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RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/31/2005 7:54:10 AM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		OHMIGOD yes! grrrrrrrrrr. I get such a headache... and I get tired of talking and talking to someone, and then discover he is looking for something that is specifically stated that I do NOT do on my profile. But I don't call them wannabees, which is a kinda derogatory to new people coming into the scene and struggling with finding who they are, makes them feel like they're less worthy than those who've gone before. So instead I call these guys who respond to me without regard to my profile, wannawankers. 'cause that's really what they're about. Prob'ly have sticky keyboards that makes typing hard so they don't use proper grammar and spell in abbreviations. And as you can see it's also making me cynical <grin> I try really hard not to BE cynical howerver, or to start just deleting emails out of hand, because somewhere in all that coal might be a diamond, and I don't want to overlook it.

You are right to be very upfront in your profile. As someone coming from the opposite end of the spectrum (NO physical discipline), for both of us, we will interest only a small percentage of those out there seeking a Master or Mistress. By being very frank in the beginning, it does weed out a lot of those who are not interested. The wannawankers will respond to anything, of course, but those who are serious will respond if they feel drawn to being whom you seek. There really is someone out there for everyone, and by being very forthright as you are, you are more likely to be found by that person(s).

Then again, for those who seem serious and then back off, maybe it's not the profile, but those first few crucial email contacts. I don't begin to "dominate" in the getting-to-know you stage. This serves the purpose of not fulfilling wannawanker's fantasies and they loose interest really fast if I'm not providing, er, wanking material ;) They don't want to talk about who THEY are, they want you to get right to it, so they can too (there are phone services who provide that). It also weeds out those who are looking only for cyber or phone domination, because I'm not providing that either. When... and ONLY when ... I feel that I'm talking to someone who is sincerely interested do I begin to interact with him in a Dominant manner.

Of course, even sincere submissives can become impatient with this decidedly hands-off approach, and may do some pushing to get more, but I've found that overall they seem more reassured that I, too, am real and sincere, and not just messing with their minds (yes, wannawankers occur on BOTH sides of the fence!).

Then, of course, there are the ones that are SO submissive that they don't understand why I want to know about them, their lives and thoughts and likes and dislikes (I'm looking for a 24/7 slave), and don't understand why I expect them to want to know the same about me <sigh> It makes me feel a very sympathetic bond with Eddie Murphy's character dealing with his fiancee in "Coming to America" LOL!

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanker92

I am a dom who has been looking for a new sub and it seems I am spending way too much time weeding out wannabees. I make it very clear to my male and female subs that I am strict and I do discipline without warning for rule violations. They seem to be interested and then I do not hear from them anymore and I am wondering if I am coming too strong. The point is I want to be honest, any suggestions?



< Message edited by LadyMorgynn -- 12/31/2005 7:57:44 AM >

_____________________________

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Lady Morgynn
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(in reply to spanker92)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/31/2005 8:28:25 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

just because someone doesnt see this life like you do doesnt mean right off they are wannabe


Delvin,
The term "wannabe" to us defines a person who wastes time. A person whose interest in the lifestyle and whose participation in the lifestyle is exclusively internet chat rooms, forums, and phone contact. They bait people into believing that "someday" they will meet and live out our their life as the submissive"Beauty" or "O" or as the Dominant in those stories. The reality is, they are just looking for a person to involve in their masturbatory fantasy. If both parties offer honest full disclosure that this is their sole ambition no harm/no foul. But when one of the party is seeking a face to face physical relationship getting taken in by these wannabes is frustrating and time wasting. It's even more so for people new to the lifestyle or living in areas without the resources and access of an LA or NYC. I interpreted the OP to be describing situations where seemingly good initial contact and interest never evolved into meeting. It sounded like he was strung along.

Now there is a difference in a "wannabe" and an don't "wannabe-with-me/us". It's an unreasonable expectation that just because you have a common interest in some aspect of the lifestyle that everyone you meet in this lifestyle will like you or you will like them. This is an experience we all have to go through and should be expected. This is a "would-like-to-be" under the right circumstances.

