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RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:23:10 PM

flower2007

Posts: 120
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline

Some of my friends know. My family doesn't. They don't need to, same as they don't need to know how much I spent on my last bottle of wine. In fact, I'd go so far as to say they simply can't find out how much I spent on my last bottle of wine. It doesn't mean I'm ashamed, it means my PRIVATE life is PRIVATE and I'll protect it from uncessary intrusions and criticisms.

It sounds like you don't have much to lose if you're willing to throw your personal life out in the open. That's not the case for some of us.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 21

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:24:21 PM

penandknife

Posts: 28
Joined: 10/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

I think we're heading toward more acceptance, but that doesn't mean we're there yet. There are people who must keep their sexuality and related personality aspects hidden for various reasons. It's unfortunate, but it's how it is for now.

EDIT: Think about it. If we could be COMPLETELY open about this, wouldn't we be doing it on Facebook? This site doesn't have 1/4 the functionality Facebook has, but it's very popular. There's a reason for that.

I have to admit, the idea of doing this on Facebook in full view of my old church acquaintances gave me a good chuckle. I can think of one or two people who would be fine with it, if not curious (and I've had my own suspicions about one couple...), but the rest? Dear heavens, the reaction when I spoke out in support of gay marriage alone!

(in reply to NormalOutside)

Post #: 22

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:24:53 PM

sexisubi

Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I'm actually curious as to why the OP doesn't have a picture or a correct age on her profile if she sees no big deal about being out with all of this.

I am not afraid of who I am or who knows, however, I do not want a multitude of useless wankless petitions as I am here for the boards only. Anyone who asks, gets a pic and full disclosure.

Far be it for me to question your motives.. but if you do not care what is the big deal about putting up a picture... for i am also here just for the boards and i respond accordingly to each message that i receive, but my face is seen in each shot.

so i guess my question is can you elabrate a bit on this?

_____________________________

bound by love,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIvvaqUdDm8

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 23

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:27:52 PM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I'm actually curious as to why the OP doesn't have a picture or a correct age on her profile if she sees no big deal about being out with all of this.

I am not afraid of who I am or who knows, however, I do not want a multitude of useless wankless petitions as I am here for the boards only. Anyone who asks, gets a pic and full disclosure.

your courage is inspiring.... ?!

tsk tsk, judging?

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 24

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:28:48 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

- Those who conquer irrational fears have alot of false courage.

I conquered my fear of zombies, where's my courage! I'll take false courage!!!!

Though, in regards to the OP, I don't see the big deal. If you can't deal with someone who feels the need to hide it - don't be with them. It's really that simple. I can't be with someone who is completely in the closet about being gay or bi, but that doesn't mean they aren't ready to be gay. Who the hell am I to push them?

Red, for whom I have a great deal of respect, is right to an extent but people can still have very valid reasons for wanting to keep this part of their lives private. I don't see how you have right to stand in judgement and deem them not ready. They aren't for you but for someone else, who has similiar reasons, they may be perfect.

And.. oh wait... right... sometimes I still make sure there aren't any zombies. Damn it.... no fake courage for me.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 25

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:30:31 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I'm actually curious as to why the OP doesn't have a picture or a correct age on her profile if she sees no big deal about being out with all of this.

I am not afraid of who I am or who knows, however, I do not want a multitude of useless wankless petitions as I am here for the boards only. Anyone who asks, gets a pic and full disclosure.

That's what the delete button is for! Personally I can understand no picture as I took my down for awhile to avoid cock shots but hiding your age? That's just plain hiding - which is fine. Just realize what you are doing.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/7/2008 4:31:00 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 26

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:32:06 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Quick Reply:

To each their own I say. Everyone lives their lives with how they are comfortable.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 27

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:34:16 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Certain jobs have morality clauses and you can get fired from your job if there's ever any hint of sexual deviancee.

And even tohugh you wouldn't be taking your slave to family dinner naked on a leash, some families are VERY judgmental, and would raise hell for oyu, and if you had kids you really can run the risk of loosing your children if family takes legal action against you and the court sides with the family.

There are lots of reasons to be overly discreet about bdsm and being kinky, and it does NOT mean you're not ready to do the lifestyle.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

then perhaps you aren't ready for this life? Ok I thought alot about this, where to post it as I think if effects F/m more than M/f--but then maybe not, so I have posted it here to get everyone's opinion and I hope I word this well-this does not address bedroom antics or play ( although it may with play in a public dungeon)...

