candystripper
Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
|
There was a flurry of posts on another thread, "Straight Woman Blues" about monogamy and it became apparent communication was breaking down in part because people did not use the word "monogamy" to mean the same thing.
When i use the word "monogamy" i mean "the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time" unless the couple is married; and then i use it to denote faithfulness in marriage. (See Merriam-Webster, 10th Edition.)
i think some people discard monogamy for various reasons.
It may be that they simply find it too constrictive; or that it creates too many missed opportunities; or that it requires one to choose and choosing is not within their repetorie, etc.
However, it is apparent from the other thread "Straight Woman Blues" that many people do feel they are monogamous in their relationships. It also became apparent that we were not using the word "monogamy" with a common meaning; thusly, this Op post.
Personally, i want High Monogamy. That means first and foremost that He has chosen me to help create a space within this world that belongs just to U/us. It means He is really dedicated to our relationship, as am i. Within this space we have made together, we both grow. To borrow an expression, our knowledge would be a mile deep but an inch wide. i would not know much more about men generally, but i would be an expert on my One. Our years together would be spent learning new ways to delight; to support; to comfort; to give joy. For me, High Monogamy gives me the basis for a happy, healthy relationship in which trust and respect and intimacy can grow exponentially.
High Monogamy (as i use the term) means neither party has any sexual liasion with another, third party. In a relationship like this, both parties would be entranced enough with the other that foregoing other "opportunities" would pale in comparision. As an aside, i am leery of Men my age who've never married, never fathered children, never had a lomg-term live-in relationship. It's possible they will overcome their apparent commitment phobia for me, but it's not likely.
High Monogamy also means He has no cyber-buddies; no "sex with the ex"; no obsession with porn that excludes me. It means our sexual lives are intertwined. There were suggestions on the other thread that sounded like "no Man can be satisified with just one woman". However, i know Men who are, and i want one of my own. Looking back on the Climton years, i can also say High Monogamy includes not getting a bj from another woman; and "is" means "at the present time" not "right this minute". There is a covenant in High Monogamy that no one will lie. If one party wants to end it, they will say so; not just lie and cheat their way out. They will act with dignity and respect for one another.
On a side note, one characteristic i am looking for in a Man is that He has a circle of friends and He values them. Some are women and some are men, and by the time a Man reaches His 40's i'd rather expect to see several people He's known for 10, 15, or 20 years. i find it a sign of emotional maturity if a Man has been able to conduct a few relationships with women over time without crossing the boundary that separates friends from lovers. By the same token, i'd want Him to be free to continue making friends of either gender..and while i might know about them and interact with them some, they'd remain His friends. And so would mine.
i was asked on a third thread (i cannot recall which one) whether i would discuss the intimate details of my life with my One with my friends. If a problem arose, i would tend to seek the counsel of my Men friends. However, if my One forbade making such disclosures, i would obey. i'd never gossip about my One but i'd share landmarks with my girlfriends; first time together; first play; first collar. And whatever steps we take in between. Once again, if my One forbade it, i would obey. It would be hard, not being free to discuss the most important thing to happen to me since my kid was born; i gradutated law school, etc. i see this as a small issue, easily rectified.
i don't mean to put words in anyone's mouth, but it did seem to me that on the other thread, people felt they were monogamous because their partner was present/particpated/knew about every sexual encounter they had had with third parties. And, i suppose, vise versa.
To me this is a different type of monogamy. i'd think a relationship conducted in this manner would be strained if one party made an emotional investment in a third person/potential play partner. i am not sure how people who define monogamy in this way feel about friends. i'm not being critical of people who adopt this style of monogamy, but i am not well-informed about it either.
i know enough to know it's incompatible with the High Monogamy i seek. However, that's of no importance to anyone other than me, and my One, if i find Him.
One person asked me about serial monogamy....that one is easy to answer. While He & i are together, i expect Him to confine His sexual/play activities to me. The relationship may not flower into the life partnership we both seek, but without High Monogamy, there's no way to ever know.
In closing let me say, i know BDMS'ers have a panorama of behaviors concerning mating that i have not touched on. i chose to post about monogamy because it seemed we lacked a common definition. i know we could just as easily discourse on other sexual patterns, and with the same respect as monogamy. i do not feel i can claim the moral high ground (a lonely place anyway) because i seek High Monogamy. i do not urge anyone else to adopt my views.
The purpose of this Op post is to put a bit of flesh on the term High Monogamy (as i use it) , and to invite others with divergent views on monogamy to post.
candystripper
< Message edited by candystripper -- 12/24/2005 3:00:52 AM >
|
What is Monogamy? - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread