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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 11:03:29 PM   
Aylee


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Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		Lack of my previous University level research article sites (no longer in school), this will take me some time to find you the articles.

Essentially. . . it goes like this:

Anger is not really the primary emotion.  The primary emotion must be dealt with.  Things such as "venting" or hitting things, only deal with the secondary emotion of anger and so do nothing to fix it.  This leads to an increase in primary emotions that lead to the anger.  Hence, all the venting and smacking inanimate objects around, while increasing the sense of ones own power, for however short lived, does not decrease the feelings of aggression.

If you will look at the course materials or the syllabus for anger management classes, you will see that this method of hitting inamate objest is not listed.

Sure it may be great for a teenager. 

Not so good for adults.  If you know what I mean.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Redux!

OK, count me in.  Where has this "been shown"?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

Because hitting something like a pillow when you are mad has been shown to increase aggression, not decrease it.



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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 11:05:32 PM   
Lynnxz


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Status: offline 		Try Galileo with the password 'sonar' Aylee
It may work, it may not.


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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 11:15:55 PM   
Aylee


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Redux!

OK, count me in.  Where has this "been shown"?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

Because hitting something like a pillow when you are mad has been shown to increase aggression, not decrease it.



There have been some studies.  Unfortunatly since completing my grad degree, I know longer have the god-like powers of j-stor.  It will take me a bit to find them, if I can at all.

Other than that. . . well, I have not read the other thread that has been refered to.  I was just throwing out a possible answer. 

It would really all depend on the circumstances. 

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 11:28:46 PM   
TheHeretic


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Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
Status: offline 		        I won't say I used to have a very nasty temper.  It is still there, but I have adjusted my way of viewing the world to create a much longer fuse on it.  I had sworn to myself that I would never hit a woman in anger, but by the time it was tested, plenty of those "nevers" had proved wrong. 

       It was an ugly night.  Buttons were getting pushed hard on both sides.  It was about nothing but pointing frustrations at each other over trivia.  I don't even remember what snarky thing she said at precisely the right moment to trigger it, but my hand flew faster than my brain.  A man would have taken it to the nose or throat, here, it went right through the sheetrock a few inches away from her ear.  There was no fear in her eyes.

       I grabbed my coat and went for a walk in the rain, and came back 45 minutes later with two big beers.  She was still there.  Neither of us apologized.  The sex was epic. 

     Problem is, some women like rough, angry guys.  Strange stuff, WIITWD.

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 11:35:44 PM   
stef


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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I'm just saying that throwing and or hitting objects doesn't always lead to abuse.

Who was saying otherwise?

quote:

Alot of people have been told to hit objects so they don't hit people and consequently handle anger the way they were taught.

Are these the same people who were taught they burned witches at the Salem witch trials?

quote:

Therefore, someone hitting or throwing things is not always an indicator that someone is dangerous.

Yes, and most of us understood this before you started this redundant thread. 

~stef


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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 11:45:15 PM   
came4U


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From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		A bad temper (on a guy) only shows weakness of self and character.  I want no part of some over 40 yr old's temper tantrum behavior. 

A man who can control is anger, despite 'wanting' to cause havok either physically or verbally is hot.  The opposite type, yukky.

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/30/2008 11:53:02 PM   
Hippiekinkster


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

21 pages in the other thread wasn't enough to explain it to you db? Seriously, the last thing we needed right now was another thread about it.
Oh, I disagree. This is vastly more entertaining and informative than "why won't he/she/it answer my email?"

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/31/2008 4:34:47 AM   
MmeGigs


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quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U
A bad temper (on a guy) only shows weakness of self and character.  I want no part of some over 40 yr old's temper tantrum behavior. 


Does a woman's bad temper show something else?


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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/31/2008 6:59:05 AM   
PlayfulOne


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MmeGigs

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U
A bad temper (on a guy) only shows weakness of self and character.  I want no part of some over 40 yr old's temper tantrum behavior. 


Does a woman's bad temper show something else?




now now, we all know women do none of those things, lol

K

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/31/2008 7:08:47 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Count me one of the people that don't believe one necessarily leads to the other. BUT, I do think that throwing a childish temper tantrum is a rediculous thing for an adult to do. I've very little respect for some one that would and I've been known to laugh at, redicule and all around treat them just like spoilt little brats.

