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RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/2/2009 11:08:53 AM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

Yes of course it can be your hard limit.
It is your body..no is no.

And you knew this answer already ;)


Indeed.

Further, if you received an email from anyone that talked of stretching anything attached to your body before you even met face-to-face, I'd suggest looking elsewhere to get your needs and wants met.


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RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/2/2009 11:18:44 AM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		It is an absolute requirement.  I insist that My submissive have an anus.  No flexibility on that whatsoever.

E.

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RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/2/2009 12:44:18 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

It is an absolute requirement.  I insist that My submissive have an anus.  No flexibility on that whatsoever.

E.


*snort*

Several years ago, BM (Before Master), I had two dates with a Dom who seemed perfect for me. At the end of the second, he asked about anal. I said I wasn't very comfortable with it, as I hadn't much experience and I had some residual difficulties from pregnacies (trying to be delicate). I never said it was a hard limit, just that I had trepidation. He said anal was his favorite and he needed a sub who would do it. Needless to say, he disappeared- never called me again. His loss, I was actually very willing to be 'pushed' in that direction. (He still has profiles up over 3 years later- still looking and single).
 
Master isn't too interested in anal. He owns all my holes, makes sure I know it, and has claimed it in the past, but anal sex isn't on the regular menu. And this is just fine with me. If I did have a hard limit on anal, it would not be a deal breaker for Him.
 
As others have said- find someone who fits with you. There is no one-size-fits-all Dom.
 
 

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(in reply to Emperor1956)
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RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/2/2009 12:59:28 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bamagirl4u

Would a Dom even consider a submissive that does not like anal?  If I were collared and trusted my Dom and He insisted, would I do it?  I just don't know.  Are there any subs that do anal but really don't want to.  It seems to be a "must" on most of the e-mails I get on here. 


Every Dominant has his/her demands.If someone wants anal and you're not in a D/s relationship, pass'em by.

It's a harder decision if a Dominant suddenly decides anal is important after you're in the relationship. Only you know if anal is truly a hard limit for you, or whether there is some way to meet his need and have him respect your concerns.

I've done anal many moons ago, and for me it was nothing special, so consider my .02 zlotys in that context.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

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(in reply to bamagirl4u)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/2/2009 1:02:19 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		The basic premise that I start from is that a Dom/me is a dominant person who wants to dominate his submissive.
So a submissive person should agree to what his or her Dom/me wishes within his or her hard limits.
However finding someone that you as a submissive wish to submit to will be difficult.
When you find that someone who you trust and respect enough to continually try to submit to and he wants you for his submissive then you need to learn to communicate extremely well as a couple. Even the most submissive of person should expect to have their needs met and their fears recognised. Anal sex can be wonderful for both parties.  In my opinion there is no pont in anything more.
If a Dom/me cares about his/her sub then he/she will be prepared to compromise their wants for the benefit of the relationship and the well being of the sub.
It should in my opinion be a symbiotic relationship not a parasitic one. However to chose a person to have a relationship with just because they have the same checklist of BDSM desires is to me rediculous. I certainly don't want someone to spend time with me just because I happen to like doing some of the things that they like having done to them. If the feelings of submission to me are in place I wll be able to, in time, help them to continue to submit to my needs. Pushing soft limits in a D/s relationship is essential for me. Even hard limits can change over time but it would be stupid to enter a relationship thinking that it's possible to change all limits. So we find someone who we are reasonably compatable with and then work on the caring aspect of the relationship. If you listen to the people on here who are in long term D/s relationship you will hear the caring in their words. So take your time and be sensible. Being used really isn't that much fun in the long term and it's not only subs who get used.
Take care and good luck.

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/2/2009 5:57:37 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I just want to chime in and say that if this guy wants to fist you anally, he is either very experienced or else dangerous as hell.  And even if he DOES know what he's doing, anal stretching can lead to incontinence.

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RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/2/2009 6:07:04 PM   
bamagirl4u


Posts: 151
Joined: 12/25/2008
Status: offline 		I have taken all this information into account.  I guess it has been awhile since I have actually had a Dom because I forgot my ability to have a hard limit.  I appreciate all the advice and comments made concerning this thread.  It is good to know that there is a place to ask questions and get some other perspectives. 

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/2/2009 7:04:42 PM   
T1981


Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline 		It does not have to be a requirement, though you might find you are willing to change your mind as time goes on. For many years, anal was a big no-no for me. It's only been recently that I had even considered anal, and we are going slowly with it. (As it needs to be done) There's a big difference between the anus and the vagina, they need to be handled differently.

I can't take my husband's cock in my ass right out, and I can't even take after a good session every single time. But we are now moving towards the point where I can take it *sometimes*, and that's progress.

(in reply to bamagirl4u)
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RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/2/2009 7:04:55 PM   
Sandyshores29718


Posts: 343
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline 		*fast reply*

I'm submissive and I dont love anal, but I do submit to it if its what my Dom wants.  That being said. Fisting is a hard limit for me in either hole. lol For most I've heard the turn on about anal is its "wrong" in so many peoples eyes.  You can make anything you want as a hard limit.  I've thought about making anal one of mine, but in the end I do get some pleasure out of anal, so not a hard limit in my book. lol

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/2/2009 8:49:21 PM   
GeminiDominant


Posts: 11
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline 		To those who say this wish to stretch that particular orrafice I would say "You go first."

Sounds like a perv needing something to whank off to.

(in reply to Sandyshores29718)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/2/2009 9:13:39 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		I think it is by anatomy different for males and females. The pleasure my mate gets out of being fisted is directly related to his having a prostate. It may not be where all the enjoyment comes from but i can say for sure that after he cums, he tends to want it "out, out out!"  lol  I have grown to enjoy the control aspects of it, but it's pretty hard work if the person i was doing it with wasn't getting off on it.

