Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

More About Safwords


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> More About Safwords Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 12:38:57 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Master has given me a safeword. When we started out it was for both our peace of mind.  Now close to 3 years later i still have the same safeword.  Master allows me to keep it for two reasons.  1. In case he goes to hard and hurts me (which has not happened) 2.  Because they way i am.  What i mean by that is sometimes i will say no please Master i can't take anymore.  He knows i don't really mean it, because we have discussed it. He knows my body and how much i can take.  He knows if i really felt that way i would safeword.  I don't know why i say no more sometimes i gues it is sensory overload.

If you are in a long term relationship, did you are do you still have a safeword for certain situations?

Matt's littleone

< Message edited by littleone35 -- 11/12/2008 1:12:43 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 1:08:30 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Only for non consensual consent scene where normal communication won't work.  Otherwise, I don't.  Bad shit and mistakes can happen at 15 years just as much as they can at 15 minutes together, and I don't need a code word to call attention to it. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 1:15:42 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Only for non consensual consent scene where normal communication won't work.  Otherwise, I don't.  Bad shit and mistakes can happen at 15 years just as much as they can at 15 minutes together, and I don't need a code word to call attention to it. 


What she said ( love you LA).

For us they are a useful tool for a particular situation that we can't imagine not doing.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 1:21:17 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I am not at the level of long term anything, but I think I would want some way to communicate in the event something went wrong.  It really is not a matter of trust when a partner has been reliable over a long period of time.  I guess such a situation could occur, but it seems unlikely.  My concern has more to do with environmental and health changes.  Emergencies can and do happen.  They will not wait for a scene to finish.  I don't know that a code word as such is necessary to do this.  Being able to effectively communicate is.  It is possible that reading each other has been fined tuned, but that is no substitute for effective means of communication.

lovingpet

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 1:21:30 PM   
thedavezone


Posts: 113
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: South Korea
Status: offline 		That's a subject for discussion among the various couples - it's something you both have to decide.

As for me personally, what I want is, over time, after getting to know the person well, is to go beyond the safe-words - but that has to be discussed first.

For example, you do something intense, there is pleading and begging, you continue, there is the safe-word, and you go beyond for a certain amount of time - now that is hot.  But it MUST always be consensual - this type of thing has to be agreed to in advance, and you have to know the person.

Many a sub has said, "I want you to go to far, but not too TOO far."  After I get to know them, and they me, they absolutely LOVE the idea of ignoring the safe-word, knowing I'll go too far, but not too TOO far.

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 1:29:28 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		We have never used one and have no need to.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 1:35:35 PM   
Fizzgig168


Posts: 28
Joined: 4/29/2008
Status: offline 		I trust D.  I'm a complete wimp and I start asking him to stop damn near as soon as the belt touches my skin (lol).  But there are so many clues, so many ways he can distinguish between "I'm scared and I don't think I can take this," and "I need you to stop right now, something's wrong."  It's in my voice, it's in my face, it's in the way I move.  Never once has he kept going when I genuinely needed him to stop.  Me, personally, I wouldn't want to scene with someone that I couldn't trust like, who didn't know me that intimately.

So, no.  Not a safeword person.


_____________________________

"Fall if you must fall. But if you are going to fall, fall hard and fall completely. It is so much better than some suspended animation which can never tell you anything about your life."

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 1:46:31 PM   
monywildcat


Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline 		We don't do safewords, simply because there may be an instance where I don't have the ability to remember it, or speak it out loud.  I may be screaming, but it's in my head.  That won't help.  What works for us, is what I would call a safe gesture, I suppose.  Tapping three times on the arm.  It's not something I would ever do in any other instance.  I've only had to tap out once, and it was a pretty effective move. 

_____________________________

Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

(in reply to Fizzgig168)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 2:31:17 PM   
ulti


Posts: 19
Joined: 11/10/2008
Status: offline 		As a submissive, once my (theoretical) Dominant was familiar with my way of reacting/expressing pleasure, pain, etc - I would eventually hope to not have a safeword.  It's certainly a useful tool when you're just getting started, but my hope is that a good Dominant doesn't need a buzzword to recognize something is wrong.

