24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (Full Version)

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Twicehappy2x -> 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 5:41:49 AM)

 
I thought about putting this in the live in requirements thread, then i changed my mind and started a thread of my own.
 
Each household/relationship is going to have certain "must do/haves" that will need to be fulfilled at some point for the relationship to go forward.
 
I am not talking about the emotional needs like love, honor, trust but rather about the day to day or long term living arrangements.
 
For example; you agree to try a relationship with the understanding that if it works out you must get a job and contribute to the household finances.
 
Or, as in our situation, if you are a sub at some point you are going to have to move in and quit working.
 
So what are your "must haves" ?
 
What would you absolutely not consider doing/giving up even if it was otherwise the perfect relationship/situation for you?
 
What do you do if the person/prospective partner you are speaking with gets so hung up on the one or two must haves to the point where that is all they discuss?
 
 
 



BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 5:52:06 AM)

I would move in with Him in a heartbeat if He asked.  We are already committed to each other, so that wouldn't be a giant leap..... just a very welcome one.

Stipulations?
I would never give up my dog... ever.  Love me, love my big puppy man.  And it's not an issue because He loves my Thunder doggie too.

I don't think I would be happy living somewhere where I couldn't dig in the dirt.   Again, not an issue because He lives on 8 acres in the country.

Beyond that, I can't think of anything else, but I've only had one cup of coffee. [sm=coffee.gif]



Twicehappy2x -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 5:59:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

I would never give up my dog... ever.  I don't think I would be happy living somewhere where I couldn't dig in the dirt.  


Grins...agreed...must dig in dirt, lol. You know during my search i met a Dom who thought i should not change the oil in my bike myself because i got so dirty. Guess how far that went?
 
Scooter and Jewel calmly accept the fact that i am often happiest when dirty. When i tarred the porch roof it was a toss up as to which had the most tar on it, me or the roof. I had a ball!



NorthernGent -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 6:00:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

 Each household/relationship is going to have certain "must do/haves" that will need to be fulfilled at some point for the relationship to go forward.
 
So what are your "must haves" ?
 


Be clean, be tidy, be good company, read, do not spend too much time watching rubbish television, do not harbour aspirations of owning a cat, be kind, make sure I have milk and tea at all times, have friends, be able to entertain yourself, no celebrity inclined conversation, be able to research, do not make ridiculous demands outside of the scope of your authority regarding the toilet seat, no fighting, no swearing, leave your dagger at the door before entering my home, aspire to excellent cook status, no competing with my Mum for attention, no competing with my dog for attention, make sure there are clean bedsheets every day, work for a living, dress as I tell you, make an effort, do parade in front of me when told, do sleep on the left side of the bed, do not attempt to clutter my home with pointless ornaments, converse like a reasonable human being: I speak you listen; you speak I listen - no interrupting! When I say do as you're told, I mean do as you're told.



MaamJay -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 6:08:35 AM)

Hi Twice! Here, My must haves in a sub include - being a nonsmoker (due to My asthma), and being prepared to continue working to a mutually agreeable level in order to contribute to the household. They must also be willing to sleep alone in their own bed, as My place is with Master, though that certainly doesn't doom them to an asexual life [;)]. They must get on with Our furkids, We might be prepared to extend the fur family to include theirs if that will work out. They must be able to contribute to the conversation with more than one topic of interest. And they need to appreciate Our kinds of music ... if they are dedicated techno or rap fans, they are NOT the sub for Us! I think that's about it for the real dealbreakers, other than obvious things like being good all-rounders in bdsm (ie enjoying service, bdsm play and intimate play), accepting Master as head of household even though primarily answerable to Me.

I've not had a sub go on about must haves ... I would expect them to tell Me theirs pretty early on so I can decide whether they are a potentially good fit with Us. If anything else arose, that would be subject to discussion to see if a win-win compromise was workable or not. If a sub did go on and on about it after it was clear I had heard them out, that would be a red flag to Me.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]



justgemmie -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 6:28:35 AM)

good morning twice!

assuming we're not talking any kind of kink ~~

the Man must be able to be poly and/or in an open relationship.  i have lots of room to love; i really get off knowing/watching my Man is being pleased by another girl; i totally enjoy stranger sex; etc.  i am not monogamous so we have to be able to work something out.

i love animals.  there must be room in our life for cats and/or dogs, definately a hamster and fish  [:D]  and i'm open to other animals as they come along!

and He must be able to understand that sometimes i just have to be alone, whether it's to read, or watch reality tv for a couple hours, or whatever.  it doesn't have to be an entire day or weekend or anything like that, but sometimes i just need to be with me.

well wishes to you and your Couple and others,
gemmie



leadership527 -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 6:55:59 AM)

quote:

Twicehappy2x said:
What would you absolutely not consider doing/giving up even if it was otherwise the perfect relationship/situation for you?

What do you do if the person/prospective partner you are speaking with gets so hung up on the one or two must haves to the point where that is all they discuss?
For myself, maintinaing my primary relationship (marriage in my case) is the most important thing... hrrrmmm... second most important thing behind her health and well being.  I look for partners with a similar value system and then these problems don't come up.  Given all the twists and curves that life throws at a person over the course of decades, that seems about the only way to make it work for me and I'm only really interested in lifelong relationships.



Rover -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 7:08:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

So what are your "must haves" ?

 
I could answer that by saying that they're too numerous to print.  Or I could reply simply by saying that I must want them to be here living with me.  Both responses would be equally correct.

 
quote:


What would you absolutely not consider doing/giving up even if it was otherwise the perfect relationship/situation for you?