It comes down to basic logic. If your goal is to meet and have a relationship focus on that goal. There is no way playing on-line is a step getting you closer to that goal. When making contact of any nature, make sure that the person you are communicating with has the same goals as you. Broad and general goals at first and more specific as the confidence builds and trust grows. Don't compromise your goals and don't "settle"!

(in reply to Delvin)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/31/2005 8:57:46 AM   
MasterLark


Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spanker92
I make it very clear to my male and female subs that I am strict and I do discipline without warning for rule violations.


Doing discipline without warning for rule violations -- could you say more about that? It's the "without warning" piece that caught my eye. Why did you choose that approach? Does it work for you? Might this be why you have so many "wannabees"? Just curious.

(in reply to spanker92)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/31/2005 9:33:49 AM   
Nendarye


Posts: 147
Joined: 12/23/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spanker92

I define them as wannabes because they send me posts, sometimes several and then they drop out of sight. It is possible that they feel that there is not a good match but there not grown up enough to say no thank in a quick e-mail. The reason I think they could be wannabes is they do not object when specifically what I am looking for but only drop out when I suggest we start making specific plans and they either do not show up or do not respond to my offer to meet at a munch. Am I overanalyzing this?


Thank you for responding to that. I can understand your reason for calling them wannabe's in this respect. Though, I more or less refer to them as on-line players. A wannabe to me would be more like someone who wants to learn, but is afraid to take that first step. You are correct though in expecting that they act as adults and tell you the truth...ie, not interested etc.

quote:

I was a little concerned that my profile was a little over the top and you have confirmed that to be true. I have reworked it to make not look like the sadist from hell which is not really what I am all about. I guess I am trying to convey that I am strict and I do not let rule violations slide and my subs does know what those rules are. I guess I need to figure out better way to commounicate that the boundaries that I set and my sub agrees will be consistenly enforced and I want the prospective sub to know that upfront. I would appreciate if anybody out there is willing to take a look at my revised profile and give me thier opinoin.


I apologize if my remarks were out of line. I had not right to tell you how to post your own profile. I did read the changes that you made though, and I will admit that you come across now as more...softer? LOL. Like many others though, it was your comments on punishment that concerned me. But, like many others before me, I took some words and managed to apply my own interpertation to them, and for that I do apologize.

quote:

It comes down to basic logic. If your goal is to meet and have a relationship focus on that goal. There is no way playing on-line is a step getting you closer to that goal. When making contact of any nature, make sure that the person you are communicating with has the same goals as you. Broad and general goals at first and more specific as the confidence builds and trust grows. Don't compromise your goals and don't "settle"!


This is absolutly wonderful advice though :)

_____________________________

" You may be suffering, but you will always suffer with love"

@~~Proud property of Master Michael~~@

(in reply to spanker92)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/31/2005 10:10:40 AM   
Delvin


Posts: 151
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Perhaps, but really, what time is wasted and by who? Because someone takes a little more time to understand the concept of the other individual? Because they are a bit afraid and bolt? I find it a bit unrealistic to expect anyone you have just met online to prepare for a meeting within two weeks since most of the time the people you meet are across state lines (or a few of them). You may have found a very real, sincere slut who may or may not be new to all of this but is sincere none the less, tell her to meet you within two weeks and guess what, she will bolt.

Now, to get away from the strict rule of these two weeks, we can go a bit father and add a month, or six months even. The time the person spends on this initial contact is always valuable from seeing how people react to your views to watching people trying to have cyber sex in fifteen minutes.

