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Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/30/2008 9:14:30 PM

FWPolyHouse

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Joined: 10/2/2008
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I am wondering if I missed a class on common courtesy in our lifestyle. I am not going to name names or just say my situation is the only one (cause a friend of mine on this site has the same problem).

In a search for another person to join our household, my girlfriend and I had found a couple of great people online that meet what we are looking for. After looking at their profiles we thought we met what they were looking for.

Either one of us would email the person of interest and we notice they have read our emails, but there is no reply from them. We don't leave onliners and we are very nice and respectful.

The lack of manners of not replying and even saying they were not interested really bugs me. I don't mean this to be a rant or anything along those lines. I am just wondering where some people learn their manners about being respectful.

I mean is this really a common practice lately among those in our lifestyle now a days.

Post #: 1

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/30/2008 9:17:39 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Sorry, fella. There's no obligation to respond, just because you think they should.

They could have not read your cmail. Or maybe they weren't as compatible as you thought. Or they found someone and didn't update their profile.

Suck it up and move on.

Edited to add:

1. I typically expect a response rate of maybe 10%-20%. I'm not angry about this - it's just the way things work.
2. You are seeking something very unusual. That's going to affect your response rate a lot.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 12/30/2008 9:20:24 PM >

_____________________________

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Post #: 2

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/30/2008 9:18:51 PM

mozartsfuneral

Posts: 103
Joined: 11/2/2008
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Why does someone have to respond to every email they get? If i replied simply saying no to every email i got do you realize how long i'd be at my computer for???

Days!

(in reply to FWPolyHouse)

Post #: 3

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/30/2008 9:32:19 PM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
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Respectful replies are not a requirement, nor do they make the non-respondant rude.
The main problem is that, when we do bother to respond, about 90% of the no thank yous are not met with polite retreat. They are met with arguments or sour grapes. We are very open and obvious about being a couple, and yet we often get mail to this name strictly for me, from someone wishing to serve me. We reply back that we are not interested especially since they did not pay attention to the profile and speak to us both. Instead of a sorry, or even silence, we get arguments. We get people complaining that I am wasting my time with him, or that if I were a real mistress I could handle more than one slave...

So, I have stopped responding to most messages unless I am REALLY interested in letting it go somewhere.
There is your problem. You are looking for a third. Anyone who identifies as even interested in that sort of arrangement is inundated with mail. You are one of many many couples looking. Someone might have read your mail, among a sea of others and yours did not stand out.They only reply to those that do. Conjecture, but believable possibilities. There is no required etiquette for emails, here or anywhere else.

DV

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Post #: 4

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/30/2008 9:54:20 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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no response IS a response.

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Post #: 5

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/30/2008 10:14:19 PM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
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Well, first, Greedy is as usual on point: No reply IS a reply. It isn't rude.

Lets go a bit further: The OP says: my girlfriend and I had found a couple of great people online that meet what we are looking for. After looking at their profiles we thought we met what they were looking for.

Well, GEE. maybe you thought wrong? In what way is reading your email, perhaps reading your profile and NOT REPLYING disrespectful? Indeed, your profile would make Me ignore you if I were seeking. Consider maybe a little less arrogance, and a little more acceptance?

E

_____________________________

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"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to FWPolyHouse)

Post #: 6

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/30/2008 10:17:53 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
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Thanks, Emp *hug* I hope the holidays have been good to you, and all best wishes for the New Year!

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Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Emperor1956)

Post #: 7

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/30/2008 10:20:34 PM

SoulPiercer

Posts: 374
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FWPolyHouse
I am wondering if I missed a class on common courtesy in our lifestyle. I am not going to name names or just say my situation is the only one (cause a friend of mine on this site has the same problem).

My guess is, you didn't miss the class, since no such class exists. My question is - why do you think "lifestylers" would be any more courteous than our vanilla counterparts? Learning to tie someone up and aching to be whipped does not instantly boost one's level of courtesy.

For the record, I don't find the "no reply" to be rude at all. Hell, I go through my sent folder and find some messages were deleted without even being read. So what.

I look at it this way: If they can't take the time to reply to me, or they can't even be bothered to read my message, then they probably aren't disciplined enough to properly shine my boots or keep quiet while I am concentrating on cumming in their mouth.