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RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/2/2009 10:29:59 PM   
robertolapiedra


Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bamagirl4u

I am curious?  Can no anal be a hard limit for subs?  Recently, I got an email from a Dom that said he would "stretch" my asshole until I could take his fist in it. I thought about it, I have seen pictures and videos of fisting in the anus, but never really thought it was something I desired.  Would a Dom even consider a submissive that does not like anal?  If I were collared and trusted my Dom and He insisted, would I do it?  I just don't know.  Are there any subs that do anal but really don't want to.  It seems to be a "must" on most of the e-mails I get on here.  Thanks all for your information.  Oh, and I have had anal sex, the stretching and pain were intense for me, and I was nervous so I am sure I tightened up like a vice grip--needless to say he loved it, and me, not so much....


Hello bamagirl4u. First, I think there is a great difference between an ''E-mail dom'' and a real person discussing intimacy with you when the relationship really becomes intimate. Your sampling does not reflect real interactions between consenting adults. There are many female who like anal sex and some of them have male partners that are not very into the A kink.

Second, bad experiences or unintentional consequences do happen, and this not only with an anus but with all parts of the anatomy. The experience of painful stretching that is ''loved'' by the dominant is rarely sought after (unless it is a SM thing that is enjoyable in a pain kink). Most women who love anal do not like painful stretching and to turn into a vice grip. Most doms would rather do anal with a partner that actually enjoys the kink.

In my case, I can enjoy A on occasion but I am not obsessed with all the symbolism attached to the kink on a submissive level. On the order hand, my sub likes to get off on A (fisting) and she says that she gets best quality orgasms this way. With time, since I like to see her get off, the frequency increased from what ''I'' would normally do with past sex partners.

In this lifestyle there is no need to be uber submissive to anyone nor uber dominant. If it feels good and your partner is consenting, then do it. If it does not feel good and you are no masochist? that could be a limit. It also could be ineptness, selfish consideration or disregard for the other's sexuality. If I were you, I would not put much into the E-mail stuff. If you do not do anal, it is simply not your kink. I think you are part of the majority of women on this planet which may do mild A on very rare occasions but are not simply into it. Don't worry about the doms, we know that only a minority a women ''really'' enjoy anal sex. Mature doms don't expect this to be automatic in a reality DS context. Hope this helped. RL.

(in reply to bamagirl4u)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/2/2009 10:38:17 PM   
servantheart


Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

y'see, I have to disagree with you there...

"All doms who try to stick their fist up my ass will end up needing medical help"






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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/3/2009 11:01:22 AM   
WiseCracknSadist


Posts: 163
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		For me it's not about anal as an act of pleasure so much as it is that I require full access to my subs body.

Also, as a sadist, I have enjoyed using anal as discipline on sub who does not like it and has not said it was a hard limit.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/7/2009 8:00:17 AM   
breezofflowerz


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I just want to chime in and say that if this guy wants to fist you anally, he is either very experienced or else dangerous as hell.  And even if he DOES know what he's doing, anal stretching can lead to incontinence.


My thinking exactly. My career is in healthcare and I have personally witnessed the incontinence issue more times than I care to recall. Destroying those delicate sphincters leads to multiple other problems: chronic bladder and kidney infections, malabsorption issues, skin breakdown and even sepsis from a perforated bowel (a torturous way to die).


< Message edited by breezofflowerz -- 1/7/2009 8:38:28 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/7/2009 8:08:15 AM   
T1981


Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

For me it's not about anal as an act of pleasure so much as it is that I require full access to my subs body.


That is the initial reason that I agreed to anal - it's much more of an act of submission to me than anything intrinsicly enjoyable. But that comes with the usual rules of: Be careful and pay attention to what you're doing down there.

As others have said, it does no good to allow your dom access once or twice only to have problems arise later from it.


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RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/7/2009 10:57:14 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Any statement with the phrase "all doms" in it is bound to be false.


Even when it comes to blowjobs?

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/7/2009 12:16:10 PM   
malloves69


Posts: 913
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline 		50 year old sub male and yes anal with my mistress is now a must have  the craving for me is i gotta have it at least once a week from her  love strapon play and the after being fisted by her anally  we have been doing the fisting thing now for over 3 plus years and that first time she slides in me with her fist still takes my breath away  once shes in gawd that feels good and im totally at her mercy as she milks my prostate of whatever cum i have inside of me  see she loves to see my cock start dripping out cum once shes inside of me and i have no control over that ...being anally fisted by a woman is awesome indeed and its a great way to submit to a woman once shes started your ass training and strechting  after 3 plus years of being fisted by her my ass does go back to normal size but boy fisting sure can become addicting  have fun mal ...and yes enemas are a must before

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/7/2009 1:01:29 PM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Any statement with the phrase "all doms" in it is bound to be false.


Even when it comes to blowjobs?


any quote about "all doms can climax from blowjobs" has been proven absolutely false in my experience.  *shrugs*

as for anal, its a hard limit to me.  i can, have, and continue to occasionally get skin tears from vaginal intercourse, and those are quite painful enough, i dont want to see how much worse a skin tear around the anus can be.

this is not to say that TheEngineer has stopped tormenting me about it, not in the least!  on a once-a-day average, he makes some comment about the backdoor lovin.  and on a once-a-day average i tell him "you first" and the subject is changed, with both of us laughing.

your milage may vary.
kitten

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? - 1/7/2009 1:32:27 PM   
DarkVoyeur


Posts: 26
Joined: 12/13/2004
From: Wet Coast Canuckland
Status: offline 		If you spend enough time on this site you'll realize that dominance isn't required by all doms. Soooo....

I enjoy anal, it's great for many reasons, but I have managed to live quite well without it. Hard limits are hard limits.

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