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RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/11/2008 6:56:25 AM

pissdoll

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a little over four years ago, i began email discussions with a man who had posted on cl.
we sent emails back and forth for a few weeks. then we moved to the phone.
i had no idea what he looked like. he had no idea about me.
after a few months, he invited me to brunch. after i accepted, he asked if we should exchange photos.
i said no.

so i went to the restaurant, to meet this mystery man. when i saw the only man standing in the lobby- with knee socks and a fanny pack and short shorts, i silently groaned and asked myself WHAT ON EARTH i was doing there. but after a few moments, i quickly realized, he wasn't my date.

there was a second man in the corner of the lobby i hadn't noticed...handsome, well-dressed, sexy. he looked at me and smiled and nodded, and i laughed with relief.

we kind-of sort-of dated for a little while. our timing was just never right. but i will always love the fact that we met because we connected on a level so much deeper than physical appearance. Looks were just the icing on the cake.

(in reply to subintrainingnc)

Post #: 61

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/11/2008 8:30:49 AM

subintrainingnc

Posts: 42
Joined: 1/16/2008
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thanks for everyone who has responded.. ive enjoyed reading the comments and experiences. atleast i haven't read any horrible experiences anyone has had here to meeting sight unseen, although i know it could happen, just glad none of you have.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 62

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/11/2008 10:21:38 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

... It annoys me when people ask for a picture up front.

Me, too. When I was looking I placed ads on CL and didn't add a picture. I didn't put a picture up because I went into my kink interests in some detail, and I work at a large, very computer savvy workplace. It's almost certain someone at work would see my ad. (on a side note, there used to be a website called "listpic" that could go through CL ads and show you only the photos. You could then mouse-over the photo to read the headline, or click on the photo to read the full ad text.) Even without pictures, some friends recognized my ad just by my writing (along with age and location).

It was annoying when people would write lame requests for pictures without including any information about themselves and what they are seeking, or why they might be interested.

Also, they never sent a photo of themselves with their request.

I considered those replies "not serious", because I feel you have to offer something, not just take. I put the effort into writing a fairly detailed ad, I want at least some information about whom I'm supposed to be sending a picture to.

Otherwise, I do consider that kind of thoughtless and rude.

quote:

....Anyway, I'm just not a visual person - and it's totally my right to discriminate against guys who are visually motivated. My mind is my biggest sex organ. I like guys who are similar. The rest of the world is how to meet someone based on superficial things. I like the net cuz you can get over your shyness and go straight to the stuff you never tell anyone else about you, that makes you you. That's what I want to know about.

I am a very visual person, so I understand that physical attraction can be an important component. But it's not the only key to compatibility.

Also, regarding terminology; when I say I'd meet someone without a picture, I mean just that; meet, like for coffee or something light. I don't mean playing with them without ever having seen them.
(The possibility of the rare exception like gleegal mentioned notwithstanding.)

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 63

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/11/2008 10:59:23 AM

Aynne88

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Me either. I know it doesn't prove anything as some of the previous posters have asked, for me, it just shows me on a physical level, if i I am initially attracted, not going to apologize, I like what I like....

Master is the same way, he has strong physical aesthetic preferences, and it obviously clicked for us in a big way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

I don't go beyond idle banter without a picture and preferably several and would not consider meeting anyone without trading a photo or two beforehand.

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(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 64

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/11/2008 11:31:37 AM

oceanwynds

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Another factor about seeing a picture prior to meeting someone, is that many times a picture of a person will remind me of another person. That might be good or not so good. There are a few on CM whose pictures remind me of friends I had have in life, one looks like a guy in my condo building, that would be Antipode, and another one, Padriag, is a spitting image of my deceased brother.

I rather get to know the person minus a snapshot at first.
oceanwynds

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 65

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/11/2008 11:42:30 AM

CalifChick

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From: California
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About a year or so ago I got a series of emails that contained questions to ask yourself/your partner to enhance your relationship, explore areas you never thought about, or to get to know a potential partner.

One of those questions was, "if you suddenly became blind, what would change about what you looked for in a partner?"

Very thought-provoking question.

Cali

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(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 66

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/11/2008 2:35:55 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subbysubsubsub

If I had no intention of meeting this person, I could go indefinitely without seeing a picture. If I were open to the possibility of meeting in real life, I would definitely require a picture for security reasons.