That's me though.  Some people may not feel safe without them.  I do.

(in reply to monywildcat)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 4:14:51 PM   
RainydayNE


Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline 		i've had to use mine once so far, and i think it's good to have it while you're still feeling each other out, and when you're new and you don't have any real idea how a certain thing will affect you, you have a way to get out
but he's very intuitive so i imagine at some point, it won't be needed
but that's up to him, really. if he wants me to have it, i'll keep it. if he wants to work on getting rid of it, i'll do that. we discussed it in the beginning, so that's why it's there

(in reply to ulti)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 4:50:29 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Not everyone in long term relationships bother with safe words. For some, it's a necessity; for others, it's restrictive.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 5:05:12 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline 		Ditto's what the.dark said. He loves me I love Him, and I would not belong to Him if my trust in Him not to harm was that small that I needed a safeword. That has been that way from day one.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

We have never used one and have no need to.
 
the.dark.


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 5:18:56 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		no safe word for my Sir and i .

However, if my Sir gives me to others to play with (and he has, and they have all been women. Whats with that? ) he allows me a safeword - specifically , because they aren't regular partners, and don't know me or my responses. I have had to use it once. ( and i feel very proud about that, and how daft is that pride?)

(in reply to Aynne88)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 5:24:38 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		I don't use safewords, simply open communication with those I play with. It's worked beautifully so far. The only time I'd use a safeword is in a scene where no and stop, etc., don't mean that.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to Aynne88)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 5:27:35 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		In the beginning I did have a safe word, but was never used. See no reason to have one with Sir, since he has proven to me that he is worthy of my trust.

(in reply to SassySarijane)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 5:28:50 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		I still have the traffic lights in my head as communications words green = all is great thanks for asking Yellow = ok ok give me just one moment please RED = stop now ! Many public dungeon spaces and parties use this code as well so if say others hear yellow yellow YELLOW !! and nothing is being done  others have been known to step in  more so  with calling RED and not honored .All these years i have never called red .but its nice to know its not as a cop out  but if all one can udder  is a 3 letter word well it works.True mainly used for  edge sessions and newbies  but it still works .

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 6:45:16 PM   
RainydayNE


Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied

I still have the traffic lights in my head as communications words green = all is great thanks for asking Yellow = ok ok give me just one moment please RED = stop now ! Many public dungeon spaces and parties use this code as well so if say others hear yellow yellow YELLOW !! and nothing is being done  others have been known to step in  more so  with calling RED and not honored .All these years i have never called red .but its nice to know its not as a cop out  but if all one can udder  is a 3 letter word well it works.True mainly used for  edge sessions and newbies  but it still works .


this is what i use :) *is a newbie* =p
the colors come to mind easily even when i can't think of other things =p

(in reply to azropedntied)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 6:52:38 PM   
kristileigh


Posts: 1078
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline 		Yes i have A safe word.
Now have i had to use it? NO
Master can tell if something is wrong or am past my endurance level.
He usually asks if everything is alright.

(in reply to RainydayNE)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 8:29:12 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The problem is that people are under the false idea that safewords have anything to do with trust.

Mistakes happen, cramps happen, flashbacks happen, migraines happen, bad moods happen- scenes sometimes need to be stopped or paused for awhile for no reason other than "something unexpected and unable to be anticipated happened."

Not about trust, and anyone who thinks it is is fooling themselves.

Which actually is part of why I do not use safewords- because they have nothing to do with trust.  They don't at day one and they don't at day 1,001.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to kristileigh)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: More About Safwords - 11/12/2008 8:34:05 PM   
SingleRarity


Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline 		We've never used a safeword.  We don't need one.   If I played with others then he would expect me to use a safeword. 

Daddy's Ballerina, e

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> More About Safwords Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094