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One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:09:45 PM   
Aslanemperor


Posts: 108
Joined: 4/17/2005
Status: offline 		Ok...  I've got a problem.  There is a girl who I have been talking to for a while on this site, and we've met a couple of times.  I was under the impression that she wanted a serious relationship with me, and as a result, I made what I'm now seeing as a serious mistake.
I had sex with her.  Now it's not what your thinking I assure you.  As far as I know she's not pregnant, and I've not gotten any STDs.  Actually, the problem is that she seems to be avoiding me.  I may be going overboard.  It may be that she's just been to busy.  The problem is, this is unlikely.
Now for most men, having a girl who's willing to have sex with you all night and then not want a relationship with you later is a good thing.  For me, this is terrible.  I don't consider sex to be a light thing.  I consider it a HUGE deal.  I consider sex the equivalent of a major expression of positive emotion towards the person you're with.  Usually, sex for me is a profound statement of love and devotion.  Therefore, to be in such a situation makes me feel terrible, and in a way even somewhat dirty.
Now I write all of this to find out, am I the only person that is this way?  For that matter, are there other Doms like me who feel this way?
~Aslanemperor
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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:12:29 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		She's just not that into you- either she lied to you in order to have sex, or after the sex realized it wasn't going to work out and decided to just avoid you rather than ending it directly.

Stop applying false stereotypes to males and females.  You made a choice, this was one of the possible consequences of that choice.  It sucks, but now you know.  If you can't handle the fall out of casual sex, don't have it. 

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:14:04 PM   
Aslanemperor


Posts: 108
Joined: 4/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

She's just not that into you- either she lied to you in order to have sex, or after the sex realized it wasn't going to work out and decided to just avoid you rather than ending it directly.

Stop applying false stereotypes to males and females.  You made a choice, this was one of the possible consequences of that choice.  It sucks, but now you know.  If you can't handle the fall out of casual sex, don't have it. 

The whole point of this post was that this wasn't SUPPOSED to be casual sex...

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:15:30 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		For you.  For her, who knows?  It still was casual sex- there was no explicit agreement to an ongoing relationship, you certainly hadn't been together for a long time or met eachothers families or made holiday plans together.  That's casual.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:16:36 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Um... live and learn?

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:16:39 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		She probably didn't mean for it to be casual sex but after she slept with you she probably realized it wasn't as great as she wanted it to be and now she's just avoiding you.

I would say if she's not talking to you then just move on. She has.

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:17:52 PM   
Aslanemperor


Posts: 108
Joined: 4/17/2005
Status: offline 		Then I guess that shows a major difference in the way we see things.  For me, Sex ALWAYS implies more, and I explained this to her before we ever did anything.  Actually, this is something that I explain to every girl who seems to be coming towards serious consideration.  It's well known that sex for me is a precursor to collaring, and that I don't take the act lightly.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:19:07 PM   
StrtbkNamdDesire


Posts: 53
Joined: 11/4/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with LuckyAlbatross, 100%. Not everything turns out like we want/expect/hope for... for whatever reason, she decided once was enough.

Next time, if sex means so much to you, then you need to have a frank and honest discussion before having it, not just 'be under the impression' she wanted a relationship. But hey- sometimes the sex simply isn't great, and we change our minds. 'WE' being both male and female. Don't make this a gender thing.... there are people of all genders who think sex is simple and fun, and many people who approach it with more seriousness and emotion/commitment. Just move forward.

< Message edited by StrtbkNamdDesire -- 11/13/2008 7:22:52 PM >

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:19:59 PM   
NormalOutside


Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline 		Yeah, I'm with you.  Sex isn't to be had randomly.  I used to be religious, now I've shaken off that monkey, but I retain my desire to by intimate only when it means something to myself and other other person(s ).

Sounds like you made a mistake and slept with a girl before really establishing a solid emotional connection, from what you're saying.  Rather than blaming her, or anyone else, maybe you should see it for what it was - an error on your part.  A frustrating, regretful, upsetting error.  Even us dominant people make them.  :(


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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:21:51 PM   
Aslanemperor


Posts: 108
Joined: 4/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

Yeah, I'm with you.  Sex isn't to be had randomly.  I used to be religious, now I've shaken off that monkey, but I retain my desire to by intimate only when it means something to myself and other other person(s ).

Sounds like you made a mistake and slept with a girl before really establishing a solid emotional connection, from what you're saying.  Rather than blaming her, or anyone else, maybe you should see it for what it was - an error on your part.  A frustrating, regretful, upsetting error.  Even us dominant people make them.  :(


Good answer.  Thank you.  I'm happy to see I'm not the only Dom out there who thinks this way.

(in reply to NormalOutside)
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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:24:50 PM   
Aslanemperor


Posts: 108
Joined: 4/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrtbkNamdDesire

I agree with LuckyAlbatross, 100%. Not everything turns out like we want/expect/hope for... for whatever reason, she decided once was enough.

Next time, if sex means so much to you, then you need to have a frank and honest discussion before having it, not just 'be under the impression' she wanted a relationship. But hey- sometimes the sex simply isn't great, and we change our minds. 'WE' being both male and female. Don't make this a gender thing.... there are people of all genders who think sex is simple and fun, and many people who approach it with more seriousness and emotion/commitment. Just move forward.

If sex wasn't good enough for her then I don't know what she must have been used to.  She came rather hard on 4 seperate occasions.  I've got almost 6 years of experience at this game now, and by now I've learned a few things.  I find it hard to believe that she wasn't satisfied...

(in reply to StrtbkNamdDesire)
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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:25:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Not being satisfied might just be one option.  The fact is, she could have been faking it.  Six years of experience doesn't mean anything- you had zero experience with her.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:27:50 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

by now I've learned a few things.


Except for the big lesson that sex, for some people, is nothing more than a physical meshing and way to mutually feel better.  Sex doesn't always equal a huge commitment.  And especially the first time you have sex with someone, it isn't always fireworks.  And do I dare say ... some women fake orgasms!  Shocking.


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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:30:31 PM   
Aslanemperor


Posts: 108
Joined: 4/17/2005
Status: offline 		Seriously, you can fake some things, but there's some things in an orgasm that aren't that easy to fake.  Part of the most telling part of an orgasm is the feel of the muscles inside of her and the outpouring of fluids.  These things are difficult to fake.  If she did manage to fake them, then I applaud her, for she's the first girl I know who could.


(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:34:12 PM   
Aslanemperor


Posts: 108
Joined: 4/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

by now I've learned a few things.


Except for the big lesson that sex, for some people, is nothing more than a physical meshing and way to mutually feel better.  Sex doesn't always equal a huge commitment.  And especially the first time you have sex with someone, it isn't always fireworks.  And do I dare say ... some women fake orgasms!  Shocking.


Once again I note that it's not that I don't know this, it's that I thought it wasn't the case in this particular situation.
I understand that there are those who think this way, I just didn't think that this girl was like that.  Actually, I thought it would be the oppisite as originally, a physical relationship wasn't something she craved overmuch.  I had asumed that the wish for a physical relationship was indicative in this girl to mean a much deeper commitment.
Sure, I probably should have known better, but one does make mistakes.  This is especially true when one wants to believe a certain something...

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:54:54 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		I don't quite understand how you say sex means so much to you and all this and that...yet you had sex with this chick who you weren't even seriously dating. Going just under an impression or knowing you mentioned it to her in passing doesn't really mean much. You say it's a profound expression of love and devotion and yada yada...but you say you've only met her a few times and chatted some. Personally doesn't really equate well to me. If sex meant THAT much to me (ie, actual love) then I would not just spread my legs after a few meetings and some chatting.

Not saying sex is meaningless to me, what I am saying if it is to mean so much to someone then it should be had when the grounds of the relationship are clear to both people. Then at least you know it's not your fault if after the sex she goes "Oh wait, oops. Not what I want." At least you were as clear as possible.

"Do you feel we're together in a serious relationship?"
"Are we going long term? Exclusive (or whatever poly stuff you choose)?"
"So now you're my girlfriend/submissive/slave/whatever term you like?"

If sex is the end all end all in your world and is like an expression of love then you should make sure the other person feels the same before jumping into her snatch.

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:56:43 PM   
StrtbkNamdDesire


Posts: 53
Joined: 11/4/2008
Status: offline 		An orgasm isn't a wedding ring or a collar or a Valentine's Day card.

_____________________________

-stella

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 7:56:44 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		It sounds like you don't have sex all that often because of your convictions about it and that's ok. Not a problem. Maybe your lack of practical experience shows and she just wasn't all that wowed by the encounter. You still deserve an explanation as to why she has disappeared on you.

(in reply to Aslanemperor)
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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 8:00:12 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Perhaps she decided to go back to the Dom that she parted ways with before you.  Perhaps she wants someone more like him, because she's not over him.  Perhaps... perhaps... perhaps.


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Usako)
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RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 8:06:34 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Usako

I don't quite understand how you say sex means so much to you and all this and that...yet you had sex with this chick who you weren't even seriously dating. Going just under an impression or knowing you mentioned it to her in passing doesn't really mean much. You say it's a profound expression of love and devotion and yada yada...but you say you've only met her a few times and chatted some.


my sentiments, exactly.
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

_____________________________

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Dr. Howard Thurman

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