 
I can think of a thousand answers to this.  One of the most important would be monogamy.

quote:

 
What do you do if the person/prospective partner you are speaking with gets so hung up on the one or two must haves to the point where that is all they discuss?


I would find that very annoying.  Not being annoying is one of my "must have's".  Thanks for playing, here are your departing gifts.
 
John



NuevaVida -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 7:15:41 AM)

It's a real "it depends" situation for me. I'm pretty darn happy living alone, and I don't currently foresee ever wanting to live with someone. Realizing that could change, I tend to be pretty flexible and adaptable, depending on the person. If I am submitting to someone I tend to work around that person's preferences, so it's all good. The only thing that comes to mind for me is my kitty. He comes with me, or I don't go. It's pretty simple for me. Love me, love my Viktor. This might sound cynical, and I hope it doesn't, but with relationships coming and going in life, I'm not trading my cat in for one. [8D]



DavanKael -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 7:24:05 AM)

I need to be a partner; a full member of the family if I were to entertain the idea of living with someone else.  Primary is preferrably; not sure I would entertain anything but in new situations.  The home needs to be tranquil: yelling or other forms of behavior that cause 'walking on eggshells' needs not to be the standard fare.  I need to be able to have a bath or several each day; it helps me to stay centered.  My animals are a hard-limit.  I need it understood that if any of my people and/or chosen family need resources or a place to be, that that is understood.  Physical affection/intimacy is important.  That stuff would overlay to my home as well.  I need to feel valued, I need to not feel taken advantage of (Though, I don't have a problem doing a disproportional share of the work; just don't work against me too much), I need to not feel optional, to live with someone, I want to feel loved: beyond those few things, I'm pretty low-maintenance and flexible.  I am really willing to think outside of the box for those dear to me.  I am a can-do kind of a person; for love, it's worth figuring out a way  :>
  Davan



leadership527 -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 7:27:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
...for love, it's worth figuring out a way  :>

Heh --- there ya go.  That's how I feel and I look for someone with a similar opinion.  I figure if both are thinking like that, then if there's a way to be found, it will be.



DavanKael -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 7:44:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
...for love, it's worth figuring out a way  :>

Heh --- there ya go.  That's how I feel and I look for someone with a similar opinion.  I figure if both are thinking like that, then if there's a way to be found, it will be.


Great minds n such.  :>  Now (in my best conspiratorial tone), we just need to sell the rest of the world on that and then, how horrible, people would have one less reason to make themselves (and others) unhappy!  < big grin >  'mornin', Leadership!  :> 
  Davan



oceanwynds -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 7:51:31 AM)

My need to bring my cat and to maintain my own financial securtiy would be the two conditions that would need to be considered.



thetammyjo -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 7:53:49 AM)

When Fox first moved in all he requested was space that was his own and that fit perfectly with what I want a slave to have too.

Now in our next house I'm thinking we each need one room that is just ours and Fox needs a bigger room as well. He's too crowded where he is though he'd poo poo that statement -- I'm the owner and I say he needs more space.



Twicehappy2x -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 8:57:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

. If a sub did go on and on about it after it was clear I had heard them out, that would be a red flag to Me.


Good morning hon. Yes, it is getting to be a red flag around here with the one we are currently speaking with.



Twicehappy2x -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 8:59:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: justgemmie

sometimes i just need to be with me.


Yup, everybody needs alone time. Me included, and i get it. Lol, though i usually spend mine watching horrid scifi/horror B movies on TV.
 
And a wonderful Holiday season to you and yours.



Twicehappy2x -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 9:05:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

I look for partners with a similar value system and then these problems don't come up. 


We too do this but there have been instances where similar values were not enough. A good example being the three of us all adore old heavy Gothic pieces of furniture. While shopping one day with a prospective partner i found such a piece and we were all ohhing and ahhing over it.
 
But the prospective subbie was horrified. You don't mean you like that stuff, we were asked. Seems they loved French White decor, not something you will ever find here. While the new person could have had this type of decor in their room, the rest of the house would still be mainly old Gothic style, something they just could not deal with. 



Twicehappy2x -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 9:07:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

I would find that very annoying.  Not being annoying is one of my "must have's".  Thanks for playing, here are your departing gifts.
 


Unfortunately what has otherwise appeared to be a very good prospect has almost hit the "departing gift" (love that phrase) zone now. So i figured i'd see what others had to say.



Rover -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 9:11:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

I would find that very annoying.  Not being annoying is one of my "must have's".  Thanks for playing, here are your departing gifts.
 


Unfortunately what has otherwise appeared to be a very good prospect has almost hit the "departing gift" (love that phrase) zone now. So i figured i'd see what others had to say.


Actually, the phrase is supposed to be "parting gifts"... I just made a mistake.  But the meaning is the same.
 
Sorry things have gotten to that stage.  It's not easy to move on, but it's a heck of a relief when you do.  Besides, who said the right thing was always gonna be easy?
 
John



Lashra -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/21/2008 9:13:33 AM)

My sub would be required to be clean, keep the house clean, understand that I have dogs and cats, there will be NO smoking in my house so he better make his friends/family understand that or I will, no dirty dishes sitting in the sink EVER. He will have his own space and he can play his rap music there as long as I cannot hear it. Laundry is not permitted to pile up and we already agreed that is his job. No leaving tiny sips of milk in the milk carton and putting it back into the fridge.

~Lashra



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