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RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 8:34:09 PM

VampiresLair

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin
What do you in reality, actually get from your liasion with a submissive ?

I get nothing from a liason with just ANY submissive. I have a dominant personality, I am most comfortable being the one in charge and making decisions. I needed to find a partner who was the opposite of that, who was comfortable handing someone else the reins and letting them control things. I tried being in an equal relationship and found myself constantly butting heads with my ex over the littlest of things like money and who payed which bills. With Fox, I dont worry about things like that.

DV

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 21

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 8:45:55 PM

kdsub

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DV the fact you must find a weak person to apply your domination says a lot...A true dominant would want a strong partner...not a weak one that needs to be dominated to function.

Please I don't mean this as a personal attack... it is just my point and belief...just an opinion

Butch

< Message edited by kdsub -- 1/3/2009 8:47:07 PM >

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 22

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 8:54:59 PM

VampiresLair

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Joined: 9/3/2008
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I never said I wanted someone weak, and I dont really see a point in forcing my domination on someone who dosnt care for it. Have you actually met Fox? He is far from weak, but he is submissive. I am the stereotypical Male role in our relationship, he is the stereotypical female. It is our preference, and it works for us.

And whether or not YOU think I am a TWUE dominant doesnt really matter to me one way or antoerh, sorry to tell you. I do believe it was an attack, just not a well designed one.

DV

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 23

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 9:00:43 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

DV the fact you must find a weak person to apply your domination says a lot...A true dominant would want a strong partner...not a weak one that needs to be dominated to function.

Please I don't mean this as a personal attack... it is just my point and belief...just an opinion

Butch

I think you're a bit out of line here, Butch. I read DV's post and nowhere did she mention seeking a weak partner. A submissive person, someone who wants to/is comfortable taking the role of giving up control over choices in everyday life does not imply that person is weak.

I also don't appreciate you telling me that what drives me in my dominance "isn't dominant." No one can ever truly define what is or isn't but this thread asked the question of what drives each of us personally.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 24

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 9:00:43 PM

CatdeMedici

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Joined: 10/20/2008
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quote:

A true dominant would want a strong partner...not a weak one that needs to be dominated to function.

A true Dominant selects the right partner regardless if they are "perceived" as weak or strong...
but then the same should be said for a true submissive.

That is if they are true...

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 25

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 9:02:10 PM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

I never said I wanted someone weak, and I dont really see a point in forcing my domination on someone who dosnt care for it. Have you actually met Fox? He is far from weak, but he is submissive. I am the stereotypical Male role in our relationship, he is the stereotypical female. It is our preference, and it works for us.

And whether or not YOU think I am a TWUE dominant doesnt really matter to me one way or antoerh, sorry to tell you. I do believe it was an attack, just not a well designed one.

DV

Nope...you are wrong...not an attack at all... I thought hard before I posted my first comment because it is a generalization based on my experience alone. I knew it would be considered an attack...at least by those not secure. I see this is true.

Just because someone is compensating for an inadequacy in another part of their lives does not make them bad…weak or anything but compensating.

How many type “A” people do you know? I’ve dealt with many…almost all of them have problems they feel are out of their control and they compensate for this in other areas of their lives.

Anyone who feels they cannot lead OR follow, when needed or appropriate, has a problem… they are not balanced.

Butch

< Message edited by kdsub -- 1/3/2009 9:04:05 PM >

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 26

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 9:05:41 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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That's a great question... why bother? I'm still trying to understand that myself. For me, at least, it can't be a power trip. Nor can it be sex whenever I want. Neither answer makes any sense given my life history and situation. Yes, there is a part of it that has to do with being able to deploy my natural leadership skills to help someone. But really I could do that in any number of contexts both with my wife and with others so that can, at best, be a partial answer. There's also something to the pragmatic aspect of me being a credible leader and my marriage and the love therein blossoming accordingly. But honestly, there's a much much deeper button being pressed than pragmatic intellectual things. The best I have is that somewhere deep down in my lizard brain, I find it very fulfilling to own a woman. There may, in the end, be no better "why" to this than simply that I do. What I know, however, is that ownership of my wife fulfills me in ways I never even imagined.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 27

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 9:08:31 PM

VampiresLair

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Joined: 9/3/2008
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When appropriate is the key phrase there.
And you are in fact posting from your own experiences, which puts you in no position to comment on mine.
I am quite finished with this discussion.

