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weeding out wannabees - 12/30/2005 2:53:34 PM

spanker92

Posts: 11
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

I am a dom who has been looking for a new sub and it seems I am spending way too much time weeding out wannabees. I make it very clear to my male and female subs that I am strict and I do discipline without warning for rule violations. They seem to be interested and then I do not hear from them anymore and I am wondering if I am coming too strong. The point is I want to be honest, any suggestions?

Post #: 1

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/30/2005 3:13:32 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

Simple really.

Never involve yourself in ANY form of cyber or phone sex.

Meet within two weeks.

Be confident enough to disclose your personal information early in contact. It will illustrate your legitimacy and it will begin the process of to establishing trust. Require the same from the other person

Wannabe wankers won't last long if you follow those three rules.

(in reply to spanker92)

Post #: 2

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/30/2005 3:18:20 PM

Nendarye

Posts: 147
Joined: 12/23/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

I am a dom who has been looking for a new sub and it seems I am spending way too much time weeding out wannabees

Hmm, and what makes them wannabees? I am curious as to how you would place someone as a wannabe. For real? Are they simply wannabes because they don't fit in with what your definition of a submissive/slave should be?

quote:

I make it very clear to my male and female subs that I am strict and I do discipline without warning for rule violations

You brought this up in another post. I will respond in the same way that I responded then. My Master has no need to threaten me with punishment. The worse punishment he could possibly give was his disappointment in me. I do not need harsh punishment to get that point across.

quote:

They seem to be interested and then I do not hear from them anymore and I am wondering if I am coming too strong.

Just my belief here...but if you are asking that question, I think you already know the answer.

You are being honest, but only to a point. Ask yourself some questions.

Are my rules unreasonable? Are they impossible for anyone to uphold or follow?

Am I looking for the wrong kind of girl/boy?

I read your profile, and I read your other post about spankings, and quite frankly, you scare me. Yes, you come on very strong, and there is nothing wrong with that. Master has very strict rules that he expects me to obey at ALL times. And which I do. But not because I fear him, because I fear his disappointment in me.

_____________________________

" You may be suffering, but you will always suffer with love"

@~~Proud property of Master Michael~~@

(in reply to spanker92)

Post #: 3

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/30/2005 3:36:10 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Simple really.

Never involve yourself in ANY form of cyber or phone sex.

Meet within two weeks.

Be confident enough to disclose your personal information early in contact. It will illustrate your legitimacy and it will begin the process of to establishing trust. Require the same from the other person

Wannabe wankers won't last long if you follow those three rules.

sound advice

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 4

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/30/2005 3:37:13 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanker92
I am a dom who has been looking for a new sub and it seems I am spending way too much time weeding out wannabees. I make it very clear to my male and female subs that I am strict and I do discipline without warning for rule violations. They seem to be interested and then I do not hear from them anymore and I am wondering if I am coming too strong. The point is I want to be honest, any suggestions?

Almost everybody out there is wrong for you. Don't accept the fact grudgingly. Celebrate it. Enjoy the fishing, not just the catching. There isn't any better way to improve your catching skills.

The people you are talking about are saving you the trouble of de-selecting them. Be grateful and move on.

If you're being both frank and honest with yourself I see no reason to change tactics in response to this pattern.

If you aren't so sure whether this aspect of your approach is a basic part of your self-expression then look within. Take your time. Adjust to what you find there, if you make any adjustments all.

I promise you that any worthwhile partner you end up--short-term or long--with will be grateful that you concentrated on expressing yourself with integrity rather than bowing to market forces.

Or your money back.

(in reply to spanker92)

Post #: 5

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/30/2005 4:15:24 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I am a dom who has been looking for a new sub and it seems I am spending way too much time weeding out wannabees.

First, a wannabee is only someone who is intereted in 'being'. They're a beginner, a novice, and need help and training.

You sound like you're beyond that but have trouble recognizing the signals.

quote:

I am wondering if I am coming too strong.

If coming on strong is who you are, then you don't want to pretend to be something else, otherwise, you'll end up with 2 disappointed people.

Relax, take your time, be patient. You'll find who you want.

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 6

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/30/2005 4:24:53 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

No wanna be's is a deragatory term ment to depict whankers and time wasters who're not interested in anything real like training just getting whack off jollies, New untrained people are rarely under that umbrella

quote:

First, a wannabee is only someone who is intereted in 'being'. They're a beginner, a novice, and need help and training.

(in reply to Petruchio)

Post #: 7

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/30/2005 4:59:55 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

You seem to be being honest.

They aren't interested.

Accept it. After all, how many do you want? Better one or two that fit, than a bunch that don't

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to spanker92)

Post #: 8

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/30/2005 5:00:44 PM

SirDarkside357

Posts: 393
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

Honesty is always best......why waist your time on someone that isn't interested in your way......yes it takes time to find the right one, but it's better than working on the wrong one just to find out later that all was waisted...unless of course you use that waisted time as practice to sharpen your skills.