In this light speed example, this poster, who by the way joined CM this month on the 27th expects to have people fall at his feet when he explains his views? Unless I am mistaken, three days is not a great deal of time searching for anything much less a slut willing to devote her life to him.

wanna be - In my eyes is someone here for the game, simply using the "terms" to get their instant gratification and move on. Players, wankers, jerk, whatever...we all know who they are and see them all the time. How much time you spend with such a person is indicative of the experience "YOU" have, not that wanna be. If you are claiming everyone a wannabe in three days, perhaps a better understanding of what you are and want is in order, then a way to portray that to others. We have profiles, we have a vast amount of information out there for us to use online, how we use it falls back to experience. Sure, you will get the wool pulled over your eyes and we all do from time to time, and yes, it is a real pain in the ass to waste the time, yet it is still valuable experience none the less.

“you” listed above meaning anyone it may apply to…

D

To add - if you alter your information to suit someone else, who is playing the game? comming on too strong? Well, that is who you are, let the ones who see it come forward instead of you altering your views to suit someone out there only to "meet" and they see you are something different then what you had stated...

< Message edited by Delvin -- 12/31/2005 10:15:43 AM >

(in reply to Nendarye)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/31/2005 1:22:10 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nendarye


quote:

It comes down to basic logic. If your goal is to meet and have a relationship focus on that goal. There is no way playing on-line is a step getting you closer to that goal. When making contact of any nature, make sure that the person you are communicating with has the same goals as you. Broad and general goals at first and more specific as the confidence builds and trust grows. Don't compromise your goals and don't "settle"!


This is absolutly wonderful advice though :)


Well if "absolutely wonderful" describes advice that is just flat wrong, then maybe. Wrong for plenty of people, anyway, including myself and almost everyone I've ever gotten to know around kink.

"There is no way playing on-line is a step getting you closer to that goal."

No way, you say? So how to account for those of us who engaged in online interaction and proceeded based on that to very fulfilling personal meetings? Did we not do what we did? Did we not enjoy what we enjoyed? Do we not benefit from what we benefit from?

I wonder how many people reading this thread are the children of parents who fell in love over an exchange of letters, for instance the classic soldier and pen-pal motif? Do you imagine that none of those correspondents played with kinky ideas in their letters? I wouldn't have any trouble getting my point past the censors. Would you? You can do kinky "playing" at a distance just as you can be playful in vanilla ways at a distance.

For some of us there is more to this than rubbing and slapping. Psychological domination and submission can operate exactly--exactly--as well from across the room as it can with physical contact. It can operate exactly as well over the phone as it can across a room. It can operate exactly as well online as it does on the phone. It can operate exactly as well via a written letter as any other way.

Maybe these dynamics of psychological domination are unfamiliar to you and yet you're very happy with your situation. That's fine. But please don't make patently false claims as though they were statements of fact.

How can a remote interaction (online, telephone, etc.) be exactly as effective as one with physical contact? By taking positive advantage of the prevailing conditions. Yes, something is sacrificed in remote interactions as compared to actual touching. But there is a yin and yang to every exchange. Whenever something is lost, something else is gained. You have the option of seeing and grasping the gain and using it to your advantage. Or if you prefer you can just sit still after noting the loss.

Let me try to be very clear: something valuable is also gained in virtue of the distance and remoteness of some kinky interactions. Use it or ignore it but please don't deny something plainly true.

I've never gotten know anyone who would consider travelling to meet someone who couldn't first engage their submission at a distance, though perhaps you have. If that's how it was for you and your partners, that's fine.

To command someone's attention who is strapped to your cross is no big accomplishment (though getting her there may have been one and it is great fun just the same.) If the same person bends to your will as she sits across the room, unbound and with an open door by her side then she can be seen to be submitting in a different way but exactly as well as if she were restrained and physically touched by you. In at least one sense her submission at a distance can be seen as more delicious.

Similarly, if she bends to your will from one hundred miles away instead of one hundred inches--objectively far "free-er" even than the girl across the room--then once again she can be seen to be submitting in a different way but just exactly as well as if she were sitting there looking at you. You might even choose to view this distant submission as a particularly strong display of devotion. After all she is behaving without the tangible rewards of physical presence. And she might also experience it as particularly deep, even if some onlookers would disagree.

