WhiplashSmile2
Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Padriag
quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2
Dare I admit it. I have pondered the thought that he knowingly provoked me inorder to the D/s relationship to be tested. Knowing that perhaps I would bring this issue to attention and take some course of action with my girl. After all he has been very respectful towards her and made it a point to be intentionally not respectful towards me.
Yup... here's food for thought.
If someone wants to steal your girl, one method is to devalue you... and one way of doing that is to provoke you into overreacting and making an ass of yourself. Then he looks like the reasonable one, is very understanding and all the while being very respectful and considerate of her. Makes you look like the bad guy, him the good guy and if she falls for it, he gets the girl. If it doesn't work, he's not really lost anything... so there's no reason for him not to try. If he dislikes you enough to want to hurt you, then he's got an extra motive to give it a go.
But... here's the thing. Worrying about it isn't going to do any good. You see a problem and you make a decision to correct it... do so and do it with confidence in your own judgement. Don't let your emotions rule you or get out of hand. If she can't respect that, then things are not likely to end well anyway. You may be right, he may be testing the relationship... and while that is an affront... it could also show you flaws otherwise hidden. What you do with that information is up to you and your submissive... but I would suggest some reflection on both your parts. Either you will come away from it stronger... or it may be the beginning of the end. Either way, you learn something about the relationship, and possibly yourself. A wise man know how to turn all things to his benefit.
As you may be taking a break for a bit, I'll wish you the best of luck with things.
Here's the ironic part, if somebody loves you and wants to be with you, any attempt at somebody trying to devalue you should fail. Even if there are problems going on. The only way somebody can devalue you is if you have given your partner reason to think less of you to begin with, or your partner actually does think that little of you.
So the Devalue game only works if your girl does not think much about you to begin with. God, I feel like I have my sanity back now.
In terms of somebody like me (Male Dom) if I have reason to worry about this, it's because I am insecure in knowing what she thinks about, feel about me, and wants to be with me. Insecurity! That magic word.
Insecurity should not be confused with lack of trust. There are times when we are involved in relationships with somebody who we know we can not trust however we turn a blind eye on these issues for the sake of being in a relationship. Then that's warrented lack of trust. If anything you should trust that she's out shopping for another DOM or one can steal here away anyways. So count your blessings when somebody else steals your problem off your hands. LOL..
OK, now here's the kicker here personally for me. My Girl has done nothing wrong what-so-ever for me to not trust her! So then why am I being so worried? Mmmmmmmmmm... I've been tearing at this one for a little while today.
I know I'm not insecure by nature. Hell, my last relationship, we'd go out to bars and clubs and she had all kinds of guys hitting on her, and in fact she was power flirting with both guys and women. I did not have an issue about it one bit, if anything some people asked me why don't I have a problem about it?? Mmmm.. Why? Because I trusted her. OK, so what was it about this relationship? What about some of my other relationship that worked where I fully trusted my partner? Now, I got to thinking about all the dating and short relationships I had that failed. Doing a little comparison here.
Now, this might sound like I'm perhaps a bit needy. Perhaps this is something I myself need to work upon now some. I have an issue that has been exposed to me fully. Nice to discover something about ourselves at times. You see, I'm a bit like a plant that needs to be watered with meaningful words.
Let explain, the last girl I was dating, the one that power flirted with guys and girls in the bar. She would remind me about how much I meant to her, she would express her thoughts and feelings about me, she would express about how she could not wait to kiss my kissable lips when we talked over the phone. There verbal reassurances of being wanted, loved, needed and desired meant very much to me. I find that without these things, or if there is a bit of a lack of them. Then I find myself questioning how much I do mean to somebody. I start to wonder, when is somebody better then me going to come along and sweep her off her feet.
All I know, is that with vebally being reminded and it be expressed to me how much I mean or that I wanted. I could care less about anybody flirting around, talking or whatever else. I know without question that I am wanted, needed and desired. At least this is how it makes me feel.
Now for the punch line. Not everybody is very verbally expressive in such matters, in fact it can be difficult for them to express. With that said, I feel that perhaps I have been a little too needy. Then again, I did express this was fairly new and developing D/s relationship.
Anyhooo... it's painfully apparent that I have a few issues of my own to need to deal with. Perhaps I need to let go of being this needy a little. Might help things a lot.
OK, so what? This Dude intentionally provoked me (still my opinion) what did I do? I ended up forbidding her to have anything to do with him. (If anything I feel hook line and sinker for it, why? because of my own stupid insecurity).
If I have fully trusted that my Girl wanted me without question, I would have sat there and laughed my ass off at his feable attempt to provoke me. I've done so in the past over games like this. However, this is not the way I reacted nor responded. Think this says a lot about my trust if anything else.
After all you can't push a button unless it's not there. My panic button was there and he pushed it. So yes, I just demonstrated my lack of trust. Mmmmmmm.. I tried to deny that it was not there. Trust me, I tried to. I was pointing my fingers at him... casting blame on him as somebody who could not be trusted. This is exactly what I was doing, and have been doing sort of in this thread. He disrepected me intentionally. OK, I should have just informed my girl about explained the nature of the offense. Left it at that.
As other people have posted.. if she truely loves me she would have not put up with it. Did I let her prove herself to me? Not really I sort of yanked that out from her fingers. Basically, when I did this, I might as well said, I do not trust that you love me enough to stop talking to this guy, so I'm laying down the law now, and I'm forbidding you to talk to him anymore.
Mmmmmmm.. ok, I just lost at the authority and stupid power game going on, why? Because I was letting insecurity and fear drive my thoughts. Again, I stress she's done nothing wrong to directly violate my trust. So I got to exploring this at some length. Thinking to myself What the Hell is wrong with me. Why am I acting do damn retarded? What am I missing in this big picture.
How the hell can I feel so damn secure in one relationship, where I did'nt have a problem with one girl power flirting out at bars and clubs. Hell, I would come home from spending the weekend with her, and I was not worried about her talking with anybody. Hell, those thoughts did not even enter my mind at all.
Anyways, the issue is more about myself. NihilusZero actually hit the nail on the head about being tested in terms of D/s lately. However I was feeling a little awkward about getting too D/s. Like I was not ready and not fully trusting of it.
Basically me knowing that I am wanted, desired and needed by other person has a lot to do with it.
Back to my issues in wanting to feel Loved, Wanted, Desired and needed. (that's the root of the real issue here)... Now compare that thought to this one "If somebody loves you and wants to be with you, any attempt at somebody trying to devalue you should fail."
Mmmmmmmm... think there's a lot to be said for myself and my actions and where my mind has been at lately....
I yanked permission around like a loose chain, in different directions. Enough to confuse anybody, including confuse myself..
< Message edited by WhiplashSmile2 -- 11/23/2008 11:17:34 AM >
|
RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of fri... - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread