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RE: Not your average punishment thread - 11/30/2008 10:58:29 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

M'kay... i'll try to fill in the blanks a little more...

like i said, this was several months ago... i went to the trouble of creating a false persona trying to find out if he was being honest with me about another girl. (he was). i knew what i had done was a deal-breaker, so i kept it a secret for months. the people who could be considered a party to it already know.

his argument is this... "I simply asked you to supplicate yourself publicly to some of our friends knowing that it would be a deeply troubling and therefore unforgettable punishment for the indiscretion of keeping secrets..."

Overall, i'm having a hard time with it because i do feel it's bad form to air our dirty laundry... especially at an event where people are there to have fun. i actually agree with a lot of what was said, both about obeying my dominant and about involving other people, which is why this has become a huge struggle for me.

And I do thank all of you for your words of advice and discussion... He and i have talked extensively about this and we're pretty much going in circles at this point. And I'm feeling a bit like I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this because my good friends all know about this and I already know how they feel about it. Of course, they all think I was stupid for even coming clean about what I had done... so i'm not getting much help there...

Just curious, are the friends that you are suppose to tell, the same ones you spoke of here?


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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(in reply to daddysblondie)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 7:17:31 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

He knows about the second because he was there with me last night...

His issue with me at this point is that he feels like my "inability" to do what he told me to do is an ego thing... me worrying about what other people think of me more than i'm worried about what he thinks of me...


Putting aside whether what he asked of you is rude, (which in my opinion is not, if you are only talking to friends...I listen to my friends, and when I have something I need to talk about, hope that they will listen and help me in the same way)

But, I think your master is quite correct in his assessment. It does seem that you are more interested in others' reactions/feelings, than your master's.

The sign thing sounds like a cop-out. Especially if you have trouble communicating your flaws/mistakes with others.

I wish you both well, whatever is decided.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to daddysblondie)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 7:31:58 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie
My question is this... if your submissive came to you and offered to wear a sign explaining her "sins" on your next outing to the dungeon, would that help you to see that he/she was serious about being repentant and wanting to do better? I'm just seeking opinions... I am well aware that what one person thinks is sufficient isn't another's... just trying to get some kind of consensus...
This one is pretty far afield from my reality, but I'll try.  I agree with kyraofMists and others.  For me, if you wanted to be "repentant", you would start obeying.  If I were your domiannt I wouldn't be "punishing" you in your current situation, I'd simply be asking you to look deep inside yourself and answer the question, "Do you know who your dominant is?"  I'd be interested in seeing if you obeyed that command or not.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to daddysblondie)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 7:34:22 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

It's because I feel it's inappropriate to air my dirty laundry to them when they're trying to enjoy a night out...
I certainly would feel terribly uncomfortable if one of my friends at the dungeon came up to me and said, hey guess what....

<sigh>....


You're in good company. Most of us don't believe in forcing others to take part in our kink nonconsensually. Tell him this and that if he talks to all of them and gets a list of who has consented, then you'll do it.

But to me, this isn't much different then him demanding you visit your elderly grandmother wearing fetish garb and telling her you get ass raped regularly. Unless the other person has given permission for you to do this, it is crossing a moral boundary in my viewpoint.

Beyond that, how is grossing out your friends supposed to teach you to trust him? Does he normally demand stuff that you don't deem sensible? Because it doesn't seem to me that this punishment will teach you anything, it's just an excuse for him to have a hot scene without your agreement.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to daddysblondie)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 7:45:19 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I will clarify that I believe relationship dynamics, especially punishment, to be a very private thing in a general sense.  I would not give such a punishment nor would I enter into such a punishment without discussion.

Maybe he has already laid all the groundwork for this to be consentual with the friends..  Maybe he would go to her defense if someone were to get upset with her as she carried out such an order.  Maybe, just maybe, this is all about trust.  He would not tell her in advance that these measures were in place.  She would have to trust him to have made this a proper punishment.  It is the mental challenge of entering into it blindly that makes it so painful.  If he did not, both will feel the repercussions, but his vigorous protection of her in the process would go a long way to dealing with this deep seated trust issue.  I can see a potential way this would be acceptable, but there is no way to know if it is the case.  It is simply going to be a leap of faith, or a choice to stand one's ground.

lovingpet

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 8:34:06 AM   
MistresseLotus


Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

My question is this... if your submissive came to you and offered to wear a sign explaining her "sins" on your next outing to the dungeon, would that help you to see that he/she was serious about being repentant and wanting to do better? I'm just seeking opinions... I am well aware that what one person thinks is sufficient isn't another's... just trying to get some kind of consensus...



