Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Meeting a Dom


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Meeting a Dom Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 8:36:55 AM   
SunshineSunny


Posts: 20
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline 		I have had experience a few times that I meet someone on collar me and we get it off so well .. and we are able to exchange .. our things and likes and sometimes it comes to the point that we do want .. to be with each other .. BUT .. yet I do feel that the first time  when we meet .. we are just really meeting for the first time .. Why do Doms think that becuase you are doing so well on-line they already claim you and expect to have sex with you ..I am just getting to know the man that i have been talking to for a few weeks .. making sure he is real and safe to be with .. How do you arrange your first meeting and what happends when a Dom gets mad becuase you say no to SEX ... on the first meeting ...? Sunny
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 8:43:55 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		The first meeting is arranged to how YOU want it to be.

As for the sex part; I don't deal with it at all. If I say no sex, then it's no sex. He can either accept that or walk the fuck away; makes difference to me. However, if he walks away...there are no second chances...he's history.



_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to SunshineSunny)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 9:25:53 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		You can always make it clear before the meeting that you expect no session to follow - that it is only a meeting similar to an interview.  You are under no obligation to play.

_____________________________



(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 10:00:32 AM   
SingleRarity


Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SunshineSunny

Why do Doms think that becuase you are doing so well on-line they already claim you and expect to have sex with you



Do you mean doing well, as in getting to know one another platonically, or doing well at some kind of on line D/s dynamic?   If you have a D/s dynamic going already, why would you not expect a Dom to think he couldn't continue that on into the first meeting.  It's like cybering with someone for a few weeks, then meeting them for coffee and getting pissed when he comments on your cleavage.  I'm not saying you can't do those activities online and still ask for the first meeting to be friends only, but if you're corresponding with a particular type of man then why expect him to suddenly change his demenour?

If you're clear with who you are and what you want from the beginning then this kind of scenario wouldn't happen all that often.  If you want a "get to know you" type of guy, the minute a potential Dom gets sexual, clearly state that's not what you're seeking at this time.  If he doesn't get it move on.

Daddy's Ballerina, e

EDIT BECAUSE I READ YOUR PROFILE.........

Umm.  You expect a man you've never met to get you a rental car, give you gas money, and pay for dinner for your first "friend's only" meeting?  Friends only, from what I've seen, is a casually meeting of two people who buy there own coffee.  Expecting a man to drop hundreds of dollars on you right away, isn't something that the average joe is probably going to do.  No wonder you're getting those types of guys!  As sad as it is, by putting monetary stipulations on a first meet your cutting out alot of people and narrowing down your search to Sugar Daddy types.  They usually expect something for their contribution.

< Message edited by SingleRarity -- 12/11/2008 10:11:58 AM >

(in reply to SunshineSunny)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 10:20:56 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

You can always make it clear before the meeting that you expect no session to follow - that it is only a meeting similar to an interview.  You are under no obligation to play.
Which is exactly what I did. I made it perfectly clear there would be no sex or D/s until I was comfortable with it. I'm of the mind to think that it's worth waiting for.

The second part of that is that I never engaged in any online or phone D/s. Our talk sessions were merely get to know you time. I felt it would be leading them to expect that I'd be willing to continue that D/s in real life once we met when that wasn't necessarily the case.

Next if you're expecting guys to pay your expenses to meet you, then it's probably reasonable for them to expect some return on their money. Personally, I think that if the person is out of geographic area, then just decline rather than making demands like you do in profile. You come across as petulant and demanding.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 10:35:44 AM   
parakeet89


Posts: 94
Joined: 12/8/2008
Status: offline 		Yeah, I'm inclined to agree with SingleRarity and OsideGirl here. If a first meeting to you is like meeting someone for the first time (and honestly, I agree with that), then you should be able to pay for yourself. If you expect them to, obviously they're going to think it means something more to you. If you want to avoid those encounters, you have to change the way you approach them.

(in reply to SunshineSunny)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 10:38:33 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Tell him before you meet there won't be any sex or play. If he pushes you, then don't meet. If he agrees and pushes at the meet, then get up and leave.

