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RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/19/2008 6:18:05 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

My first clue about someone being a 'wannabe' is if a submissive displays anger, particularly in their profile.  There's nothing wrong with feeling angry, but I don't understand why you would be displaying it when searching for a dominant.



Same reason a dominant does when he knows objectively that it drives subs away, because they aren't ready for a new relationship as they're still dealing with the emotional fallout from the past one.

Still doesn't make them a wannabe, just human - lonely, scared, conflicted. Yup, those are all aspects of the human condition.

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RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/19/2008 8:07:27 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Speaking about wannabes, I wonder what makes people desire to want to know about them? I also wonder why those seeking to write about wannabes and how people should be, have time being an non-wannabee?

Life is too imporatnat to be trashing those you don't see as 'real'. What you can't see doesn't mean it isn't there.

oceanwynds

(in reply to slvemike4u)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/19/2008 8:18:08 AM   
atypicalsub


Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline 		Thanks for clarifying that DesFIP


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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/19/2008 8:47:13 AM   
tasha_tart


Posts: 385
Joined: 2/20/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

Being submissive is what we are, if men wish to roleplay being women, let them. There are transgendered here in CM. Do not forget. Its about freedom being who and what we are as submissives.



Am I to gather from this that only women can be submissive?  That a man cannot be submissive?  That a man must pose as a woman in order to create the illusion of being submissive?

If that is indeed your message, it is one of the most bizarre things I've read on CM...and I have read a lot of bizarre stuff on CM!  If I've misread you, perhaps you'd like to clarify.

Tasha


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(in reply to Aszhrae)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/19/2008 9:37:06 AM   
JoyfulMistress


Posts: 628
Joined: 10/31/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your insight
I do apologize if anyone assumed that I ment only subs/slaves could be wanna bes and wankers... nor did I mean for anyone to think that newcomers are wankers and wannabes... at no point did I say or feel  that.. I merely wanted to know what other's had on their * this may be a wanker/wannabe list* and thought it could turn into a funny and reason to laugh .. not argue .
Hope everyone has a day filled with reasons to smile

(in reply to tasha_tart)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/19/2008 5:22:01 PM   
porcelain20


Posts: 30
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		You know i really don't believe people are wannabes, fakers, or whatever if they ask questions about you because they are trying to learn...if they ask a really stupid question...answer them and set them straight if you got the patience...

the fakers and wannabes are people that lie about what they do and how much experience they have.  But almost no one can really say that someone else is not truely submissive or dominant because i believe we are here because of how we feel...and saying someone is not truely submissive or dominant is like saying i can get into your insides  and know that you have no submissive or dominant feelings at all.



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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/19/2008 6:02:45 PM   
RainydayNE


Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Haven't got a clue what makes a wannabe. I prefer to use my energy and time looking for the positive in people, not the negative.

Just saying.


seriously

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/19/2008 7:44:21 PM   
sweetNsassyPGH


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MarksFantasyGirl
>>> So, I don't think that anyone is a wanna be.... Maybe someone wants to just be a bedroom subby, or Dom.... and not have ANYTHING like that in R/L.... Someone will find that is exactly what they want... Don't knock anyone.... Besides, I'm sure that YOU weren't always the wonderful and perfect one when you first got into the lifestyle....

(With Respect)


Im sorting through where I am these days, so your comment caught my attention... I was wondering what you meant by this... that they may be a bedroom sub, but not have anything in R/L... Isnt being a bedroom sub being in real time, if the relationship happens in real time, in person, and isnt cyber?  Not being critical... just curious... Even if it isnt 24/7 D/s or M/s... isnt it still considered real time... considered real...???.. Thanks...

(in reply to MarksFantasyGirl)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/19/2008 8:46:35 PM   
MarksFantasyGirl


Posts: 3660
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetNsassyPGH

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarksFantasyGirl
>>> So, I don't think that anyone is a wanna be.... Maybe someone wants to just be a bedroom subby, or Dom.... and not have ANYTHING like that in R/L.... Someone will find that is exactly what they want... Don't knock anyone.... Besides, I'm sure that YOU weren't always the wonderful and perfect one when you first got into the lifestyle....