What really annoys Me are adults who in the first five sentences say: " No one must know as I have a XXX job" OR" My friends and family must never know".

Last time I looked except for the exceptional few---I haven't seen people being dragged into holiday family dinner naked and at the end of a leash. I haven't seen BDSM as a section on a job app to complete experience. And most times in public, and D/s activity or relationships are so subtle, the casual observer would never guess--We all have things at stake here, but if you are so worried, why the hell are you here?

I'd like thoughts as I am sure My perception is a bit jaded, as I am very comfortable in My skin.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 28

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:35:01 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
people can still have very valid reasons for wanting to keep this part of their lives private.

I don't think we're disagreeing. My point is that a lot of people imagine the consequences will be far worse than they actually are. Yeah, family members freak. They get over it, most of the time. Think about Dick Cheney's gay daughter. She came out at some point. I can imagine her thinking, "I could never tell anyone, it would ruin my father's political career and the family would never forgive me." Well, things turned out pretty much swell... depending on your political persuasion, of course.

Examples like that newspaper article about the chauffeur you quoted six months back do exist. I agree. But they are exceptional, not typical.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 29

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:36:07 PM

sexisubi

Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I'm actually curious as to why the OP doesn't have a picture or a correct age on her profile if she sees no big deal about being out with all of this.

I am not afraid of who I am or who knows, however, I do not want a multitude of useless wankless petitions as I am here for the boards only. Anyone who asks, gets a pic and full disclosure.

That's what the delete button is for! Personally I can understand no picture as I took my down for awhile to avoid cock shots but hiding your age? That's just plain hiding - which is fine. Just realize what you are doing.

i would totally agree and for someone to have such a high regard for people who show themselves in their entirety... why is it that it is not happening here? Not sure if you saw my question or not but i would love to understand this!

the lost and confused,

subi

Ohh my head hurts

_____________________________

bound by love,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIvvaqUdDm8

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 30

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:36:47 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Examples like that newspaper article about the chauffeur you quoted six months back do exist. I agree. But they are exceptional, not typical.

True but even if they are exceptional and not typical I don't think it's fair on the part of the OP to condemn people for hiding. They'll "come out" when they are ready to and in the meantime just don't date 'em!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 31

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:38:50 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexisubi

i would totally agree and for someone to have such a high regard for people who show themselves in their entirety... why is it that it is not happening here? Not sure if you saw my question or not but i would love to understand this!

the lost and confused,

subi

Ohh my head hurts

It's all good. Maybe we could put together a theory about what is required to be ready for websites where you might get unwanted mail and have to use the delete button.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to sexisubi)

Post #: 32

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:39:35 PM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I'm actually curious as to why the OP doesn't have a picture or a correct age on her profile if she sees no big deal about being out with all of this.

I am not afraid of who I am or who knows, however, I do not want a multitude of useless wankless petitions as I am here for the boards only. Anyone who asks, gets a pic and full disclosure.

That's what the delete button is for! Personally I can understand no picture as I took my down for awhile to avoid cock shots but hiding your age? That's just plain hiding - which is fine. Just realize what you are doing.

I know full well what I am doing, I live a real life, My dearest friends know who and what I am, I do not hide anything from those with whom I chose to be with, I hardly think because I do not do what you all wish and post pic or age means I have no courage to be what I am. You judge on so little information.

I have come here to write, ask questions and seek answers as I thought here anyone could be anything. I asked a question to understand if My thinking was warped--and it seems it is in more ways then imaginable.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 33

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:42:01 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I hardly think because I do not do what you all wish and post pic or age means I have no courage to be what I am. You judge on so little information.

Do you not see the irony of this statement in regards to your thread?

_____________________________

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 34

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:42:06 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I'm actually curious as to why the OP doesn't have a picture or a correct age on her profile if she sees no big deal about being out with all of this.

I am not afraid of who I am or who knows, however, I do not want a multitude of useless wankless petitions as I am here for the boards only. Anyone who asks, gets a pic and full disclosure.

your courage is inspiring.... ?!

tsk tsk, judging?