Whose view matters more, that of the participants or that of the critics?

The more "degrees of freedom" present, the more undeniable the submission--if she is truly submitting and not playing. Am I saying that remote is better than proximate? That distant is better than close? Not overall. But if it is better in some ways then why not celebrate those? Each case must be judged on its merits but if you presume that anyone who submits at a distance is only playing then you're just mistaken. If someone is so unsure of his judgement in these things that he is comfortable assuming that distant, pre-meeting submission is always false well that is his right. I hope he proceeds in good health. I am not putting him down. He is probably the perfect sort of partner for certain submissives and I wish them all well. He shouldn't also presume that things work just the same for everyone and hand out rash pronouncements.

I'm ready to be shown, but based on my experience I can't see any way to defend a claim like: "There is no way playing on-line is a step getting you closer to that goal." unless the speaker is consciously describing a limitation of his personal capacity... and there is nothing wrong with that. We are all limited and gifted in our own ways and the poster who made the claim that I am criticising has many times offered comments of real value on these boards, in my opinion.

Let's all try to remember not to claim that what others frequently do is impossible.


(in reply to Nendarye)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/31/2005 1:37:14 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

For some of us there is more to this than rubbing and slapping. Psychological domination and submission can operate exactly--exactly--as well from across the room as it can with physical contact. It can operate exactly as well over the phone as it can across a room. It can operate exactly as well on-line as it does on the phone. It can operate exactly as well via a written letter as any other way.


Noah,
No matter how you phase it, you are rubbing and slapping yourself, even mentally. If that's you goal - fine - ENJOY. The point was made that if on-line play and masturbation is NOT your gaol than participating in it will not get you closer to achieving it. Especially if one of the on-line players is lying about eventually meeting and to them the fulfillment they get from the computer is all they need, want, or can handle.

No judgment was made only goal oriented actions. The advise applies for people who desire to feel more than a keyboard, to see more than a web-cam can show, and to feel a touch other than their own.

Your believe that physical contact in the lifestyle doesn't involve mental or emotional exchange is a rationalization for fear, inaccessibility or unwillingness to partake in the activities. Enjoy what you do. Recognizing it for what it is and what it provides I appreciate the need and benefits. A person seeking and finding on-line playmates has no effect on anyone other than the person who seeks person to person contact not knowing they aren't building a relationship but are participating in an elaborate fantasy.

If your goal is to satisfy yourself - pursue and enjoy on-line. Perhaps the mental image you have is better than your potential reality. No one criticized the activity. The critic was addressed to falsely leading on others.

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/31/2005 2:16:12 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

"There is no way playing on-line is a step getting you closer to that goal."

No way, you say? So how to account for those of us who engaged in online interaction and proceeded based on that to very fulfilling personal meetings? Did we not do what we did? Did we not enjoy what we enjoyed? Do we not benefit from what we benefit from?


It is never implied that you are not benefiting from online interaction. I read Merc & Beth's post to say that 'if you never get off line and meet in RL, then you are no closer to realizing your goals" Online interaction is great, if that is what you perfer; but you can not live your life online forever ( well, yes you can, if that is your only goal )

quote:

How can a remote interaction (online, telephone, etc.) be exactly as effective as one with physical contact? By taking positive advantage of the prevailing conditions.


Please explain to me, and I am sincere in this...please explain to me how these can come about if you have NEVER met the person in RL? I find it hard to understand.

quote:

I've never gotten know anyone who would consider travelling to meet someone who couldn't first engage their submission at a distance, though perhaps you have. If that's how it was for you and your partners, that's fine.


I would be one of those who could not give up any control of any kind without first at least meeting the person. From my perspective...there is nothing dominant or submissive about typing words on a keyboard. ( this is just my opinion though, and how I alone feel )

quote:

To command someone's attention who is strapped to your cross is no big accomplishment (though getting her there may have been one and it is great fun just the same.) If the same person bends to your will as she sits across the room, unbound and with an open door by her side then she can be seen to be submitting in a different way but exactly as well as if she were restrained and physically touched by you. In at least one sense her submission at a distance can be seen as more delicious.


