Sent to a trainer

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MAMandSlave -> Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 8:33:36 AM)
I have recently had the opportunity to send my girl to a trainer as part of her work. It has been somewhat strange for me to be out of direct control of my girl. I understand that by placing her in the care of the trainer I in a way in control, and that I had the final say in allowing this training, none the less, dealing with the lack of direct control is difficult. Have any other masters had this sort of experience and what was your reaction to it.

KatyLied -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 8:35:42 AM)
If a dominant sent me a "trainer" I would seriously lack confidence in him as my dominant. Actually in my world that wouldn't happen.

mistoferin -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 8:35:54 AM)
Trainer as part of her work? Can you be more specific? Is this BDSM related?

SassySarijane -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 8:36:59 AM)
Did you send her to a trainer to learn something specific that you couldn't teach her?

oceanwynds -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 8:44:53 AM)
I am not a Master so can't reply to your question as one. As a submissive, if Sir felt there was something that He was not able to teach me in this lifestyle, I would see it as him still having control of our relationship.Does not mean I would like being sent away, but that would not be my choice if I was in a M/s relationship. Personally, am happy Sir doesn't feel that way and this wont be a bridge that i will need to travel. oceanwynds

RealSub58 -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 9:11:03 AM)
If my Sir can't "train" me, then I got the wrong Sir !But I am sure [sm=pigsfly.gif] before Sir thought to send me to another.

akisha -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 9:15:10 AM)
Master and I attend all bdsm workshops and "training" together as we want to learn together. If i was sent away for training for something bdsm related I probably wouldn't come back. But that depends what it was for and why. If it was training for my career, then that's totally different. I have to go for training occasionally when we impliment new programs etc. That's part of my career base and just something that has to be done.

tied2bteased -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 10:18:26 AM)
Actually, I think in some cases this can be a good thing. In my opinion many times the Dominant gets emotionally involved to the point where they are not able to give the kind of discipline and structure to the submissive she craves. Yes, as long as the trainer and Dominant work together; this sounds like a good thing. Also if the Dominant is just learning and wants to know what the submissive can be made to do; sort of like taking the Dominant in hand and saying look "Here she is, as a trained submissive, this is what you can demand from her. This is what she is capable of." In those cases sometimes the emotional connection could have stopped the Dominant from using his submissive as fully as she is capable of being used. Sometimes he needs to be shown what can be done with her, before he believes in his own abilities. This a temporary thing, the training, only for a short time. I agree it is a good thing for both the submissive and the Dominant.

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 10:23:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied If a dominant sent me a "trainer" I would seriously lack confidence in him as my dominant. Actually in my world that wouldn't happen. Haha...I think most of us feel that way...submissives and Doms. That sounds like one of those fantasies like at Kink.com. The training of so and so. 4 days of intensive slave training. Yeah, buddy.

justgemmie -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 10:30:32 AM)
greetings MAM i know a girl in florida who's Dom sent her away for one year (to Englad) to be trained to be a masochist and slut. the training she received there included things i have never heard anyone doing to their girls to teach them. some things make me shudder, nauseous, and feel such empathy for her that i can't listen to her speak of them. i don't judge that He did it. it was His choice and she agreed. and she came back more masochistic and slutty than anyone i have ever met. i can't describe it, it's what they wanted her to be, and she is now the extreme of both worlds. for whatever reasons You sent her away for whatever training, again, i don't judge. if my Master felt i needed a certain type of training He couldn't/wouldn't/didn't have the time/experience/whatever to do, fine. i have put myself in His hands and under His guidance. i would hope i could trust His judgement in this situation also. i'm not a Master, so can't answer You directly. i only shared my POV with You. just remember that what You are doing is for the good of the relationship (i'm assuming) and although it's hard, it'll be great when it's over. gemmie P.S. -- if You wish Dominants to answer this only, i would recommend perhaps that You post this in the "Ask a Master" board.

DesFIP -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 10:51:40 AM)
What did she need training in? Because if it was bootblacking, you could have found a local submissive to teach her. Subs are the ones who normally do this so they should be doing the teaching. Japanese tea service? Nonbdsm classes are the way to go there. If you still want it taught in a bdsm atmosphere, then she should be taught by another sub who does this. But barring something like belly dancing, which I'd take in a local class, I can't see him needing to send me to be trained. If he wanted me to experience something he can't do, like singletails, then he could bring me to a workshop and volunteer me as a demo sub. There isn't anything BDSMwise he would send me to another dominant for.

Lashra -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 10:59:14 AM)
No I would never send my boy out to someone to be trained. I can do that myself and know that he is safe and trained the way that I want him to be trained. ~Lashra

Mercnbeth -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 11:05:49 AM)
quote: ...I have recently had the opportunity to send my girl to a trainer as part of her work... could you please clarify "work"? does it mean "work", as part of her employment, separate from your relationship with her...or "work", as some sort of job that she does for you or function that she has as your girl?

happypervert -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 11:31:59 AM)
quote: i know a girl in florida who's Dom sent her away for one year (to Englad) to be trained to be a masochist and slut. I'm curious about some practical matters to this arrangement particularly the financial ones. Like did she stay with the trainer, was the trainer paid for this service and stuff like that? And were these doms pals already or did the dom see an ad for training somewhere and decide it would be a good idea? Sending someone on an all expenses paid year long vacation to be trained is a serious proposition, and it can't be easy to spend time training someone while also living in the real world and holding down a job and stuff like that. Even if it was free I wouldn't consider consider doing it myself, but such behavior by others fascinates me.