Now I don't get this... what good is a picture from a 'security' standpoint? It shows you what a person looks like in one static moment, and other than that, it's pretty much useless. It doesn't tell you anything about the person's integrity, or honesty, or whether the picture is a dozen years old or taken last week. It doesn't tell you what hir family situation is, whether xhe has the job xhe says xhe does, or whether xhe has an uncontrollable temper. It doesn't tell you if xhe drinks too much, or can manage hir money. All it gives you is a two-dimensional view of a moment in time. So maybe someone can explain to me what that limited view has to do with 'security'.

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 11/11/2008 2:37:22 PM >

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(in reply to subbysubsubsub)

Post #: 67

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/11/2008 5:25:58 PM

piratecommander

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I refer you to post #: 3 of this thread....... (photo or not)

Accepted,grown adults are perfectly entitled to disregard their safety if they so wish.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 68

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/11/2008 5:44:08 PM

panthersub

Posts: 80
Joined: 5/20/2008
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My Dom we did not share any pics between us, and when we met it was really awesome. Had my doubts at first, but it worked out. And still we're doing well. Though i would have to say that i'm still apprehensive when meeting someone without a pic, which is why once i get permission and send another person a pic, then i would expect the person to share at least one with me. i think it's only fair.

(in reply to subintrainingnc)

Post #: 69

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/11/2008 5:55:23 PM

dawntreader

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

One of those questions was, "if you suddenly became blind, what would change about what you looked for in a partner?"

Very thought-provoking question.

Cali

Yes, it is...

i like having photos of those i speak with because i "read" them in a sense~

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(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 70

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/11/2008 5:59:19 PM

DavanKael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

One of those questions was, "if you suddenly became blind, what would change about what you looked for in a partner?"

Very thought-provoking question.

Cali

Yes, it is...

i like having photos of those i speak with because i "read" them in a sense~

Awesome point, dawntreader as was CalifChick's question.
I agree whole-heartedly. There are so many things that you can read.
I must also admit, though, that I don't post pics of myself; I don't feel particularly safe with the idea of doing so.
Davan

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(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 71

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/11/2008 8:33:39 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: piratecommander

I refer you to post #: 3 of this thread....... (photo or not)

Accepted,grown adults are perfectly entitled to disregard their safety if they so wish.

Not everyone relies on photos for their safety. Some have other means. Since the thread was about seeing a photo before meeting, I related your comment about a rope snapping, to that. "Disregard" is such a black and white word. People assess risks. Most don't disregard them.

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(in reply to piratecommander)

Post #: 72

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/11/2008 9:23:41 PM

piratecommander

Posts: 895
Joined: 8/20/2008
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The question also appears to be referring to a guy being excited at the thought of meeting without the gal knowing what he looks like (I think)
So safety,I beleive is worthy of more than idle consideration.
Having had first hand experience of those who prey on others (for stomach churning self gratification) and how they tick(full in the rest in your own head if you can bear to picture it),I think I can justify the above beleif.
For "rope" read bungee rope (the sort you test regularly prior to relying on it and disgard at the slightest sign of a problem),as in bungee jump.

Pirate

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 73

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/12/2008 12:11:05 AM

patina

Posts: 493
Joined: 9/14/2006
From: no
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ulti

I would not feel comfortable meeting with someone without having some idea as to what they look like. I'm generally nervous enough when I meet someone for the first time - the last thing I need is an extra surprise!

i agree i am always as nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof i don't need extra stress.

Unfortunatly though pic won't tell you if he is lying about things even a web cam won't.

But it can tell you if you are not a definite match. Or heaven forbid he looks like your ex. lol happened once.

patina

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(in reply to ulti)

Post #: 74

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/12/2008 2:13:15 AM

satyrsnymph28

Posts: 379
Status: offline

I have never had a problem when listening to my gut instinct either. The problems come when I don't.

These days, I would never meet someone without pictures. I even clarify that they send "a picture of you" after an interesting meeting with a man who sent me "a picture" as I had asked, and didn't bother to clarify that the picture wasn't him. He then claimed he "gained some weight" but I guess he also changed eye color, hair color, and facial structure, since he was adamant that the picture was indeed of him.

That was a frustrating meeting.

Even if the picture is blurred (as was the picture of my current partner), at least there's something there to build from.

I, too, believe that someone should send a picture willingly. I don't believe I should have to ask. I don't believe someone should ask me either. As soon as I am comfortable, I will send one.

I met the love of my life, sight unseen, and it was amazing getting to know him but having no idea what he looked like. When I met him, he was NOTHING like what I expected. Then again, who would expect a red-headed, blue eyed, yet obviously Hispanic man with freckles. It was amazing. I was doing the phone chat line thing. He, actually, was blind. He has since passed away, (three years on December 23rd.) but I'll never forget what a good person he was. That just goes to show that a picture isn't everything.