(With Respect)


Im sorting through where I am these days, so your comment caught my attention... I was wondering what you meant by this... that they may be a bedroom sub, but not have anything in R/L... Isnt being a bedroom sub being in real time, if the relationship happens in real time, in person, and isnt cyber?  Not being critical... just curious... Even if it isnt 24/7 D/s or M/s... isnt it still considered real time... considered real...???.. Thanks...


I guess just outside the bedroom... I'm sorry.. I really have no idea...

(Note to self... Get more sleep before posting on the serious threads lol)

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(in reply to sweetNsassyPGH)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/19/2008 9:14:07 PM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		Not at all, what girl meant is that if men want to pose as women, let them. If women want to pose as men, let them do so as well.
Is girl saying they are wannabes, no. The reference to TG was made since in many circumstances. You have a man trapped in a woman's body and woman trapped in a man's body. Such things happen. Perhaps posing as either gender relieves the tensions, anxieties of everyday living. Being something that is felt in mind and body, maybe even in spirit as being incorrect.
Is such clarification adequate?

(in reply to tasha_tart)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/19/2008 11:29:05 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

Not at all, what girl meant is that if men want to pose as women, let them. If women want to pose as men, let them do so as well.
Is girl saying they are wannabes, no. The reference to TG was made since in many circumstances. You have a man trapped in a woman's body and woman trapped in a man's body. Such things happen. Perhaps posing as either gender relieves the tensions, anxieties of everyday living. Being something that is felt in mind and body, maybe even in spirit as being incorrect.
Is such clarification adequate?



I don't pose as a female as you put it, I am female. This isn't a game, it isn't pretend and it isn't a f*cking role play.

You think I'd go through all this gender reassignment if I were male?

And what makes you think someone like me cannot cope with the 'anxieties' of every day living?

That clarification is about the most ignorant, if not offensive thing I have ever read on these boards.

Some people just don't have a clue.

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(in reply to Aszhrae)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/20/2008 1:01:59 AM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		I think "girl" should engage her brain before speaking.

I suspect that you, umm... girl, may mean something other than what you are actually saying (hard to tell from the incomplete thoughts/sentences in your posts), but bonus points for upsetting one of the most loved and most accepting people on this board.

Please re-read your posts and the replies. You aren't making a great impression here, and there isn't room in your mouth for the other foot.

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(in reply to Aszhrae)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/20/2008 1:02:32 AM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

My first clue about someone being a 'wannabe' is if a submissive displays anger, particularly in their profile.  There's nothing wrong with feeling angry, but I don't understand why you would be displaying it when searching for a dominant.


Because it's a public space to voice their feelings about the scene, and it sends a message to prospective doms that being submissive does not in fact equate doormat ( and that's an answer to an earlier post in this thread too ).

Being submissive or dominant rarely changes ones emotional spectrum. Some dominants don't get that submissives feel anger at being misused; that we may have a sense of self-worth, pride and a functioning critical faculty when it comes to prospective dominants.

I don't vent on my profile, but having had a fair share of the usual assholes-on-line and real-life fakers, I fully understand those that do.

To be fair, there are users and abusers - in the bad sense, just to be clear - on both sides of the dom-sub coin, but I think it's only natural for people to express their feelings on the matter. If it scares away potential partners, then that's their choice, and they likely wouldn't have been a good fit with those people anyway.


(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/20/2008 2:30:54 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I don't think I have ever used the term wannabe... wanker... troll... sex addict... yup... I've used those! lol I have seen people use bdsm as a way to be a player.  I think in that situation I might be tempted to call them a wannabe.




