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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 7:11:25 PM

lovingpet

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That kind of fallout falls upon the dominant. After all, if the submissive is carrying out a direct order, the person responsible for this is the dominant.

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 7:13:19 PM

daddysblondie

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It's because I feel it's inappropriate to air my dirty laundry to them when they're trying to enjoy a night out...
I certainly would feel terribly uncomfortable if one of my friends at the dungeon came up to me and said, hey guess what....

<sigh>....

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 7:14:24 PM

lovingpet

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You may want to explain that to him, but in the end his decision is what needs to be followed.

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 7:14:51 PM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Actually I got a few snarks a little while ago for outright saying I thought such things were inappropriate and rude. Seriously, why the desire to foist that onto others and what on earth makes them feel they are so important that others CARE and want it to be part of their night out?

I'm pretty much in agreement with LA (no surprise), and wouldn't think of involving others in my girl's (legitmate) punishment. Nor would I think very much of anyone that wanted to involve me in theirs.

But I do recall a time when I might have done so. I was newer, less sure of myself, and more concerned with how others might perceive me. I don't recall those days fondly, but I won't deny them either.

John

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 7:16:15 PM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

That kind of fallout falls upon the dominant. After all, if the submissive is carrying out a direct order, the person responsible for this is the dominant.

Appropriate or not, that is the bottom line. And I believe you're quite correct to say so.

John

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 7:26:51 PM

lovingpet

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I think it is even more the case if she has expressed her concerns and he demands she proceed anyway. She has offered up another point of view for him to consider and he is accepting the consequences of that. She obeying him reflects well on him, what it is she is doing in order to obey may or may not.

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 7:29:48 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Actually obeying an asshole does NOT reflect well. It says "I either don't know this dude is an asshole and thus have no judgement, or I know full well he's an asshole and am completely agreeing to participate in what he wants to do, thus accepting and encouraging asshole behavior"

"My dom told me" does not make a sub innocent.

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 7:40:26 PM

SirMIkeSD

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Without knowing all of what is going on it is hard to say what is going on. It may have something to do with the people she needs to tell or they were party to the transgression (knowing or not) and he wants her to make amends. I am assuming here that he does not want her to walk up to uninvolved parties and tell them about the issue. It still comes down that the OP needs to talk with her Master.

If the OP wants better advice then she needs to fill us in better.

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 7:44:54 PM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

"My dom told me" does not make a sub innocent.

Sure, a submissive/slave can refuse and accept the consequences. And everyone has that limit at which they'll do so. But short of that, there are times when they'll just have to grin and bear it. That's part of an ownership dynamic.

John

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 7:50:18 PM

daddysblondie

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M'kay... i'll try to fill in the blanks a little more...

like i said, this was several months ago... i went to the trouble of creating a false persona trying to find out if he was being honest with me about another girl. (he was). i knew what i had done was a deal-breaker, so i kept it a secret for months. the people who could be considered a party to it already know.

his argument is this... "I simply asked you to supplicate yourself publicly to some of our friends knowing that it would be a deeply troubling and therefore unforgettable punishment for the indiscretion of keeping secrets..."

Overall, i'm having a hard time with it because i do feel it's bad form to air our dirty laundry... especially at an event where people are there to have fun. i actually agree with a lot of what was said, both about obeying my dominant and about involving other people, which is why this has become a huge struggle for me.

And I do thank all of you for your words of advice and discussion... He and i have talked extensively about this and we're pretty much going in circles at this point. And I'm feeling a bit like I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this because my good friends all know about this and I already know how they feel about it. Of course, they all think I was stupid for even coming clean about what I had done... so i'm not getting much help there...

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 7:54:49 PM

Madame4a

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Uhmmm... your last line.. about your friends? ... I'd suggest new ones... I think perhaps the not so smart thing you did was creating another personae to sneak around...

like others have said, involving others in your punishment is kind of creepy (my word, of course) -- if I were at a play space and someone started telling me about something like this I'd start hiding the knives... but that's me.. I'm private and so I get weirded out when aquaintances even, start to involve me in personal things, in a public way.

and as others have said, its not on you, its on your Master ...

