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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/15/2008 10:52:57 AM

MistressDolly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

It's blatantly obvious and makes me wonder, oh well...

Mm yes, hopefully one day his faith can be restored. Thing is, one must be willing to be open and receptive.

"Oh well" indeed.

Cute outfit. :)

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/15/2008 11:25:28 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ferns

Not wanting the relationship is a different thing, Peon. It's about how much each party wants it and the imbalance of that desire. It is extremely rare for it to be equal. The person most willing to walk has the most power. The other person is normally willing to make concessions to keep the relationship, sometimes they will do anything to keep the relationship.

This power balance underlies any D/s dynamic and the last sentence relates to Sea's point earlier "a relationship in which this power tilts heavily in favor of the submissive due to inequal desires to be in the relationship creates a challenge for the D/s dynamic".

Ferns

I guess what I'm driving at is a completely different kind of power, Ferns. Quite possibly unrelated to the general theme here, but nonetheless of a lot of interest to me personally. It goes to the core of why I finally board the ship from the land of Vanilla to the land of D/s. A few times in the past, I've had partners who've had much stronger feelings for me than vice versa. They've resented me. Yet I've always ended up feeling envious of them for the strength of their feelings and wishing I could have had the same.

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/15/2008 12:09:33 PM

lobodomslavery

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i do want to submit Mistress Dolly but i have accepted that i can be a conversationalist and no more due to geographical reasons. look im on the periphery of Europe so im an unrealistic punt for anyone and its well expressed in these forums that to many distance relationships are impractical and impossible to sustain
kevin

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/15/2008 12:13:18 PM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

i do want to submit Mistress Dolly but i have accepted that i can be a conversationalist and no more due to geographical reasons. look im on the periphery of Europe so im an unrealistic punt for anyone and its well expressed in these forums that to many distance relationships are impractical and impossible to sustain
kevin

Well, I didn't hear that all the Dommes in Dublin have left the country... I recall it had quite a life-style scene when I lived there for 2 years, you mean it all disappeared? You might be furthest West you can go in Europe, but it's not quite the middle of nowhere...

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/15/2008 12:26:26 PM

lobodomslavery

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hmm guess i must try that avenue AGAIN, dommes in Dublin are hard to get to know mainly i think because they find that they are on the margins of Irish society irish society is not quite fully accepting this lifestyle its seen as a little left of centre but then again we are quite conservative compared to America

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/15/2008 12:28:54 PM

LadyHibiscus

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If the dominants are on the margins of society, I can only imagine where the men must be.

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/15/2008 12:31:20 PM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

hmm guess i must try that avenue AGAIN, dommes in Dublin are hard to get to know mainly i think because they find that they are on the margins of Irish society irish society is not quite fully accepting this lifestyle its seen as a little left of centre but then again we are quite conservative compared to America

I guess that is why there were several clubs and a rather large life-style community, but I guess that could have all disappeared within the last decade?

Oh I just checked, most of it is still there....

http://www.nimhneach.ie/

http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/ie/all_sections/

http://www.domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/wwwdir/db.cgi?db=org&uid=default&country=IRELAND&view_records=View+Records&ww=on

Just the first few from a quick google

" Results 1 - 10 of about 838,000 for bdsm dublin. (0.23 seconds) "

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/15/2008 12:38:24 PM

CaringandReal

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I will not speak for the subs, but it's been my experience that someone who has been thoroughly enslaved can't opt out. And by "can't" I don't mean it's against the rules of the relationship (although it probably is). I mean can't.

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/15/2008 12:50:12 PM

Untouched1282

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

I will not speak for the subs, but it's been my experience that someone who has been thoroughly enslaved can't opt out. And by "can't" I don't mean it's against the rules of the relationship (although it probably is). I mean can't.

Even if that's the case...the sub's decision to stay is still based in self-interest. They stay becaue they have to stay, or they'd be lost. It's about survival.

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/15/2008 12:51:34 PM

lobodomslavery

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Thanks Lady Constanze. i am actually part of the BDSM ireland group . they meet twice a month. i couldnt go last time due to family commitment but hope to go to December munch

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/15/2008 12:54:49 PM

MzMia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDolly

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ferns

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

Who has the power?