Your dom needs to learn that your punishment is nobody elses business.  Descretion is the better part of valor, as they say. 

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to daddysblondie)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 9:26:53 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello blondie,
While repentance is good for the soul, and acts of contrition certainly help healing, but who are you and your fellow to decide that the rest of the world should hear your nonsense?  Most folks won't give a rat's ass what you did or didn't do and all you are doing is interrupting their fun.  Certainly, confession is a good idea but to a bunch of folks?

I can't imagine my Master making me do that.  First of all, it is embarassing for him.  People would wonder what is going on that he doesn't have control over me.  What's wrong with your relationship that he's not, you know, MASTERING you?  He looks bad in this scenario.  If you are deliberately misbehaving, then there's a whole other problem happening than you telling acquaintances what you did. 

But let's look at your scenario...
So, I'm at a party laughing and having a good time with some of the girlies (Lady Hib, lushy, GT, Hejira, BSB, Cali and a slew of other hotties)... we're checking out the guys and the size of their... floggers... and some stranger girl comes up to us and says "I did x, y, and z, and did not behave." 

"That's nice dear.  You're in the way of Simply Michael's fine ass and Cuffkinks beautiful broad shoulders.  Go away."

really!

Punishment is one thing.  Public humiliation is another one.  Just what are we really talking about here?

well wishes,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 9:37:20 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
But let's look at your scenario...
So, I'm at a party laughing and having a good time with some of the girlies (Lady Hib, lushy, GT, Hejira, BSB, Cali and a slew of other hotties)... we're checking out the guys and the size of their... floggers... and some stranger girl comes up to us and says "I did x, y, and z, and did not behave." 

"That's nice dear.  You're in the way of Simply Michael's fine ass and Cuffkinks beautiful broad shoulders.  Go away."



Even correcting for one detail in the original scenario, that she is to tell "friends"... the end result is the same... "go away".

I went to a play party the day after something hugely upsetting happened to me. The only reason I went is that I had previously volunteered to take a shift as dungeon monitor.  I even contacted the host and asked if they had anyone else who really wanted to do it or was on a waiting list, so they could take my place. 

I got girlied-up, put a smile on my face and went.  I timed my arrival so that I would get there shortly before my shift started, I could do my 90 minute shift, then I could go home.  I thought I was doing a reasonable job of looking okay.  But I wasn't there five minutes before someone came up to me and said, "your aura is very dark and swirly and you're not okay.  What's going on?"  I was mortified that I was affecting anyone else's good time.

If someone did that on purpose?  Wow, just... wow.


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 9:42:19 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hey cali,
Thanks for the clarification.  I was going with the "friends/acquaintances" from her original post.  I've since read the rest of the thread and see it was changed to "our friends".  But I'm with you... that would just ...

hope all is well with you... and by the way, where are you finding all the virgins you've been throwing in volcanos?

*winks and wiggles,
sunshine



_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 9:46:09 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
hope all is well with you... and by the way, where are you finding all the virgins you've been throwing in volcanos?


  I looked in the virginity thread, couldn't find any there, went out wandering about.  But I think the ones I found were lying, because obviously it didn't work.


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 9:48:58 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
hope all is well with you... and by the way, where are you finding all the virgins you've been throwing in volcanos?


  I looked in the virginity thread, couldn't find any there, went out wandering about.  But I think the ones I found were lying, because obviously it didn't work.


Cali



In keeping with my scarey edge player status...i hereby volunteer to be thrown into the volcano. im all about the fireplay these days.

Sincerely singed
perse

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 11:14:32 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Too, I am wondering how the punishment is going to fix the basic problems:
You did not trust him and you behaved in a deceptive way.

(in reply to daddysblondie)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 1:18:10 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Geez, this seems to have gotten convoluted.

You dishonored your Dom, twice, and then didn't have the resolve to follow through on his punishment. Not only did you not follow through on the punishment, you questioned the sensibility of it and then threw it up on a public message board to have others potentially ridicule it because it covers a possibly grey area of general acceptance.

So...you not only eschewed the 'public' aspect of the punishment because you felt it was inappropriate to make it an open topic...but you then counteract it with the hypocrisy of you airing it out in a public venue?