I will agree with this, but...again, how can you command someones submission without having at least met them in RL?

these are just my opinions though
/shrug

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/31/2005 4:25:18 PM   
Nendarye


Posts: 147
Joined: 12/23/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

To add - if you alter your information to suit someone else, who is playing the game? comming on too strong? Well, that is who you are, let the ones who see it come forward instead of you altering your views to suit someone out there only to "meet" and they see you are something different then what you had stated...


I had only made that comment in relation to not only reading his profile, but also from what I had read on his other thread about Punishments. The two together, in my eyes only, were a bit harsh...and yes, a bit scary...which is why I made the original comment that I did.

Since then, yes he has changed his profile, but I also have a better understanding NOW of what his views are, and where he stands. Personally, I think his new profile is much better; yes, he seems a bit softer, but he has not changed his actual ideas and rules...just changed the wording a bit to make it more understandable.

quote:

Well if "absolutely wonderful" describes advice that is just flat wrong, then maybe.


Please explain to me how this advice is just flat wrong? If what someone desires is a real life relationship, how is not getting offline and meeting in real time wrong? If all you desire is on line, than fine, stay online, you are accomplishing your goals. But if you desire a real time, physical relationship with someone, you HAVE to meet them in real life, sooner or later.

_____________________________

" You may be suffering, but you will always suffer with love"

@~~Proud property of Master Michael~~@

(in reply to Delvin)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/31/2005 5:48:52 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

dictionary of foxglove


(laughing) Do send me a personally signed copy, fox.

BTW, has anyone read any of John Brunner's SF novels? (Stand On Zanzibar, Shockwave Rider, The Squares of the City) They always read like tomorrow's newspaper. He used to include clever citations from the HipCrime Dictionary.

(in reply to foxglove716)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/31/2005 5:55:58 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		S92, I took a look at your profile as you requested, and yep, it confirmed that I can never, ever sub.

I didn't see your original, but I have advised women to remove negative advisements from their profiles and the same applies here: Delete everything starting with "PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME…"

If you want to add something, I suggest a signature "Kindly give closure if you choose to move on," or some such.

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: weeding out wannabees - 12/31/2005 6:20:37 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Well first of all, you are only here 4 days--so you are fresh produce--now given that--your profile leaves Me cold and I wield a mean whip--IMHE, I have found few subs who are purely discipline oriented---I had one, and did not collar him because he was so focused on discipline without the basic submissive framework--it was going to mean to Me too much work and no change or growth on his part---My point is based on what you are seeking, it will take a good while for you to find someone--patience

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to spanker92)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: weeding out wannabees - 1/1/2006 1:56:21 AM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

"There is no way playing on-line is a step getting you closer to that goal."


quote:


I read Merc & Beth's post to say that 'if you never get off line and meet in RL, then you are no closer to realizing your goals" Online interaction is great, if that is what you perfer; but you can not live your life online forever ( well, yes you can, if that is your only goal )


I guess we read that differently.

quote:

quote:

How can a remote interaction (online, telephone, etc.) be exactly as effective as one with physical contact? By taking positive advantage of the prevailing conditions.


Please explain to me, and I am sincere in this...please explain to me how these can come about if you have NEVER met the person in RL? I find it hard to understand.


Since my explanations seem to be yielding more heat than light lately may I instead direct you to a few posts in the thread entitled "Ritual in anticipation of time together" on the Ask a Master message board?

In that thread slavejali--a well respected member of this community--says:
quote:

i dont think Master gave me any rituals to do in the days before meeting him, however, i did redecorate my entire house, painted it, and obsessively cleaned every little corner of it, went through every storage box I had and got rid of my old life in the month preceeding his arrival. That was a type of ritual for me, it was sweeping away my old life and preparing for Master to enter it. Everything i did i thought to myself, I'm doing this for Master. I went shopping and bought food i knew he liked and stocked the cupboards. I made an outfit to pick him from the airport in. All this kinda stuff was ritualistic to me.