SlaveIndigochild -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 12:01:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: justgemmie greetings MAM i know a girl in florida who's Dom sent her away for one year (to Englad) to be trained to be a masochist and slut. the training she received there included things i have never heard anyone doing to their girls to teach them. some things make me shudder, nauseous, and feel such empathy for her that i can't listen to her speak of them. P.S. -- if You wish Dominants to answer this only, i would recommend perhaps that You post this in the "Ask a Master" board. That will be England i take it! Oh yes indeed there's a whole training here no-one would even dream of......... and restricting it to Doms answer'shere will only make feisty s types like me want to reply even more. Seriously: if my Master sent me anywhere to anyone for training then i would obey and trust His intentions to do so.

MAMandSlave -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 12:12:22 PM)
Work is specified as her employment. She does bdsm modeling. She is doing a shoot that is an extended day training session. It is seperate from our relationship, however I developed goals of things that she could use some skill development in. She was not sent to be trained. It is part of work that happens to be with an extremely competent trainer. She is getting some experiences that I could not give her, as I dont have the skills to do so. I am realistic in my knowledge of my own skills. While I can develop these skills in time. She gets to experience them now. I dont have doubts about my ability to train my girl in skills she needs, and she is confident in me. My post was specifically asking if others have been in this situation, and how they have dealt with the feeling of being out of direct control. I look forward to responses to this question.

mistoferin -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 12:13:10 PM)
edited because we posted at the same time OK...she does BDSM modeling....does that mean this trainer is training her in BDSM....or just teaching her how to pose?

justgemmie -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 12:16:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: happypervert quote: i know a girl in florida who's Dom sent her away for one year (to Englad) to be trained to be a masochist and slut. I'm curious about some practical matters to this arrangement particularly the financial ones. Like did she stay with the trainer, was the trainer paid for this service and stuff like that? And were these doms pals already or did the dom see an ad for training somewhere and decide it would be a good idea? Sending someone on an all expenses paid year long vacation to be trained is a serious proposition, and it can't be easy to spend time training someone while also living in the real world and holding down a job and stuff like that. Even if it was free I wouldn't consider consider doing it myself, but such behavior by others fascinates me. greetings happypervert ummm, year long vacation is hardly the way i would describe it. a lot of the training was intense pain training, similar or more intense than that written in the Story of O (which is the easiest way i can think of to describe it) and for longer periods of time ~~ being her entire life for a year. she told me of having to take large amounts of cod oil(?) until she was writhing on the floor in pain and being made to orgasm to learn to associate pain/orgasm. i don't remember all she told me, and i would not let her tell me of a lot of it. i would never call it a vacation, and in hindsight she said she wouldn't wish that kind of training of her worst enemy. however, she did turn out to be exactly the masochistic slut He wanted her to be, and she had agreed to be. as to the financial part of it or how it was arranged, i never asked. sorry i can't help you there. i do know her Master was wealthy, but that's about it. gemmie

CreativeDominant -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 12:22:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MAMandSlave I have recently had the opportunity to send my girl to a trainer as part of her work. It has been somewhat strange for me to be out of direct control of my girl. I understand that by placing her in the care of the trainer I in a way in control, and that I had the final say in allowing this training, none the less, dealing with the lack of direct control is difficult. Have any other masters had this sort of experience and what was your reaction to it. I wouldn't sent my girl to a trainer. If I want her trained sexually, I will do it...I LIKE the idea of watching her grimace and groan and gulp at the idea of trying something new, I like the idea of watching her struggle to achieve both compliance and success at it and then seeing her look of accomplishment and a renewed sense of pride/gratitude/happiness at the dynamic she has chosen to enter into. If I want her trained in positions that suit me within the D/s dynamic, who better to train her in what I like than me? If I want her trained when to look into my eyes and when not to and the reasons for doing so, who better than me for after all, there is nothing like looking into certain submissive's eyes when they've had to avert them and are now allowed to look into your eyes or when they are feeling something that they are trying to hide and you make them look directly into yours and, let them see your eyes. If I want her trained in how to speak, when to speak, what terms to use when speaking that are going to please me, who better to teach her that than me? If I want her to be able to increase her tolerance, as well as her love, of pain...then doesn't it make sense for me to teach her and not only show her that I can do it but that I have the patience to do so, am willing to learn what it takes if it is beyond what I already know, and that it is my thrill as well as hers to watch those first successes as well as each one that comes after and know that we got there together rather than through the aid of someone who feels they have "the best plan"? I've talked to those submissives who are "being trained" for another and my biggest question is: what happens when all that you have learned does not "fit" what your new master/mistress likes? The second question is: now, do you find the master/mistress that is what you seek or do you "make do" with the one that most closely resembles what your "trainer" did because even though they are not the best fit relationship-wise, they damn near do everything dynamic-wise that the trainer did? And if that is what you do, then why not just beg the trainer's collar? _____________________________________________________________________ It all sounds very good to say "Don't look back and ask "why", look forward and ask "why not"?" But consider this...if you never look back and ask "why" and if you never look within yourself now and ask "why", then how can you know enough about who you are, where you are, what you want and build the ability to recognize it so that you know when to ask the question "why not"?

SlaveIndigochild -> RE: Sent to a trainer (11/19/2008 12:22:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MAMandSlave Work is specified as her employment. She does bdsm modeling. Seems like you have yourself a perfectly beautiful obedient girl. Greetings to you and Yours....You deserve it all.

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