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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 11:09:20 PM

daddysblondie

Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

After much thought and discussion with my Dominant, he and I have come to an understanding and agreement on what i did, how that made him feel and what I will be doing to help him get over the situation.

And to Sailing Bum... I hate to disappoint you but I won't be appearing on Jerry Springer anytime soon... they told me that in spite of my occasional penchant for drama, I don't much fit their "type" but I did give them your contact information...

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 81

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 11:09:48 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

She's not talking about going up to strangers, she's talking about telling her friends.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

and some stranger girl comes up to us and says "I did x, y, and z, and did not behave."

well wishes,
sunshine

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 82

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 11:13:55 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

penchant

25 points for the use of the word.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 83

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 11:15:00 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

Hi, NZ----
Another exquisite elucidation; my compliments. I don't think you're being harsh at all; you captured the essence: keep your commitments and take personal responsibility. :>
Davan

I keep remembering our conversation about you becoming my marketing director...

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 84

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 11:18:18 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

naaa I don't discriminate I pick on everyone equally ask around. ppl either find humor in my post or take life way to seriously... My "fan mail" runs about 50% 50%. I'm guessing you don't see the humor.

To be blunt re the OP If I gave her a punishment and she fails to carry it out for "whatever reason" and then "suggest to me" what she thinks her punishment should be. My boot would be showing her the door. I don't play that high school crap.

I hope that clears up any misconception that you may have had regarding my pervious post.

BadOne

Edit: As a matter of fact I just had this conversations with my girls kid who just turned 18 "adult age" in the US. I pretty much told her... IF she continues to disrespect and back talk her mother... She should think in terms of finding a new place to live because I will not tolerate that .

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 12/1/2008 11:36:38 PM >

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 85

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 11:20:31 PM

daddysblondie

Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

Thank you.
Again...

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 86

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 11:27:41 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

We could be, perhaps a little bit. But for me, I next to never get to go to a dungeon because time and money don't really allow it , so where I'd normally be willing to listen, I'd be like sorry but I don't care. Please don't bother me with private relationship issues when I am at a playspace.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

And will he still think that if and when you guys become unpopular for spreading relationship , and private relationship stuff to people, who though friends don't give a rip, and are there to have fun, and not to hear your relationship negativity?

I think people are starting to stretch the credibility of the "I'm so offended I had to listen to you for 24 seconds that my night is ruined" angle of displeasure argument, especially if the people she'd have been talking with are friends.

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 87

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 11:29:04 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

Thank you.
Again...

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 88

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/2/2008 8:28:01 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Hands her a great big mirror

quote:

Grrr... why do people have to create so much drama for themselves and then try to infuse it in my life?

I keep thinking that at some point in life that humans MUST eventually outgrow the need to create that same drama that they created in high school. And then I have days like today where I'm reminded that no matter the age, people are still people. There will always be those people who can't stand it when they can't get what they want and so they need to shit on other people to make themselves feel better.

Today turned out to be one of those days where I got to watch people just do that, and well... it fired up that inner Lioness. I expect to see it with the teenagers, it's when it comes from people older than me that I find myself floored.

Go shit in your own pond and stay the hell out of mine will ya? I don't need your stupid drama...

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 89

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/2/2008 8:38:26 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

M'kay... i'll try to fill in the blanks a little more...

like i said, this was several months ago... i went to the trouble of creating a false persona trying to find out if he was being honest with me about another girl. (he was). i knew what i had done was a deal-breaker, so i kept it a secret for months. the people who could be considered a party to it already know.

his argument is this... "I simply asked you to supplicate yourself publicly to some of our friends knowing that it would be a deeply troubling and therefore unforgettable punishment for the indiscretion of keeping secrets..."

Okay, now I regret quoting your own journal back to you. While sneaky game playing like that is destructive, shaming someone around it rather than using it to increase your trust in the bedrock of the relationship seems counter productive. Instead of taking you in his arms to look deep into your eyes and sink in the fact that you can really and truly trust him, he has made this into something ugly. It should have been an opportunity to build trust in the relationship and now it is this self created drama that is undermining it.

And to me, someone so overreacting to snooping is a red flag they are pissed they were almost caught and want to make damn sure it doesn't happen again. To me, your behavior is more akin to a child sneaking a cookie rather than one running out into the street. The former deserves a hard look and a hug and only the latter deserves something harsh and memorable.

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 90

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/2/2008 10:40:13 AM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
Hi, NZ----
Another exquisite elucidation; my compliments. I don't think you're being harsh at all; you captured the essence: keep your commitments and take personal responsibility. :>
Davan

I keep remembering our conversation about you becoming my marketing director...

Lol, I must be good at sighting out and highlighting stand-out, quality stuff; people keep bringing up marketing them to me--'course, again, it's the good stuff in the first place that catches my eye! :> Was thinking we needed to start the Nihilus Zero fanclub; make some Cloves part of the membership fee. Whaddya think? :> Or perhaps collaborate on a book utilizing that term we came up with (That has fallen out of my head at this moment).
This scenario here was one of those "me, me, me" sub threads; you spun it back to her so she actually 'got it'. It's rather rare to be able to affect a person's perspective that readily and to call things as dead-on as you consistently do (And did in that e-mail on the since-pulled thread that you wrote about that situation we've discussed ad nauseam). When you make good sense, you make good sense: and, you frequently do--even if you don't yet understand that pygmy goats rock, lol!
So, yeah, The Nihilus Zero fan club! I think folks on this thread would agree: definitely warranted. :>
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 12/2/2008 10:44:05 AM >

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 91

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/2/2008 10:47:07 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Get with the program Davan... the Zero fan club was started about 10 seconds after he first posted.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 92

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/2/2008 1:18:35 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Neither of them seem capable of building a strong relationship. He demanded unearned trust in the beginning to such an extent that she felt he was lying and cheating. Instead of accepting the fact that his actions and words had engendered such distrust, his response was to punish her friends by subjecting them to all this.

