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Amaros -> RE: Is anal a must for all Doms???? (1/9/2009 1:37:43 PM)
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Sounds like magical thinking to me - in any pathogen exchange, one partner has to be a carrier - if neither partner is a carrier, the risk of contracting an STD is Zero, it has to come from someplace.
As for the risk of damage, everybody has anal sex at least once a day (one hopes), excreting quite sizable on occasion, Phallic shaped objects, composed almost entirely of toxic pathogens, so given proper attention to causing any damage, a penis is considerably cleaner, and possibly even more comfortable - if you've ever suffered constipation due to dehydration, you know what I'm talking about.
In short, yes, there are risks, but they are calculated risks, not at all unavoidable or uncontrollable, and my advice to Sam would be to stop having casual sex with strangers - trust me, if I have casual sex, I treat my partner like like a level 3 biohazard - which can get pretty kinky.
Second, homosexuality is being attracted to the same sex, and sexual attraction is largely based on biology, i.e., sight, sound, smell, etc.
In all of my years of experience, I have never known the anal sphincter to be and exclusively male attribute, if it's gay just because men have them too, then you might consider that oral sex, or or any activity other than strict vaginal intercourse makes you "gay", and at that point you might as well just admit that if that's true, we're all gay, some of us are just pretending otherwise, even if you happen to prefer female partners exclusively.
I mean I could do a guy, unloaded of it's social connotations, it's just an act, I just have no urge to do so, whereas doing a woman requires no particular strain. It would be like going to a buffet and eating gruel instead of Prime Rib for me - I mean I could do it, but why? No offense, but I'd rather jack off - of course some people think that's gay too.
In short, one cannot assess sexual orientation from a single act, even having homosexual sex doesn't make you a homoseuxal - homosexuality is essentially excluding the opposite sex, i.e, a complete absence of desire, with respect to ones desire for sexual activity with members of one own sex.
For the record, I imagine gays feel much the same way about being gay: one is attracted to what one is attracted to regardless of anyone's political opinions on the subject and it's no skin off my nose, it's difficult, if not impossible, to argue with biology.
Sexual identity is another matter altogether, many homosexual men still feel like men, and they are men, other feel like women, even though they are chromosomally men, and again, why argue? The point being that some women seem to feel that anal sex masculinizes them, which is odd considering that we consider it feminizing to the point of no return when it comes to men doing it - go figure. As I say, sexual identity is another matter altogether.
As you might guess, yes, I like anal, I like that idea that a woman isn't holding out on me, that she will deny me nothing, that she is willing to open herself physically and psychologically to me without reservation - having said that, if you have medical or physical issues that prevent you from enjoying it, or might cause you problems physical or otherwise, it's not a deal breaker. If it's strictly a psychological limit, bad experiences in the past, etc. (avoidance of which the best reason for not being an ass about the ass), then I'd expect you to try and overcome it, to me, this is all about pushing limits, physical and psychological - you, and the other hand, are entitled to think anything you want in that regard and make you choices accordingly.
I'm not sure I could form a lasting relationship with somebody who's not on the same page, but one is obligated to respect others stated limits. The fact is that many things are simply not enjoyable if you aren't psychologically prepared for them, and without getting into the whole issue of what dominance or submission means, hedonic and agonistic stimulus don't always mix, some are either or, some have distinct preferences - being more of a hedonist than a sadist, I don't derive any particular pleasure from the pain of others, unless they happen to derive pleasure from it, i.e., as a means to an end - you might just succeed at turning someone off about something that they may well come to enjoy greatly at some other point in time, and if you simply insist upon it, without regard to the nuances of the person you're doing it with then it might indicate an unhealthy compulsion - on the other hand, if you're with somebody with unhealthy compulsions, one must wonder why this may be.
Again, in short, if a dom insists on doing something you find humiliating and or painful against your wishes (short of hard limits), then you have found a sadist - if it happens you are not a masochist, you might want to consider either moving on or trying to trip on masochism for a while, you never know.
I do enjoy vaginal fisting and dilation, that open thing again, it has nothing to do with the size of my penis, which is at least adequate, I've never had any complaints, it's more of a psychological thing for me, something I derive a great deal of psychological satisfaction from - it's complicated.
Anal fisting is an option, if you're into it, but I wouldn't insist on it, it doesn't fascinate me particularly - and not everybody is capable of vaginal fisting either, some women are just not built for it - technically, anything smaller than the head of a baby ought to fit, but much of that has to do with physiological response, the release of certian hormones, and childbirth is still fairly traumatic physically for some women more than others.
I don't believe in forcing it to the point of pain, unless you happen to be a hardcore masochist - in other words, it isn't that "if you're going be with me, you're going to fist and do anal", but is somebody who enjoys that is a definite plus. On the other hand, many do enjoy the release (or congestion) of agonistic stimulus, everybody has their own trip here.
I think that outside of basic physical discomfort, it really boils down to whether or not you trust the person, how far you are willing to go to submit, how secure you are, etc. - submission is just as subjective as domination once you abstract it to any level beyond mere simple physical force.
There are women who have a psychological problems with fisting and dilation, etc., whether they have not yet calculated all the risks and are playing it safe, or whether they have social concerns - vaginal tightness is a "selling point" for women presumabley, and they don't want to risk losing their value in the market - others may have full blown neurosis on the subject, and it is something I would fell compelled to get to the bottom of, so to speak.
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