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Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 4:57:48 PM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		What is the purpose of a dominant, what do you get from it ?

Is it simply you like to get your own way and by having a submissive you can get your own way, or is it you feel of service to a submissive, a person who gets what they need from helping another in an aspect of life they see as detrimental according to their belief ?

Is it with the case of males they wish to drill another whenever the need arises, no protest as it is their right as dominant and the females of the same ilk, a sub to do the things she most likes ?

What do you in reality, actually get from your liasion with a submissive ?



_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 5:03:43 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

What is the purpose of a dominant, what do you get from it ?

Is it simply you like to get your own way and by having a submissive you can get your own way, or is it you feel of service to a submissive, a person who gets what they need from helping another in an aspect of life they see as detrimental according to their belief ?

Is it with the case of males they wish to drill another whenever the need arises, no protest as it is their right as dominant and the females of the same ilk, a sub to do the things she most likes ?

What do you in reality, actually get from your liasion with a submissive ?




Aneirin

Power to be exercised according to my choice.

CP

(in reply to Aneirin)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 5:23:22 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		To answer your question, we are all in it for our own reasons.  Our reasons are vast and colorful.  For me it is not sexual, although it includes sex.  For other Dominants the answers to the following would be different. 

I used to think it sex was the most important thing until a very smart slave asked something.  Before telling you what she asked, I must first tell you this; I am a very competent lover and use emotion, love, passion and sex to get my lovers “addicted & dependant” on me.  It is my form of collar.  If have something no one else can provide, I know my worth and maintain control.  I provide a sexual and/or emotional experience they can’t get elsewhere.   

With that knowledge of my MO, that smart slave asked me if I had a first date with someone less sexually exposed, would I rather break a boundary and make them squirt for the first time or have an orgasm myself.  I choose breaking the boundary and making them squirt. . .  sex is less important than control, even when I am using sex to control.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin
What is the purpose of a dominant, what do you get from it ?

Is it simply you like to get your own way and by having a submissive you can get your own way, or is it you feel of service to a submissive, a person who gets what they need from helping another in an aspect of life they see as detrimental according to their belief ?

Is it with the case of males they wish to drill another whenever the need arises, no protest as it is their right as dominant and the females of the same ilk, a sub to do the things she most likes ?

What do you in reality, actually get from your liaison with a submissive ?


_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Aneirin)
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RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 5:44:47 PM   
Wickad


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		I find your examples of what a male vs. female Dominants might get out of being Dominant very interesting.

I'll get back to your original question a bit later.

Wickad

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 6:04:34 PM   
piratecommander


Posts: 895
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		I wondered what you'd been meditating upon for such a while , I can't give a straightforward answer (surprisingly) so instead I will say ...... "It has to work for both of us" (you know it makes sense ! )

Pirate

(Happy New Year)

(in reply to Aneirin)
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RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 6:12:25 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		You're not seriously asking for the D/s version of the meaning of life here, are you?  Fulfilling mutually complementing, primal D & s needs within a safe and healthy environment isn't enough? 
 
You make it sound like the submissive is a victim of abuse....  I only "like to get my own way" with a partner whose own needs are met by such a dynamic - am a big hearted teddy, afterall.... :-)
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Aneirin)
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RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 6:17:01 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

What is the purpose of a dominant, what do you get from it ?

It's fun.  What other purpose is there?


_____________________________



(in reply to Aneirin)
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RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 7:09:36 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I never wake up in the morning and decide to be Dominant that day.

My personality is such that I feel more comfortable in control.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 7:22:07 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

What is the purpose of a dominant, what do you get from it ?

It's fun.  What other purpose is there?



We always say if it stops being fun we'll stop doing it. 

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 7:22:30 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

What is the purpose of a dominant, what do you get from it ?

Is it simply you like to get your own way and by having a submissive you can get your own way, or is it you feel of service to a submissive, a person who gets what they need from helping another in an aspect of life they see as detrimental according to their belief ?

Is it with the case of males they wish to drill another whenever the need arises, no protest as it is their right as dominant and the females of the same ilk, a sub to do the things she most likes ?

What do you in reality, actually get from your liasion with a submissive ?


Being a switch, what do you get out of being dominant or submissive? which do you prefer? why?

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to Aneirin)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 7:31:30 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		Most dominants that I have known personally have a deep problem with self esteem. They use this lifestyle to compensate for their inadequencies. No different than the submissive...myself included.

