it was him.
I disobeyed.
I was shelfish.
I .did not show my love.
yes, too may "I" Needs to be more "he" then hopefully there will be a better "we"
That is what I, the one who needs to take a long look at herslf has been doing. Trying to look at how I damanged the relationship and caused the wedge. His punishment did not cause the wedge. ME. I did. And I know unless there are less "I's" there is not going to be much of a "we" for much longer.

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: punishment--??? - 11/12/2008 8:04:42 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelsub2LuvU

I do love him and how is it that you think I am full of resentment and judgement?? enlighten me, please.


It came out in your earlier posts on this thread, when you spoke of not saying "I love you" even after you are allowed, and when you speculated on his wrongness for this kind of punishment.

But it seems to me you have learned something in this thread, and want to take a look inward to help correct your situation. Looking in a mirror is not always easy. Kudos to you if you are choosing to do so.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to angelsub2LuvU)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: punishment--??? - 11/12/2008 2:49:02 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Ok, having read about halfway through this...
the only time any man I've known has minded when I've invaded his privacy was when he was uncomfortable (putting it lightly) with what I might find...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to mc1234)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: punishment--??? - 11/13/2008 10:56:28 AM   
angelsub2LuvU


Posts: 23
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Ok, having read about halfway through this...
the only time any man I've known has minded when I've invaded his privacy was when he was uncomfortable (putting it lightly) with what I might find...


Yes, I agree and have always found it true.  In this case though ,I invaded his privacy by being somewhere I was not supposed to be. Around his home. Watching.  He is married. I wanted a glimpse..... or more-- and didn't care that it was wrong. I only wanted to fullfil my desires.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: punishment--??? - 11/13/2008 11:41:24 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Ok, having read about halfway through this...
the only time any man I've known has minded when I've invaded his privacy was when he was uncomfortable (putting it lightly) with what I might find...


I'm a bit anal about privacy.

It would be a massive lack of respect to poke about in areas you've not been invited into. M would 'mind' hugely despite not having anything to hide. It's simply rude.

agirl

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: punishment--??? - 11/13/2008 6:43:10 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Everyone has opinions...and that is what makes the world a beautiful place.
Every time I've ever been moved to check into something, there was a reason for it.
I am quite tuned into others' vibrations, and usually know if something is going on.

Moving on, the OP is messing with a married man. Nothing good can come from this without everyone involved knowing what is going on.

OP, you have no business checking up on him. His committment is not to you.

I would move on.
But then again, I'm a bit selfish like that.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: punishment--??? - 11/14/2008 8:27:03 AM   
angelsub2LuvU


Posts: 23
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline 		A little hard to move on after 5 years. (to put it lightly)

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: punishment--??? - 11/14/2008 11:40:44 AM   
thedavezone


Posts: 113
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: South Korea
Status: offline 		Punishment, by definition of psychology is: something adverse which is administered after a target behavior which reduces that behavior.

Or it may simply be that this is what he enjoys doing instead of caning - some of the most intense things are the least invasive.

(in reply to angelsub2LuvU)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: punishment--??? - 11/14/2008 7:12:01 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		All right, I hope you don't mind if I ask, but I have been pondering this all day.
If a man who calls himself master does not have enough mastery over his own life, where he feels he needs to hide his actions from those he loves, and hide those he loves from his other activities...then...how can he master another?

After five years you know where you stand in his life...

It's what led you to do what you did.

He either needs to become open with everyone, or you need to accept your place as his secret. If you do decide to keep the status quo, you should not expect him to leave his wife for you, or for him to introduce you to his friends or family, or for him to drop everything should an emergency arise for you.

I would not serve a man who treated me so cavalierly. I hope you realize that you can have more.

*luck and good wishes*



_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to thedavezone)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: punishment--??? - 11/14/2008 7:40:27 PM   
angelsub2LuvU


Posts: 23
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline 		yes, I realize I could have more but I love him so deep within my soul. I keep hoping---  not expecting but hoping. It is hard and it is painful. Some days I don't know what to do . But then he touches me--or says something just the right way, and my soul is on fire and I remember why I stay.....

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: punishment--??? - 11/14/2008 7:59:10 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		What do you hope for?

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to angelsub2LuvU)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: punishment--??? - 11/14/2008 9:26:01 PM   
angelsub2LuvU


Posts: 23
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline 		what I hope for? what I hope is that one day he will leave. He will realize just how much he loves me and we need each other.   What I hope for is  that he will finally decide he has had enough with her and live his life for himself and stop hiding. What I hope for--is a miracle.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: punishment--??? - 11/14/2008 9:45:29 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I was reading this and also wondered what you were hoping for. So, you are hoping for him to break her heart for the sake of yours, it seems.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to angelsub2LuvU)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: punishment--??? - 11/14/2008 10:05:00 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Given the fact that he's married, and you went snooping around his home, it sort of puts a slightly different light on this.  Maybe he took away the "I love you" in order to adjust your mindset, because you are getting too close for comfort.

I agree in general terms with what Christina said.  If he can't get right with his own life, how is it that he can really conduct his relationship with you in an honorable fashion and without the other stuff corrupting it?  You probably thought you had it in check and were well-adjusted to all the limitations that seeing a married person involves, but clearly his being married has become an issue for you, and therefore for him.  Maybe you've changed and grown in the last five years and it no longer works for you.   I don't know what to say; involvement with a married man will eventually turn into a mess for all parties involved, and his "other woman" living in a constant state of heartbreak.  Is this really what you want for yourself? 

(in reply to angelsub2LuvU)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: punishment--??? - 11/15/2008 5:29:08 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Ok, having read about halfway through this...
the only time any man I've known has minded when I've invaded his privacy was when he was uncomfortable (putting it lightly) with what I might find...



Invaded being the operative word. Well, I for one, would be more than slightly disappointed in the event she decided to not wait for an invitation into my private life.

To the OP, you knew this man was married; you've made your bed so lie it in, or find another bed.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: punishment--??? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109