I am not insecure, I am not compensating. I am happy, something I do hope you will be eventually.
Whatever way others view it, that is their benefit or problem, not mine. I have what is important to me in a wonderful and loving submissive partner.

DV

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 28

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 9:10:46 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I am wired to be a leader, and I was brought up to be a leader. I have always been the person who takes on responsibility, and often the one most able to handle it. Even if I were not a perv, I would be an alpha person out in the world. At this point, I almost *have* to be in charge, unfortunately. It's a real handicap when one is expected to play well with others.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 29

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 9:13:04 PM

kdsub

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Joined: 8/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

When appropriate is the key phrase there.
And you are in fact posting from your own experiences, which puts you in no position to comment on mine.
I am quite finished with this discussion.

I am not insecure, I am not compensating. I am happy, something I do hope you will be eventually.
Whatever way others view it, that is their benefit or problem, not mine. I have what is important to me in a wonderful and loving submissive partner.

DV

You see this is what the forum is for... to comment on other people posts... I was commenting on your words...I don't know you but I can read.

If you don't want people to comment on what you say then just read don't post.

I was treating you with respect...and you are so insecure you can't take even the hint of criticism... and you call yourself dominant….you make my point a second time.

Butch

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 30

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 9:13:47 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

How many type “A” people do you know? I’ve dealt with many…almost all of them have problems they feel are out of their control and they compensate for this in other areas of their lives.

Anyone who feels they cannot lead OR follow, when needed or appropriate, has a problem… they are not balanced.

Butch

So are you saying everyone on earth should be a switch? Is someone who identifies as only a dom or only a sub not balanced? I don't think you mean that, yet that's what you're saying above.

Obviously, being able to "lead or follow, when needed or appropriate" is something vital to success in everyday life, in school, business, and most relationships. However, when we decide that we are suited for the dominant role or for the submissive role, and choose to act in that capacity with a person who compliments us in a structured relationship, how exactly is that negating our *ability* to either lead or follow. Just because I'm dominant to my partner doesn't mean I cannot work in a supporting role at my job or any other organization I belong to.

Or do "true dominants" act as absolute leaders in every capacity of their lives, never following directions from another person and thus signifying that they cannot do so and are thus unbalanced?

Please do clarify, because this is what I'm taking away from your statements and it's just too outrageous for me to believe this is what you mean.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 31

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 9:14:05 PM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

Actually, no, you just made it very wasy for me to make the decision to block you becasue you are trying too hard to make this personal.

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 32

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 9:17:21 PM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

Actually, no, you just made it very wasy for me to make the decision to block you becasue you are trying too hard to make this personal.

I hope you don't block me... really...I have liked many of your posts in the past... we just made each other a little mad.. easy to back off

Butch

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 33

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 9:20:38 PM

Outsider434

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/7/2008
Status: offline

I think a huge part of it is getting my way. That can't be all it though, as its completely ruined for me if the sub isn't fulfilled as well. Control and responsibility go hand in hand for me.

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 34

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 9:23:40 PM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

How many type “A” people do you know? I’ve dealt with many…almost all of them have problems they feel are out of their control and they compensate for this in other areas of their lives.

Anyone who feels they cannot lead OR follow, when needed or appropriate, has a problem… they are not balanced.

Butch

So are you saying everyone on earth should be a switch? Is someone who identifies as only a dom or only a sub not balanced? I don't think you mean that, yet that's what you're saying above.

Obviously, being able to "lead or follow, when needed or appropriate" is something vital to success in everyday life, in school, business, and most relationships. However, when we decide that we are suited for the dominant role or for the submissive role, and choose to act in that capacity with a person who compliments us in a structured relationship, how exactly is that negating our *ability* to either lead or follow. Just because I'm dominant to my partner doesn't mean I cannot work in a supporting role at my job or any other organization I belong to.