So jali had apparently never met this man in person and yet by her own account was extremely submissive to him based on the interactions they had before meeting.

Maybe, given your preferences, background, mindset, and so forth this would never happen with you, IrishMist. That is not to suggest anything negative about you. People are different and I think we should celebrate our differences.

In that same thread, Petruchio--who seems mature and level-headed to me--describes the very first time his submissive came to meet him:
quote:

We talked and eMailed months before we met, and so we grew to know each other well. I can't quite remember how we came up with the idea– perhaps because of long conversations in the dark– but we decided to prolong the actual 'seeing' each other for an extra hour or two.

What we planned was that the first hour we were together, we'd spend in total darkness. We played out the scenarios over the phone first, both at her house and at mine, but ultimately she drove to see me.

As soon as she rang my bell, I shut off my porch light and I already had my house in total darkness. I opened the door and drew her in. We kissed and she opened her coat– she was already nude underneath.


My own experiences have been comparable to this. I do not prefer to have any "getting acquainted over coffee on neutral ground" time if--because of distance--the first meeting happened weeks or months after our first online acquaintance. I wouldn't ask someone to visit from far away unless I was already quite sure of her and of our D/S relationship. And I wouldn't let her come unless I was convinced she was equally sure of herself and of me.

When I first meet someone like this in the flesh we are already very well acquainted and our respective roles are comfortably established. It isn't that her submission starts right then and there as she gets out of her car in my driveway. Yes the physical fun starts in the driveway with no further ado, but her submission and masochism are already well demonstrated. The physical interaction is just a further development of a well-established relationship

I suppose that if once we met the chemistry wasn't there, if we didn't like one another's smell, we would not engage intimately. Thankfully this hasn't happened with anyone who has come to meet me. But then I'm a careful person who deals only with careful people and my standards as to potential partners are ridiculously high.

Of course if someone is local I'm pleased to meet them right away casually to get acquainted in a very platonic way initially. In a case like that the development of the D/S relationship would happen differently, if at all. Maybe we'd just be friends or maybe we wouldn't even hit it off. It's all good.


cinnfulhussy wrote:
quote:

Our first meeting was full of ritual. He told me what he wanted me to wear, and that was perhaps one of the most thrilling aspects for me. I went shopping with his pleasure in mind, and it had me in such a lovely mindset for days!
We did everything they say you are not supposed to do. We met in his appartment, played the first date, did the deed the first date, and as he was inside me for the first time I begged to be his. Hey.... it worked! Going 8 years strong! Not that I advocate others doing the same....
As for ritual, he had me do the all but standard shave for him, wear no panties, wear thigh highs and heels... and he inspected me after giving me a tour of his home.


Now maybe none of these people engaged in online expressions of their respective dominance or submission before actually meeting. Maybe they only talked about the weather online. But don't you share my hunch that they may have done some of what Mercnbeth referred to as "online play"?

Mercnbeth have stated plainly, twice now, that:"There is no way playing on-line is a step getting you closer to that goal."

Don't you have the impression that for the couples describing themselves in those quotes there was online exploration of their dominance and submission before that first meeting? And that it was indeed "a step toward getting them closer to that goal"?



quote:

IrishMist
quote:

I've never gotten know anyone who would consider travelling to meet someone who couldn't first engage their submission at a distance, though perhaps you have. If that's how it was for you and your partners, that's fine.


I would be one of those who could not give up any control of any kind without first at least meeting the person. From my perspective...there is nothing dominant or submissive about typing words on a keyboard. ( this is just my opinion though, and how I alone feel )


I'm sure you are not alone. I am sure that many submissives feel as you do. Even if no one else did you should still answer to your own heart, right? Nothing there to feel bad about.


quote:

IrishMist
quote:

To command someone's attention who is strapped to your cross is no big accomplishment (though getting her there may have been one and it is great fun just the same.) If the same person bends to your will as she sits across the room, unbound and with an open door by her side then she can be seen to be submitting in a different way but exactly as well as if she were restrained and physically touched by you. In at least one sense her submission at a distance can be seen as more delicious.