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

M'kay... i'll try to fill in the blanks a little more...

like i said, this was several months ago... i went to the trouble of creating a false persona trying to find out if he was being honest with me about another girl. (he was). i knew what i had done was a deal-breaker, so i kept it a secret for months. the people who could be considered a party to it already know.

his argument is this... "I simply asked you to supplicate yourself publicly to some of our friends knowing that it would be a deeply troubling and therefore unforgettable punishment for the indiscretion of keeping secrets..."

Overall, i'm having a hard time with it because i do feel it's bad form to air our dirty laundry... especially at an event where people are there to have fun. i actually agree with a lot of what was said, both about obeying my dominant and about involving other people, which is why this has become a huge struggle for me.

And I do thank all of you for your words of advice and discussion... He and i have talked extensively about this and we're pretty much going in circles at this point. And I'm feeling a bit like I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this because my good friends all know about this and I already know how they feel about it. Of course, they all think I was stupid for even coming clean about what I had done... so i'm not getting much help there...

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 11/30/2008 8:00:17 PM >

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 7:56:00 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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It might help to separate the issues. It's not that you are not willing to obey him and do as he asks, it's not that you feel you are "too good" to do what he wants.

It's that he's ordering you to force your dynamic and relationship onto other people and actively involve them in an issue which not only has no relevance to them, but would cause discomfort.

I'm sure he wouldn't like if another slave slapped you on the mouth because their dom said "You've been a bad girl, go slap her on the face tonight"

But he may simply be stuck in where he is. In that case, you either accept or reject.

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 8:03:10 PM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

M'kay... i'll try to fill in the blanks a little more...

like i said, this was several months ago... i went to the trouble of creating a false persona trying to find out if he was being honest with me about another girl. (he was). i knew what i had done was a deal-breaker, so i kept it a secret for months. the people who could be considered a party to it already know.

his argument is this... "I simply asked you to supplicate yourself publicly to some of our friends knowing that it would be a deeply troubling and therefore unforgettable punishment for the indiscretion of keeping secrets..."

Overall, i'm having a hard time with it because i do feel it's bad form to air our dirty laundry... especially at an event where people are there to have fun. i actually agree with a lot of what was said, both about obeying my dominant and about involving other people, which is why this has become a huge struggle for me.

And I do thank all of you for your words of advice and discussion... He and i have talked extensively about this and we're pretty much going in circles at this point. And I'm feeling a bit like I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this because my good friends all know about this and I already know how they feel about it. Of course, they all think I was stupid for even coming clean about what I had done... so i'm not getting much help there...

Tough spot. There a quite a few issues here and you don't have the luxury of dealing with each of them individually. So as I see it, you have to make a decision on the big picture... do you belong to and obey him or not? If you do, then do it. If not, don't. There are consequences to each choice. Life is like that sometimes.

John

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 8:05:03 PM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie
It's because I feel it's inappropriate to air my dirty laundry to them when they're trying to enjoy a night out... I certainly would feel terribly uncomfortable if one of my friends at the dungeon came up to me and said, hey guess what....

And in a number of dungeons, that would earn both of you an invitation to not come back. If you check the rules list, you find many times it says "check negative energy at the door" or "drama free zone" or something similar.

If this is done, it certainly needs to be done somewhere other than the dungeon.

Cali

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 8:23:03 PM

DrkJourney

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First I just want to say that I'm not saying anything against you, I don't know you or your situation. I'm just answering your question, from my perspective, since it was asked.

First thing, I don't take slaves/subs into my life on a whim. There is a lot of trust and knowledge that goes into building the relationship. If I trusted someone to that extent, and they betrayed me....I would have a major problem trusting them again. "But" if I found a way in my head to reconcile, and gave him a way to make attonement....I would expect it to be carried out.