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

My question is this... if your submissive came to you and offered to wear a sign explaining her "sins" on your next outing to the dungeon, would that help you to see that he/she was serious about being repentant and wanting to do better?

No, it wouldn't. If you're sincere, you would just do it without asking and without any expectation of it having the desired result...but then you'd at least have the resulting closure knowing you at least tried to compensate for your violations, whether he accepts the apology or not.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 1:28:09 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

No, it wouldn't. If you're sincere, you would just do it without asking and without any expectation of it having the desired result...but then you'd at least have the resulting closure knowing you at least tried to compensate for your violations, whether he accepts the apology or not.

You know...the more I think about this, the more clearly it settles. If you actually want to display penance, you won't offer or ask it of him. That's only a covert way of putting him in the line of fire again. It means that when you are at the meeting, every curious eye and potentially disfavorable reaction falls upon his shoulders because you let him weigh the responsibility of choosing to enact that punishment or not. Not very nice.

Rather, if you decide it upon yourself, the only decision involved was yours...and people are much less quick to judge an act taken by a sub, upon herself, as a willfully chosen way of expressing remorse to her Dom.

Unless you're enjoying continually putting him in the uncomfortable chair (in ways that smell suspiciously of subterfuge, intentional or not), take this responsibility up on your own.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 1:49:42 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Hmmmm, you transgressed and made it worse by concealing it (About you, about you)
You eventually told on yourself (Arguably about assuaging your guilt)
Your Master gave you a task to correct it
You did not do the task and have made excuses about why you didn't do it (About you again)
Now, you want to propose an alternate punishment for your transgressions which are now even greater in number (Again, about you)
I am noticing a theme here (Check out the parentheses, op) that I think is a big issue. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 2:13:54 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
hope all is well with you... and by the way, where are you finding all the virgins you've been throwing in volcanos?


  I looked in the virginity thread, couldn't find any there, went out wandering about.  But I think the ones I found were lying, because obviously it didn't work.


Cali



In keeping with my scarey edge player status...i hereby volunteer to be thrown into the volcano. im all about the fireplay these days.

Sincerely singed
perse



Ummmm    ....   perse    -   i think one of the requirements is to be a virgin    -    not virginontheridiculous.  just saying.......


(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 2:18:01 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		and yes - you didn't trust your dom, you spied on him, you told him (probably to make yourself feel better - because that is what i would do), he set a punishment - which you didn't carry through with - and now you want a different punishment.

Tough titties, kid. You are an adult in a relationship where you have (presumably) ceeded your freedom of will to another. Better get off the stick and do what he tells you or get out of the relationship. And if people get pissed off with you - thats your fault too.  Sorry.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 2:32:30 PM   
SageFemmexx


Posts: 240
Joined: 1/2/2007
Status: offline 		I am a private person and I hate it when others impose their drama upon me. Your sign idea is a bad one as far as I am concerned because it draws me into your public punishment.

With the internet in our lives there are endless possibilities for trust violations. You broke trust--it's up to you to fix it. If he wants something as small as a confession to friends--do it. Stop whining about it.

Sage.

(in reply to mstrj69)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 2:40:04 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12
Better get off the stick and do what he tells you or get out of the relationship. And if people get pissed off with you - thats your fault too.  Sorry.


Am I understanding you correctly?  Are you saying that if she does the punishment as he said it, bringing drama to the dungeon, and people get pissed off at her, that it's her fault?  The original crime (and the followup crimes) were her fault yes, but her dom picking a crappy ass punishment is her fault too?  (because if she hadn't done it, no punishment would be necessary)

If that IS what you're saying... I was with someone briefly who used that sort of thinking... "briefly" being the key phrase.  I said something completely innocent, someone else took it and twisted it around and made a big drama out of it, he jumped my shit without even bothering to find out from me what happened first... and it was all my fault because if I hadn't said anything in the first place none of the drama would have happened.  Yeah, uh... cuz other people's bad behavior and bad decisions are my fault. 


Cali






_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Not your average punishment thread - 12/1/2008 3:12:32 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		I would....be perfectly happy with you not doing whatever it is I punished you for ever again. The point of whatever way I respond is to fix the problem, not seek some kind of emotional amends by making you suffer for making me suffer.

Given that, however, I wouldn't use such a pointless punishment so I am not sure how much help this would be.



_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to daddysblondie)
Profile   Post #: 60
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