The answer is the same for ALL types of consensual relationships: kinky, vanilla, straight, gay, etc.

He/she that wants the relationship LEAST has the power.

Because they can and will walk away. Everything else is simply irrelevant.

This is the bottom line and it has absolutely nothing to do with who is dominant or submissive in the relationship.

Ferns

Principle of Least Interest, simple as that.

I agree with this statement, and this is often the case for many
relationships in life.
**Waving hi, to the lovely MsDolly**

< Message edited by MzMia -- 11/15/2008 12:55:06 PM >

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/15/2008 2:40:19 PM

Aszhrae

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In reaction to what lobdomslavery said about being on the periphery of europe.

Girl feels that it matters little the distance between submissive/slave girl or boy to be with mistress or master. There is an invention called the euro-train but also aircraft. If a girl or boy is serious about being with mistress or master, or mistress or master really wants girl or boy to serve them. All things are possible.

As to the question of this thread, Girl believes that the power is sometimes with the girl or boy, sometimes it is the mistress or master, sometimes it is shared. Girl has experienced the few times when the power was shared. With first mistress, started in one room and moved throughout the house. When the power was within girl's grasp, it was mistress that became exhausted, sometime it was girl that became exhausted.

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/15/2008 2:52:57 PM

StrictnSaucy

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Hi Kevin,

I didnt realise you attended the Dublin munches. You must introduce yourself to me next time I am in attendence

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/15/2008 7:27:04 PM

AlexandraLynch

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I would hope both do. Power is shared and flows in relationships when they are good healthy ones. Even in a D/S setting.

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/15/2008 9:22:39 PM

DominaSusan

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“Control needs time in which to exercise control. Because control also needs opposition or acquiescence; otherwise, it ceases to be control.” W. S. Burroughs The Limits of Control, by William S Burroughs (1975) Who really has Power, the one who can walk away or the one who can make you beg to be allowed to stay? If you leave me, I will find another. Can I share my power with you and still be in contorl? England has only one Queen, the US only one president and perhaps I am just a figurehead too. An image of power, given by the one who gave it too me.

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/15/2008 9:40:15 PM

ShaktiSama

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These Gordian questions always make me want to reach for a sharp sword.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alexander the Great

"Who has the power? Me.

Love 'n' hugs,

Alex"

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/15/2008 10:56:47 PM

lobodomslavery

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will do Ma'am
thank you
kevin

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/16/2008 11:47:50 PM

AlexandraLynch

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I don't ever look at the power/submission dichotomy without doing so at least partly from a religious viewpoint. (But I'm a mystic, so I do that all the time.) But I do know I wouldn't be here if it were not something that draws me to the exploration of that mystery.

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 11/18/2008 11:38:31 AM

hopelesslyInvo

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it's just as mutual as any other relationship; terms like total power exchange and role reversal are such narrow minded ways of looking at things. no power is taken, lost, or gained; you have only what you brought with you, you lose only what you allow. it's not as though i become involved with some weak female shall "empower her" to dominate me. quite as much nonsensical, i certainly never practiced or behaved to any sort of the manner inwhich i expect most of my partners most likely would with me; so the concept that i am having my practices, expectations in others, and general way of life turned around on me... well that would mean that for the most part these mistresses just terribly want to inflict upon me a whole lot of kindness and hugs, as well as seeking to appease me over themselves.

the only role reversal existent here is in the eyes of those blinded by generalizations; role reversal for me would be me telling them what to do and to enjoy doing so, it is not for me to be simply who i am.

the notion of power exchange insinuates someone is lacking of it, or that even if you can strip someone of it, that it could somehow be "gained" by another; we both have power, and in an ideal encounter it will likely be in fairly equal magnitudes. what we are rather doing is making use of what we have, but in very different ways.

if the dominant "really" had the power, there would be no submission; if the submissive "really" had the power, their partner would not be the dominant. there's a great many aspects to be aware of in "our" relationships; trust, giving, respect, confidence... and just like all relationships, ours too will depreciate when they cease to be mutual.

one person cannot make a relationship.

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 11/18/2008 11:47:37 AM >

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RE: So who really has the power REALLY - 12/21/2008 3:30:53 AM

boytoyinatlanta

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subs do...the power of consent and the law overwhelms any selfish drive of a dominant

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