More importantly is if in your premeet chats you talked about anything other than sex? Talk about your vanilla life, ask for support on a difficult subject, ask his opinion of the funny noise your car is making. If he only wants to talk about sex, then don't meet him. He's shown you what he wants from the relationship, if it isn't what you want, then you aren't compatible and shouldn't meet.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 11:55:39 AM   
lilgirl2008


Posts: 73
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline 		Just make it perfectly clear there will be no sex. I actually have a rule that there will be no sex or playing until after the fourth meeting. That is the rules I have set up for myself. If someone is intersted in me and thinks I am worth something, then they are willing to meet me four times without expecting sex.

Until you are actually theirs, you get to set the rules for your own life.

(in reply to SunshineSunny)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 1:10:02 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		I don't meet someone for the first time unless I can pay my own way. Saves on the expectations for me to put out as payback for my way being paid. Maybe not meeting unless you can afford it would ease up on some of those with such expectations. As to the rest, you are not obligated in any way to have sex or play with someone on a first meet.

I also do not submit online. I'm not one who can fully submit to someone I don't know and a person can be anything or anyone they choose to be online. I get to know them in person before I do any submitting and then only if there's the connection that I need to be able to let go, so anyone I knew online who expected sex and/or submission and obediance on a first meet is going to be very much out of luck. If that's expected, then I tell them it's not going to happen, why and then I move on with my life as after that it's usually not worth continuing communications in my experience and life is too short to put up with anymore stress and bs than you absolutely have to.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to lilgirl2008)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 1:17:57 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		You've got them expecting a paid booty call. Quit being a little princess and pay your own way.

I will not pay for anyone to come visit me. If they come, they get here under their own power. They had better be prepared to pay for all their stuff, meals, hotel if applicable, and transportation.

In return, I don't ask them for anything. No tribute........nothing.

What they get, my time. What I get, their time.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SunshineSunny)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 1:46:58 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

what happends when a Dom gets mad becuase you say no to SEX ... on the first meeting ...?


You can't control another person's emotions.  You can control how you react to his  behavior.  I know how I would react.  I would probably say "next".


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to SunshineSunny)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 1:50:23 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		Umm...is it a bad sign that i actually felt a bit perturbed that my Dom wouldn't have sex on the first in  person meet?
~phatslut in orlando

_____________________________

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

(in reply to SunshineSunny)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 1:52:04 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Pouty dom's that don't get sex on a first meeting are most likely men who just want some fun who might think anger will prove their dominance to a submissive woman... because don't they fall for that macho stuff?  But you know... enough lil bunnies do... looking for love... romantisizing and many other reasons... as long as some bunny falls for it, there will be guys playing it.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 1:53:31 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Katy, here's a line from the OP's profile.  SingleRarity has this nailed.  I especially like the Freudian slip that the master is the property of the woman.

you guys are 
Doms/ Masters and yet you expect for the woman you will be property of
to be paying things for you LOL OMG .. where are the real Masters and
Doms




_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 1:55:59 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Well, where are the real masters and doms?    

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 1:57:44 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Rent me a car and I'll Realdom you good, bay-bee!

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 1:59:54 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I guess I have to pay for dinner too.  Sheesh! 

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 2:00:05 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		ROFL... Let me know if that works Red!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 2:10:07 PM   
PrincesaAshley


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/14/2008
Status: offline 		I was gonna say something nice about how the first meeting should go in a way both people are happy and if one person can't handle that (ie, wanting sex if the other doesn't) then just tell em to fuck off...

Then I read this part how you expect a guy to shell all that money just to meet you. Paying for dinner, maybe. But a rental car AND gas? If that guy you met did all of that to meet you I think he was semi-entitled to expect some action. Emptying his bank account to just to say. lol

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Meeting a Dom - 12/11/2008 2:22:14 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Rent me a car and I'll Realdom you good, bay-bee!


slut


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Meeting a Dom Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094