Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends.


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 7:37:10 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Sounds like he is looking to snare your sub for his own. I'd tell him(the Dom) good luck in looking elsewhere and I'd tell my sub it was time to find a new friend.

~Lashra



I don't think it matters what the other lad is upto.

The point is this: do you have to act like the Stasi for her to know her place and priorities?

There's always the chance she's misguided in this case, and the remedy will, to a certain extent, depend on how much store you place in the principle of 'once bitten, twice shy'. I'd have a good chat with her to understand exactly what she's misinterpretating regarding your expectations. Based on her response, it's a case of one last chance or close the door on your way out.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 7:45:47 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

How many Doms would tolerate their submissive partner having a causual male Dominant friend that intentionally goes out of his way to provoke and disrespect you.

First of all, a "friend" that insults one's partner intentionally is no friend.

Second, such a person is deliberately creating an issue between the two partners (D/s or vanilla, the dynamic is immaterial).  What you are describing is a fraudulent friend forcing you to choose between him and your partner (also something friends do not do).

If a friend of my slave insulted me, if I actually had to order her to stop talking to that person, I would be both surprised and very disappointed--my expectation is that she already understands that all such assholes are to be shown the nearest exit and booted towards it.


_____________________________



(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 7:45:54 AM   
urtoy


Posts: 55
Joined: 4/23/2004
Status: offline 		I agree that this is not a D/s issue. However, I think too much is being made of the alleged "disrespect". It would be easier to comment with a more complete understanding of what went on. While it's nice when both partners like and genuinely respect all of each other's friends, this rarely occurs in real life. If I just don't get along with one of my partner's friends, I request that I'm not subjected to his/her company but don't see that my partner should terminate the friendship on my acount. And vice versa. Unless your partner has given you reaason to distrust them in the context of your mutual understanding of the groundrules for your relationship I'd leave it alone. If the guy's half the jackass you claim he is, the situation will resolve itself given time. On the other hand, giving permission for making "friends in the lifestyle", then retracting said permission, makes you look like a jackass (and an untrustworthy one at that).

(in reply to Usako)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 7:48:16 AM   
ODadEO


Posts: 44
Joined: 7/27/2008
Status: offline 		I'd make sure Dom B was put on an ignore list, and all communication with him was stopped.  If sub A has a problem with that then she is not the sub I thought she was and would be shown the door.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 7:59:07 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		~fr~
I had a situation where a friend of mine (Friend B) started trying to undermine my friendship with someone else (Friend A). I didn't understand where his (Friend B) behavior was coming from at first. When I discussed it with my other friend (Friend A) I found out that he (Friend B) was good friends with someone (Person 1) who was stalking her all over the Internet and causing her trouble. He (Friend B) only made "friends" with me so he could help stalk my friend (Friend A).

This is not D/s or BDSM behavior in the least. It's people behavior and happens all over the place. Vanilla, kinky, BDSM boards, theology boards, cooking boards, real life. Some people don't know how to play nice with others. I've gotten into this kind of situation a time or two and absolutely refuse to do so again. Anyone tries to start a friendship with me that quickly turns to negative talk about my Dominant, I won't be talking with them anymore. They may be nice people but I don't want to chance it again.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to ODadEO)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 8:06:22 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2

I'm actually curious as to what the popular opinion is upon such a matter. 


Personally, I think that popular opinion is a crappy way of running a relationship.  If he's her Master, then he should decide what he thinks is the right thing to do, and everyone else's opinion be damned.
 
Who's in charge... him or some junta?
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 8:15:10 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2

I'm actually curious as to what the popular opinion is upon such a matter. 


Personally, I think that popular opinion is a crappy way of running a relationship.  If he's her Master, then he should decide what he thinks is the right thing to do, and everyone else's opinion be damned.
 
Who's in charge... him or some junta?
 
John


I think it's fair to assume the lad involved will steer his own ship. The OP was merely asking for opinions, rather than dictat to be enforced by the lad in question. Regardless, it's a matter of personal taste as to whether or not others' opinions are valuable; as opposed to a matter of conditions imposed by 'some junta'.

Personally, I think it's an interesting OP, which requires a healthy spot of consideration; and it's interesting to see how others think on these matters.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 8:21:59 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I would not have permitted the casual interaction to happen in the first place. It isn't a matter of trying to be 'openminded'...my judgment of character is based on reasonable foundations, so I shouldn't have some inner guilt about it when it comes down to someone close to me potentially interacting with them.

Moreover, I would sincerely hope that, upon realization of my disfavor for a person, it is my sub/slave who takes the initiative to not contact them at all (except as a possible protective measure, defending the Dom)...not just out of honor to me, but as a underlying trust in my judgment of character and that it is indicating that this other person is not someone worth interacting with.

Then, if the sub continued to choose interaction with this other person despite knowing all this...it starts speaking more of her motivations and flaws than anything else.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 11/22/2008 8:23:48 AM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 8:27:14 AM   
RainydayNE


Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkwind

Personally i would have more of an issue with a casual friend going out of his way to intentionally provoke and disrespect my Dominant partner than Andy would.

Hypothetically, not only he attempting to disrespect my Dominant, but he is trying to use me to do his dirty work for him, which is grossly disrespectful of me too.

Andy has a thick skin, and a good grip on reality so i doubt he would be phased by such shenanigans, but that isn't the point here as far as i am concerned. i would not wish to carry on a friendship with anyone who used me in such a fashion, who could not put past animosity behind them and act respectfully towards a new friend.

It would be me who would chose to kick the friend into the bin, for good.




i can relate to this
i'd probably be the one angrier than he was, because he's very level headed and i'm kinda not =p
i'd cut it off right there
if you disrespect my Dominant, that's the end of it

(in reply to pinkwind)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 8:30:20 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Whip Asked:
How many DOMs would insist upon having their submissive partner not have anymore contact with this causual friend.  Write this causual Dominant friend a frank and to the point email.  No swearing or name calling involved.
Heh, in our case, I'd be more on top of restraining my wife so that she didn't attack this other "dom" herself.  She has a really really short attention span for anyone maligning me... sometimes even if said person is correct in their assessment of me.  In short, I wouldn't have to forbid her to do anything, she'd be so offended herself that this person would not be her friend.

quote:

Just for the Hell of it, how many Doms would tolerate one of their causual friends intentionally provoking and disrespecting your submissive partner.   Hell, how many people would not have an issue with this, if it was vanilla relationship even.  LOL..  Let's go for broke at looking at this from all different angles.
Same answer as above.  You can attack me if you want.  Attacking my wife, however, is an absolute no-no and would pretty much spell the end of my relationship with anyone.  I see no difference between wife and slave in this context.  Don't attack that which I protect is the simple rule.  Oh... and it wouldnt' matter if this person was a "casual friend", my mother, or the pope.  This is unacceptable behavior and is utterly guaranteed to provoke a very strong response from me.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 8:32:41 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		If this actually ever would happen, the "friend" dom would be history in a heartbeat, by my own actions.

Not to stir this thread into another direction, but I wonder why even bother telling one's Dom about this, if it is nothing more then a casual friendship?

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 8:37:03 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2

I'm actually curious as to what the popular opinion is upon such a matter. 


Personally, I think that popular opinion is a crappy way of running a relationship.  If he's her Master, then he should decide what he thinks is the right thing to do, and everyone else's opinion be damned.
 
Who's in charge... him or some junta?
 
John

John, the good new is the decision and action was done before hand. 
By no means popular opinion was used to make a decision. :-P

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 8:40:11 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

I will not be friends with anyone who disrespects the man I love or our relationship.  End of story.



BRN said it before I could. But to take the story a chapter further, this happened with me while I was with my former owner. In my case, the "friend" dom disrespected my former owner in a conversation with me, not with my owner. When I told my owner, he said "your conversations with him are over" and my response was, "I already ended them."

It is my belief that an owner/dom/master has the authority to limit relationships with anyone who is a potential threat to the relationship in anyway. A threat can be something as simple as causing friction between owner and owned.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 8:41:42 AM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		Why should the dominant even have to step in and say no more contact with the other dom? If the submissive values the relationship with her dom, I'd think she'd do the severing with the other dom herself without drama and orders, etc. because of the disrespectful behavior exhibited.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 8:41:42 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		 
Aww.. you can't go wrong with a junta sometimes... *smirk*

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2

I'm actually curious as to what the popular opinion is upon such a matter. 


Personally, I think that popular opinion is a crappy way of running a relationship.  If he's her Master, then he should decide what he thinks is the right thing to do, and everyone else's opinion be damned.
 
Who's in charge... him or some junta?
 
John


_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 8:44:41 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		do i have to google "junta"???

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 8:48:17 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2

I'm actually curious as to what the popular opinion is upon such a matter. 


Personally, I think that popular opinion is a crappy way of running a relationship.  If he's her Master, then he should decide what he thinks is the right thing to do, and everyone else's opinion be damned.
 
Who's in charge... him or some junta?
 
John

John, the good new is the decision and action was done before hand. 
By no means popular opinion was used to make a decision. :-P



That's nice to know, but it's often not the case here.  All too often these forums are used as a means of usurping or abrogating control by comparison to popular opinion.  Popular opinion is irrelevant except as an interesting aside.
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 8:56:00 AM   
bamabbwsub


Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline 		~FR~

My loyalty is to my Dominant. Period.

_____________________________

"Everyone is normal until you get to know them." - Dave Sim

I rescue animals. My pockets and gas tank are always empty. My home is always hairy and my inbox full of sadness, but my heart is full when seeing those that are saved.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 9:06:37 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm CURIOUS to know exactly how it is known that the actions were both intentionally and cause of disrespect (some doms just look for it and have thin skins), but I agree that disrespect isn't cool no matter what dynamic and I'd question why any relationship would continue contact with someone who WAS attempting to cause harm to one of the people involved.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to bamabbwsub)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 11/22/2008 9:13:04 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		WhiplashSmile2 wrote:
Now, out of the blue her causual friend who is also a male Dominant, and is aware of the relationship.  Goes out of his way to intentionally provoke and disrespect her Dominant partner. 
IF this were me?  I'd send it to Sir and have him deal with it.   I have done this on one recent occasion.
 
 The reaction of events being where the DOM partner, forbids her anymore contact with this casual friend.

Sir didn't forbid contact with him on my end, he occasionally asks, have I heard from him because Sir directly stated to him, anymore contact he wanted with me goes through Sir.
actually curious as to what the popular opinion is upon such a matter.  How many Doms would tolerate their submissive partner having a causual male Dominant friend that intentionally goes out of his way to provoke and disrespect you. 
If a sub or slave has any balls, she'd block the bloke and get on with her life.This is about the integrity of the s type. Just for the Hell of it, how many Doms would tolerate one of their causual friends intentionally provoking and disrespecting your submissive partner. I am not aware that this has happened (if it did, he probably would tell me anyway unless I was clearly in the wrong), but because Sir is well respected in the community and I am mostly unknown, and because I know how he feels about me... he is not one to sit by and allow any sort of disrespect. Sir doesnt linger around people who stir up nonsense.  He finds it of poor integrity.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094