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RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/14/2008 12:03:49 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

In short I'm technologically illiterate. But he knew that anyway because had I told him.


I hear you. I have in the past solved that problem by sending the sub in question a webcam or a cameraphone, which I have lying around in boxes - if for no other reason that I tend to replace my gear rather often. I do feel that if one is on the Internet, asking a friend or colleague to digitize a picture is kind of a minimum effort. I have heard the "technologically illiterate" defense before - I don't necessarily require everybody to be as much of a geek as I am, but if you're truly technologically challenged, I wouldn't bother with a computer, either. The line is where you draw it.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/14/2008 12:06:56 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

one looks like a guy in my condo building, that would be Antipode


Hmm. I have to think about that one *grin*

(in reply to oceanwynds)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/14/2008 12:10:55 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

what good is a picture from a 'security' standpoint


Not much, you are right on that score. I will be more cautious with someone who has/sends just one picture, as opposed to someone having a couple holiday snaps, a portrait, a shot in the car, that sort of thing. And someone who has only the one picture they have posted, and can't email another, or others, or Skype, I disconnect.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/14/2008 12:15:31 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

But I've spoken to men and developed an interest before seeing a pic


I've always made a habit of sending pics with a contact, even when I didn't have one on my profile, for a gazillion reasons - the person might be a coworker or a member of my staff, stranger things have happened. Kind of get-it-over-with type of gesture.

(in reply to marie2)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/14/2008 12:17:52 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

with missing teeth


and it is such a simple quick thing to slip the teeth in...

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/14/2008 12:25:48 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I haven't met a man yet who was willing to show me his drivers license


Especially when the person has to fly in, I'll happily provide enough information so they can do a criminal background check, for which all you need is really a name and address. I tend to advise a date to actually do that, for the $29.95 I think it is well spent money, and there is a website now that'll let you do that for free, even. A criminal background check, depending on which service you use, will tell you who else lives in the house (like the wife or husband...) and other stuff.

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/14/2008 10:30:56 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28

quote:

I don't mind, if we meet at a public place, being asked to show my driver's license, just to show who I really am (officially, anyway).


I haven't met a man yet who was willing to show me his drivers license to prove age/name/location/etc. on a first date...
I guess that does have your address on it, which could be a consideration if you don't know somebody very well and don't feel that you trust them to not stalk your house or something. I probably wouldn't tell a complete stranger where I live.
Maybe I'd offer to show them my bus pass or library card instead.
Oh, but then they could memorize the number and check out books in my name...
you can't win.


(in reply to satyrsnymph28)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/14/2008 3:56:57 PM   
flower2007


Posts: 120
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I would imagine that most people do think of their safety. It's a risk assessment issue.

How do you assess risk based on a photo? I know unwillingness to show one can be a red flag, but I don't see how the actual content of the photo would make a difference.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/14/2008 5:51:43 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: flower2007

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I would imagine that most people do think of their safety. It's a risk assessment issue.

How do you assess risk based on a photo? I know unwillingness to show one can be a red flag, but I don't see how the actual content of the photo would make a difference.



I don't assess risk based on a photo. I assess risk based on conversation, getting to know the person, etc. Everyone has their own methods for assessing risk. For some, they identify with a photo and get a good feeling from it. For others, a photo does nothing. What is risky for some is not at all risky for another, and so on. I did not make a claim that risk is assessed with photos. I made the comment in response to the argument that NOT obtaining a photo was stupid. One asses one's risk. One can do so without a photo. That was my point. BLGirl commented that she wondered how many people actually think about their safety. I contended that many do, and assess their own risk by whatever means they wish.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to flower2007)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/15/2008 6:05:27 PM   
unbroken33


Posts: 56
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		Normally, within 3 to 4 messages.  i tend to include mine in the initial contact.