Or do "true dominants" act as absolute leaders in every capacity of their lives, never following directions from another person and thus signifying that they cannot do so and are thus unbalanced?

Please do clarify, because this is what I'm taking away from your statements and it's just too outrageous for me to believe this is what you mean.

Oh I always mean what I say...but of course I am not always right...I am saying the people I have personal knowledge of who claimed to be dominant were really very fragile people. They usually could not take criticism...were unstable in relationships and had real problems functioning in the vanilla world.

This of course was not directed at anyone person here... I do not know you...Some of the responses I got just reinforced my view... yours is not one of those.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 35

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 9:28:42 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

The bdsm world *seems* to attract many people with emotional and/or psychological issues. In my opinion, I don't think there are any more unbalanced people in the scene than there are in any other special interest group--it only seems that way due to the concentration of people.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 36

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 10:03:15 PM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

The bdsm world *seems* to attract many people with emotional and/or psychological issues. In my opinion, I don't think there are any more unbalanced people in the scene than there are in any other special interest group--it only seems that way due to the concentration of people.

Hello LadyHibiscus

I believe the very nature of this group attracts people with emotional and psychological problems...way more then a cross section of the general public.

I have them...I'll bet most here know they have problems...at least if they were honest with themselves. We are ALL outside the “NORM” of the vanilla world.

Do my or your problems make you or me worthless or bad people? No... so my comments are not meant to belittle or judge anyone.

Butch

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 37

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 10:08:30 PM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

What is the purpose of a dominant, what do you get from it ?

Probably a big impetus is that I've got some perv tendencies that I want to explore.

But beyond that, I think it just helps me to feel freer to express myself and stay in tune with myself.

In general, I'm more happy directing my own life in almost every aspect that I can. I've never owned a credit card. I pay cash for my cars. I've bought houses by making contracts with the seller instead of going through a bank. I live frugally but I find it gives me the most freedom and the most happiness.
If we are well suited to each other, I think my mate benefits from that too.

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 1/3/2009 10:11:08 PM >

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 38

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/3/2009 10:08:50 PM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

The bdsm world *seems* to attract many people with emotional and/or psychological issues. In my opinion, I don't think there are any more unbalanced people in the scene than there are in any other special interest group--it only seems that way due to the concentration of people.

Hello LadyHibiscus

I believe the very nature of this group attracts people with emotional and psychological problems...way more then a cross section of the general public.

I have them...I'll bet most here know they have problems...at least if they were honest with themselves. We are ALL outside the “NORM” of the vanilla world.

Do my or your problems make you or me worthless or bad people? No... so my comments are not meant to belittle or judge anyone.

Butch

ps... I have been a leader all my life...both in business and family...but I still consider myself submissive in the right situation. Leadership is not exclusive to a dominant.

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 39

RE: Why dominant ? - 1/4/2009 1:19:59 AM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
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For myself, being a dominant is about a headspace thing, and knowing what works for me within a relationship, sexually, and with long term potential. I have learned that I can be attracted to anyone (man) of any persuasion for a short period of time; but as soon as a man begins to behave in an even slightly controlling or dominant fashion, I lose all interest.

I need a submissive/yielding personality, or things get cold fairly quickly for me. That in no way means, I need weakness; I haven't a single problem with a strong mind who can present new facts to me, or even correct me, as long as he does it tactfully, without ego, and respectfully.
Dominant is my personality, so that on those subjects I feel strongly about, I need either a very good explanation for being different, or an yielding cohort... Even though I'm not loud or obnoxious, I go with what I feel, and I either feel a good complement to my personality, or I do not... And if I do not, no amount of rational wonderfulness about him will work for me. I respect men who live to care for, and serve their women; any other type, may be cute and interesting for a few weeks, and than, I flake with them, and completely lose interest/respect. M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMAAM1 -- 1/4/2009 1:22:44 AM >

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 40

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