I will agree with this, but...again, how can you command someones submission without having at least met them in RL?

these are just my opinions though


How do I do it? Well I'm not here to give lessons but just like the doms in those other accounts, I do. And for myself and my partners over the years it has been genuine and good and has been an important step toward meeting in the flesh. The same can clearly be said for those other posters quoted above.

I'll bet you would benefit more from another submissive's description of the process than from mine. I have corresponded with both cinnfulhussy and slavejali and found them to be very gracious. I suspect that either one would be pleased to address your question and could do so better than I could.

In any case your opinions and questions are always welcome.


(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: weeding out wannabees - 1/1/2006 2:28:32 AM   
Shayna


Posts: 205
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:


I'll bet you would benefit more from another submissive's description of the process than from mine.


I know there are many submissives on CM that have had this experience, because the topic has been discussed before. My first D/s experience was with someone that lived 12 hours from me, and I didn't meet him in person for 4 months. For whatever reason, I was willing to submit to him before meeting offline. We were in constant contact by phone and on cam and my days were structured around his instructions. My submission to him was real for me. It wasn't a love that lasted, but I learned a ton about myself and what I need in a D/s relationship. All it took was my willingness to submit. It was a choice on my part. I think finding someone that I'm compatible with, including desiring of a D/s relationship, is somewhat daunting. I'm open to meeting a Master who lives elsewhere. What I would do now in that situation is try to meet in person much sooner than 4 months. Submission for me happens in increments as I get to know someone and a D/s dynamic begins to get established. This process can begin before a r/t meeting.

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: weeding out wannabees - 1/1/2006 5:28:48 AM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist


Please explain to me, and I am sincere in this...please explain to me how these can come about if you have NEVER met the person in RL? I find it hard to understand.


quote:



I will agree with this, but...again, how can you command someones submission without having at least met them in RL?


Hi, Irish. I know this question wasnt directed toward me, but I feel compelled to answer anyway because I felt the very same way you do at one time. I had been approached by several doms who wanted to "Dom Me" right out of the gate, before we had established any kind of rapport, before they had even made an effort to get to know me and before I could establish any sort of respect for them. Talk about a turn-off.

Based on these experiences, I thought the whole concept of "being dommed" online was quite ridiculous and laughable.

Then I met someone who seemed extraordinary, but who also lived some distance away. Quite do-able by car, but no drive around the block. This person, for a reason I can not explain, was almost immediately able to reach into whatever you want to call that place inside you that gets all warm and melty when the right person pushes just the right button, and I found myself feeling more deeply submissive in his virtual presence than Id ever felt with anyone, in person or otherwise.

Now, if this person had never approached me in that manner, would we have eventually met in person to see if there was some sort of spark? Well, I cant say what would have happened for sure if things had played out differently, but I really doubt it. After all, it required more than just a casual amount of effort for us to share geography. (Have you seen gas prices lately?????) Our virtual and telephone interaction ( which involved my submission to him but was not about that exclusively) provided me with the incentive to make the effort to meet in person as well as a certain degree of peace of mind that this person was, in fact, worth my time and attention.

I wasnt looking for an "online relationship" but thats the venue that was used initially for communication between us. There were times when I actually caught myself wondering, like you, "How can.....if we've never...." but it just felt right and ultimately it's the way I found the most amazing man Ive ever known.

And that aint no hyperbole, neither.

So, Im not trying to convince you to change your mind...I just wanted to let you know that there are situations where even us gals who are told by ever tom dick and harry wanna be dom that they are "Not very submissive" because we dont fall face down on they keyboard on command, find ourselves on our virtual knees despite ourselves.