I simply will not tollerate adults behaving like children.

All of that being said, I watched the 45 yo generic dude I share the farm with...... curse, stomp and hit the kitchen counter 2-3 times with a wet dish towel, the other night because he shoved a fork tip under his fingernail, the other night.

I laughed so damned hard.

So, in my opinion there is alot of gray areas also.


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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/31/2008 7:20:39 AM   
T1981


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Status: offline 		Oh man, if I accidently hurt myself or get a bill I forgot about (and is now overdue) in the mail, it's pretty easy for me to stomp around and wallop the counter with a dishrag. But that's mostly me just being frustrated, I've never taken it out on a person or an animal.

Although I'm still learning that stubbing your toe, and then KICKING whatever you stubbed your toe on, is a ridiculous idea. You'd think I'd know that by now!

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/31/2008 7:31:57 AM   
LaTigresse


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Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, but watching him flail with that dishtowel, while jumping up and down, cursing.........was comical as hell.

I really did try to hold the laughter in but it was a futile effort.


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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/31/2008 7:35:57 AM   
T1981


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Status: offline 		lol - I bet. It's pretty funny to watch an adult lose it for a few minutes and act like a child - my husband tells me I can be quite cute when I'm mad. (Which, of course, generally makes me madder!) 

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/31/2008 8:00:52 AM   
LaTigresse


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Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Of course it does, and we sadistic types just eat that up! (at least I do.....)

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/31/2008 9:37:23 AM   
popeye1250


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From: New Hampshire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

A bad temper (on a guy) only shows weakness of self and character.  I want no part of some over 40 yr old's temper tantrum behavior. 

A man who can control is anger, despite 'wanting' to cause havok either physically or verbally is hot.  The opposite type, yukky.


I agree. I have a brother-in-law like that.
He gets wild and starts screaming.
Of course I know how to get him going! lol
All it takes is one comment; "what do you mean by that?"
"Oh,............... nothing."
"You're an asshole!"
"Hey! Behave yourself or I'll have my sister slap the piss out of you!"
SKYROCKETS!!!!!!!!!!!

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/31/2008 10:06:56 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Does acting out on an inanimate object necessarily mean someone will become abusive towards a person.. of course not.
But breaking something in anger may be a sign of difficulty with impulse control and could be considered to be a red flag.

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/31/2008 10:10:00 AM   
beargonewild


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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

What is it with people thinking that if someone throws something or hits an inatimate object, they will get violent with their significant other? How many of you  were taught if you're mad, go punch a pillow or some other object? Now all of a sudden doing that constitutes a red flag for possible future abuse.  Just a little rant after reading a rather lengthy thread from a few days ago. I thought the subject of red flags for abuse deserved its own thread. 


Oh shit...here we go again


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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/31/2008 10:55:15 AM   
TNstepsout


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Status: offline 		When someone loses his or her cool and yells and screams or hits or breaks objects it creates fear and anxiety in the people around him or her. It's not right to subject others to that regardless of whether you hit them or not.  A bad temper is a big red flag to me even if I'm not worried about being physically abused. I don't like displays of temper because to me it shows a lack of respect to the people around you and an inability to control oneself. 

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/31/2008 11:34:56 AM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline 		What this boils down to in my opinion is some people are so thin skinned they'll get upset and become a victim of fear over virtually anything. It's not nice to have people shout at you but from time to time it is going to happen and the person being shouted at just has to deal with it. There are probably some people in the world that have such control over themselves and wouldn't shout at anyone or anything, in fact so monotonal their approach to life no one knows they are passionate about anything and some think they stopped being human a long time ago. Anger is a human emotion to deny its validity with respect to coping in a particular situation is to pretend you are no longer human.

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RE: bad temper does not always equal abuse - 12/31/2008 11:39:10 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee
There have been some studies.  Unfortunatly since completing my grad degree, I know longer have the god-like powers of j-stor.  It will take me a bit to find them, if I can at all.


I have access to J-Stor and Project Muse.  PM me and I'll help you find articles.

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