(in reply to whiteslavebitch)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/15/2008 6:13:02 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Same here.  I have plenty of reasons to be careful, but if people still aren't ready to share a picture when I am, my first assumption is that they aren't serious or aren't what they pretend to be.  Same goes for exchanging IM addresses, phone numbers, or even meeting.  Something that is going to stay anonymous and online-only FOREVER isn't for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Personally, I could not go very long without knowing what someone looks like.  If that were the case, I'd very quickly lose interest in the belief that something was not kosher and I don't have the time or inclination to figure out what that is.

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/15/2008 6:43:32 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		One of my few rules, I MUST see a picture first. Period the end. AND even then it's chancy.... met one guy the picture looked NOTHING AT ALL like him. It was awful.

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to whiteslavebitch)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/15/2008 7:00:28 PM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick
Maybe I'm having an off day, but I'm not following the logic.  What does a picture prove?  That someone is not crazy?  That it's a pic of the person you're actually going to meet?

I should read through responses before responding at risk of echoing an already provided sentiment.



You know, Zero, if you're going to ride my coattails, at least snug up closer to my ass.  In that good slutty way that I like, of course.


Cali



Ofcourse, darlin'. If he's gonna ride your ass, at least he can pull yur hair.


_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti



(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/16/2008 8:03:29 AM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: flower2007

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I would imagine that most people do think of their safety. It's a risk assessment issue.

How do you assess risk based on a photo? I know unwillingness to show one can be a red flag, but I don't see how the actual content of the photo would make a difference.



I think you can tell just a little and it may be enough to know that if the person showed you a picture that they looked crazy in , they may be crazy! if not they would show you a picture that didn't make them appear so insane! LOL twisted logic maybe but true... LOL

Grins, Dreamer

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to flower2007)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/16/2008 2:12:00 PM   
auburnvixen


Posts: 92
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline 		I not only meet people (in public places) whom I've never seen, but I played with someone before I ever saw him, and he is now a very dear friend and lover. In fact, our first in-person encounter was with me naked and blindfolded awaiting him in a hotel room. Before the safety police jump all over this, I had talked to him via emails and chat for many months AND had gotten stellar references from past play partners whose judgement I trusted. When someone tells me that she "would trust him with [her] life, and you can tell him [she] said so", I think the potential playmate is a good bet for relative safety in SSC or RACK or whatever your thing may be.

I was instructed to be naked on the bed, face down, a pillow under my hips, blindfolded, cuffed and with the cuffs secured to the headboard. What followed was sublime but I did not actually see him until the very end of the scene, when he tucked me under the covers in blissful subspace and allowed me to raise the blindfold.

Of all the time we have spent together, I have been permitted to see him probably 10% of the time. It adds a whole new dimension to my submission to him and to our times together, via the trust that we have in one another.

I would not play like that with just anyone whether I could see them or not, but it is possible to take precautions and use common sense. It works exactly the same for vanilla dating and I often give my 'nilla friends advice about how to safely date via Internet personals.

_____________________________

"Submissive Alpha Female"
If you're not taking flak, you're not over the target.
'Change' is not a destination, just as 'hope' is not a strategy. - Rudy Giuliani

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/16/2008 3:51:40 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Looks are totally superficial and are almost always decieving. I don't give tuppence what someone looks like. You should judge someone by the quality of their character and how they are with you. I can see how on here a photo lends a certain reassurance about who you are dealing with, but it's a false comfort.
I would heave a sigh of relief if somebody dropped an interest in me because of how I look, it would spare me the attentions of a shallow excuse for a human being.

(in reply to subintrainingnc)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: not knowing what he looks like - 11/16/2008 4:05:21 PM   
SingleRarity


Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tweedydaddy

Looks are totally superficial and are almost always decieving. I don't give tuppence what someone looks like. You should judge someone by the quality of their character and how they are with you. I can see how on here a photo lends a certain reassurance about who you are dealing with, but it's a false comfort.
I would heave a sigh of relief if somebody dropped an interest in me because of how I look, it would spare me the attentions of a shallow excuse for a human being.


I disagree.  I don't think that, not being attracted to someone, makes one superficial or shallow.  It just means you have tastes. 

Daddy's Ballerina, e

(in reply to tweedydaddy)
Profile   Post #: 117
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