And we are quite grateful for that fact.

Looking back, I cant help but think of how much more of a time waster it would have been if Id shunned online interaction with all those "wanna be's" and waited til I could meet them in all their Great Domliness in person before forming a judgement.

All I can think is: Ew.


< Message edited by justheather -- 1/1/2006 5:34:39 AM >

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: weeding out wannabees - 1/1/2006 8:36:13 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Since my explanations seem to be yielding more heat than light lately


LOL no heat, genuine curiosity yes.

quote:

But don't you share my hunch that they may have done some of what Mercnbeth referred to as "online play"?

I would imagine that yes, they most do indulge in some sort of 'online play'...I guess I am trying to seperate online play from online cyber and having a hard time at doing that :)

but, more than anything lol, Heather's post cleared it up for me.

quote:

Then I met someone who seemed extraordinary, but who also lived some distance away. Quite do-able by car, but no drive around the block. This person, for a reason I can not explain, was almost immediately able to reach into whatever you want to call that place inside you that gets all warm and melty when the right person pushes just the right button, and I found myself feeling more deeply submissive in his virtual presence than Id ever felt with anyone, in person or otherwise.


this made more sense than anything else, because yes, I do know people like that, who have such a commanding presence that over the phone or online it shows through.


(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: weeding out wannabees - 1/1/2006 9:06:44 AM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		yes exactly...the 2 week rule will weed them out fast...i posted my situtation in the other thread so i'm not going to repeat it...bottom line is wannabe=master of their cock only

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

just because someone doesnt see this life like you do doesnt mean right off they are wannabe


Delvin,
The term "wannabe" to us defines a person who wastes time. A person whose interest in the lifestyle and whose participation in the lifestyle is exclusively internet chat rooms, forums, and phone contact. They bait people into believing that "someday" they will meet and live out our their life as the submissive"Beauty" or "O" or as the Dominant in those stories. The reality is, they are just looking for a person to involve in their masturbatory fantasy. If both parties offer honest full disclosure that this is their sole ambition no harm/no foul. But when one of the party is seeking a face to face physical relationship getting taken in by these wannabes is frustrating and time wasting. It's even more so for people new to the lifestyle or living in areas without the resources and access of an LA or NYC. I interpreted the OP to be describing situations where seemingly good initial contact and interest never evolved into meeting. It sounded like he was strung along.

Now there is a difference in a "wannabe" and an don't "wannabe-with-me/us". It's an unreasonable expectation that just because you have a common interest in some aspect of the lifestyle that everyone you meet in this lifestyle will like you or you will like them. This is an experience we all have to go through and should be expected. This is a "would-like-to-be" under the right circumstances.

It comes down to basic logic. If your goal is to meet and have a relationship focus on that goal. There is no way playing on-line is a step getting you closer to that goal. When making contact of any nature, make sure that the person you are communicating with has the same goals as you. Broad and general goals at first and more specific as the confidence builds and trust grows. Don't compromise your goals and don't "settle"!



_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: weeding out wannabees - 1/1/2006 1:07:10 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

yes exactly...the 2 week rule will weed them out fast...i posted my situtation in the other thread so i'm not going to repeat it...bottom line is wannabe=master of their cock only


LMAO...now that got a huge chuckle out of me

(in reply to fyreredsub)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: weeding out wannabees - 1/1/2006 1:38:42 PM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		thanks,lol. i laugh now but i was rather pissed off but it doesn't take long to figure it out..that 2 weeks will do it

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

yes exactly...the 2 week rule will weed them out fast...i posted my situtation in the other thread so i'm not going to repeat it...bottom line is wannabe=master of their cock only


LMAO...now that got a huge chuckle out of me



_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: weeding out wannabees - 1/1/2006 2:28:36 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

Almost everybody out there is wrong for you. Don't accept the fact grudgingly. Celebrate it. Enjoy the fishing, not just the catching.


Now this is good advice!!!!


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 40
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