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ALAstella -> RE: Deeply Troubled (1/4/2009 6:08:24 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Aszhrae
came4U, since this is a thread, having to do with my own troubles. I am not about to keep them bottled up inside. Who else is there to talk too?
My offer still stands.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Aszhrae
I post what is bothering me because I have no where else to turn.
My offer still stands.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Aszhrae
Advice given and received. Considered, Excluded but some having offered good advice will be set in motion tomorrow.
Why tomorrow/ Why not now? Why not start working on the thing you can change yourself? Why are you waiting for a response from other people?
quote:
ORIGINAL: Aszhrae
Some only offer criticism, others snide remarks and some negative opinion.
Why are you listening to them, and why do you pay them more attention than the people who are trying to help you and be positive with you?
Do we really have to all agree with you? Okay right, Aszh, of course, you're dead right, so why has it come to what it is coming to now?
You're doing pretty well at isolating yourself from the rest of society. Throw your toys out of the playpen, and poitn the finger as much as you like, but this doesn't take you away from the truth that you are your own worst enemy.
But you know the thing is i get the idea you've compartmentalized yourself in your mind between male and female, you so badly want to be accepted as a woman, but the process of gender reassignment is a long, difficult, traumatic process, it leads you into the unknown, and as much as you want to be accepted as a woman that part of you which you perceive as still male is kicking up shit and making a scene, because you're scared Aszhrae, you're scared of going through the whole gender reassignment process and becoming a woman.
And you are responding in a way which is typically masculine and immature, you are refusing to give in (which contradicts your assertion that you are a good submissive/slave), you are playing the victim, you are focussing on the negative and the conflicts, you are lashing out and attacking, you are angry, you are upset with everyone else..
You are the cause of most of your problems.
Aszh, if you're a female, then be a female and stop making it and your transition a subject for discussion on these boards. What makes a woman a female is what lies deep inside her, it's got nothing to do with her breasts, her hormones or her vagina, but it has everything to do with her instincts, and those instincts are maternal.. Any female after puberty can lie back and become pregnant, but it's that instinct within her which makes her a mother.. She is equipped psychologically to deal with any situation, she doesn't fall apart, she submits to whatever is thrown at her but she never gives in. She picks and chooses her fights, and no woman will ever fight you unless it's something extremely important and crucial to her and she will fight you to the death.
She feels what she does and does what she feels, and she will never ever do anything until she is convinced that it is right for her to do it. How many mothers do you find walking away from their kids?
This thread is becoming offensive. There's a lot of women out there who were raised to be domestic slaves, many were beaten, some were abused, some were scalded as children, beaten, raped, but they all managed to get away to make a life for themselves. There are many women in this world who can only dream of the freedom that you have had in choosing to make yourself a domestic slave.
This is not to mention the transgendered females and males out there who despite being perceived as the real pariahs of society (check out the thread on the Pope in the section of BDSM in the media) they get through their transition, many without the sort of support you have had over the number of years, and they live, day in, day out, as productive members of society.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Aszhrae
Don't like it, don't reply. Your choice. Its everyone's choice whether to post or not.
Nothing can be done until tomorrow.
This is becoming a pantomime. It really is. A game. A mindgame.
And you know what all this is really about? You're trying to find the easy way out, to have the easy life, to take the line of least resistance, to live without problems, to let others run around you and solve your problems.
What's the problem here? The problem I think is you've had everything on a plate up until now, and you're pissed because this time is coming to an end and like a flea living on a dog which sees the flea powder coming you're looking for a new dog, or a continuation of your easy life.
It's like you've never had to deal with poverty, with adversity, and now you have to face up to this, and the truth of your life. This is what it's really all about isn't it Aszh? Life is easy when you're living off others, but when they don't want you ain't life a bitch?
And the thing is Aszh you're the one doing the gender reassignment, and nowhere is it written that life is going to be the same as it was before.
Life is what you make it.
Isn't this the truth?
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