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trealeon -> RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? (1/3/2009 7:48:25 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hermione83
I do support myself. I've been doing it for two years. I hate it. I'm successful at it. That makes me feel dead and unloved that I *have* to. If it weren't doing it for sheer survival, I may do it because I wanted to. Nevermind, I guess no one can possibly understand. If I become *independent* which is different than just education/job/living alone.. that means a lot of other things I have refused to do, like take decent care of myself etc and fully accept this life. I will change forever and I will not be submissive anymore. The *only* think that turns me on in *any* way is the Dominance/submission thing and without that there will be no romantic relationships. I know myself. I've been hanging onto my sucky life so I could be rescued while I still needed it - and letting myself get unhealthier and unhealthier in many ways so I don't let it get by. I cannot become healthy on my own without destroying my chances at ever having a relationship with anyone. I'm serious. Maybe you all don't understand that, but it's true. Oh yeah, and I have like 10 vibrators, and I've never had the big "O" btw.
Wow,
I don't know what to say except something has to give. I think the combination of everything you have said in your profile plus everything you have posted here and putting that all together into a composite of what you have revealed about your personality, it makes your situation such an outlier (so far into one particular extreme) that it's going to be extremely difficult if not impossible to find what you're looking for.
As someone else pointed out, you're already pulling from a smaller pool of "fish" in the vast ocean. We all are doing that, but no big deal, we've found a place where all of those fish can hang out. And hey, we all have criteria, things we want, so that's not unusual. But a lot of your criteria shrink the already small subset so drastically, that you're looking for what could maybe be 1 or 2 people in 10,000 (I totally made up those odds but it seems that way). And as you've stated yourself, you have no wiggle room.
Hey it's fine to have things that are absolute deal breakers, I don't even think you have too many of them as far as quantity, it's just that they are biggies.
The two that stand out the most are... virgin and does not have nor want kids.
The virgin thing because it leaves no room for "error". I'm a Christian too, so I get where you're coming from but I can tell you, we're not all virgins. Of course I don't jump into sex with a girl after one date or anything like that, but I have been in relationships that I thought were lasting and we've had sex.
I think you'll find that there are a lot of Christian guys like that, who don't see sex as the only goal but have had a few sexual partners in their life just because they really loved the person. Your ad is kind of a slap in the face to those kinds of guys, not because of what you want, just how you word it. Hard to explain.
The "no kids" thing. I don't have kids, I'm not even sure if I want them, but then that's the thing. The moment you put that out there. "Absolutely no kids ever" it makes a person stop and think... "well... maybe I might want kids." and so to be faced with "if you ever even have an inclining that you may want kids then don't bother talking to me"... most guys are going to go... "well, I dunno, I might want kids" and then... they won't bother talking to you.
Now, I say all this, not to say that you should change what you want. These sound like really "hard limits" for you... different from "hey I want a guy that's over 5'9" " where there could be room for compromise if a 5'7" guy contacted you and had everything else. But you have to realize that you are going to have to WORK HARD to find those outliers like you, the very few guys who exist out there who meet everything you want.
It doesn't sound like you're willing to put in nearly the requisite amount of effort. From your posts and your ads, you just expect this person to find you. You think that posting your ad on a different site will solve the problem. I am telling you, it will not.
I don't think your problem is your criteria, I think your problem is your attitude. You have high expectations of the man you want to meet and no expectation of yourself. You feel you can sit and do nothing and he will just come to you. You need to understand, HE DOESN'T KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE. He doesn't know where to look, he doesn't know where you are, or how to find you. But I bet you anything, he's working hard to find someone. He's doing everything in his power to find the person that meets his criteria because he knows the only way to get that right girl is to keep seeking and keep trying. But chances are, he's going to find another girl, a girl who is also working hard and trying to find someone and who isn't just sitting on the sidelines waiting and hoping.
If you want what you want, you have to act. You can't be passive in your search and right now, that's what it seems like. As many have pointed out, there are a lot of different ways to find what you're looking for, but it all starts with changing your attitude about your search.
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