I met many a person on there without seeing them, as I didn't have internet at the time, nor a phone that could receive photos. Some were good, and others-- not so much. With the resources to do so, seeing a picture is usually preferable.

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 75

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/12/2008 2:40:31 AM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
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I've never met anyone sight unseen. But I've spoken to men and developed an interest before seeing a pic. I'm not going to pretend that looks don't matter, but I actually prefer not to see someone right away, as I'd like to see what's coming from the inside, so I am not influenced by their looks. However, I wouldn't meet someone without having seen a picture of them first. I'm not all that hung up on looks, and have found that most people are average looking, and sometimes men become sexy to me based upon who they are on the inside and how I feel when I am with them. Having said that, there are certain looks or physical things about a person that I just cannot get past, no matter what.

Also, looks aren't the only thing that a photo gives away. You can get a sense of a person on so many other levels from a picture. Do they look sloppy, dirty, friendly, warm, cold-hearted, psycho? Is the background clean? Are you talking to a man who has decor of skulls and crossbones in his home? Is there a dirty ashtray on the coffee table? Empty beer bottles on the floor? Does his computer area look messy, is he dressed nicely etc etc You can gather a lot from a photo besides what someone looks like.

(in reply to subintrainingnc)

Post #: 76

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/12/2008 4:18:30 AM

subintrainingnc

Posts: 42
Joined: 1/16/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28

These days, I would never meet someone without pictures. I even clarify that they send "a picture of you" after an interesting meeting with a man who sent me "a picture" as I had asked, and didn't bother to clarify that the picture wasn't him. He then claimed he "gained some weight" but I guess he also changed eye color, hair color, and facial structure, since he was adamant that the picture was indeed of him.

That was a frustrating meeting.

Even if the picture is blurred (as was the picture of my current partner), at least there's something there to build from.

I also had something similar happen to me , the photo on this guys profile was very attractive.. we wrote for a few months, and i was asking him for another photo, just to have more pics of this man i was really into... and well when he sent me some, either the pic on his profile was 10 years earlier or it was not him at all.. these new photos had me dumb founded.. i had developed real feelings for him so i continued to write him and never really let on that it bothered me, even though i felt he was obviously decieving me and maybe others by this photo on his profile.. we ended up never meeting, not for that reason, but still was my first experience like this..

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 77

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/12/2008 5:53:39 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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if we were to meet right away in public, how am i suppose to find you without knowing what you look like beforehand? sounds kinda stupid to me. i'm a visual person and would need a picture of the person i'm suppose to meet ...it makes knowing whom i looking for much easier. so a photo before meeting would be necessary.

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Post #: 78

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/12/2008 6:31:15 AM

FirmlyTiedDown

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/2/2004
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I once flew 1000 miles to meet a Domme sight unseen. We had chatted online and via phone for some months first. We both were a bit nervous at the prospect but knew each other as intimately as possible w/o face to face contact. She very deliberately would not share pics with me, though she had seen many of mine as well as web cam sessions. I knew her voice well and responded to that sound immediately in the airport on arrival. The anticipation, the unknown (I had only a very general description) all figured prominently into a very powerful week or so. Would I do it again? Probably not, nothing could measure up to that one very good experience. I have met others (more local) for face to face after shorter periods of time and they never quite worked out the same. Once a strong mental connection had been built appearance never entered into the long distance trip - and the mystery added so much to the overall experience.

(in reply to whiteslavebitch)

Post #: 79

RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/12/2008 7:10:18 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

if we were to meet right away in public, how am i suppose to find you without knowing what you look like beforehand? sounds kinda stupid to me. i'm a visual person and would need a picture of the person i'm suppose to meet ...it makes knowing whom i looking for much easier. so a photo before meeting would be necessary.

Uh, people have been meeting people sight-unseen for millenia! Cripes, my grandparents met after exchanging nothing but letters for a year.

For my Darling and I, we let people know what we look like, in general (hair color, maybe what we're wearing), and we pay attention to who is coming in, so we can make eye contact and see if they're also searching for the person they're supposed to be meeting. If we're meeting at an upscale restaurant, we let the Maitre'd know that we're waiting for someone, and that xhe will be asking for myself and/or my Darling.

The idea that one has to have a picture in order to meet someone is really such a product of our overly-visually-stimulated culture... Photographic evidence is a luxury -- but it is possible to function without it, and even to prefer the opportunity to meet a person without that baggage.

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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 80

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