stella41b
Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
|
You know (to me) this is only ever going to be an issue if you make it one. It's a big sign that someone isn't really comfortable with who they really are or with what they are doing.
I'm not saying that there's not any need to be discreet. I'm just getting together with my SO after three years due to issues such as these, she's from a small village in the top north eastern corner of Poland close to the Lithuania and Belarus borders - think concrete blocks and wooden houses, Orthodox churches, farners who still plough their fields by hand, people still drive Trabants, and a society which hasn't changed much since Stalin was the Great Leader.. She's dominant with an 'alternative sexuality', I'm transgendered, and very few people would accept, let alone understand.
Apart from of course sensitive jobs such as around UMs and certain other professions, the only other issue I see here in the West are the judgmental and narrow-minded attitudes of other people.
However looking at it in those terms and saying 'I cannot be myself in front of others' overlooks the major issue here of boundaries and respecting them.
People don't need to know what my SO and I get up to in our own home or in our relationship, my being kinky is a part of who I am, it's not a fashion statement, a trend, it's got nothing to do with my gender issues, nor my sexuality, nor is it anything that I wish to put out on display, promote or in any way advertise. I'm quite okay as I am, and my own acceptance and validation of myself is enough. I don't need it from anyone else.
But I am an adult, and therefore I am responsible, responsible for everything I do, everything I think, everything I say, and for every single decision I make. If I am not happy with who I am, I am the only who can change this and the only one responsible for doing so. Similarly I am responsible for my own lifestyle and the life I lead.
To be honest this sometimes gets on my tits. Seems to me the ones whining so loudly about wider society not understanding people in 'the lifestyle' are the ones who maybe get to play once a month or a few times a year, you know, the types who claim to be M/s 24/7 but it's all quite vanilla and when play time does get around Master has to ask his slave where she put his dirty jeans so he can pull his leather belt out of it to go with the riding crop or cane they bought off e-Bay 3 years previously. You know the sort of people, the ones who come here and start threads asking for what household objects can be used in a scene every other month when the missionary position becomes just too much.
I could ask where these people were when I put my play Switch on, but I know better than that, I know how it is at events and munches when people assure you they will be there but then they don't show. Just like trying to find a submissive, a Master, a Mistress, or someone else, a bit like pulling teeth at times. Please don't get me wrong, this isn't sour grapes on my part, the people who mattered to me all turned up or gave their apologies and this was acceptable, but there's no way I can schedule further performances of Switch if I still want to continue having actors in a theatre and it's my own fault, I should have trusted my better instincts. But guys, how else do you expect the change to happen if you're not prepared to be part of that change?
I mean what are you waiting for? Mary Whitehouse to suddenly appear as a leather clad Fairy Godmother?
Does your employer, family and friends really need to know what you get up to in your private life? And if you can't tell your friends, what's to stop you finding new friends with whom you can be more open? More to the point, what's to stop you making the changes in your life where you can be more open and yourself and live the lifestyle you want?
There are people in the community who walk the walk and talk the talk, they really do, and this includes dominants who come here and their submissives or slaves never get the chance to come anywhere near a computer, and these are also people with families, with sensitive jobs, with neighbours and also with friends who don't really understand.
There are others among us who don't have a choice, they have to be out and they have to accept the consequences.
And usually the barriers in this situation aren't other people, but the person themselves who is making this an issue. Yes this is a generalization, but based on my experience this generalization rings a little truer than most other generalizations I could make.
_____________________________
CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q
|
RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread