bad temper does not always equal abuse

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bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 2:51:32 PM

defiantbadgirl

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What is it with people thinking that if someone throws something or hits an inatimate object, they will get violent with their significant other? How many of you were taught if you're mad, go punch a pillow or some other object? Now all of a sudden doing that constitutes a red flag for possible future abuse. Just a little rant after reading a rather lengthy thread from a few days ago. I thought the subject of red flags for abuse deserved its own thread.

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 3:09:17 PM

Aylee

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Because hitting something like a pillow when you are mad has been shown to increase aggression, not decrease it.

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 3:15:11 PM

RCdc

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NM...

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 12/30/2008 3:17:20 PM >

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 3:21:28 PM

defiantbadgirl

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That may or may not be true, but my point is, so many people have been taught to hit objects. I know because I've heard it from others more times than I can count, both as an adult and when I was an unmentionable. I can just see someone going to an anger management class. The instructor says if you're mad take it out on an object. Then they go around the room telling why they have a problem. What's the person going to say....."I need help because I followed the advice of the instructor"? I think this is an unfair assumption to make when so many people have been told that's how to deal with anger. Many people who do this aren't dangerous at all, but just doing what they were taught for years was the right thing to do.

< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 12/30/2008 3:38:09 PM >

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Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 4:28:03 PM

popeye1250

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I'm amazed at how people can let things get to them to the point that they'd have to hit a pillow!
Whoa, tuffguy!
I bet the couch caught hell too.

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 5:06:35 PM

slaveboyforyou

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I don't know who hasn't got mad at some malfunctioning gadget, kicked it, shook it, and cursed at it? I'm guilty of doing that. I've always liked that story about Elvis shooting his television set

. I wish I had that kind of money. I have got pissed off at a person or situation than went off and punched or kicked something. The best rule of thumb in to try and do things like that in private. It does make you look a bit childish if you do it around others.

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 5:11:53 PM

marie2

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I hit a sheetrock wall once with my fist and I cracked the wall. I'm not kidding even a little. Of course I had to ice my hand and wrist after that, but still, it was worth it. I can't even remember what I was pissed at. But it was great.

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 5:14:17 PM

mistoferin

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21 pages in the other thread wasn't enough to explain it to you db? Seriously, the last thing we needed right now was another thread about it.

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 7:46:13 PM

servantheart

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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

I'm amazed at how people can let things get to them to the point that they'd have to hit a pillow!
Whoa, tuffguy!
I bet the couch caught hell too.

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 8:05:45 PM

MzMia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

I'm amazed at how people can let things get to them to the point that they'd have to hit a pillow!
Whoa, tuffguy!
I bet the couch caught hell too.

LOL, well when my ex-husband got pissed off at me and {punched holes in the wall, started throwing things around the house, breaking shit, slamming doors a lot, yelling and screaming and getting right in my face, jumping out of cars saying he will walk home, and I will never forget the chinese food he threw all over the wall}.....signs like this caused me to have many AHA moments.

Normally, when someone starts these types of behaviors, you are not getting along, things are not okay, and you should already have clues, this behavior is just the icing on the cake.
I had already been thinking/planning of getting away from Porky before he started his rampages.

My thoughts clearly were I am pissing this asshole off, I need to keep my mouth shut, or we will end up on cops, and if he hits me, he will get something much worse when he dares to go to sleep {I don't want to go to jail}, and I need to get my ass out of here and away from him.

Why would anyone plan to live or spend their life around someone acting like that?
I remember watching him go off, and even yell in my face, and even push me with his big fat belly {but he never hit me}......he was trying to intimidate me, frighten me, and put me in my place, without hitting me.

I got the hell away from Porky the pig {thats who he looks like}, and we are now great friends.
I have not seen any of his former behavior once he realized I would not remain with or live with someone that thought they could treat me like that.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 12/30/2008 8:33:12 PM >

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 8:20:51 PM

CatdeMedici

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

What is it with people thinking that if someone throws something or hits an inatimate object, they will get violent with their significant other? How many of you were taught if you're mad, go punch a pillow or some other object? Now all of a sudden doing that constitutes a red flag for possible future abuse. Just a little rant after reading a rather lengthy thread from a few days ago. I thought the subject of red flags for abuse deserved its own thread.

It's no different than smoking your first joint has the potential to make you are drug user. Any behavior can be taken to extreme and there will always be the voices in the crowd to warn against it.

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 9:09:33 PM

defiantbadgirl

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One of my best friends dated a guy that vented his anger on a tree outside. He never laid a hand on her. The only reason they aren't still together is he died of a heart attack. I dated a man years ago with a very bad temper, but I was never afraid. He told me of past relationships he had been in where women cheated on him and physically attacked him. He responded by punching objects. I'm not saying he didn't have problems. I'm saying I always felt safe with him. These guys had two things in common. 1 They hated non-consentual woman beaters. 2 Any time they saw a man non-consentually hurting a woman, they took care of business.

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Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

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Post #: 12

RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 9:11:26 PM

Lordandmaster

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Redux!

OK, count me in. Where has this "been shown"?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

Because hitting something like a pillow when you are mad has been shown to increase aggression, not decrease it.

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 9:18:24 PM

MzMia

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dbg, as adults we often can create our own reality.
If in your world if you feel that a bad temper, throwing things, putting holes in walls, breaking things, etc. will not lead to abuse, than you have that right.

We are all entitled to think whatever we like, but don't expect everyone to view the world as you do.

Good luck and Happy New Year!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 9:21:22 PM

pahunkboy

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a person slamming a door tho can be a form of abuse.

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 9:24:12 PM

bluesgun

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I made a journal entry telling a story about this subject (at least I think so) , it was too long to post here.
All replies are welcome ,even the hate mail.
Blues

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 9:27:05 PM

parakeet89

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It's intimidation, which is considered abuse.

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 9:28:20 PM

defiantbadgirl

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I'm just saying that throwing and or hitting objects doesn't always lead to abuse. Alot of people have been told to hit objects so they don't hit people and consequently handle anger the way they were taught. Therefore, someone hitting or throwing things is not always an indicator that someone is dangerous. Happy New Year to you too. Hope you have a good one.

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Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

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Post #: 18

RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 9:32:44 PM

MzMia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bluesgun

I made a journal entry telling a story about this subject (at least I think so) , it was too long to post here.
All replies are welcome ,even the hate mail.
Blues

I read your journal entry about abuse and redflags.
Wow, what a story, I am going to read it again!
I am glad you survived, and I agree, we don't always get warnings!
Many people would love to get a warning, wouldn't they?
Many people go to meet their maker, because someone went "off" and
they did not get "signs", "redflags" or "warnings".
Thanks for sharing!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 10:57:46 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I'm just saying that throwing and or hitting objects doesn't always lead to abuse. Alot of people have been told to hit objects so they don't hit people and consequently handle anger the way they were taught. Therefore, someone hitting or throwing things is not always an indicator that someone is dangerous. Happy New Year to you too. Hope you have a good one.

Anger management courses teach that someone who is prone to anger management issues, or prone to being abusive, should not be encouraged or taught to hit things in anger, rather, should be taught to deal with anger in non-violent ways. It's probably likely that someone who does not have issues with anger or violence would not have increased risk of being abusive when being violent to inanimate objects.

But this was already talked about in the 21 pages in General Topics. Red flags were also discussed in that thread.

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