Both of them are responsible for this mess. OP, in future, don't go sneaking around. Simply tell the other person you don't believe them and leave it at that. Someone who does care about you will be sufficiently open and forthcoming enough that you won't be seeing gaps between words and actions. Additionally the fact he didn't actually meet the other woman doesn't mean he is seriously committed to you. If you felt he was looking elsewhere, then the looking itself is a sign that this relationship isn't enough for him. Whether or not any relationship could be is something you will have to decide.

But punishing someone by making them lose more trust in the quality of your decisions is not how to strenghten a relationship.

Me? I wouldn't accept this. But I wouldn't have accepted him not responding to my feelings in the first place. I bottomed but did not submit until I had sufficient history with him to know what his moral and ethical values were and whether or not he made good decisions that were safe for me.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 93

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/2/2008 4:45:21 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Get with the program Davan... the Zero fan club was started about 10 seconds after he first posted.

Cali

Lol,Cali! And rightfully so (Regarding the prompt beginnings of his fan base). Yes, but has anyone previously suggested offering him Cloves for his sage advice?! I think folks are seriously behind in that regard and ought be showing proper appreciation! Whaddya think, NZ? < grin >
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 12/2/2008 4:47:08 PM >

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 94

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/2/2008 4:48:37 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
Lol,Cali! Yes, but has anyone perviously suggested offering him Cloves for his sage advice?! I think folks are seriously behind in that regard and ought be showing proper appreciation! Whaddya think, NZ? < grin >

What I have offered as President of the ZFC is something between me and the BigZ and something that would be an absolute TOS violation to describe. But go on ahead with your cloves.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 95

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/2/2008 5:15:04 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
Lol,Cali! Yes, but has anyone perviously suggested offering him Cloves for his sage advice?! I think folks are seriously behind in that regard and ought be showing proper appreciation! Whaddya think, NZ? < grin >

What I have offered as President of the ZFC is something between me and the BigZ and something that would be an absolute TOS violation to describe. But go on ahead with your cloves.

Cali

A man can appreciate any number of pleasant things, can he not, Cali? :>
I didn't say I was sending cloves (NZ knows he may share my cloves anytime even if he doesn't yet understand the coolness of pygmy goats...hey, maybe that becomes a part of the management contract: develop theoretical appreciation for pygmy goats in return for representation, lol!); I was suggesting that as part of the membership fee for others! < grin >
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 12/2/2008 5:18:36 PM >

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 96

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/2/2008 6:05:57 PM

daddysblondie

Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

Okay, okay...

As someone so eloquently pointed out... I've let my Dom take a few too many beatings over this one. The reality is that this snooping/lying/false persona creating incident aside, he and I had already discussed months ago the insecurities on my part that led up to my lame decision. At the time, I admit, I didn't trust him to tell me the truth about what was going on with another girl but that really was much more about my own mistrust than it was about him NOT being a good guy.

With that said, in spite of carrying around this lie for about 4 or 5 months, our relationship has gotten much stronger. In fact it was because of where our relationship had progressed to and where we wanted it to go that I knew the right thing to do was to come clean even if that meant that he walked away.

Yesterday, after I stopped thinking about myself and my own discomfort and really listened to what he had to say and how he felt, he and I were able to resolve the issues that were still lingering. NZ really did hit the nail on the head with some things, and I'm thankful for his input however difficult it was to read at the time that I read it.

The final lesson I learned in all of this is that people are really quick to "fill in the blanks". Don't worry Michael, I don't need that mirror again, though this has made me realize that I need to be willing to slow down myself at times. In addition to criticism of him, several people commented on the "health" of our relationship. I admit, it's not perfect... we've had our ups and downs... but we've always tried to come out of each incident stronger on the other side of it. We've grown up and grown together in the last year and while I know full well that our relationship may not be someone else's cup of tea, I know there have also been plenty of times that I've heard others talk about their own dynamic and thought, "there's no way."

Thank you for those that gave advice and helped to open my eyes.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 97

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/2/2008 8:24:43 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I remember one time I was checking up on Daddy to see if he was lying to me about not wasting money* he was* And I came clean to him about sneaking into his bank account knowing he didn't want me to, and after a moment of madness he burst out laughing.

Why? He said he knew I'd do something like that eventually, cause I am so nosey and curious. So he's not suprised I found my way into his account. Now me knowing how to get into his account has turned into a good thing, since I check every few days, Not to spy on him, but to see if I need to point anything out to him, and It's payed off 3 times.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

And to me, someone so overreacting to snooping is a red flag they are pissed they were almost caught and want to make damn sure it doesn't happen again.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 98

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/2/2008 8:48:56 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I am not in favor of public punishments. What next? Witch hunts and burning at the stake? Then I would be in serious trouble... The crowd mentality of 'get'um' or judgment and subject to personal business... isn't what I see as fair to anyone.

Were those that were subject to the punishment of one, asked before they took part in this?

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 99

RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/2/2008 9:40:37 PM

mbes

Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline

Sounds like a couple of good nudges got you moving in a helpful direction, so you must not have been too far off the path, and even smarter now. Good for you and for him, and I hope everything you've learned gets put to good use. It's nice to see someone come to the other side of a dilemma less confused!

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 100

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