_____________________________

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(in reply to FWPolyHouse)

Post #: 8

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/30/2008 10:41:31 PM

corysub

Posts: 1492
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I don't think you can generalize on any group. Online profiles are to be taken with a grain of salt, and suspicion. Interestingly, people on chat venues like this are probably more who they claim to be than the "dating" or "lifestyle" services that are loaded with men posing as women, women posing as men, couples that are really a single, perverts, dangerous people, saints, sinners, and sincere lifestyle players who would probably be great friends if they met. I would suggest going to local "munches" to meet real people in an informal setting over lunch or dinner or, if possible, attend a local lifestyle club if one is available. If you feel a profile is of interest you might email that interest and suggest a cam/cam conversation if the other party is interested in going any further. Not cam/cam play...but just getting to know each other has been a great way for me to give some identity to the "other person (s), and make a first meeting a little less stressful...but still on some neutral, safe ground.
I spend very little time looking to meet people here and a lot more time just bantering about everything under the sun and which is not only enjoyable... but actually has been constructive and it's truly terrific just how informed some people are on these threads, notwithstanding often severe differences in opinion. Your experience in actually not meeting people or having people not show up if a hook up is arranged is fairly general as far as I can see from people I have chatted with over the years. It's not the "lifestyle" it's the medium of the internet. Enjoy!

(in reply to SoulPiercer)

Post #: 9

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/30/2008 10:50:03 PM

UncleNasty

Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline

Rude behavior has become the norm for most. That position is supported, and even excused, by previous posts in this thread.

That this is tolerated, and even accepted and tolerated by many here, only serves to foment more of the same.

I mean really folks, there is the way it is, and the way it ought to be. But accepting what "is" doesn't mean we should stop aspiring to ideals.

Uncle Nasty, newly appointed Chief of the Manners Police

(in reply to SoulPiercer)

Post #: 10

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/30/2008 11:24:07 PM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

nobody HAS to respond to a message just because you send it =p
some people get so many of them, they just stop trying =p just because you thought they fit your criteria doesn't mean they actually did or that they even WANTED to =p

(in reply to UncleNasty)

Post #: 11

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/30/2008 11:29:04 PM

slaveboyforyou

Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline

A couple of my lady friends that I have met from this site have showed me their inbox before. I don't blame them for not reading all the emails in their entirety. No matter what they put in their profile, they were inudated with emails daily. A lot of those emails were polite, but they still didn't warrant an answer. People have shit to do other than answering 50 emails on a personal site everyday, man.

I took a quick gander at your profile; you're looking for something very specific. I'm sorry to break this to you, but most women aren't looking for a live-in situation with two bi males and a bi female. No offense, the pool of avaliable women looking for a situation like that is small. I wish you the best of luck with your search, but you shouldn't expect everyone to reply. Like I said, people have other things to do during the course of their day.

(in reply to FWPolyHouse)

Post #: 12

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/31/2008 12:04:27 AM

BbwCanaDomme

Posts: 330
Joined: 5/22/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveboyforyou

I took a quick gander at your profile; you're looking for something very specific. I'm sorry to break this to you, but most women aren't looking for a live-in situation with two bi males and a bi female.

Exactly. Also, I know that personally I wouldn't answer messages from people who mention kids living at home in their profile (unless it was a friendly email), and the unironic use of the term vampire will turn off a lot of people. I hope you find what you're looking for, but I think it's silly to be offended when people aren't responding to your email considering the incredibly difficult situation you present. There just isn't time to email everyone back.

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Post #: 13

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/31/2008 2:53:04 AM

Evility

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Joined: 12/19/2007
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I wonder if Emily Post is kinky?

(in reply to FWPolyHouse)

Post #: 14

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/31/2008 3:00:32 AM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
Status: offline

What I'm wondering is why folks consider it "rude" not to respond to every email we recieve. It's never been considered "rude" not to answer every email EXCEPT when someone is talking about a site such as this one. Here, I see a plethora of people complaining about how "rude" folks are not to return a hello, or not to answer their email.

Think though, prior to saying that it's unacceptable or rude, or even that it "should be" unacceptable or considered rude. Do you answer every email you get? EVERY email you get? Do you do so at every email address you've got - both on and off This site? Does EVERY email you send OFF this site get answered? Do you assume the person is being "rude" if they don't necessarily answer Every email you write Off this site? If the answer is, "No, I don't respond to Every email I get on Every email account I have, and yes, sometimes I send emails in other places that don't get answered, and don't consider it necessarily rude off this site" then hey... pot, meet kettle, seems the two of you have a double standard to discuss as to acceptable behavior. Because you're living in a 'do as I say, not as I do' world. (Which, btw, is just as UnAcceptable and Rude to some of us as silence is to others.)

