NihilusZero
Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008 From: Nashville, TN Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: faithbunny I'm a little surprised to see the OP getting jumped on so hard for her initial trangression, which seems to me to be rooted in insecurity. Who here has never done something he or she is not proud of because they were insecure? Hopefully she and her Master have delved into the reasons for the insecurity and things are better on that front. While an understanding of the reasons behind mistakes is important, it should in no way diminish the responsibility of an individual to take on the consequences of those mistakes. While it may seem all soft and cuddly and emotive for the Dom to accept the violation(s) and work simply to fix the problem, it's not a mandatory protocol and, frankly, most people's sets of emotions don't function that way. This doesn't even deal with the fact that she dealt with at least 2 transgressions by piling another on top of it. Maybe it seems a light thing to you (and this isn't meant as an affront but just an awareness of differing 'limits') but I find deception to be one of the most extreme violations. My reactions to this will mirror that. And, while I have no intention of being intentionally cruel to the OP, it's nice to see she is open to seeing different perspectives on this and doesn't feel it's personal. quote:
ORIGINAL: faithbunny As for the punishment... I think it's a tacky and obnoxious one, at best. That's not for you to decide. And, this is yet another indirect issue wrought from her having brought things up here in public: she has openly invited half-informed criticism of her Dom. It's a dishonor. Frankly, the construct of his punishment (as I understand it from skimming through) did seem to appropriately address the issue of secrecy...by forcing her to make herself an open book for a short period of time. Some people are whining about being made unwilling audience members by such an act (as if being involved in this very thread isn't the same thing!)...but that's their own personal pet peeve, at worst and a silly emotional overreaction at worst. quote:
ORIGINAL: faithbunny The OP needs to decide how strongly she feels about the inappropriateness of the punishment. No, she doesn't. She needs to decide if she plans to submit to her Dom or not. If she has, then it is her responsibility to abide by his rule. Otherwise they're just role-playing/part-timing. Even if she felt unsure about his decision, it should certainly not be something brought up at that moment and certainly not in public. To go even further, I would expect my sub/slave to willingly and, without question, do what I've set forth (an indication of honoring my decision) and only afterward taking the time to ask me about it, as far as her feeling awkward about it. If the situation/punishment was really something that made her feel entirely uncomfortable, then I might understand her yieldingly bringing it up beforehand...but that would have to be an extreme case. quote:
ORIGINAL: faithbunny Either she needs to respectfully decline, or she needs to obey. My beloved doesn't love it when I tell him no, but I think it's a lot more respectful than simply BSing him would be. If you get to decide when and where you obey...what's the point of the D/s dynamic? Who, at that point, is really even wielding the control in the power exchange? quote:
ORIGINAL: faithbunny Personally (and I'm sure this will not be a popular opinion) I don't think that punishment is appropriate except in the case of repeated trangressions, where talking about it like grownups has failed to work. I think willful decisions to violate trust and honor don't need a 'three-strikes-you're-out' policy. How many times does you're partner need to cheat on you before it's a "repeated transgression"? quote:
ORIGINAL: faithbunny I may be submissive, but I am not a child. Doms make mistakes, too, and subs don't punish them. I think I am deserving of as much respect as any dom does. Why are you bringing up being made to feel like a child? Violating the honor and trust of a relationship...and being made to be accountable for it, is not an issue of treating someone as a child (unless the guilty party doesn't like taking the consequences of their actions and likes treating reactions as guilt trips or patronizing because they're in denial). Yes, Doms make mistakes too. And, perhaps I live in an odd ideal world...but I expect the Doms to carry the burden of being their own very strict police. I don't expect any leeway of myself if I make a mistake...and I'll be the first one to admit to such if it has affected my sub/slave. Respect is not really relevant here. It's about integrity. If your actions do not display such...then I fail to see how some expectation of "respect" is even fair or logical.
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"I know it's all a game I know they're all insane I know it's all in vain I know that I'm to blame." ~Siouxsie & the Banshees NihilusZero.com CM Sex God du Jour CM Hall Monitor
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