Lets just call it my sarcastic way to recognize the hypocricy of your OP.. as well as my amusement that you can't see it as such.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 35

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:44:01 PM

sexisubi

Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I know full well what I am doing, I live a real life, My dearest friends know who and what I am, I do not hide anything from those with whom I chose to be with, I hardly think because I do not do what you all wish and post pic or age means I have no courage to be what I am. You judge on so little information.

I have come here to write, ask questions and seek answers as I thought here anyone could be anything. I asked a question to understand if My thinking was warped--and it seems it is in more ways then imaginable.

not once have i judged you for your decision but look at in the eyes of the people you are posting against or thepeople on the boards who you're talking to about people who hide should not be here..

yet you hide yourself from us and the rest of CM... are you asking us to trust that you tell everyone in your life even a complete stranger when you can't tell anyone who you are on your profile? i just think that is is a silly thing to ask... not that it matters to me if you hide your face and your age... but if you post against the thing you represent to a stranger perhaps you should reconsider the post in and of itself.

_____________________________

bound by love,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIvvaqUdDm8

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 36

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:44:28 PM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
I haven't seen BDSM as a section on a job app to complete experience.

What would you think if you found out that the person teaching your children is a FemDomme? Or a Male sub?
What about finding out your doctor is a femsub who is lent out to anyone her master wishes her to serve?

Aside from it being bad for business if someone finds out, there are a lot of jobs where your background is researched and if there is even a hint of anything improper you will not get the job. Keep in mind, BDSM IS illegal in most states. Consentual assault and battery is still assault and battery. So, aside from the legal implications and the potential for losing or never getting a job... theres also being shunned by a family that disapproves. Theres also being kicked out of any of your social groups, religious establishments and getting a reputation that will haunt you until you leave the place you are.

No one has a reason to know that much about my personal life, really, and so we do not use real names. Fox does not use a tag that can be linked to anything else, and if need be we have explinations for why his photos are up on a site like this. I am glad you are comfortable in your skin, but you really should realize that others are comfortable in theirs as well, even if that doesnt mean full disclosure.

DV

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 37

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:45:54 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
You judge on so little information.

And do you know the people you are judging inside and out? Have you lived in their skin, felt their wounds and lived with their families? Have you cried their tears, hugged their children, danced with their joy?

You judge them on their profiles and their mailings here yet you expect different treatment for yourself because we are supposed to magically know that you are different.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/7/2008 4:47:39 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 38

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:46:02 PM

bluepanda

Posts: 328
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

What really annoys Me are adults who in the first five sentences say: " No one must know as I have a XXX job" OR" My friends and family must never know".

Why would that annoy you? How does it affect you if other people you've never met and never will meet have different standards of privacy than you? I don't understand that.

Many people have perfectly valid reasons for keeping their private lives private. For most of my life, my career has been in public service. For many years, that meant elective politics. I happen to be very open, in both my profile and my forum postings, about a lot of very specific sexual practices. Having those personal details probably would not have ended my career in politics, but it would have almost certainly damaged it and most certainly limited it. These last few years, I've been out of politics, but still working in public service - this time, in a field that deals exclusively with vulnerable adults. Having my sexual practices become public knowledge among my colleagues and client agencies would definitely cause problems, because like it or not quite a lot of people have quite a lot of unflattering misconceptions about WWITWD. They shouldn't, but they do, and it is what it is. So I prefer not to expose myself to those disruptions.

And finally, even putting all those professional considerations aside, I happen to be a very private person. I'm not at all ashamed of who I am or how I express myself sexually and romantically, but that doesn't mean the graphic, intimate details of it are any business of the casual acquaintances in my life. My life is my life, and I prefer to keep it to myself until I get to know people. I don't know why that's so hard to understand.

_____________________________

Panda, Panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 39

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 12/7/2008 4:46:33 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

A lot of non-bdsmers don't really understand the inclinations or how we express them, and judgements about violence and abuse are sometimes applied among the ignorant. Therefore, some people are concerned they would lose their jobs over it. I've also heard of people losing custody of their kids over this stuff in divorces. Though not sure if that's fact or not. Others on the other hand, just choose to keep it private because it's a very personal thing to them.

< Message edited by marie2 -- 12/7/2008 4:52:45 PM >

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 40

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