Why would a player be a wannabe?
At the end of the day its fantasy for the lot of us because we are free to get up and walk away from it at any given point. Our heads may not allow us to escape because we are 'submissive/Dominant' but the binds that hold us are mental ones.
The girls in Eastern Europe that try to escape there downtrodden lives and end up owned by a pimp master are real slaves. The young Indian and Philippeno girls that are taken to Saudi are real slaves. We just play at it because we need our fantasy fulfilled.
BDSM is many things and there is a big space in it for Sadists/masochists, rape fantasists, PE , X dressers and so on. They often have no dominance and no submission but they can take and give extreme elements of pain. Are they just players using BDSM as an excuse?

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/20/2008 3:43:24 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I do believe you are misunderstanding me.  I am not talking player as in role play but in this sentence am commenting on the guy who just wants sex from women who will call himself a dom to get women.  That is a player to me and a fake using bdsm to get his sex.  And... I am joking about it all light heartedly.  Had I known I would be taken so seriously I might have done things a bit differently.  I tend to try and make myself very clear unless I am just tossing something out there with all the lol'ing.

Now... I do not play at d/s.  I do not role play as a dominant and I do not have slaves or play at having/owning a slave and am not interested in having/owning a slave.  I am dominant, there are submissive's I might play with but we are serious about who we are, which is dominant in nature or submissive in nature.  And I might add... we do so by free will and there is no comparison to someone forcing anything. 

I am not sure where you are getting a lot you have said... but a lot of it seems to be assumptions based on your take on what I said.  I will hope this clears that up.  If not... I might try to explain further, but do try to consider that you may have put a lot more into what I said than I did.



< Message edited by Lockit -- 11/20/2008 3:47:41 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/20/2008 4:19:55 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Actually Lockit I think I did and I apologise 

I just re-read your post and read it entirely differently than I did before my last reply.

I think the word 'player' jumped out at me!

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 11/20/2008 4:20:21 AM >

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/20/2008 4:26:03 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		LOL... it's all good!  Believe me... I get things jumpin out at me all the time and whoa... it ain't pretty!

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/20/2008 4:40:18 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		i think there is a confusion here on what is a wannabe and what is a newbie:  just a thought.  and im not sure 'wannabe' is the word that should be used.

we were all wannabes once (newbies) and for the most part we knew very little about ourselves and what it was all about, all we knew was that we recognised ourselves in the reflection of others and wanted to belong and understand.

genuine people getting it wrong isnt what the OP is talking about here.  its the pillocks who access bdsm for extra marital kink that they cant get at home - and a whole other list of things i remember we recently discussed on another thread - actually i think i started that one.. lol!

so, OP ill pitch in here and say - from the subbie point of view - that yes, sex seems to be high on the agenda and,....... when youre asked to bring along a riding crop (presumably because the self proffessed, long time experienced sadist (with an 8 inch cock thats permanently hard (apparently)) doesnt have anything in his cupboard to beat me with!

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(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/20/2008 4:47:54 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		LOL lally... very good point!

Oh and when they get to braggin about eighter's... I tell them they don't have braggin rights until its a 12'er... Funny I don't even have to block them at that point.  I'm called a bitch and away they go.

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: What makes a wannabe in your eyes - 11/20/2008 5:00:05 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetNsassyPGH

Im sorting through where I am these days, so your comment caught my attention... I was wondering what you meant by this... that they may be a bedroom sub, but not have anything in R/L... Isnt being a bedroom sub being in real time, if the relationship happens in real time, in person, and isnt cyber?  Not being critical... just curious... Even if it isnt 24/7 D/s or M/s... isnt it still considered real time... considered real...???.. Thanks...


i think, possibly, what the poster meant here, was that the dynamic of D/s is something that works through a couples relationship 24/7 in and out of the bedroom and is therefore 'real time' in as much as they do not play at being sub or dom, they just are and thats how they operate.

rather than a couple that get together for BDSM and take up the role of sub and Dom for that time together but have no D/s dynamic beyond that.  ie., play partners.

both are real time, yes.  just different realities.


< Message edited by lally3 -- 11/20/2008 5:20:13 AM >

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(in reply to sweetNsassyPGH)
Profile   Post #: 60
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