(in reply to spanker92)

Post #: 9

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/30/2005 8:21:11 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

No wanna be's is a deragatory term ment to depict whankers and time wasters

That was really my point: We judge others, often incorrectly, as we're trying to point out here.

This isn't a case of time-wasters, but misunderstandings.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 10

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/30/2005 8:42:19 PM

spanker92

Posts: 11
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

I define them as wannabes because they send me posts, sometimes several and then they drop out of sight. It is possible that they feel that there is not a good match but there not grown up enough to say no thank in a quick e-mail. The reason I think they could be wannabes is they do not object when specifically what I am looking for but only drop out when I suggest we start making specific plans and they either do not show up or do not respond to my offer to meet at a munch. Am I overanalyzing this?

(in reply to Nendarye)

Post #: 11

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/30/2005 8:51:55 PM

spanker92

Posts: 11
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

I was a little concerned that my profile was a little over the top and you have confirmed that to be true. I have reworked it to make not look like the sadist from hell which is not really what I am all about. I guess I am trying to convey that I am strict and I do not let rule violations slide and my subs does know what those rules are. I guess I need to figure out better way to commounicate that the boundaries that I set and my sub agrees will be consistenly enforced and I want the prospective sub to know that upfront. I would appreciate if anybody out there is willing to take a look at my revised profile and give me thier opinoin.

(in reply to Nendarye)

Post #: 12

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/30/2005 9:01:18 PM

spanker92

Posts: 11
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

I guess I mean wannabes by someone who is living an online fantasy and is not serious. But I think by looking at some of your responses and reviewing my profile I am probably coming on too strong and I think I need to keep reworking my profile to make my point on what I will not negotiate on without them fearing that I am dangerous before they ever to get to know me. I will give everyone out there a little of my history, I was in the lifestyle from the early 80's to about 2001 and tried to go vanilla because my partner wanted to do that but found I prefer this lifestyle. I think it possible I need to fine tune my approach a little more, thank everyone.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 13

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/30/2005 9:44:44 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Well perhaps you can benifit from the definition I have been using for awhile.
Wannabe Wants to be but is not yet.
We all started off as wannabes some of us got to the point where we took action to become at earlier times in our lives than others did.

There are lots of wannabes out there lets not get all bent out of shape because they are not ready toa take action on our time schedules.
Yes it's frustrating for those of us who have taken the steps to become active in our journies. But how fair is it to be all that upset with people who are not ready to make that leap?

Now as for the wankers and those who are only searching for an easy way to get sex, those are not wannabes they don't want to be what we are they want to satisfy their own lusts that are different than ours.

Just some thoughts

In Leather

Archer

(in reply to spanker92)

Post #: 14

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/30/2005 9:47:04 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Simple really.

Never involve yourself in ANY form of cyber or phone sex.

Meet within two weeks.

Be confident enough to disclose your personal information early in contact. It will illustrate your legitimacy and it will begin the process of to establishing trust. Require the same from the other person

Wannabe wankers won't last long if you follow those three rules.

Hot damn, that is great advice. I posted similar advice on that other BDSM message board, and was damn near lynched by the crown of "I'm not a wannabee, and I would never meet with anyone who expected me to do those three things." Of course, I suppose everyone has a different definition of what is "real".

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 15

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/30/2005 10:35:47 PM

Delvin

Posts: 151
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

so be honest. just because someone doesnt see this life like you do doesnt mean right off they are wannabe...means...the do not see this life as you do.

get over it and move on

D

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 16

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/30/2005 11:15:19 PM

foxglove716

Posts: 648
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline

Wannabe... the dictionary of foxglove, 2nd edition. A wannabe in my eyes is, like felinepersuasion said, a deragatory term. It doesnt mean someone who is new to the scene and inexperienced... just because youre new it doesnt mean youre any less sincere. I think of someone who is not particularly interested in the scene, only interested in the image.

I absolutely agree with Noah. So you meet a few wannabes along the way. This will only give you an idea of what to avoid in the future. Move on! Good luck in your search and happy hunting!

_____________________________

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. -Oscar Wilde

(in reply to spanker92)

Post #: 17

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/31/2005 6:00:35 AM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: foxglove716

Wannabe... the dictionary of foxglove, 2nd edition. A wannabe in my eyes is, like felinepersuasion said, a deragatory term. It doesnt mean someone who is new to the scene and inexperienced... just because youre new it doesnt mean youre any less sincere. I think of someone who is not particularly interested in the scene, only interested in the image.

Hmmmm...good dictionary, foxglove.

I don't see wannabe and newbie as being synonymous either.

K

(in reply to foxglove716)

Post #: 18

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/31/2005 6:21:00 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

Great advice Sir!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Simple really.

Never involve yourself in ANY form of cyber or phone sex.

Meet within two weeks.

Be confident enough to disclose your personal information early in contact. It will illustrate your legitimacy and it will begin the process of to establishing trust. Require the same from the other person

Wannabe wankers won't last long if you follow those three rules.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 19

RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/31/2005 6:27:18 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

how true it is...............

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 20

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