stella41b
Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
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Aszhrae
I'm going to come back in here and give you some advice - unsolicited, it might not apply - but I'm giving it for what it's worth.
If you thought that being passable and not disclosing would get you through, I'm hoping that these responses from the non-transgendered folk here - and trust me these are pretty frank but mild, will disabuse you of that illusion right away.
You've spent 18 years in domestic service, I'm not too sure how far you've got in your transition, but take it from me, you've been cocooned in a safe haven, and like it or not you've got to start standing on your own two feet and counting on only yourself. Being able to do this with some degree of independence is the acid test for gender reassignment, I think (off the top of my head) it's called the Harry Benjamin standard of care. If you were in the UK you would need to go through a Real Life Test for 2 years or so and change your name and live as a woman 24/7 in order to qualify for treatment.
You've got to start waking up to reality.. Now you are seeking a Mistress, but how much do you need that Mistress, and why? To support you? Very few women will be willing to do this in a D/s dynamic, unless you've signed up for total slavery, most domestic jobs involve kids, not D/s, they're vanilla, and you're not only competing with an awful lot of women.
Like you I'm a domestic service submissive, I started out that way, but I have also held vanilla domestic cleaning jobs and been paid up to £10 an hour for my work. I've done secretarial work office work, and I was busy gathering all these skills and experience before I even attempted to go through the transition.
But Aszhrae, you're doing this for you, nobody else, and like it or not you cannot change the world or change society just like that. Yes, it's me Stella being a bit of a hypocrite here, I'm established in theatre and gender and sexual orientation is my mission, my cause, because I have stood up to people, the Church and organizations in the past and spoken out - not just for me, but for everyone. However realistically I know that the chances are I'm going to be dead before any of these changes take place. Right now I will settle for a decent sized audience and a long running production.
My gender issues devastated my childhood and my teens, it took me years to get my head round the concept, it decimated my self-worth, and you're expecting the non-transgendered to be able to understand from a few postings?
But it's like MasterFireMaam says, forget about those people who reject you, forget about the negative - gender reassignment is stressful, traumatic, and painful, you need to focus on the positive and look for people who accept you, anyone.
You don't need a Mistress, you need a support network, you need friends, you need family, you need that support because without it it's going to be very tough, and I'm speaking as someone who is getting through my own transition without much support here with me.
Coming here is a step in the right direction, and I will personally vouch for everyone here, these people are supportive, they;ve been supporting me for well over a year now, and many of them write to me on the other side. I don't want to rattle off names, but the list is long and I can't even count the times when something has been said which has helped, taught me something, or simply brightened my day.
But you need that support real time, there where you are, and you need to start developing and building that support network.
There's a ratio which is pretty direct, and that ratio is the less intimate the contact the more open and supportive other people are of people who are transgendered. There are people who aren't transgendered who do understand and who are prepared to understand and support you, to stand by you, and you need to be finding them.
Transitioning or living independently as transgendered is easier in bigger cities, you may need to move to one. The very minimum you need is a room and I would advise you to have a computer with access to the Internet.
If you want to PM me on the other side please feel free to do so. I can see what I can do. No promises, but I can try. I have family in Toronto, not sure how far that is away from you.
You need to ditch the anger and resentment. Nobody's interested. Trust me. People have got their own issues to cope with, nobody is going to make space for you or treat you as a special case just because you're transgendered.
Make sure also you've got the support of the medical profession, a psychiatrist, a psychotherapist, and/or a trans-friendly counsellor. This is vitally important, because in a previous posting you described what I assume is anxiety attacks and panic attacks, these things need monitoring and professional help and management.
As for a relationship it's possible, but it's not a given. I would say it's a minority of transgendered folk who go on to form successful relationships with someone non-transgendered, especially if it is sexual. It is possible to find a Mistress, but it's not as easy as not being transgendered. Frankly speaking your best chances are among the bisexuals and trans-friendly lesbians, but not all lesbians are trans-friendly. Some are, because there's no PMS, no risk of pregnancy, and there are people who are attracted to the transgendered mindset and even gynandrophiles, people who are attracted to the transgendered.
Get yourself a hobby, go do voluntary work, throw yourself into society and keep throwing yourself into society. You will never ever be completely isolated from society except through your own choice - remember that - you are human just like the rest of society.
People get rejected for other reasons too. Try asking someone who is overweight, thin, short, tall, we all have preferences and prejudices, I have them, you have them too. It's worth bearing this in mind. People might not like you for other reasons than being transgendered. People are people.
This is all I can think of at the moment - I'm writing this off the top of my head. Some of it may apply, some of it probably won't. But you have it.
If you want to message me, please feel free to do so. You'd be more than welcome.
< Message edited by stella41b -- 11/26/2008 8:41:30 AM >
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