Butch

< Message edited by kdsub -- 1/3/2009 7:32:11 PM >

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 7:40:09 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		I enjoy it. That is why I do it. If someone can give you some in depth analysis as to why they are dominant they are over thinking it and aren't really driven from within.

In my opinion.


(in reply to Aneirin)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 8:20:14 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		It's just who I am, I've been in charge of My life for eons, chose to have My UM as a donor pregnancy and do it My way--I don't want the tug of war. I'm just wired to have the lead dog role--self esteem nicely in tact, ability to be the bread winner in tact, ability to accept the sole responsibility in tact. If I find a submissive--great, if I don't--life doesn't stop---good news is I believe I may have long last found someone who gets Me and who is thrilled to complement Me.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Aneirin)
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RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 8:24:49 PM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

I enjoy it. That is why I do it. If someone can give you some in depth analysis as to why they are dominant they are over thinking it and aren't really driven from within.

In my opinion.


Are you maintaining that introspection is not a dominant trait?

(in reply to Evility)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 8:25:11 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

Most dominants that I have known personally have a deep problem with self esteem. They use this lifestyle to compensate for their inadequencies. No different than the submissive...myself included.

Butch


And there are some people who truly believe that they have a lot to offer others in the way of guidance, love, discipline, structure, leadership, and so forth. This will probably come off as sounding cocky but it's not meant that way. I may be young but I have a good handle on my life and a good grip on reality. I have everything going for me and am one of those people that just tend to be right a lot, in terms of factual knowledge and subjective matters. I have good intuition. I am fulfilled by being the dominant partner in a relationship because I like to be in control but not without good reason. When I'm in control, good things tend to happen to me and those who listen to me and do what I say.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to kdsub)
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RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 8:29:46 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass


quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

Most dominants that I have known personally have a deep problem with self esteem. They use this lifestyle to compensate for their inadequencies. No different than the submissive...myself included.

Butch


And there are some people who truly believe that they have a lot to offer others in the way of guidance, love, discipline, structure, leadership, and so forth.


Me too this is not being doninate

Butch

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 8:29:55 PM   
trealeon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		It just is who I am. Once I accepted that, it was actually easier for me to be in relationships because I knew who I was, what I was looking for, and what kind of relationship worked for me.

I don't have low self-esteem. In fact, it's just the opposite now. Because I understand myself and accept myself, I have great self-esteem. I don't use my "dominance" to beat up on or abuse the woman I'm with. It is the dynamic we choose and makes for a smoother relationship. It definitely doesn't make things perfect. I don't know why some people think that being Dom/sub somehow makes it all super easy in a relationship. It doesn't. Relationships are complex no matter what the dynamic.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 8:30:11 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		It's not like I have a choice. It is something within me. The desire and drive to control. I don't think it's because I have low self esteem. Cripes, a lot of folks think I"m way too full of myself. It's not always easy to live with. I've pissed off many bosses because I can't do something ... "their way" when I know its wrong. It's not just the power, it the striving, the urge to conquer. If you have ever rode rough stock, it's the urge to take control and prove yourself. I guess that is the closest I can come to explaining it.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 8:30:40 PM   
AcademyForSlaves


Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline 		I like being in control and not hearing any argument. The submissive is sub by choice and likes giving up control so there's no arguing or fighting over who's the boss, who's supposed to cook dinner, and what movie we're going to go see. Plus I get oral sex whenever and however long I want it. With a non lifestyler there'd be a power struggle and whining. Can't stand that. Compromise I can handle but power pulls forget it.

_____________________________

Academy Mistresses
http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

(in reply to Aneirin)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 8:30:54 PM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

quote:

What is the purpose of a dominant, what do you get from it ?

Is it simply you like to get your own way and by having a submissive you can get your own way, or is it you feel of service to a submissive, a person who gets what they need from helping another in an aspect of life they see as detrimental according to their belief ?

Is it with the case of males they wish to drill another whenever the need arises, no protest as it is their right as dominant and the females of the same ilk, a sub to do the things she most likes ?

What do you in reality, actually get from your liasion with a submissive ?


Being a switch, what do you get out of being dominant or submissive? which do you prefer? why?


Well, this is the odd thing, when I am being dominant, then I feel as I am being of service to a submissive, giving them what they want and need, with a bit or myself, in what I want and need. When I am being submissive, I feel I am being the true me.  I life outside the d/s area, I can be dominant one minute, and submissive the next minute, I alternate between the two poles which causes much confusion to myself.

I suppose truth comes down to how one feels one is, and how one is expected to be .


_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 20
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