If he came back and said he didn't do it, for whatever reason, but prefered do it another way, of his choosing...honestly, I probably would let him go.

First he betrays me, then when I give him an "out" he ignores it, and then he "tells" me a way he wants to do it instead. I would say that he didn't respect me as his Domme. That he wanted everything his way, and was trying to top from the bottom.

I am in no way saying this is you or your master, I'm just saying from my point of view that is what I would be thinking.

I do hope it all works about between you and yours

good luck to you

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 8:28:33 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I am always disturbed when I see any kind of public punishment scenes, even more so when I do not know the persons involved. If I am displeased with my sub for some reason, I might send him or her off to the car for a bit, but as to embarassing them in public? That would only serve to reflect badly on ME, and disturb those around me.

If your dominant feels that you have somehow betrayed other people, and apologizing to those others will make him feel better, okay. I know that if I saw you with a Hester Prynne sign around your neck, I would NOT be well pleased. Public events are for enjoyment and sharing a good time, not for airing private grievances, or for involving the non consenting public in a scene.

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 8:45:02 PM

DrkJourney

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

M'kay... i'll try to fill in the blanks a little more...

like i said, this was several months ago... i went to the trouble of creating a false persona trying to find out if he was being honest with me about another girl. (he was). i knew what i had done was a deal-breaker, so i kept it a secret for months. the people who could be considered a party to it already know.

his argument is this... "I simply asked you to supplicate yourself publicly to some of our friends knowing that it would be a deeply troubling and therefore unforgettable punishment for the indiscretion of keeping secrets..."

Overall, i'm having a hard time with it because i do feel it's bad form to air our dirty laundry... especially at an event where people are there to have fun. i actually agree with a lot of what was said, both about obeying my dominant and about involving other people, which is why this has become a huge struggle for me.

And I do thank all of you for your words of advice and discussion... He and i have talked extensively about this and we're pretty much going in circles at this point. And I'm feeling a bit like I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this because my good friends all know about this and I already know how they feel about it. Of course, they all think I was stupid for even coming clean about what I had done... so i'm not getting much help there...

I agree that it is bad form to bring others into your drama. I would never come up with such a punishment, I'm just a private person, besides I wouldn't want others to think I could control my slave. My thing is you should've discussed this with him, voiced your concerns, when he asked you to do it.

The problem that I would have is that you "agreed" to do it, then backed out.

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 8:51:19 PM

natasha66

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Actions always speak much louder than words. I'm with Rover on this one. Own up to what you did, make the necessary amends, and move on. Stalling just creates unnecessary drama and tension.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Personally, the best way for someone I own to demonstrate that she's sorry is to make sure it doesn't happen again. Saying "I'm sorry" is just words. Demonstrations of penitence do not alter the fact that some offense has occured. Fulfilling my wishes consistently, completely and quickly time and again is the kind of action that surpasses any apology (ie: do not tell me that you're going to obey... obey).

There's no need to call attention to that better behavior. Or to assign it towards righting some wrong. I'll notice, and appreciate it.

Having said that, I'm not a ogre (contrary to popular opinion) and account for the fact that we're all human, and humans make mistakes. I'm less concerned with mistakes than I am with patterns.

John

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 9:28:16 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover
There are consequences to each choice.

This really is what it all boils down to in a nutshell. Ultimately, what she does from here is up to her, each choice with its own set of consequences. She'll have to decide what her priority is and go from there.

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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 10:46:49 PM

mstrj69

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So he wants you to supplicate yourself publicly to some of your friends. I do not think a sign would work however you could try to take them to one side or meet them before they go into the dungeon and are alone to tell them. If none of this can work for you what about the telephone or a dinner at your house where you have to complete what he wants in front of the guests?
What you originally did showed you did not trust him to tell you the truth. Now you have told him you would do what he wants but have not done it so why should he believe you can or will tell him the truth?

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