(You'll have to forgive me if I seem a tad cranky.... it's not quite 5am, and this is the 6th night in a row that I've been woken up at least 5 times during the course of attempting to get 8 hours of sleep. Sleep dep tends to make me a cranky bitch, and not particularly tolerant of what I percieve to be double standards.)

< Message edited by hizgeorgiapeach -- 12/31/2008 3:01:30 AM >

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(in reply to UncleNasty)

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RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/31/2008 3:02:24 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
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From: Quietville
Status: offline

As stated already...you have your response by not getting a response.

Suck it up and move on.

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(in reply to FWPolyHouse)

Post #: 16

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/31/2008 3:58:38 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FWPolyHouse

I am wondering if I missed a class on common courtesy in our lifestyle.

No such animal.

quote:

I am not going to name names or just say my situation is the only one (cause a friend of mine on this site has the same problem).

That's a good thing since that's TOSable.

quote:

In a search for another person to join our household, my girlfriend and I had found a couple of great people online that meet what we are looking for. After looking at their profiles we thought we met what they were looking for.

Seems like you were mistaken. It happens.

quote:

Either one of us would email the person of interest and we notice they have read our emails, but there is no reply from them. We don't leave onliners and we are very nice and respectful.

Continue to be nice and respectful. Someone else's behavior shouldn't be affecting your own. No harm, no foul. Chalk it up to incompatibility and be thankful you found out they weren't for you without any undue hardship or time wasting. All it cost you was the time it took to write a single email. That's a bargain at any price.

quote:

The lack of manners of not replying and even saying they were not interested really bugs me.

Why? Why does it bug you so much? Because they have different standards from your own? They don't do what you would have them do? It seems to me that you're not being very respectful of their choices to do what they want with their own email but you want them to be respectful of your choices and answer as you require? You don't get that option when you don't own the person who's at the receiving end of your desire.

quote:

I don't mean this to be a rant or anything along those lines.

You might not have meant it that way, but that is how it comes across, at least to me.

quote:

I am just wondering where some people learn their manners about being respectful.

I don't find posting threads about the behavior of complete strangers to be all that respectful. Just goes to show you that there is diversity among us.

quote:

I mean is this really a common practice lately among those in our lifestyle now a days.

I haven't found it to be at all common. I have never sent out an initial email which failed to get a response so.. perhaps it's just you, the choices you make in who you choose to write to.. or, the way you write. I have no idea but I haven't, personally, experienced what you perceive as rudeness. Since you stated that one of the partners is also a woman, I can't imagine that it's a gender issue either.

Might want to look closer to the source and how you are, really, coming across in your emails and whether or not you are choosing folks who would meet the criteria or have the desire to become involved in the situation as you describe it in your profile.

Don't get mad.. just move on.

_____________________________

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to FWPolyHouse)

Post #: 17

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/31/2008 3:59:24 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UncleNasty

Rude behavior has become the norm for most. That position is supported, and even excused, by previous posts in this thread.

That this is tolerated, and even accepted and tolerated by many here, only serves to foment more of the same.

I mean really folks, there is the way it is, and the way it ought to be. But accepting what "is" doesn't mean we should stop aspiring to ideals.

Uncle Nasty, newly appointed Chief of the Manners Police

And who has decided on the way it ought to be? You?

If you have normal email do you respond to all the spam mail messages you get? If not why? Do you not think it rude not to reply to all those nice people offering you viagra or giving you the chance to increase the size of your manhood?

(in reply to UncleNasty)

Post #: 18

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/31/2008 4:10:04 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

Well, first, Greedy is as usual on point: No reply IS a reply. It isn't rude.

Lets go a bit further: The OP says: my girlfriend and I had found a couple of great people online that meet what we are looking for. After looking at their profiles we thought we met what they were looking for.

Well, GEE. maybe you thought wrong? In what way is reading your email, perhaps reading your profile and NOT REPLYING disrespectful? Indeed, your profile would make Me ignore you if I were seeking. Consider maybe a little less arrogance, and a little more acceptance?

E

Ahhhyup.

(thats my hillbilly version of an, I agree with E)

_____________________________

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Emperor1956)

Post #: 19

RE: Did I miss a class somewhere? - 12/31/2008 5:13:30 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I mean is this really a common practice lately among those in our lifestyle now a days.

Yes it is a common practice. The reason for it is obvious. Many d-types can not handle rejection. To send a "sorry, not interested" message becomes an invitation for them to whine, beg, berate. Who needs that sort of crap?

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(in reply to FWPolyHouse)

Post #: 20

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